WHY I CAN’T SEE YOU AS MOTHER OF MY KIDS??? ISHQBAAZ O.S

WHY I CAN’T SEE YOU AS MOTHER OF MY KIDS???

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@RAILWAY STATION
SHIVAAY’S P.O.V.
Finally I reached all dishevelled not looking less than a man who was solely hit by a tornado and earthquake at the same time why not how can a person be in a good condition when he himself is going to leave the reason of his living but there she is sitting all devastated, when she knows that I can’t see tears in her eyes then why for god’s sake can’t she let those tears of her not come in her eyes but no she is toh “THE GREAT TADIBAAZ ANIKA”. But why am I complaining because even I know I am only the sole reason for her tears.

SHIVAAY’S P.O.V. ENDS

Slowly he moves towards her and seeing her cry sitting on that bench makes him feel cursed. He sits by her side.

SHIVAAY’S P.O.V.

It has been approximately a half an hour since I am sitting by her side but she didn’t even notice maybe she is just to much preoccupied by her thoughts and tears that are rolling down her eyes smudging her beautifully applied kajal making her face look completely horrible yet cute. Control yourself Shivaay you aren’t here for this remember what you are here for and stop fooling around looking at her get back to your THE SHIVAAY SINGH OBEROI
AVATAR…
I slowly raised my hand with a handkerchief towards her she took it without even glancing at me for once. After cleaning her face she looked at me.
“Aap yahan kun aayain hain Mr. Oberoi?”
(“What are you here for now Mr. Oberoi?”)
She asked all shocked and hurt at the same time with her voice cracking every now and then.
I was just looking at her blank due to loos of words but today I need to tell her why am I here and what is the reason that “WHY I CAN’T SEE HER AS MOTHER OF MY KIDS???”

It’s an important question for her to be answered and the most difficult one for me to reply to, for heaven’s sake I wish I hadn’t met her, I hadn’t fallen for her, she hadn’t loved me so immensely, I wish she hadn’t cared for my family with full devotion, how badly I wish we hadn’t married, how badly I wish we hadn’t been together, my heart wrenched in it’s own torn apart world, once it was just an object that use to beat for my brothers, then it became a diamond for her to treasure and be treasured in and now it’s just a dead collaboration of cells and haemoglobin punctured yet pumping and the only indication that makes me realize and will only make others realise that I am still alive. My trances were broken when Anika’s trailed voice reached my ear drums bringing me back from my world of self thoughts. She spoke up
“Shivaay kya aap yahan mujha sirf dekhna aayain hai?”
(“Shivaay did you come here to just see me?”)
After finding my long lost voice I managed to say
“Anika I am sorry.”
She looked at me in total disbelief maybe trying to figure out that how did I had so much audacity to face her after what all had happened nearly two to three hours or so ago.

@FLASHBACK
@OBEROI MANSION
@GARDEN AREA
Conversation between Shivaay and Omkara.
Om: Why don’t you accept that Anika is a person who has reached your heart.
Shivaay: I accept that Om but still I have zero idea about her blood, lineage, family and all. I can never imagine her as MOTHER OF MY KIDS.
After a few seconds both hear a flower pot falling and turn to see Anika standing flabbergasted and tears trailing down her eyes.
@FLASHBACK ENDS

@PRESENT
She just managed to say
“Kun Shivaay kun aap mujha humesha dard detain hain fir uss par malaham lagatain hain aur phir dubaara pichli baar Sa bhi zyaada zoor Sa waar kartain hain Ki Mai iss tarhan Sa tut jati hun Ki mujha khud par hi shaak hota hai Ki mujha Mai koi self-respect baachi hai Ki nahi.”
(Why Shivaay? Why does this always happens that you first give me the wound and then act as a medicine to my wound and then again you hurt me even in a worse way then before trust me now I have started doubting myself that weather do I have any self-respect or not.)

Her broken words act as an arrow to my already shattered heart but her each word is true and has immense pain in it. I want to hold her in my arms and sooth her pain but now it’s too late for that and moreover I have made my mind I don’t want her to suffer more because of me and my family, I just want her to stay peacefully as it’s high time now.
“Anika I know you want answer to many of your questions but I just have one reply I don’t know weather that’s enough for all the wounds I have given you or not but that’s what I think and that’s the only reason why we can never be one.”
She cuts me off “Mujha pata hai Ki mera khoon khandaan ka koi aata pata nahi hai is liya hi hum kabhi saath nahi reh sakta…”
(I know as you don’t know about my family, blood, lineage and all that’s why we can never be one…)
I wanted to contradict her badly but I knew if I say something else then I would end up making things worse then ever so I just decided to speak my heart out no matter what happens then but it wasn’t easy to give words to your long held fear, the fear that I had since my childhood the fear that always been a part of my life, the fear that made me THE SHIVAAY SINGH OBEROI FROM JUST SHIVAAY it’s hard but if I didn’t speak today then none of us would be able to stay in peace. I cut Anika off.

