Guilt ( A RagSan FF) Chapter 41

“Get the bride to the Mandap” said the Pandit chanting the mantras in front of the holy fire. Sahil looked at the stairs from where Swara was descending with Ragini and Kavya on her either sides. His smiled widened looking at her angelic face. Her giving him the rose on the first day of college, then their friendship and send off party when they departed, then his life without her, then he meeting her when he came to drop Ragini and her condition, her struggle, her pain, her recovery and later their cute little fights everything played like a movie in his mind and finally she was in his life as a blessing. Swara sat beside Sahil and his heart beamed with happiness. He was going to get married to love of his life. Was there anything better than that. He doesn’t know. This was the best thing happened in his life. He looked at Avanthika and Harish who were smiling with tears in their eyes. It was like their dream was coming true. He turned and looked at Swara whose smile was reaching her eye. She was looking like an angel from heaven. Kavya did their gatbandhan as instructed by the pandit. Saloni Maasi along with her husband did Swara’s Kanyadan. Saloni maasi kissed her forehead and blessed her and smiled through her tears. She looked forward where Ragini had tears looking at them. Sanskar who was holding Ananya stood beside her and Ansh stood on her otherside. She smiled through her tears when Sanskar said something in her ears and hit him playfully on his chest. And he hugged her from his other side and she placed her head on his chest and looked at them. “Life doesn’t give you everything Chipkali. You have to find everything in what you have. If you accept life how it is, life also will accept you the way you are” she remembered Vikram’s words and a tear dropped from her eye. How much she missed him she cannot define it. He was half part of her self. She felt she is living only half part of her life. How Ragini will be feeling she cannot even miss him. How Vikram might be feeling that his memories were dangerous for Ragini who was his life. Sahil filled her hairline and made her wear the Mangalsutra after the pheres. She looked at him when he was adorning her the mangal sutra she could feel his heart beat and she lowered her head blushing. They got up to take blessings from elders. Avantika caressed Swara’s cheek and kissed her forehead. Harish stopped them from touching his feet and hugged both of them from either sides. Then they moved down the mandap and took blessings from Sumi who had happy tears looking at Swara. Her dream of Swara’s marriage fulfilled at last. She could not describe her feelings one way she was happy for Swara and other way she was worried for Ragini. Swara was always lucky compared to Vikram and Ragini among three of them. She did not had her memory when Vikram and Shekar left the world so she did not had that emotional breakdown which Ragini went through. She had everyone around her blessing on her marriage day also where as Ragini had no one except Sahil. Vikram never got much time to spend with his siblings and left the world untimely. Then they headed to Dayal who hugged her from side and kissed her forehead and caressed Sahil’s hair smiling. He had taken Shekar’s place in their life and he considered them not less than Kavya. When she stood in front of Ragini, she hugged her happy and drooled smiling through her tears. Really she was feeling like her kid has got married. And there is no better happiness in the world for a mom. Swara always wondered how Ragini had got that motherly affection and understanding even at this young age. Swara looked at Sanskar with painful eyes. He nodded his head smiling that he will take care of her. His assurance was visible in his sparkling eyes which spoke truth and only truth. Though he always ran from his problems and sorrows. But now he was determined to fight it, he was determined to fight the time and the fate. Ragini really changed his life. The arrogant rude self centered businessman to caring loving dad of Ansh and Ananya, understanding and mature son of Annapurna and most importantly loving caring soulmate of Ragini. Can love change someone so much? Yes it changed him. She healed him and made him a complete man now. And now his life goal was to heal her wounds. Next they moved to Kavya and Yohan. Kavya hugged Swara with tears in her eyes. If Ragini was like her mom Swara was like her elder sister. Yohan hugged Sahil and congratulated. Then he hugged Swara and wished her.
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“Wo Anu ji just a small a request” said Sumi when they settled after dinner. The marriage functions went smooth the previous day and Sanskar and his family were preparing to leave next day to MM. Anu looked at her and smiled and said “Don’t be so formal Sumi ji, tell me” “Actually I have been feeling lonely from the time Swara has left. Can I keep Ragini here with me for somedays. Only if you don’t mind” said Sumi hesitant. “I do understand Sumi ji. Why don’t you come to MM with us?” asked Anu when she noticed change in Sanskar’s facial expressions. “No Anu ji in our custom drinking water from daughter’s in laws house is also crime, how will I stay there. Don’t worry I will send her soon. I know I’m being selfish but” said Sumi looking down sad. “No no Sumi ji I did not mean that. Okay let Ragini stay here for some more days” said Anu smiling weakly at Sumi. Sumi smiled widely and thanked her.
