Guilt ( A RagSan FF) Chapter 40

“Arrey Yohan. Come in” said Sanskar guiding Yohan who came to meet him in his office. Yohan smiled weakly at him and sat in front of him. There was awkward silence between them. “Yes Yohan May I know the reason for your visit?” asked Sanskar breaking the silence. “Wo actually I was just out of town and as I came to know that Ragu got married.

So just came to meet you. Congratzz” he said forwarding his hand. Sanskar smiled and shook his hand and said “Thank you Yohan. It happened unexpectedly. I’m sorry we couldn’t invite anyone. I know Ragini’s marriage is important for you and you could not attend it” said Sanskar apologizing. “That’s okay. But how is she?” asked Yohan worried. “She is fine but a bit sad. Swara has not accepted her decision so she is sad due to it. She is adjusting” said Sanskar as he remembered Swara’s behavior in morning. “Sanskar. I need to tell you something. Till now there was no one with whom I can share Ragini’s condition. And I don’t know how to react to your marriage. I’m totally blank. Gosh I would have you told before only but I was not sure about your feelings for her. I’m totally responsible for this mess now” said Yohan holding his head tearing. “Hey Yohan are you okay. Sorry I’m not able to understand anything.

Take drink this water first” said Sanskar worried and handing him the water glass. Yohan gulped half the water and wiped his face which was burning as he was controlling his emotions. Sanskar was feeling restless due to his behavior. “Sanskar Ragu’s condition is worse than I told you that day. Actually I went to London for that purpose only. I consulted the senior doctor friend of mine about Ragini’s condition. What he told me really made my world collapse around me” said Yohan. “Please Yohan you are scaring me. Tell me clearly” said Sanskar worried. “I had told you about Ragu’s condition earlier remember?” asked Yohan. Sanskar nodded his head remembering that horrible night. “It doesn’t stop there Sanskar. It makes her brain cells weak with the time” said Yohan. Sanskar looked at him confused. “Her emotions will not be stable Sanskar. They will shift suddenly. She will act emotionally weak and immediately she will become strong” said Yohan. Sanskar analyzed her behavior on the night they went for date.

He remembered how Ragini hugged him forgetting everything and then suddenly realized and tried dragging herself. “She will completely forget everything and act normal but suddenly if she remembers something it will make her weak mentally. You have to be very careful with her. Make sure you don’t talk to her about her past, specially Vikram Bhai. That’s the trigger point. It’s not that she has forgotten him or that incident but that memory is like a hidden spark. Someone reminds her it will trigger her and she will suffer again. It’s very complicated situation and…” said Yohan but stopped. He looked at Sanskar who was looking down horrified. Tears flowing from his eyes uncontrollably. “And?” asked Sanskar looking at Yohan. “It will worsen in pregnancy. It is risky for her life Sanskar as she will suffer with mood swings also that time” said Yohan hesitantly. Sanskar bit his lip trying to control his scream. So far he thought he will tell Ragini what happened that night and will try to get her forgiveness, but now he cannot even talk to her about it. And he has to be careful that nobody talks to her about it.

“You have to be strong Sanskar. I know you love her and she also loves you” said Yohan not finding ways to console him. “Is there no way to cure this?” asked Sanskar helplessly. Yohan’s heart pained to look at him. “Medicines really don’t cure such disorders Sanskar. If something could be done. You think I will not do it. But I can advice you something try to avoid situations when she will become emotionally weak. I know it’s difficult but you have to do it” said Yohan placing his hand on Sanskar’s hand. Sanskar nodded weakly. “I will do it. I will make sure she don’t fall weak emotionally. And that’s my only aim in life. Please give me your number Yohan. I will need your help in this please don’t mind” said Sanskar pleading him. “I’m so happy that my Ragu have you in her life” said Yohan smiling at Sanskar through his tears.
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“You are saying this to me now?” screamed Swara holding Yohan’s collar. “Swara dee you had just recovered then I could not tell you” said Yohan controlling his cry. “You are just impossible Yohan. You are just” said Swara pushing him back and forth holding his collar with rage. Tears were flowing from her eyes like there was no end to it. She collapsed on floor leaning to Yohan. “I’m the worst sister in the world. My sister was suffering so much and I was enjoying my life. Why why did I become so blind. What will I tell Vikram that I couldn’t look after our bacha. I’m not worth to be called her sister” said Swara bending her head to the floor. She got up and approached Vikram’s portrait on the wall. “I’m sorry Bandar. I’m sorry. I couldn’t look after her.