“I was in fifth when for the first time my mom came to my school for my P.T.M.”
As I began the railway station that was already silent as no one was there felt dead accept for my voice nothing echoed there, even Anika’s eyes were glued to me and she was hearing each word of mine with utmost attention maybe the vulnerability in my voice held her from speaking a word. After a small pause I continued

“It was not like she had never wished to be a part of my school life but with one or other excuse my dad was successful in stopping her from not going to my school, I was always confused about his this behaviour but thought to ignore it, that day dad was not here he was in London for past one month and would have returned by the end of the day. Mom and I went to school she was really excited to come there the happiness was visible in her eyes, it was even a long held urge to be part of her son’s life as well. We reached school and met my teacher being an Oberoi I was definitely part of an international school, mearly anyone use to speak in Hindi there all had a bend only towards English and my mom is from a village in Punjab she never had an opportunity to learn English properly nor was she able to complete her studies, when we met my class teacher she spoke in English but mom wasn’t able to understand, other teachers and parents laughed at mom they mocked at her as she was from a low class family. I wanted to hit them rather say I willed to knock their heads of and rip them off their life but I couldn’t do that as somewhere or other I was reminded of my manners. My mom left from their being unable to handle the embarrassment, people passed comments on her being a low class and as if she tricked to be a part of our family. I was enraged but at that time my mom was my priority, we sat back in our car and began the ride back home, she didn’t say a word and even avoided looking at me she was looking outside the car only to hide her tears but I knew she was crying. When we reached home she accompanied me to my room and creasing my head lovingly said just a single word ” SORRY “.

I really didn’t know how to react, thinking about the entire day I slept in same clothes sitting in a corner of my room. Later at night dad came back and he came to know that mom went to my school, he began shouting at her, their room was just adjacent to mine they thought I was fast asleep but that wasn’t true I got up from my bed and made my way towards their room and heard dad accusing mom and shouting at her that he felt ashamed of taking her anywhere, she has no manners and isn’t worth being his life partner he even told her that she was just useless and a forced responsibility of his that he has to carry on due to family pressure. They kept fighting for about an hour and then dad left. My mom was all shattered she was in tears, I went towards her and kept my hand on her shoulder she looked at me and just engulfed me in a tight hug, I just stayed their being entirely blank. My heart and mind both were numb my mom just told me ” Mera beta tun kabhi bhi Kisi middle class ladki Sa shaadi maat karna.” (“Shivaay my son never get married to a middle class girl.)she said to me in her cracked and bearly audible voice then creasing my hair she laid me on bed and she herself laid besides me and kept crying entire night. Her tears spoke more than anything. That day I was no more SHIVAAY I BECAME THE HEARTLESS AND RUDE SHIVAAY SINGH OBEROI. I just knew one thing that time that if you want respect in life then along with money high standard is necessary, since then I just had only one thought that a low class person will never be respected in the society so I made my mind not to let myself near any such person.

But then you entered my life and changed me completely but I can never accept you as mother of my kids Anika as I can never see you in same pain I saw my mother. 30 years Anika 30 years, Since 30 years my mother is bearing this torture maybe she never says but I know her pain, I know what she feels after all I am her son Anika.
Saying this not being able to handle any more I burst into tears, the long held pain and fear came out today for the first time and that to in front of a girl whose background I didn’t know even a penny about.
After few seconds I concluded my words
“Anika it’s just that I don’t want our kids to insult you or them being in any way a reason for your sorrows, I won’t be able to see you broken. ”
Anika with utmost love kept her hand on my shoulder I could feel the trembling sensation of her hands. I looked at her, she then spoke up
“Thank you Shivaay.”
I gave her a blank look. So she continued
“Thank you for at least speaking your heart out I think that this is the end of our journey may be.”
She looked hopefully at me but I shattered her every hope by just nodding in positive to her question.
She gave a painful smile. I silently got up, went to her cupped her face and kissed her forehead she just gave a smile and I cleared her tears that trailed down her eyes.
I knew it was time to leave, time to part our ways but now I felt lighter than ever and may be she too.
I left and went out I stood leaning to my car, within an hour I heard a train coming and then taking off I knew she had gone and I even knew she had gone because I wished her to leave.
END OF SHIVAAY’S P.O.V.

@RAILWAY STATION
AFTER AN HOUR
Anika came back and sat down on the same bench.
ANIKA’S P.O.V.
I knew it Shivaay you won’t leave until and unless I will not but I just wanted to see you as much as I could I wanted to capture you in my heart.
I LOVE YOU…
That’s all I knew.
BUT I RESPECT YOU EVEN MORE…
That’s all I know.
ANIKA’S P.O.V. ENDS

SHIVAAY’S P.O.V.
Mujha nahi pata Anika Ki mera ya daar mera har harkat ko justify Karta hai ya nahi par mujhma iss Sa ladna Ki himaat nahi hai.
(I am not sure Anika that weather my this fear justifies all my acts or not but I don’t have energy to fight with this fear.
SHIVAAY’S P.O.V. ENDS

“THE BIGGEST FEAR IS NOT THE FEAR BUT THE BIGGEST FEAR IS NOT TO FACE YOUR FEAR…
&
THIS CAN MAKE YOU LOOSE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE…”
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“Kuch kahaniyaan adhuri nahi Hua karti, bas pura hona unki fidraat mai nahi Hua karta.”

Hi! Guys I really don’t know how this has come out to be for the first time I am writing someone’s P.O.V. and that to of the GREAT SHIVAAY SINGH OBEROI who is so unpredictable a character I hope so that this came out to be good. Please guys do comment and review this O.S.

Well posting something after a long time and that too an O.S. As I told you guys my exams are on, today I had my PHYSICS ?☹ EXAM so really needed some refreshment so I have penned this down plus I have some holidays before my next exam so wrote this kindly do review ?. Bye ? bye ?.
Take care
Tata
See you

Keep smiling
Stay happy ?
&
Signing off
Shivika…