Guilt ( A RagSan FF) Chapter 42

A/N:
I’m really sorry guys to confuse you people in the last update. There was actually a 4 months leap in between the chappy. First thing I did not mention it and actually Ragini was away from MM for four months. I had edited it before posting but I think I forgot to save it. And I’m really sorry guys I can’t update any other ff this week. I don’t how you people are reading guilt updates. I have become depressed after reading my own chapters. So couldn’t get out of that mood. I’m really very very sorry that I’m making you people emotional. I’m not satisfied with the way I’m taking the story. I fall short of words to say thank you for tolerating me.
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8 Months leap:
“Please Ragini I’m not comfortable” said Sanskar. “Why are you doing this Sanskar. I feel I’m incomplete. It has been more than a year that we got married and still you did not accept our marriage. Do you even realize how incomplete I feel” said Ragini crying as she turned Sanskar forcefully to her side when he tried sleeping turning other side. Her sobs were painful. He cupped her face and wiped her tears. “I had told you na I will never accept this marriage and you will suffer. You will not be happy? Why didn’t you listen to me then?” asked Sanskar. She looked at him helplessly pleading him. “Please Sanskar don’t do this with me. I need you” said Ragini. “Avoid the situations when she will become emotionally weak” Yohan’s advice ringed in his mind. She cupped his face and tried nearing him.

Sanskar jerked her hand and got up from the bed angry. “I can’t do this Ragini try to understand. I had told you earlier only. How much ever you try. I will not accept this relation. Don’t be so desperate for physical relationship. You are behaving like a b*t*h” said Sanskar and he felt Ragini’s hand on his cheek. She slapped him hard. “Don’t you know the difference between love and lust you idiot. I’m your wife not some pr*stitute. I asked my husband not some roadside moron. If you behave like one I can’t help it” said Ragini and took the blanket and pillow and lied on the floor and cried silently. Sanskar held his throat controlling his cry. I’m sorry he whispered sobbing silently.
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“Kavi” screeched Ragini hugging Kavya who was getting ready for the pheres. “Katti. You are coming now?” asked Kavya pouting. “Sorry sweetheart. You know na this Sanki takes so much time to get ready” said Ragini holding her ears apologizing. “Ok this time I’m forgiving you” said Kavya holding her hands and Ragini hugged her happy. “Now come your Majnu is so desperately waiting for you” said Ragini holding her shoulder. As Kavya was descending the stairs she looked at Yohan. Life looked so beautiful. Love was never what she thought it came as a surprise for her. And Yohan was the best thing that ever happened in her life after of course Ragini. It looked like she lost everything due to Ragini but actually she got everything due to Ragini. She looked at Ragini who asked her what through eyes. She nodded her head smiling. She made Kavya sit beside Yohan and pulled his ear. “Ragu” said Yohan glaring her. Ragini showed her tongue to him. Sanskar was watching her expressions. His heart was racing looking at her smile but his facial muscles stiffened controlling his emotions. He patted Ananya’s back who was in his arms and playing with something. Ragini did gatbandhan of Kavya and Yohan and stood and her eyes met with Sanskar’s eyes and tears were struggling to peep out of her eyes. “You are behaving like a b*t*h” his words ringed in her head and she avoided eye contact with him.
Kyu iss tarah se duniya jaha me karta hai tu meri rusvayi
Tera Kasur aur zalima mai kehlayi

She went and stood beside Dayal who had tears in his eyes. She encircled hands around his shoulder and leaned her head on his shoulder. Dayal looked at her and smiled a bit. “Papa” she said stopping him from sobbing. “She will go to London.” said Dayal pouting. “That means you miss her only not me and Shona dee. So bad you are” said Ragini pouting. “Awww” said Dayal and kissed her forehead smiling. He side hugged her and they watched Kavya and Yohan taking pheres across the holy fire. Yohan adorned Kavya with Sindhoor and Mangalsutra. The pandit guided them to take blessings from everyone. And they complied. “Where is this Shona dee” asked Kavya when she hugged Ragini. “Don’t know. I’m trying to call them but nobody is picking the call” said Ragini worried.
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“Shona relax” said Sahil to Swara who was screaming holding her baby bump. “I can’t Sahil. I can’t tolerate this pain.” screamed Swara. “Sahil I have talked to the doctor. He assured me nothing will happen. Only five days prior to her due date so no complications will happen” said Harish walking beside him. “Swara beta look here” called Avantika who was walking on the other side. Swara turned her face to her. “You are my brave bacha na. Don’t panic. Breath in breath out” said she trying to cool Swara. “Ragu maa” said Swara struggling. “Hey Bhagvan I completely forgot” said Harish. “Go call Ragini fast Harish. How careless you are” screamed Avantika. Harish rushed from there. “Doctor can I stay with her?” asked Sahil worried when they took Swara inside the labor room. “Sure” said the doctor and Sahil thanked him and headed behind him. Avantika sat there tensed.
“But Popsy her due date was five days later na?” asked Ragini worried. “I don’t know beta might be as we traveled that’s why it happened I guess. Shona listens to anyone kya? We told her but she did not listen. No problem. I spoke to the doctor. He said normal delivery only happen not to worry” said Harish over the phone. “Okay I’m coming” said Ragini and disconnected the call and rushed inside the marriage hall. Sanskar saw her talking something to Anu heading from there with Ansh worried. Sanskar approached Anu and asked “Maa where did Ragini go? She was worried” “Swara’s water broke on the way so they have to rush her to hospital. So she went” said Anu worried. “Which hospital. You manage Ani I will also go” said Sanskar handing Ananya to her and rushed from there.
“Please take care of my daughter.” said Dayal holding Yohan’s hand. “I will always uncle” said Yohan smiling. “Popsy I will miss you” said Kavya hugging him bone crushing hug. “Shhh Doll. See don’t cry. You know na your popsy cannot tolerate your tears” said he cupping her face and kissing her forehead. Kavya nodded her head and smiled through her tears.

