The better way to laugh

??
Written by a confident lady…

After a meeting, I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room, it wasn’t there too.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.
My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
His theory is the car will be stolen if left at the ignition key slot..

Immediately, I rushed to the parking lot, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, Description of the car, Place I parked, etc, I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that the car had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband, “Honey”, I stammered; (I always call him “honey” in times like these ?.) “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a big silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.
“Idiot”, he shouted, “I dropped you at the hotel !”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, and happy aswell, I said, “Well, then pls come and get me.”

He shouted again, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman, that I have not stolen your car.”…

Don’t laugh alone…send to other husbands or wives…

because

So many things go wrong daily, and you can’t blame Modi all the time.??
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TEACHER: Gunda tel me ur family member name in english.
Gunda: my mom name is
FULL RICE
(Anna purna)
Dad name is
BLACK BULL FATHER
(kari basappa)
My big brother name
ELEPHANT HUSBAND
(Gaja pathi)
My small brother name is
ROUND RAO
[Gundu rao]
& my name is
KISS KING
(Mutthu raja)
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Pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane shortly after take off……..
“Thank you for flying with us this morning.
The weather is…..”
Then suddenly he starts screaming while he is still on the loud speakers:
“Oh my God. OMG! OMG! This is going to hurt….Its burning”
A ghostly Silence reigned!
He gets back on the microphone talking to the passengers:
“I sincerely apologise for the incident but I just dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap…you should see my pants.”
One passenger replies –
“Why don’t you come here and see Our PANTS”!
???
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THE SECRET Of a Good Husband

Once I asked my friend, “What is the secret behind your Happy Married Life?”

He said “You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”

I asked “Can you explain?”

He said “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my Wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.”

Still not convinced, i asked him “Give me some examples”.

He said “Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit the super market, when & where to go on vacation, which sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy. Monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc. Are all decided by my wife. I just agree to it ”

I asked “Then, what is your role?”

He said “My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanctions over Zimbabwe, whether Russia should take over Syria or not, whether Dhoni should retire from Cricket , Whom should Salman Khan Marry. etc etc. and do you know, my wife; NEVER, objects to any of these decisions”…
????
?
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Child? :
I am confused…I dont want to study….Biology teacher told me cell means basic of life in the body…Physics teacher told me cell means Battery…….Then Economics teacher told me sell means selling things. And History teacher told me cell means prison…whtz this..now u r telling me that cell means mobile..I dont know what’s right…u tell me!!!?????
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Wife was in ICU !
Husband was unable to control his tears .
Doctor: we are trying our best , but can’t assure for anything. Her body is not reacting . It seems she is in coma.
.
.
Husband: Doctor please save her she is merely 30 years old yet .
.
.
At sudden something happen miraculous ECG started rating,, a hand moves, her lips mumble, & she spoke out
Dear i m 27 not 30 ???????
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5 year old son…..after reading story of a king…..

Son:……Mom, I also want 5 wives…..one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me…….

Mom:….And one will put you to sleep

Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom’s eyes filled up with tears …
God bless you son

Mom:…but who will sleep with your 5 wives

Son…Let them sleep with daddy

Daddy’s eyes filled up with tears…
God bless you son !
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A newly married couple was walking through a garden suddenly a dog ran towards them.
They both knew it will bite them..
The husband lifted his wife and let the dog bite him than his sweetie.
The dog stopped before them barked for a while and ran backwards.
The husband put his wife down expecting a hug and a few kind words from her.
Then his wife shouted
” I have seen people throwing stones and sticks at dogs this is the first time I am seeing someone trying to throw his wife at a dog”.

Husband… “????”

Moral : A Wife is Wife

No One ELSE Can MIS-UNDERSTAND a Husband Better, than a Wife

Swami Unknownanda ???
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A guy was in love with a girl but never had the guts to tell her.

One night around at 10,
he gathered
some courage &
sent her a text
with these
honest words…

“Doreen, I love you,
Plz reply & tell me
how you feel.”

A few seconds later
he received a
message alert
on his phone.

He was so scared and
too tensed to open
it that night
so he decided not to
check the message
until the next morning
when he’s less tense
and in better senses.

So he went to sleep.

When he woke up
the next day
he prayed seriously
about the message
for good news,
went about doing
his morning chores,
brushed his teeth,
ate his breakfast
took a bath,
dressed himself up then climbed into bed
and picked his phone
to read the message
on his phone.
This was the response
he read:

“Dear customer you have
insufficient balance to send this message. Please recharge your account and try again”.
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All husbands can enjoy ???

?Wife : Shall I prepare Sambar or Rasam today . Husband : First make it, we will name it later ☺?

?A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear google, please do not behave like my wife…
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting
????????

?A married man’s prayer;
Dear God, u gave me childhood, u took it away
U gave me youth, u took it away.
U gave me a wife………. Its been years now,
just reminding u……????

?A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
“My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?”

Husband answers “Because he’s thinking of getting married”
????

?Husband: I found Aladin’s lamp today.

Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??

Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..

Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??

Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn’t apply on zero.
???

?Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??

Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there !
???

?A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn’t speak to him for 6 months.

Was the necklace FAKE?

