Guilt ( A RagSan FF) Chapter 31

“How can she do this maa? Don’t I have any rights to think about her happiness? I have not forgotten what and all she has done for me like a mother without a single complaint. But how will I let her spoil her life just because she loves that beast who is responsible for Vikram’s death. I still don’t understand how did she fell in love with him in the first place?” said Swara sleeping in Sumi’s lap and sobbed. Sumi caressed her hair and smiled. “She was all alone fighting Shona. She had nobody to share her pain. I was also not understanding her that time. Fate brought them together. Look at the destiny Sanskar understood her without her speaking. That’s the emotional connection they have bacha. And there is no reason to fall in love. You just start feeling for someone.

And Sanskar’s love made her to start feeling for him. You only think how madly he loves her” said Sumi looking at the distant. “But that doesn’t mean she is right maa. She is doing a stupidity and I cannot let her do so. She has to come back. I’m sure my ignorance will surely bring her back.” said Swara. She got up and headed to her room. “You don’t know about Lado; Shona. You may be like me who thinks ignorance will help but she is like her Dad who once decide something though she will suffer she will not back off. She thinks about everyone even if they are her enemies. I just hope you people get back together soon. You are Swaragini. Like Ragini cannot be with Swara; Swara also cannot be with Ragini.

I’m sorry Lado, I was not there with you in your biggest day of life though it was my only dream. I could not see you struggling to decide between your wedding vows and your promise to your Dad. I don’t know why I feel Sanskar is the only person meant for you. But I could not stand by you as I know this marriage has no meaning until you accept him as your husband and move on. Until then I cannot be with you bacha. I cannot be” said Sumi caressing Ragini’s face in their family portrait where Ragini was pouting and Swara and Vikram were fighting to feed her the cake.

“I will not let her spoil her life bandar. I know you might be hell angry on me for hurting Ragu. But I cannot support her when I know she will suffer due to it. I cannot. You remember when she was small she never used to listen when we used to tell her to not to play in water when she was sick. But if I ignore her for sometime she used to run to me and used to promise that she will not play in water. I know now also she will come back. She has to come back. I won’t let her spoil her life. I won’t let her to suffer” said Swara sobbing looking at star studded black sky. She wiped her tears and went to bed and tried dozing off.

“How could you leave my chotu alone chipkali. How could you? She is right or wrong I’m always with my bacha. Again she became alone. Why bhagvan ji why are you making her fight alone. I feel so helpless. I can’t be with my bacha. She needs me. Again the same pain of loneliness my bacha has to go through. And like before I have to watch her helplessly. I want to just hug her once and console her.” said Vikram and tears dropped from his eyes looking at Ragini who was trying to sleep.
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“Ansh. Get up fast.” said Ragini waking Ansh. “Maa today is Sunday let me sleep na” said Ansh in sleepy tone. Ragini sat beside him and caressed his hair and said “Ansh bacha get up it’s 8 o clock. Don’t you wanna go to park today?” Ansh got up with a jerk hearing the word park. “Good morning maa” said Ansh and hugged Ragini who was watching him shocked. She hugged him back and smiled. “Chalo now get ready fast. Shall I call your chachu to help you to bath?” asked Ragini dragging Ansh out of bed. “No no no chachu please” said Ansh horrified. “I can take bath on my own” said Ansh. Ragini looked at him confused and asked “What happened Ansh? Why are you getting so scared of your chachu? Don’t tell me he beats you” Ansh chukled and said “Worst than that” Ragini shrank her eyes confused.

“You know how chachu gives bath. He will pour one bucket of water on me then little shampoo on my head and then again one bucket of water. Uff” said Ansh and sighed. “Really?” asked Ragini and burst out laughing imagining Sanskar and Ansh’s bathroom adventure. “Maa. Is that funny” cried Ansh. “Okay bacha sorry. Now go take bath and come fast. I will prepare your dress” said Ragini and sent Ansh to the bathroom. Ansh headed in with his towel. Ragini nodded her head and turned smiling. She saw Ananya was moving weakly. She neared her and caressed her hair. Ananya felt her touch and calmed down and opened her eyes and was pouting ready to cry. “Alele. Ani bacha tho ut gayi” said Ragini making faces at Ananya and picking her up in her arms. She checked her diaper was heavy. “I have to give her bath soon or else she will catch cold” said Ragini and headed down. “Maa is there one more baby tub and some diaper for Ani. I have to give her bath soon or else she will catch cold. Ansh already went to take bath” said Ragini standing at Anu’s room.