“Thanks maa” said Sanskar as he entered Sumi’s room. Sumi turned and caressed his cheek. “How many days will you keep her away from you Sanskar. I know my Ladoo. She is very stubborn” said Sumi teary eyed. “You are asking the candle not to burn because it will melt. Melting is it’s destiny maa. But giving light is it’s choice. Staying away from her is my destiny but avoiding her pain is my choice” said Sanskar smiling. Sumi kissed his forehead. He smiled at her widely.
“Sanki, what happened?” asked Ragini when she found Sanskar entering with sad face. He smiled and nodded his head and stood near the window. Ragini who was patting Ansh and Ananya’s head and shoulder kissed their forehead as they were fast asleep. She sighed and neared him. She looked at the sky placing her head on his shoulder. He wiped his tear which wanted to drop from corner of his eye. “Why can’t sun always be bright and be with us? Why we have to see the dark nights” asked Sanskar. “Because if there is no night you will not know the importance of Sun’s brightness” said Ragini encircling her hands around his shoulder. He smiled and kissed her hair. “I love you” said Ragini closing her eyes. Sanskar caressed her hair with hand and said “Love you more Bandariya” and he closed his eyes feeling the cool breeze. He held her hand which was on his shoulder. Ragini lifted her head and kissed his cheek and Sanskar smiled widely still closing his eyes. Ragini dragged him closing the window to the bed. She made him sleep and covered him with a blanket and kissed his forehead and closed his eye with her hand moving over his eye lashes. She smiled and turned to go to her side of bed. But Sanskar held her hand and she jerked and turned. “Don’t leave me ever. I cannot live without you. I cannot…” before he could complete Ragini closed his mouth by covering it with her lips slightly pecking him. “I will never”she said smiling through her tears and placed his hand on his chest and headed to her side of bed. She lied and Sanskar turned to her and they looked in each others eyes and Ragini placed her left hand over Ansh and Ananya’s head and signed him to hold it. He placed his right hand on her hand and she smiled nodding her head and they dozed off like that.
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“In this all Maa’s appointments are there and in this Ani’s appointments and vaccination. This time you miss anything Gajni Maheshwari you will seriously see the worst side of me. Got that?” said Ragini showing him two dairies and placing them in his luggage. Sanskar who was nodding his head gulped horrified looking at her. “Awww you look so cute Sanki” said Ragini pulling his cheek. He held her hand and dragged her to him “Don’t call me cute okay Bandariya” he said annoyed. Ragini who was loosing due to his fragrance came to the world and blushed due to his closeness. “Then what should I call you? When you look so irresistibly handsome” said Ragini moving her hand over his chest and teasing him and tickled him with her breath. Sanskar closed his eyes losing himself and tightened his grip on her hand. “Sanskar” called Anu bringing them to reality and both departed and stood nervous. “I will miss you” said Sanskar kissing her forehead as he was at the door of her room. Ragini smiled through her tears. Their marriage was coming back to track. As she escorted them till the gate she kissed Ansh’s cheek who was in Sanskar’s arms and was crying not willing to leave her and go. She wiped his tears and nodded her head in no. She handed Ananya to Anu. Ananya turned and signed that she want to stay with her. Ragini kissed her cheek closing her eyes painfully. Staying without them looked so impossible for her. But Anu also needed them. And she did not wanted them to adjust for more days so she did not stop them also.
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“Had food Sanki?” asked Ragini after she settled back in her room after making Sumi sleep. “Hmm Bandariya just came to the room” said Sanskar over the phone. “Ananya and Ansh slept?” she asked her daily routine questions. “You really don’t trust anyone hai na when it’s about your kids?” asked Sanskar. “She doesn’t trust anyone in case of Swara” Sahil saying it with rage flashed in her mind. Swara’s illness and her accident flashed blur in her mind. She felt she is missing someone. But the image is very blur. “Ragini” called Sanskar as he did not get any response from her. “Sanskar” she said and he could sense something is wrong with her. “Ragini what happened are you okay?” asked Sanskar worried. “I don’t know I’m feeling like I’m missing someone but I don’t know whom I’m missing” she said in cracking voice. Sanskar’s heart stopped beating at the moment. He knew whom she was missing. He panicked. “His memories are trigger point for her” he remembered Yohan’s words. He felt her phone slipping from her hand. “Ragini… Ragini” he cried but the call disconnected. He rushed out of the house and drove to Ragini’s house as soon as possible. He ringed her home door bell and Sumi opened the door calling out for Ragini as she did not get up to open the