Nooooo! That was the deal 🙂
???

?A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, “the food looks delicious, let’s eat.”

Wife: honey…..you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that’s at home sweetheart……here the chef knows how to cook.
???

?Best Slogan on a
MAN’s T-Shirt :

“Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed”
???
..dedicated to all husbands ????????
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Height of curiosity

Judge asked yakub his last wish before hanging
yakub asked to be hanged after oneyear in 2016
Judge asked why?
Yakub replied
I dont want to die without knowing why katappa killed bahubali in part 1?
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Joke of the ending year…

OLX owner has made suicide attempt
bcz

people have put their
2015 CALENDER for
sale on OLX site…??????
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Digital bug

The young boy was suffering from loose motion. He hesitated to say the word loose motion to the doctor. So he explained in new generation style.

Doctor.. since morning.. unlimited free outgoing, New ringtones have also started.
No balance in my stomach.
If I recharge, within one minute balance becomes nil. Doc can u pls disconnect the offer!! ????
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FUNNY INTERVIEW??

Officer : What Is Your Name ?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : Tell Me Properly.

Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir.

Officer : Your Father’s Name ?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : What Does That Mean ?

Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir.

Officer : Your Native Place ?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?

Candidate : No, Mani Pal Sir.

Officer : What Is Your Qualification ?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : (Angrily)?What Is It ?

Candidate : Metric Pass, Sir.

Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : And What Does That Mean ?

Candidate : Money Problem Sir.

Officer : Describe Your Personality ?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly..

Candidate : Mindblowing Personality Sir.

Officer : This Discussion Is Now over, ?You May Go
Now….?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : huh..What Is It Now ??

Candidate : My Performance Sir.

Officer : M P.

Candidate : ?What Is That Sir. ….??

Officer : Mentally Punctured.?

Candidate: M P. Sir.

Officer : ?Now What Is Thissss ????

Candidate: My Pleasure Sir.

Officer:who bought you here?

Candidate:M P SIR

Officer:Now what is this,

Candidate:mummy papa sir
?????????????????????
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?Leave applications.?

(murdering english language)

?Infosys, Bangalore:?
“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife ,
please sanction me one-week leave.”
________________________________
?Oracle, Bangalore:?
From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son:
“As I want to shave my son’s head , please leave me for two days..”
________________________________
?Leave-letter from a CDAC employee who was
performing his daughter’s wedding:
“As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”
________________________________
?From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it please grant me 10 days leave.”
________________________________
?Another employee applied for half-day leave as follows:
“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o’clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”
________________________________
?A leave letter:
“I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.”
________________________________
?A leave letter to a headmaster:
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”
________________________________
?Another letter written to a headmaster:
“As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day.”
________________________________
?Covering note:
“I am enclosed herewith…”
________________________________
?Another one:
“Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my bottom…”
________________________________
?Actual application for leave:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.
________________________________
?Letter writing:
“I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.
***************************************
Wife : Hubby !
Monday shopping
Tuesday hotel
Wednesday outing
Thursday dinner
Friday movie
Saturday picnic
How fun it’ll be ☺

Husband : ya
Then on Sunday to temple

Wife : Y ????????

Husband : For begging .

????????????
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Who are lizards?
Awesome answer
by a kid….
They are
those poor crocodiles who forgot to have
Horlicks when they were young
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
What is a Pizza..?
Awesome answer:
A Pizza.. is just a Paratha that went
abroad
for higher education
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
What’s the best example of “once in a
lifetime opportunity?
A mosquito sitting on your wife’s face.:?
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
A little boy was in a bus
eating a chocolate, then he took another one and then another …

A man next to him said,
“Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth??”

The boy replied,
“My grandfather lived for 132 years”
The man asked ,
“Was it because of eating chocolate?”

The boy replied,
No, he was always minding his own business!

??

Son: Dad there’s a small get together at school tomorrow !!!
Father: small get together.? ..how small
Son: only me…you…and principal …
????
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A tiger was getting married and all animals attended the wedding . Every animal stood at distance and wished the tiger

A cat came and climbed to the stage and danced nicly then extended his hand to wish the tiger

The tiger roared in rage and said how dare you come on the stage? Even the panther is maintaining its distance and you climbed the stage.

The cat replied and after listening to that….., the tiger fainted. What would have the cat said ???

Any guess???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The cat said “Oh shut up buddy, even I was a tiger before marriage”

?????????
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Laugh at this :

An Indian Doctor can’t find a job in a Hospital in US so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside ‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100

A American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic…

Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste”

Indian : “Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth”

Lawyer: “Ugh..this is kerosene”

Indian: “Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20”

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money…

Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything”

Indian: “Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth”

Lawyer (annoyed): “This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste”

Indian : “Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20”

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: “My eyesight has become very weak I can’t see at all ”

Indian : “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100”

Lawyer (staring at the note): “But this is $20, not $100”

Indian : “Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20”

You can’t beat Indians!! ?????

Don’t know who wrote this.. Hats off to him….
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And guys also read the ff the journey together which I’m writing and do comment in my ff it will encourage.me plzz… plzz… plzz….
thanking you…..
Sharon shrivatsav……
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