Swasan: my incomplete love story (chap- 30)

Hello guys! Umm….. My sincere apologies for not………………………..eh? That’s too formal, extremely sorry guys?? Missed me? Guess not!! Any ways I was too busy being lazy lol, not actually but my exams are nearing! Final year exams! Pleeeeease pray for meee!!! This epi is especially for chandu and also for every other readers. 🙂
Ok let’s go to the chap……
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Recap- reason of Mehsan breakup
Link for all epi- http://www.tellyupdates.com/?s=swasan+my+incomplete+love+story
Link for previous epi- http://www.tellyupdates.com/swasan-incomplete-love-story-chap-29-part-2/
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Swara’s pov:
It was all pitch black. It was as dark as the peoples heart. I was lying in the farthest corner of my room. I stole a glance at the open window. To see if the cloud which had covered the moon had passed away but no. the passing dark cloud was still there just like my like dark life. I couldn’t see how my room was looking and… and how I was looking… though I was pretty sure I looked hideous.
A sob escaped my lips. Oh god! Why was I acting like a typical lover who lost their first love? I sighed. Why can’t life be easier and…..and pretty much less complicated??
“This is all your fault!!” my mind screamed at me.
“You knew his character, you always did know the possibility of your so- called love to be successful was 0.000000000000001 %, it is all your fault, and you was willing to take the risk now u suffer!!” It yelled at me.
“But that’s all what love is, that’s is true love swara. U wanted to take that chance even though u knew u wouldn’t succeed. U haven’t lost swara, u won……….. Instead of crying over what’s over can’t u cherish the moments u spent with him?” my heart said soothingly
“It’s too late…….. It’s too late.” I murmured.

Another sob escaped my lips. Fresh set of tears started their way down my eyes. I sobbed again. Vivid memories of all my encounters with him flashed in front of my eyes! I blinked several times to shake them away but……… but all I can see is his face …his face which always wears a beautiful smile…the smile which lights up his whole face……. His eyes………..his eyes which shows tons of love to his family and friends………… how can I delete these out of my mind?
A gush of wind blew through the open windows. I slightly winced when the chilly wind brushed against my weak and fragile body. I was pretty sure I was pretty pale. I was still wearing the same white and peach frock which I wore when he broke up with me……….. I did a simple calculation and maybe I might be the same colour of the dress.
I heard the clock strike two. I slightly lifted my head again to the window….hoping to catch a glimpse of the moon but still darkness.

My body was weak from not eating anything for the past 5 hours. I felt slightly dizzy so I lied down against the hard cold wooden floor. Gathering my strength I positioned myself directly to the open window. Another gush of wind blew through the open windows.
I slightly groaned this time. There was none to witness my tears of depression or my state. No one to see my broken heart. Well today is no different from my ordinary life.
The college diva……..the college topper…….. Head of girl gang………. Always talkative…… always smile and make others smile…… these are all what I am on the outside………..what the world, my family think of what I am but in real………… I am very sensitive………Gets hurt quickly……… and others. But everyone………. Despite the fact being with me for years have failed to understand this.

Everyone fails to understand me and sanskaar is no less than them. I sobbed weakly. At the mere thought of him my mind drifted back again to him.
Why couldn’t he see my love for him was true….. Why couldn’t he let me explain ……? Why did he have to love meher? Why did he have to be ragini’s brother and why did I love HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! I was practically screaming inside but only tears, tears and more tears and silence was on the outside.
I want to run, run away from all this mess I have created………. Run away from my family….my friends…this world…these feelings……….him………!!
I…..from the beginning have been believing in fantasies………true love and happy endings………but seems like I should’ve not have taken them so serious. Else today I would have been on my bed ………. Sleeping peacefully but now?
I sobbed. Everything became slightly blur for a moment. I closed my eyes. I saw his face again.
I immediately opened my eyes, now the whole room was dimly lit up because of the bright moon. I can see my room was completely a mess. A pile of cards and letters lay scattered on the floor. A whole lot of pics also lay scattered on the floor.

Despite the slight blur I can still see the state of everything. All gifts given to me by him lay on the floor. All the stuff from my dresser was on the floor.
I saw myself on a full length mirror which was nearby me.
Well! What I can say about myself is pretty less. (The ones in the brackets are stated by sanskaar)
My hair is in a mess (I really love your hair…………. So silky and smooth)
And my nose was red (your button nose is so cute)
My face was tear stained and dull. (Your face is always bright and merry)
My eyes were swollen from continuous crying (your shining eyes)
Lips were white (your rose red lips are cute too)
I smiled and sighed. His voice still echoed in my ears……
I tried to blink away my tears but……failed to do so.
My gaze shifted from my face.
I took a complete look at myself.
Beside me was a half full bottle of poison and an empty tablet card (12 tablets)
And I had a knife on one of my hand.
I took a look at my dress which was once a beautiful peach and white coloured frock was now blood stained.
I take a look at my other hand.
Nothing except a………. a cut on the wrist and a lot of blood stained everywhere.
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Please don’t kill me or bash me in comments section. And I tried hard to write this chappy so please do let me know what do u think of this.( though I know this chap is worse)( negative comments accepted.)
Plus if comments are not enough I will delay for a long time to post the other epi!!
Please pray for me year!! For my exams!!
Love u all bye…… for now…….
A great big hug and kiss to everyone……….
Always keep smiling 🙂
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Precap- down the memory lane …….. [ 🙂 ]