door. “Arrey Sanskar you?” asked Sumi surprised. “Maa wo I was talking to Ragini and her call got disconnected” said Sanskar worried as he entered the house. Sumi worried and followed him to Ragini’s room. As they opened the door he found Ragini sitting beside the bed holding her head and breathing heavily. “Ragini…” he screamed widening his eyes shocked. He neared her and she immediately hugged him and sobbed “Bhayyu…. Bhayyu……” she said struggling between her sobs. Sanskar was numb. He doesn’t know what to say. “Why did you kill him Sanskar. Why did you kill him?” she asked breaking him. She held his collar and pushed him back and forth. Sumi looked at her painfully. “I’m sorry Ragini. Please forgive me. Please” said Sanskar helplessly. “You know what was my bhayyu was for me? Do you know Sanskar Maheshwari? Do you even realize what have you done?” she screamed at top of her voice. He just looked at her helplessly. “Ladoo. It was just accident beta” said Sumi entering the room and holding her from her shoulder and made her stand. “No maa. He killed my bhayyu. He killed my bhayyu. He….” Ragini choked and her voice was stuck in her throat. “Ragini…” said Sanskar worried approaching her. Ragini held his hand and dragged him with her forcefully. He just kept following her blankly. She opened her cupboard and showed him the box which she kept in the secret compartment. She signed him to open it. He opened it and then looked at her. “These are the Rakhi’s I kept for my bhayyu. I had purchased for my lifetime. I wished him to be with me all my life. He promised me also. But you broke it. You broke his promise. You snatched him from me. You want me to forgive you for that?” asked Ragini holding his elbow. She wiped her tears fiercely and snatched the box from him and placed it back in her cup board. “Okay I will forgive you for that and for all the things I went through” said Ragini folding her hands. Sanskar looked at her surprised. “But get me back that moment. Get me just that moment when my bhayyu was breathing his last and wanted to speak to me. You get me that moment I will forgive you” screamed Ragini crying as she bent in front of him holding her neck. Sanskar closed his eyes and let his tears flow. “Can you get me that moment Mr. Maheshwari. Can you?” screamed Ragini again. She held her paining head and fainted and Sanskar held her in his arms. “Ladooo” screamed Sumi approaching them. Sanskar collapsed on the floor holding her and burst out crying bitterly. “Please bhagvan ji give me any punishment but don’t snatch her from me. I can’t live without her” said Sanskar looking up. Sumi placed her hand on his shoulder and he leaned to her and she hugged him caressing his hair. More than Ragini’s condition Sanskar’s pain pierced her heart like a spear. She was so helpless. Everyone was so helpless against time. He lifted her and placed her on the bed. He injected her with the injection Yohan had prescribed for her. Every attack made her brain cells more weak.

“Sanki” said Ragini faintly holding his wrist when he turned to leave after kissing her forehead while he was leaving after sitting beside her for an hour caressing her hair. He closed his eyes painfully and turned to her and knelt beside her. “Don’t go” she said weakly. He nodded his head suppressing his cry. Sumi controlled her tears and headed to her room. Sanskar closed the room door and lied beside her. Ragini turned and placed her head on his chest and hugged him placing her hand around his stomach. Sanskar looked at her painfully and kissed her forehead. “If I ask you something will you do that?” asked Ragini. “Shhh we will talk tomorrow. Now sleep” he said caressing her hair. “Please” pleaded Ragini. “Hmmm tell me” said Sanskar placing his chin on her head. “Swara dee is pregnant you know?” asked Ragini. “Is it? that’s great news. Tomorrow we will go to Raheja Mansion to congratulate them. That’s what you wanted to ask?” said Sanskar. “No Tube light Maheshwari. First listen to me what I’m saying” said Ragini hitting him on his chest. “Ouch Bandariya it hurts” said Sanskar. “Sorry sorry” said she rubbing his chest and he dragged her more close. “I was thinking we also should move on in our marriage” said Ragini hesitant. Sanskar panicked. He never knew this and all will be running in her mind. “Ragini we are happy like this na. We have Ansh and Ananya they are enough for us” said Sanskar struggling. “But” said Ragini and Sanskar interrupted her saying “Shh now sleep. You need to take rest. We will talk tomorrow morning okay” said Sanskar and acted as if he is sleeping. “Sadu Maheshwari” said Ragini and turned other side pushing him. Sanskar looked at her painfully. “I know I’m hurting you and I’m disappointing you but I cannot live without you. I can tolerate your hate anger and everything but not your pain. Not after whatever happened today” said he to himself and turned other side. “You love me also but doesn’t want to complete our marriage also. What is wrong with you Sanskar why are you confusing me?” thought Ragini to herself. “I have to know what’s bothering you” she thought and dozed off.
