…it just HURTS a lot…One shot (continued…full OS)

guys this time i post it in one shot….please read it….and tell me what u think…….

…it just HURTS a lot…

HEY GUYS…..i want to give it one shot…but…I cnt I think…..

Myself….priya .student of second year commerce…..it was the month of march…college were closed after allowing us preparatory holidays for exams but some of my friends lived in hostel there, so I use to go daily coz me and one of my hosteller friend go for a tuition from their…I first meet him near hostel’s visitor area…he come there with one of his friend, to meet his girlfriend who was my friend…..in simple words he(pulkit) is the friend of my friend’s(mannnu) boyfriend(pal) ….but to be very true I didn’t pay attention to him…even I was very shy type of person…and I was not that much good looking that anyone love me in first sight…..

Pal and mannu are in love so…he got mobile for her but the problem is that mobile phone is not allowed in hostel and even warden is very strict….so finally manu handover her phone to me…so that I get that in the morning and take that back with myself in the evening…..
Sometimes if I could not come and mannu want to send any message to pal she contacted me and I send her message to pal…but I didn’t feel comfortable while talking with him…there is nothing like that he make me uncomfortable or anything but as I told u I was not that much open so..its hard for me…even he is very much elder to me…so finally mannu asked me to send her message to pulkit and then he can forwards that to pal…..so in that way we started talking….it was becoming easier for me…coz pulkit is not so formal…he knew his limits….so it keep going on……we talk….in the day in the night…. V become very comfortable with each other….One day when we were talking…by mistake the voice of his tv increased….i got irritated and angery on him…..he also give me an angery reaction coz I reacted weirdly…..then I realize that yes…its not his fault….but no…he is angery now…the reason was he want to sleep as he need to go out another day early morning and I force him to chat with me….so…finally I said sorry……but no….ahhhh…..when I didn’t find any other option I said “I love you”

He was like Whatt?????… reapeat it again….
I become nervous….”na…nothing…m just joking to make you shut…” I replied…..anyhow…
He laugh on the other side…then I asked “now what?”
He said “I love you to”
I blushed….”that is the first moment of my life…..i really like him…I mean it…
So then we again start talking peacefully….it become 4 am and he have to leave at 5 so he requested me this tym to please let him sleep for one hour…he had to drive the car after that….finally I agreed but…I cnt sleep…..m so happy……so excited….
So next day I call him….but number not available…..again…again…again…it becomes 3 days now……I could not even define what my condition was at that time….”is he ok…” “is he fine”
Lot of questions revolving in my mind……

Finally I called pal….he don’t know anything about us so it was really awkward for me to ask him…as pulkit doesn’t meet him after that night so obviously he didn’t return till now…..
Finally on third night I got a call on my cell…from an unknown number….i pick it on very first ringl…and yes…it was he…..after listening his voice I cry…. He asked “what happened?”
I “u dumbo…where were u…I was dieing with every moment”
He “arre I forgot my phone at home and I dnt remember ur number as we generally talk on pal’s phone…just now I got his call and I take ur number from him and called you”
Till now I started crying badly……hiccups starts now….

I “I love u yarr…please dnt do this again….u dnt even imagine my situation right now”
He make me feel good, we talk for a long time and finally he disconnected by telling me that he come back tomorrow then he will call…. That was the first time of my life when I feel so helpless……

Both of us belongs to different cities and it was nt easy for us to meet and between those days my grandmom passed away…so we meet only after two and half months of our love confession…..when college restarts…..

We decided to meet at a coffee shop…..to be very true before that I didn’t even look him properly so we can also say it’s a blind love from mine side….. I remember I wear a white suit and he wear a pink shirt with denim……and dirty snickers…I smile….at that moment I feel like….ohh goddd I never ever thought it was so hard to face him…and truly on that day also I doesn’t get enough courage to look at his eyes…..
He “hmmm…what happened? “
I “nothing”
He “look at me once yaar…”
I totally red “please next time”
He “y?? “

I “please dear”
He “okay that means u only talk with me on phones……it sounds realy tough for me”
I “y tough?”
He “coz sweetie u come to meet me and dnt even look at me once…here I am dieing to look into your beautiful eyes…..”
I shut my eyes more tightly…..he place his hand on mine and squeeze… “take ur time baby….i will not force u”
So like this all stupidity that I had done I come back to my house and he also go back….
Same story…I use to talk on phone like….oh god….i dnt even give him a single chance to speak……just keep my blabbering on….”

We were very happy with each other…I change myself according to him and he also change a lot according to me….nothing is more beautiful than that tym……
He ask me to meet again….but with a promise that I have to blabber like this when we meet also….i agreed…and with my full courage I went to meet him…..this tym I speak a lot but lol…..without any eye contact..he was happy….i was happy…..what else a love couple need….