You were always right. You love her the most. I don’t love her. I don’t deserve to be in her life” said Swara leaning to the portrait. “Shona dee” said Kavya placing her hand Swara’s shoulder. She turned and hugged Kavya and sobbed miserably. “My Ladoo was going through so much and I didn’t come to know. Yohan at least you could have told me?” said Sumi glaring Yohan. “I’m sorry Aunty. You had been through so much it would have broken you. I’m sorry but my Ragu wouldn’t have wished all this. That’s why I did not had courage to tell you” said Yohan folding his hands standing in front of Sumi. Sumi caressed his cheek. He was shadow of Vikram for her, even he was like this, though he suffered he never used to let others suffer. “There will be no mom with such bad fate. I could never be there for my kids. I could never be” said Sumi sitting beside Ragini and sobbed holding Ragini’s hand.

“Maa promise on me. You will never tell Ragini about any of our family tragedies” said Sanskar standing in front of Anu placing her hand on his head. “But why Sanskar?” asked Anu confused. “You just promise me maa” said Sanskar pleading her. “Okay I promise” said Anu. As he sighed leaving her hand. “For how many days will you hide it Sanskar. She will come to know someday” said Anu. “She should never come to know maa. Never. You will not see your son alive then” said Sanskar looking at her with tears in his eyes which were fighting battle to drop.

“Sanskar” said Anu collapsing beside Ragini and closing her mouth to control her scream. She never knew her son was going through so much.
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“What?” screamed Sanskar as he attended his call after the meeting. Sahil who was talking to the clients jerked and looked at Sanskar who dropped his phone horrified. Sahil greeted the clients and guided Tarun to escort them. Tarun who was looking at Sanskar confused agreed to Sahil and took the clients from there. “Sanskar. What happened?” asked Sahil worried. Sanskar came out of his trance and his tears finally dropped from his eyes. He gulped as his voice was stuck and spoke “She will leave me bhai. She will leave me” he said in cracking voice. “Who?” asked Sahil confused. “Ra … Ragini” said Sanskar struggling. “I need to go to her” said Sanskar and tried going. Sahil held his hands which were shivering. “I will also come wait. You cannot drive like this” said he worried. Sanskar hugged him immediately and burst into a bitter cry. Sahil rubbed his back to console him.

As soon as Sahil stopped the car Sanskar ran inside the house. When he was getting inside his leg hit the gate and he winced in pain. “Sanskar careful” said Sahil locking his car. Sanskar was least bothered about his pain. He rushed inside the house. He opened the door of Swaragini room but found Ansh sleeping beside Ananya. He closed the door and rushed to Sumi’s room. He stood at Sumi’s room door stumbling. He saw Ragini lying on the bed unconscious. He felt his life stopped there only. Everyone looked at him. He stood straight and headed inside. His tears were not stopping. He collapsed beside Ragini and cried holding her hand. Swara wiped her tears and approached him. She turned him forcefully and dragged him and made him stand at corner. She slapped him hard. “Swara….” screamed Sahil who was standing at the door. “Didn’t I had rights to know about her condition? Why didn’t you share it with me? You and your wife think you both are Mahan ha?

Wanted credit for lonely sufferer ha?” asked Swara holding his collar. Sanskar hugged her and patted her head. He knew what Ragini was for Swara. Swara burst into a bitter cry. Sahil looked at them with tears in his eyes. “How will you tolerate this Sanskar all your life?” asked Swara in cracking voice. “That’s my punishment for snatching your brother from you people and I will tolerate it happily. For me avoiding Ragini’s pain is important. Though I have to carry this guilt all my life I will do it happily” said Sanskar controlling his paining throat. “Really you both are mad for each other not made for each other” said Swara smiling through her tears. “I know” said Sanskar laughing a bit. He cupped her face and wiped her tears. “And now please act normal. That’s my humble request. Please. She will wake up like nothing happened and you all also should behave in the same manner” said Sanskar looking at everyone and wiped his tears.
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“Sanki” said Ragini as she found Sanskar sitting beside her bending his head. She looked around and found herself on the bed beside Ananya and Ansh who were fast asleep. She tried getting up and in the process she woke Sanskar who opened his eyes jerked. He stopped Ragini and said “Sleep Ragini. You need rest” “What happened to me?

When did I sleep here?” asked she confused. “Wo actually you had taken so much stress you just fainted” said Sanskar. “Oh. That’s why my head is hurting” said she holding her head. “What? is it paining very badly” asked Sanskar caressing her hair. Ragini smiled at his concern. “Now not paining” said she smiling as she found his touch filled with concern soothing. Sanskar looked in her eyes and lost himself. He came back to sense and got up to leave. Ragini held his wrist and stopped him. “Shall we go to terrace?” asked she pleading. “Bandariya at this time why do you want to go to terrace. Don’t worry you can climb the tree morning also sleep now” said Sanskar serious. Ragini glared him. “Please Sanki” said Ragini pleading him. “Fine” he said and as she was trying to get up he lifted her in his arms. Ragini was surprised due to his move and looked at him. He just carried her till the terrace. They sat on a bench.

