Guilt is to the spirt, what pain is to the body…
Guilt isn’t always a rational thing….
Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not….
********
Ragini kept looking at Laksh’s disappearing figure.
Mauhaan came to her.
Mau: He is such a rude guy, ignored you completely.
Rag: He is not rude, he is very disturbed.
Ish: huh?
Rag: I noticed during the class, he was about to break the fingers of his right hand…! Something terrible must have happened in his previous college.
Mau: How do you know?
Rag: Common sense, we are mid way of third sem and he had to change his college, I agree with this alone I can’t conclude. But by his behavior during the class, I am almost sure about this. Something happened in his college.
Ish: I am curious to know what it is.
Mau: Me too.
Rag: He won’t say it any soon, but we will find it, after all he is our friend.
Mau: Of course he is. He accept us or not, from the time he sat on the place next you, he is our friend.
Ish: We should celebrate this new friendship.
Mau: Yup, we will give each other treat, but tomorrow, let Sanky come.
Rag: Yup, and when he officially joins us, we will make him give treat.
Ish: As of now I am hungry, shall we move to canteen.
They went to canteen and had food.
**********
Laksh was leaning against a tree. His face was all red, he was very upset. He wanted to escape from everything around him. He has lost interest in everything, in living. But unfortunately for him he is still alive.
He wants to run away from his life, but he can’t. He is very angry at himself.
He started to hit his right hand hardly on the trunk of the tree.
He hands has become red, tears where non stop from his eyes, but they were not due to the pain in his hand, but due to the pain, the anger his heart. He was taking out his frustration on his hand.
He kept going this for a long, then he remembered his mother telling him to have lunch. He sighed and left to canteen.
They day went on, Laksh was very upset and didn’t pay attention to the class. Ragini, even though she was curious about him, kept mum.
***********
Dp was waiting for Laksh at the parking.
Laksh got inside the car without any reaction.
Dp sighed.
Dp: Laksh how was the classes?
He kept mum.
Dp becomes teary.
Dp: Laksh, till when, please be Lucky,
Lak: No Papa, I can’t. Lucky died that day when….
He couldn’t continue further… His eyes were teary, he threw his hands in the air and looked at Dp defeated.
Lak: Pa, Papa, please… I, I can never, never be Lucky again.
He gulped.
Lak: I don’t want to go to college, I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to move on from my past. Still I am trying, only for you, Ma and Bhai. Other wise I would have…
He looked at the other side.
For a while he kept chanting that he doesn’t want to move on.
Dp was shattered seeing him so, his happy go son has now lost interest in everything. He is becoming a living corpse. How can he see his son like this!
They reached MM in a while.
Laksh directly went to his room. Nowadays whenever he is home, he spent his time in his room alone.
He sits in his bed and stares blankly.
Later at night, Adarsh called him for dinner. He had his food silently and went to his room, leaving his family in tears.
Laksh was lying on his bed when Ap came to his room. He immediately closed his eyes.
Ap looked at him painfully. She came to him and caressed his head.
Laksh fisted his hands. But he was feeling comfort by his mother’s love filled touch. It was calming him.
But his heart yelled that he doesn’t deserve this. It pained him.
Ap: Laksh, I miss you so much, I… I can’t see you like this… Please.. I need my son back.
She cries.
Ap kissed his forhead, her tear fell on his face. Laksh tightened his fist.
His mother is crying because of him!!
This is paining.
When he was sure that his mother left the room, Laksh sat on the bed.
Lak: I am sorry Ma, you cried because of me…. I know Ma, you want me back, but Ma, I don’t have any rights. I lost my rights to be happy, to smile, to enjoy. I lost it Ma. I….
He cries again.
Lak: I don’t want to live anymore, I don’t have any right to. But I know I don’t have any rights to take away your son from you. That’s why I am still alive. But I can never be the one I was. I am sorry.
He cries himself to sleep.
**********
Next day:
At college, garden bench.
Ragini and Mauhaan was happy seeing Sanskar back.
Ragini hugs Sanskar in happiness.
Mauli gets worried seeing this.
Mau: (mind) Why is she hugging him suddenly, does she… Shut up Mauli, it’s nothing, she missed him. She did the same when Ishaan was absent. Yes, it’s nothing, you are thinking too much… But I am scared, what if only one of them falls for the other. I don’t want my friends to suffer. Please God, if there are going to be in love, please make the feelings mutual, other wise don’t.
Mauli looks at her friends, she smiles seeing them happily chit chatting.
Rag: Sanky, how was the engagement?
San: Great, you know I remembered you during the function.
He winks at her. She knew some taunt was on the way.
Rag: Oh, so there was no good looking girl there right…
She said with attitude.
Ish: yes, seeing dull looking girls, it’s normal to remember you, after all, yoy are one of them.
Ishaan and Sanskar Hi-Fi!
Ragini fumes.
She tried to hit both and they started running. Ragini ran behind them, Ishaan dodged and stood beside Mauli seeing the other two running.
Sanskar was looking at her and running and he clashed with Laksh.
Both fell down.
San: Oh I am sorry, I,
Sanskar tried to help him with his fallen books, but Laksh didn’t give him any heed. He took his books and left from there without saying anything.
By then Ragini came there.
San: Who is he?
Rag: New admission, in your class.
San: Our class??
Ragini nodes and tells about the previous day.
San: Interesting….
Rag: Actually I was about to talk you regarding him. I think he would open up with you better, I mean me being a girl, he might not be comfortable.
San: You are right.
Rag: I hope he sits in our bench. If so, you sit besides him, I will sit next to you. Which means you will be between me and him.
San: OK boss.
They smile.
Later they four go to class and found Laksh sitting on their ususal bench. Four of them became happy.
Sanskar sat besides him, but laksh didn’t pay attention to it. He was still staring at blank space.
Laksh’s brain and heart were dwelling.
Brain was asking him to move on whereas heart yells that he has no rights.
But then his family’s miserable faces came to his mind. He knew he has to do this for them.
Classes starts.
Laksh was trying to keep himself calm. But he was forcing himself too much.
Sanskar noticed this.
He drew something in his book and passed it to Laksh.
With a caption
“Every stone is important here. Take small steps, everything won’t get fine by a single day. ? “
Laksh looked at him, Sanskar smiles at him. Laksh understood what he meant and felt happy about it. He liked it and liked Sanskar.
Sanskar concentrated back to the class and Laksh tries to calm him, but without much pressure.
Class continued.
***********
Lunch break:
Sanskar turned to Laksh.
San: Hi Laksh, I am Sanskar, Sanskar Kapoor.
Laksh thought of talking to him.
Lak: Hi,
Ragsan were happy that responded back.
San: You can call me Sanky, and in return I would call you….
He thought for few seconds,
San: Yup, I would call you Lucky in return.
Laksh shivered hearing this name. His eyes were in deep pain again. He was disturbed and it was visible.
Lak: No, no, I am not Lucky.
Laksh immediately went outside the class.
Ragsan were shocked. Sanskar was feeling guilty.
He tried to go behind Laksh, but Ragini held him back.
Rag: He is very upset now, let him remain alone.
Sanskar nodes sadly, he was cursing himself for making Laksh upset.
**********
Laksh was again leaning on the tree.
He remebers someone calling him Lucky.
He closed his eyes in pain.
Lak: How can I be Lucky, when you are not with me. I am very unlucky!!
He cries and started to hit his right hand again!!
************
Hope it was fine.
Ignore mistakes please. ?