“Aunty where is Ragini?” asked Kavya to Sumi. “She was here only. Anu ji where is Ragini? Swara also did not come yet” said Sumi looking at Anu. Anu told them and they all rushed to hospital.
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“Maa it’s a boy. My champ” said Sahil holding his new born baby in his hand as he came out of the labor room. Ragini who was consoling Avantika rushed in to Swara. Ansh sat beside Avantika and played with the baby. Ragini saw Swara lying on the bed tired. “I was so worried for you Shona dee thank god you are fine” said she caressing Swara’s hair and kissed her forehead. They shifted Swara to normal ward with her baby in an hour.

“Congratulations” screamed Sanskar entering with Yohan holding balloons inside the room where Swara was sitting with her baby. Swara smiled widely looking at them. “So how are you feeling my Shona bacha” said Sumi caressing her cheek. “I feel complete maa” said Swara smiling at her. Sanskar’s face fell. “Do you know how incomplete I feel?” he remembered Ragini’s words. Hurting her so much was really unbearable for him. He looked at Ragini who was walking out feeling bad but trying to smile.
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“I don’t know maa what mistake I did in my previous birth. How much ever I try to have a normal life, I cannot have it” said Ragini hugging Anu who came behind her sensing her sadness. “Ani and Ansh are not your kids Ragu? You always proved yourself more than their mom” said Anu caressing her hair. “More than mom maa not mom. I did not say I love them less. I love them the most maa. But I also want to feel a life inside me. I want to caress my baby bump. I want to feel my baby’s kicks. I want to experience that pain while bringing my kid to this world. Even I want to feel complete” said Ragini sobbing holding her shoulder. Anu caressed her hair and looked at Sanskar who was watching them with tears in his eyes. She wiped her tears and cupped Ragini’s face and said “Now cheer up. See you have become maasi” and tried cheering. “Maasi, Maa jaisi not maa” said Ragini smiling painfully. Sanskar closed his eyes painfully letting his tears.
“Me” said Kavya. “No me first” said Yohan pushing her. “Dee see na. First me na?” asked Kavya. “No. Sabse pehle Baby ke badi masi and mausa ji” said Avantika handing the baby to Ragini who entered the room just then and Sanskar behind her. Ragini held the baby and smiled through her tears. Sanskar neared her and held her hand hugging her. Ragini looked up at him. And their eyes met and they had a painful eye lock. “Leave me” whispered Ragini. “I will never” said Sanskar meeting her eyes and tears dropped from their eyes. The baby moved bringing them both to the world. Everyone smiled looking at them. Dayal sat beside Swara and caressed her hair and she hugged him and he placed his chin on her head.
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“Ragini” said Sanskar as he entered his room and found Ragini arranging the bed. “No Mr. Maheshwari don’t over think. I was just arranging the bed. I will sleep in kids room only” said Ragini not turning. She stood and before she could turn she felt Sanskar’s hands over her belly and he dragged her close to him. Ragini jerked and stood shocked. He moved her hair to one side and kissed her neck and brushed his lips over her neck sensuously. “What are you doing Sanskar?” asked Ragini struggling in his hold. “loving you” said Sanskar moving up on her neck and tightening his grip on her. Ragini pushed him aside with difficulty and said “I’m not a doll to play Sanskar. I also have feelings. I cannot change them according to your mood” and covered her neck and tried walking out.

But Sanskar held her elbow and dragged her to him and she landed on his chest. “I love you” said Sanskar in her ear kissing it and tickling her. “And I will always” said he and walked leaving her and lied on his bed. He turned facing his back to her and a tear dropped from his eye. “I want to avoid your pain and I’m only reason for your pain. I know I cannot tie you to myself all my life. I will try all my love and will to fight this all my life” thought he and wiped his tear. Ragini felt bad looking him in pain. “I want to heal your pain Sanskar not to increase your pain” thought Ragini and wiped her tears.

Sanskar felt Ragini’s hand over his shoulder and she turned him to her side. She kissed his forehead closing her eyes and he closed his eyes. She moved to his lips and pecked them with her lips. Sanskar placed his lips on her lips and dragged her to him. He moved over her and started kissing her face and neck and Ragini moved her hands in his hair. He was losing himself every second bit by bit. As he moved to her neck and kissed her clavicle bone and she hacked for breath and moaned. He turned her and loosened the dori of her blouse and moved his hand over her back sensuously. Ragini closed her eyes and started breathing heavily as he traced her skin with his touch. She sat blushing. Sanskar got up and kissed her back. “Sanskar” moaned Ragini. “Hmmm” said Sanskar kissing her neck near her ear. “You are not doing with any compulsion right?” asked Ragini. Sanskar turned her face and kissed her forehead. “I love you” he said and moved to her lips. “Love you too” said Ragini placing her lips on his lips and they both discovered each others soul.

“Thank you for coming in my life” said Ragini as she placed her head on his bare chest. “And I will not let you go away from me” said Sanskar and kissed her forehead. “Are you okay?” asked Sanskar. “More than okay” said Ragini smiling widely.
“I don’t know whether I did right or wrong Ragini. It added one more sin on me. But it made you happy. And that’s enough for me. Though the guilt on my soul goes on increasing but I will not let you suffer. I will not. I don’t know how will you react when you will be back to normal. You will become normal or not that also I don’t know Ragini. I’m sorry I lied to you. I did this only for you. I did not do it with my love or my will. Only to avoid your emotional struggle I did this. I will never forgive myself for whatever I did to you. I will never” he thought and dragged her more close to him.
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Sorry I’m really bad in romance.