Ragini placed her head on Sanskar’s shoulder and hugged his hand feeling cold. “I told you na bandariya. Have you listened to me ever?” asked Sanskar nodding his head. “Shhh” said Ragini and closed her eyes feeling the cool breeze. After some time She got up and stood near him. “What?” asked Sanskar looking at her. She held his face and kissed his cheek and started running as Sanskar chased her. Ragini stumbled and was about to fall but Sanskar held her on time. Ragini stood straight and approached him. Sanskar moved back scared looking at her approach. Ragini bit her cheeks inside and folded her hands backward and approached him further. Sanskar stopped as there was wall behind him and looked at Ragini scared. Ragini placed her both the hands on his shoulder and looked at him. Sanskar looked at her hands and then at Ragini and gulped scared. “Shey” said Ragini moving her index finger over his face feeling pity on him. His gaze followed her finger nervous. Ragini held his chin and dragged his face near her face and covered his lips with her lips and ran her hands in his hair sensuously closing her eyes. Sanskar who was shocked felt himself losing himself in her fragrance and closed his eyes and held her waist and dragged her close to him. Their kiss became more passionate and they were losing themselves in each other. They departed from each other when they felt difficult to breath. Sanskar turned Ragini.

He placed his lips on her neck and she held his shirt tightly. Sanskar moved his lips on her skin and kissed her shoulder by lowering her blouse a bit. Ragini’s hand traveled to his back and she dragged him more close and bent her head other side. Sanskar moved to her clavicle bone and she hacked for breath as he was crossing her personal space and she was enjoying it. As she moved her hands in his hair he moved to her face touching her skin she started breathing heavily. “It will worsen in her pregnancy” he remembered Yohan’s words and dragged himself from her immediately. “I’m sorry” said Sanskar staring ground and turned to leave. Ragini who came to her sense hugged him from his back. “Please Sanskar” she said pleading. “This is not right Ragini” said Sanskar struggling in her hold. “Why? We are married, I need you Sanskar please” said Ragini holding him more tight. “Don’t make it difficult for me Ragini please” he said as he got out of her hold. “What is bothering you Sanskar? Share it with me once. Why are you running from our relationship?” asked Ragini cupping his face and touching her forehead with his forehead. Tears flew from their eyes. Sanskar pecked her lips and turned to leave. “Are you thinking I will ignore Ansh and Ananya if we have our kids?” asked Ragini helplessly holding his wrist. Sanskar’s anger crossed it’s limit and he turned and slapped her and held her shoulders and asked dragging her near to him

“Are you insane? Why will I think like that?” His eyes had turned painful. How can she blame him of not trusting her love for Ansh and Ananya. “Then why are you avoiding your feelings?” asked Ragini looking into his eyes. “What are you hiding about their parents to me? Why are you hiding about your dad…” before she could speak further Sanskar covered her lips with his lips. “Promise me you will not ask me about this again. Promise on me” said Sanskar as he departed from her. “But I can’t let you suffer alone. I want to reduce your pain” said Ragini looking painfully at him. “Be with me always. My pain will reduce by itself but don’t ask me about it please” said Sanskar pleading her. Ragini nodded her head sobbing. Sanskar dragged her and hugged her and placed his chin on her head and closed his eyes. “I only promised I will not ask you about it Mandh budhi Maheshwari I did not say I will not find it out” thought Ragini in her mind and closed her eyes. “I love you” said Ragini and Sanskar dragged her more close and said “I love you more” and took a deep breath to cool his burning face. Ragini tightened her grip on his shirt listening those magical words which she was craving to listen from the time she confessed her love

Now he could accept his feelings but he wasn’t aware of Ragini’s determination. Now she was more stubborn to know; again he forgot that she is ulti khopdi. And how can she let him suffer. She just had a doubt that he might be backing off due to Ansh and Ananya but now when he himself agreed that he never thought in that way she wanted to move forward in their relationship. She wanted to complete their marriage. How will Sanskar escape now?

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Phew 40th episode. OMG I’m terribly slow I know. Now things are getting serious. Hope people liked this. I know I’m making you people more and more emotional day by day what to do can’t help it. I’m sorry If I disappointed you people and made you depressed. Please do let me know how are you finding the twists and turns in the story.