Anu smiled at her concern. Even if she tried all her prayers also she couldn’t have got a mom like Ragini for Ansh and Ananya. She thanked God one more time for sending Ragini as answer to her prayers of her life. “Wait beta there is one bath tub in Sanskar’s room and Ani’s diaper also. I will get it for you. You give her bath here only” said Anu. “No maa that’s ok. I will give her bath there only. You take rest. I will prepare breakfast after that” said Ragini stopping her. “Arrey beta. Don’t take breakfast tension. Unless your Rasoi ritual finishes you should not light the stove, tomorrow is your Rasoi ritual so after that you can cook.” said Anu caressing her cheek. “Okay maa” said Ragini and headed to Sanskar’s room.

Ragini opened Sanskar’s room door slowly and peeped inside. She found Sanskar still sleeping facing other side. Ani chuckled and Ragini said “Shhh. Your Kumbakaran chachu will get up” Ani smiled at her. Ragini entered with Ananya. She looked around and found Ananya’s stuff and headed inside his bathroom stepping slowly. Ragini gave Ananya bath and wrapped a towel around her and headed out of the bathroom. She saw Sanskar sleeping innocently with back facing the ceiling and his one hand was falling down. She placed Ananya on the other side of the bed and slowly moved to Sanskar and lifted his hand to place it on bed. Sanskar who turned at the same time pulled her with her hand and Ragini landed on his chest. Sanskar woke up finding somebody’s presence. He half opened his eyes and saw Ragini was over him.

He looked at her confused. Ani chuckled and clapped her hands looking at them. Ragini and Sanskar looked at her direction and in the process Ragini leaned more close to Sanskar. Sanskar opened his eyes annoyed. “Now can’t you let me sleep peacefully. What’s your problem?” asked Sanskar annoyed. “I was just…” said Ragini but before she could complete Sanskar continued “Now get up Ms elephant. You are so heavy” Ragini opened her mouth and said “First thing I’m Mrs. elephant not Ms. Elephant” Sanskar looked at her confused and said “Oh Ms. Sorry Mrs Vocabulary seriously you never use your brain to talk oh what? I mean I called you elephant that is okay but you are complaining that I did not address you as Mrs. How much more stupid you can be?” and waved his hands in air. Ragini smirked and said “Not more than you” and folded her hands. “Ahhh. Now get up” said Sanskar annoyed. “First say sorry” said Ragini. “For what?” asked Sanskar. “For pulling me over you” said Ragini casually. “Oh hello. Who told you to hold my hand” asked Sanskar. “Look at you. I felt pity that your hand was falling down and you will get shoulder pain and tried helping you and instead of saying thanks you are scolding me only” said Ragini complaining. Sanskar’s heart started fluttering with joy due to Ragini’s care and he lost himself in her innocent face. He came to reality and said “Now you are getting up or not” Ragini nodded her head. “I’m saying for the last time” said Sanskar. Ragini just twisted her lips. Sanskar held her waist and turned and pinned her both the hands holding her wrist. Ragini looked at him shocked. Her eyelids were moving nervously and heart beat was raising. Sanskar was looking into her eyes and he moved more and more close to her raising her heartbeat more. “Maaa” Ansh cried from his room bringing them out to the real world. Sanskar turned and got up from the bed and walked to bathroom controlling his heartbeat. He closed the door and leaned to it and said to himself “I have to control myself. I have to”
Ragini sat placing her hand on her chest to control her heart beat. Ananya was playing looking around. Ragini lifted Ananya and headed to her room. Ansh was standing with the towel. “What happened Ansh” asked Ragini entering the room. “Maa I don’t like this color. I want to wear green” said Ansh. Ragini caressed his hair and said “Just give me a minute. I will get your dress” and headed to Ansh’s cupboard. She was still holding Ananya. She picked up Ansh’s dress. She sat on the bed and placed Ananya in her lap and made Ansh wear the dress. She then made Ananya wear the dress. She combed Ansh’s hair and made Ananya ready. “Maa you get ready.