My schedule become like this
Morning 6 am I woke uo and we talk for an hour
After that I get ready and go to my college….. as I told u mobile is not allowed in college…so only I knew how I pass those hours…….then I come back at 4 and after hving my lunch we start talking again…..we talk till 8…then dinner and again we start talking at 10:30, then till 4 a;m we just talk….sometimes I laugh…how could I have so much topics to talk.but whatever it is v r happy…….
He always asked me “when did u sleep baby?”
I “na…mujhe neend aati hi nahi…”
He laugh “jhalli”

College finished….now……it will become very tough to meet him… I start teaching….so that I could meet him…and yes it worked…….again we start meeting…..finally one day we meet and he tell me that he want to go abroad…I m dumb shocked….but I trust him more than the fact that I breathe…so I smile wide and say “hmmm…if u want to go…then go….i dnt want to stop u from fulfilling ur wishes”
I remember a drop of tear come down from his eye with my answer…
He “so much love?”
I “more than that…”

He take me in his embrace…i also lost myself in
his arms and cry…as much as I can…I knew it’s a time that my life want a change…..from happiness to……………dnt knw wht…
It was again month of march…he left….he come before one day of his flight….i hide all my tears..all my pains….everything and gave him the best goodbye with all my good wishes
Life become more and more tough day by day….he call me on weekends….i keep counting minutes…hours…days….he talk me with full love…..i forget that that we were so far away from each other my schedule change but now the time I use to talk with him was taken over by my tears…..only my heart and my god knew how much I love him….he is my everything…..really…..
I lost my sleep…become week day by day….my parents doesnt know any single bit of it…..i wanted to tell them…but I dnt hv anything to tell…. All my collegues…my friends ask me to handle myself….one of them say “please dnt mind yaar…but I dnt think he come back for me”
Read the next part keeping this song in mind

Saajna.. Saajna…
Ek tujhko hi bas dekh kar
Bhooli mujhko hi meri nazar
Tujhko shayad nahi hai khabar
Tujhko jeete hain hum kis kadar
Jude jo tere khawab se
Toh toote hum neend se
Yeh kaisa tera ishq hai Saajna
Tu haathon mein toh hai mere
Hai kyun nahi laqeeron mein
Yeh kaisa tera ishq hai Saajna
Tere bina kabhi raatein na ho meri
Tere kareeb ho, mere yeh din sabhi (x2)
Jude jo tere khawab se
Toh toote hum neend se
Yeh kaisa tera ishq hai Saajna
Tu haathon mein toh hai mere
Hai kyun nahi laqeeron mein
Yeh kaisa tera ishq hai Saajna
Tu saath hai agar
Tanha kyu hai safar
Itna toh bata mujhe
Kyu hai mujhse bekhabar (x2)
Jude jo tere khawab se
Toh toote hum neend se
Yeh kaisa tera ishq hai Saajna
Tu haathon mein toh hai mere
Hai kyun nahi laqeeron mein
Yeh kaisa tera ishq hai Saajna

I totally ignore them….now he call me in 10 days….still I never complaint
It was September now…..one day he call me after 20 days…..i pick up my phone in excitement but with my worst luck…battery down and phone switch off….i was like just to attempt suicide….
It was 1 month now…no call…….one ogf my friend take his number from me and call him….
Friend” hello pulkit…”
He “yes”

Friend “pulkit I m priya’s friend”
He “ok…yes…howz she?”
Friend “listen I realy dnt knw whats going on but please call her…or she wll go into depression”
He “tell her that I will call her tomorrow”
My friend told me that and I jump in excitement again…….it was like I get my breathe back….
He called me…talk to me very nicely……make me happy….and again I was happy……he call me with a gap of 5 days now……
In feburary he send me his pictures…I was so happy that after opening the envelop I sit down at the same place and cry like mad hugging those photos
Its 28th march 2008…..i didn’t got his call from last 7-8 days so I called him in morning 4 am
Its ringing…. Some one pichk the phone..”hello “
I “hello…whose there?”

That person “with whom u want to talk?”
I “I want to talk with pulkit”
That person “who are u?”
I “I am his girlfriend”
That person “o……I am his wife…”
I was finished…….dead…lost everything….my breathe…my heartbeat…..everything stopped….except a tear from my eye………

I was numb she keep on speaking..hello…hello…hello…but I lost my voice also…….phone disconnected……
Worst time of your life is when u are sad but u cnt share that with anyone and u have to face whole your family by keeping a smile on your face…….i get up from my bed and start searching something…to kill my self….to kill my heart which only beat for him and now suddenly it stopped beating….

His wife call me daily…to torcher me……she put the phone on one side and start talking with him romantically…to make me believe that he is her only……..and me fool…daily pick that phone with the wish that at least he got some courage to talk with me…but no…no….
On last day she called me tell me that she was pregnant……(seriously I lost the words to define pain now)

I was in depression…I left my job…I left my city……everything that make me remember him…….but I really dnt know where should I left my heart to stop paining……. Its 7 august that I got his call…….i pick that…
He “hello”
I “h…h…hie”
He with a painfull voice “how are you?”
I “alive”
He “dnt talk like this please…”
I “u called after so many days?”
He “try to get courage to talk with u from these days”

I didn’t cry on that day…not even a single tear come into my eyes….no…….my eyes become dry now…..
He talk with me for near about 2 hour…he apologies…..regret…but I was numb……feelingless….it was nothing like he want me back or I want him back…but he just want to apology…..
I asked him finally “why didn’t u tell me that urself??”
He “I dnt have courage…” I feel his voice…I feel his eyes are full of tears….
I “that means my love is so weak??? That it makes you so week…u r not even able to tell me the truth”
He cry now….and agin I die…..its
8 years now….
I am not angry on him…I am not sad…I am not upset….but

“it just hurts a lot”

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