“No” said Ragini hugging Sanskar near the room door. “Please Bandariya. See maa is also calling. What will she think” said Sanskar trying to drag her out of the hug but she was not budging. “Promise me you will take me to MM today evening” said Ragini. “Now how will I take her to MM. She is thinking of moving on in marriage and if I take her to MM then I seriously cannot handle her” thought Sanskar. “Sanki” said Ragini bringing him out of his thoughts. “Some more days Bandariya see Sumi maa is so lonely” said Sanskar reasoning. “You know you are saying this from past two months Sanskar. Everytime you come to meet me this is what you say. This time I will not listen to you. You have to take me back to MM” said Ragini complaining. He alone knew how difficult it was for him to stay away from her for so many days. “Please” said Ragini and he gave up and said “Hmmm okay. Pack your stuff we will leave” “Yippie” screeched Ragini and kissed his cheek and went to her cup board to pack her stuff. Sanskar saw her and screamed “Ragini…” stopping her. “What is wrong with you Sanki” said Ragini rubbing her ears annoyed. “Wo I will pack your stuff. Go tell maa” he said. “Okay” she said smiling widely and headed out of the room. He opened her cupboard and took the rakhi box in his hand. He neared the old trunk in which they had placed all Vikram’s things in Sumi’s room. He opened it and found Vikram’s photo. “We have very strange connection isn’t it? We were together only for few seconds. But you changed my life. Why are you so good. I killed you and you are only the soul reason that I have Ragini in my life. She came as a blessing in my life and you blessed me with her. I don’t have words to thank you. But look at destiny I have to keep her away from you only. I’m doing sin over another sin. I’m sorry Vikram Bhai. I’m sorry” he cried bending his head. He placed the box in it and closed the trunk and wiped his face.
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“Maa” screeched Ansh hugging Ragini as soon as he came from school and found her in their room playing with Ananya. “Aww my bacha, I missed you so much” said Ragini cupping his face and kissing his cheeks. “I won’t talk to you. You said only for some days and you are coming after two months” said he pouting folding his hands. “Chorry” said Ragini holding her ears. He smiled and kissed her cheek and hugged her encircling his little hands around her neck. “Wait Sumi Nani has given your favorite chocolate. I will get” said Ragini and headed to check her handbag after placing Ananya on the bed. Ansh continued playing with Ananya. “Ani mumma is back I’m so happy” said Ansh holding her little hands and shaking them. “ma ma ma” fumbled Ananya and Ansh widened his eyes listening to her. “Yeh lo Ansh ki choki” said Ragini handing him the chocolate. “Maa Ani said Ma” said Ansh happy looking at Ragini. “Really?” said Ragini and sat beside him. She looked at Ananya. “Maa bol Ani. Bol” said Ansh. “Ma ma ma” fumbled Ananya looking at Ragini and bending her head towards her. Ragini picked her in her arms happy and hugged Ansh from other side and looked at Adarsh and Pari’s marriage picture on the wall and smiled through her tears. “Dekha dee our Ani started talking” said Ragini standing in front of the picture. Suddenly she remembered something.
“When is Ananya’s birthday? What is her age Sanskar I have to fill a form?” asked Ragini. “Ananya’s birthday is on 25th August and she did not even turn a year old yet” said Sanskar fumbling. “But she looks like she is more than a year old Sanki. Do you even know her birthday?” asked Ragini confused. “Wo actually she was born in 10th month. Some complications with Pari Bhabi so she couldn’t deliver her on time and we have to do operation” said Sanskar. “Are you mad. What are you talking? Nobody will leave the baby once the due date crosses. They will do operation that time only. I think you hit your head when you were coming back home” said Ragini annoyed. “Ohho Bandariya how many questions will you ask? I don’t know anything. This all Pari bhabi’s mom and dad told me. She was not here during Ani’s delivery” said Sanskar to escape. “If Ananya has not even completed an year how did she started speaking so soon” thought Ragini. “Acha Ansh. When is Ani’s birthday?” asked Ragini. “Maa she has two birthdays” said Ansh. “Matlab?” asked Ragini sitting on the bed holding Ananya and Ansh sat beside her. “Ani was born on 23rd June. But we had to keep her in hospital in incu incu.. something like that for two months” said Ansh. “Incubator?” asked Ragini and Ansh said “Haa wahi” “But why?” asked Ragini. “I don’t remember much maa. I just remember mumma screaming when she fell on floor. And chachu rushed her to hospital. After that what happened I don’t remember” said Ansh sad. Ragini held his shoulder and rubbed it consoling him. And looked at Pari and Adarsh photo. “Why did he lie to me. He said Pari dee had delivery in her myka and he was not there at that time? But Ansh cannot lie. Why did Pari dee fell? That date 23rd June. Something had happened that day. Something. Why can’t I remember” thought Ragini. Ananya chuckled and brought her out of her thoughts. “If I ask him he will not tell me. I will find out. Who can help me who can? Ha Pari dee’s maa and papa” thought Ragini and smiled widely.