I will take Ani down.” said Ansh and headed down with Ananya. Ragini smiled at him. She looked at her dress. She was wearing her wedding dress. In a hurry she did not even get her luggage. She was looking around what to do and found a cupboard full of sarees. “Saree? I can’t even hold pallu properly how to wear this? Let me take bath and then I will take maa’s help” said Ragini to herself and headed inside the bathroom. She came out of the room just wrapping the Sari around her. “How to wear this now? How to call maa” said Ragini looking at the Sari which was falling from all the side. She sat on the bed pouting and holding the Sari in hand.

“Where is she ?” asked Sanskar as he came down and did not find Ragini. “Maa is getting ready” said Ansh eating the chapati. Anu was feeding Ananya. “Who takes so much time. I feel something is wrong” thought Sanskar. “I will just check” said Sanskar and headed to Ansh’s room. Ansh gave high five to Anu and chuckled.
Sanskar opened the door and Ragini got up with a jerk and left the Sari in her hand down and Sanskar looked at her shocked and turned closing his eyes. Ragini covered herself with her hands. “You don’t know to wear Sari also?” asked Sanskar annoyed. “Hello there is no subject to teach how to wear Sari so how am I supposed to know?” said Ragini annoyed. “Ahhh” said Sanskar annoyed. He turned and neared her. He plated the Pallu and pinned it to her shoulder. Then he plated the remaining Sari and tucked it inside her petty coat touching her belly. Ragini frowned and took a deep breath opening her eyes shocked. “Couldn’t you tell me to do it?” asked Ragini as Sanskar turned to leave. “Do what?” asked Sanskar confused. “Wo… wo…” said Ragini struggling and stared ground. Sanskar looked at her confused. “Nothing” said Ragini annoyed. “Oh woow today is my luckiest day. You are avoiding argument” said Sanskar surprised. Ragini glared him. “Why were you wearing Saree when you don’t know to wear?” asked Sanskar. “I did not find anything other than this. Leave all that. How do you know to make it wear?” asked Ragini folding her hands. “People who know to remove Sari they will also know how to make it wear Bandariya. Now don’t eat my head come down and have break fast” said Sanskar and headed out. “What does that mean?” asked Ragini screaming. But he headed down without answering. And Ragini scratched her head to understand what was Sanskar meant. “Ragini come down beta have your breakfast” called Anu. “Haa maa” said Ragini and headed down.
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“I hope Shona dee will come to park at least to meet Ansh and Ananya” thought Ragini as she was placing water bottle in the bag. She was so lost she took the pepper sprinkler in the bag unknowingly. “Oye what are you doing?” asked Sanskar who noticed her putting the sprinkler inside the bag. “Hmmm?” asked Ragini looking at him. He signed her to look at her bag. She looked and found the sprinkler. She jerked and kept it back on the table. Sanskar glared her. “What?” asked Ragini confused. “What happened to you? I think you need rest. You stay here I will take them. I will console Ansh” said Sanskar concerned. “Okay” said Ragini and started walking to her room uninterested. She remembered how Swara used to bug her to take her to park every Sunday. Her morale was going down each second as the time passed. Sanskar looked at her worried. Anu placed her hand on his shoulder. “I can’t see her like this maa. I can’t. She never leaves a chance to argue with me. I’m feeling her pain. Her pain to stay away from her sister. And I’m totally responsible for this. I always give her pain maa. I always” said Sanskar.

A tear dropped from his eye. “If you are responsible for her pain then heal her pain” said Anu. Sanskar looked at her confused. “This is your battle Sanskar. You have to fight it. She fights for everyone. Even for you. Now you have to fight for her happiness. She left her everything and everybody for you. She went against her loved ones for Ansh and Ananya. For you. Now you have to no no we have to be her family and we have to support her. She might want to fight her battle alone but you have to stand by her. Never leave her beta. Never ever.” said Anu caressing his cheek. Sanskar smiled through his tears. “Maa I don’t want to listen anything. You are coming that’s it.” said Ansh dragging Ragini and bringing her down. “Ansh I really have no mood. Please bacha we will go next week” said Ragini pleading. Ansh turned holding her hand.

“You will miss Shona dee that’s why you don’t want to come na?” asked Ansh. Ragini tried to smile and said “No bacha. It’s just…” said Ragini but was stopped by Sanskar who said “Ansh we will play camping in terrace today. It was a surprise that’s why she said we will not go to park today” Ragini looked at Sanskar who stood beside her. He smiled at her and assured her through eyes. “Is it chachu?” asked Ansh happy. “Yup champ” said Sanskar lifting Ansh and headed to terrace. Ragini’s eyes just followed them. Anu caressed Ragini’s cheek and handed Ananya to her and said “Just be happy beta” and headed inside the kitchen. Ragini just smiled weakly and headed behind Sanskar and Ansh.

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“So tuck this here” said Sanskar guiding Ansh to tuck the last strand of rope of the tent. Ansh tucked it and jumped in happiness. “I can’t really understand you Sanskar. Why are you confusing me more. You were a totally different from the Sanskar Maheshwari I met months ago. Rude, arrogant, self centered, irresponsible. Now I’m seeing a different shade of you a totally different. You are so caring, loving, understanding and mature. Sometimes I just wish the truth I know is not truth. There is something I should know more. I never felt necessary to know your side of story but now I feel I should know. I don’t I will be ever able to forgive you. But I cannot stop loving you. This battle between hate and love is killing me and making vulnerable. I have to find out about your side explanation also.

I should give you a chance” thought Ragini holding Ananya and looking at Sanskar who was guiding Ansh to arrange the tent. Sanskar stood up and turned and found Ragini and their eyes met. It wasn’t for the first time. But something was different. Ragini’s eyes were calm though she had number of questions. First time she wasn’t hiding her feelings for him. “Why do I feel you want to ask me something Ragini. I see lot of confusions in your calm eyes. You are not hiding your feelings also today. Do you want to give me a chance or I’m just over thinking. No I cannot take a chance. I cannot remind her of that night again. I cannot push you to the same situation.

I cannot risk your life. I can tolerate your hate but I cannot see you in that state again” said Sanskar looking away from her which brought Ragini to the world and she looked away and patted Ananya’s back. “Come maa. What are you doing standing here” said Ansh holding her hand and pulled her. Ragini jerked and stumbled. Sanskar worried. “Ansh aram se” said Sanskar and held Ragini from her shoulders. Ragini looked at him and stood straightening herself. His touch felt different today. May be he had that love and care always for her but her heart did not had the courage to voice out and recognize it over powering her mind. Somewhere her heart was in the process of accepting him as her husband. Right time and right moment was required for it. Forgiveness was the thing she wasn’t thinking for the time being. She smiled at Ansh and they spent their day at terrace playing with Ansh and Ananya.
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Hey lovely people. Thank you so much for your wishes. I’m alright and recovered completely. Actually I had told my stupid cousin to post the update on thursday only but she posted yesterday. I told her not to mention about my health as I knew you people will be hell worried.

Sorry for that. It is my usual routine. Cyclone in Tamil Nadu makes my condition worse every ear as we go through extreme cold weather in Bangalore. And what to do God has gifted all unique things to me, like relatively thinner blood veins, anemia and rare blood group so I got hospitalized as my blood veins got jammed and I was not getting the blood also. Chuck it. It happens every year. Ahhh my stupid cousin because of her I have to share it with you people and make you depressed. And I’m happy to see your concern. You people have become part of my life a very special. Love you. And I promise I will take care of myself and don’t be angry on me ***puppy eyes****

And do tell me how was the chappy. Keep smiling.