It’s a stormy weather with lightning…. It’s not only stormy at outside but a stormy day in my life too….. Today I lost him forever….. He is my daddy’s best friend…. He is my best friend too…… If a best friend means you share every secret with him then he is my best friend……. If a best friend means you can speak without fear about anything then he is my best friend…..Since the day I can speak I call him grandpa…. I have no blood relation with him but indeed we are related by heart….. Most of my weekends pass with my dad and him….. I’m the only person like to argue with him even his own children didn’t dare to speak against him….. I don’t know why but he is a special person after my dad and biological grandfather….. When I’m not well he will be there for me…. He cared about me a lot…..
Monday I visited him at hospital… The first thing that he asked….. “How are you??” He is in hospital but still worry about me…. When my mom says something against me at there, he gets angry….. So he changes the topic….. He knows I didn’t get along with my mother….He understand me well….. One week after the visit at hospital, I just heard that he passed away…All the time, he was suffering with lung cancer….when he has having lung cancer, it doesn’t mean that he is smoker….. It’s due to air pollution… The environment that he had worked…. He was worked as sprayers in gardens…..During those time, they didn’t have proper steps of vigilant…..
He leaves me forever…. He always cared me like his own grandchild….. He doesn’t like someone speak ill about me even me too………He so cares about me till the last moment of him…I feel helpless, I got to know he is in the last stage…… there is nothing that I can help me….. the only thing that I can do is pray for him….. But today he is no more….. And I didn’t know that he was suffering inside….. I still remember once he had told me…….
Me: Why you never care if someone die and still can jokes around???
Grandpa: No matter what, you still can’t change the situation right….you never can get person back alive with your tears…… why you want cry for it….
Me: Still…. Didn’t you feel bad and sad if your beloved die???
Grandpa: Who said I never feel bad or sad….. It’s just those we as human need to leave this world one day… Today might their turn but soon must be our turn…. No one knows the day before the day just filled your duty and responsibilities……
Me: Still…. You didn’t answer my question?
Grandpa: Which question?
Me: You didn’t answer why should you jokes around?
Grandpa: It’s because everyone have different way to express their feeling…. Today you might didn’t get what I mean but someday you will find out….. Even I don’t want you go through it but it’s a compulsory thing that everyone need go through it…..
Daddy: What you both speaking about?? I just leave for while you both look like having long secret conversation without me….
Grandpa: Yes it’s secret between us……. Right, dear?
Me: “Yessss….” With a big smile…. “It’s a granddaughter and grandpa secret….
Daddy: Even you won’t tell you daddy??? With a pout and puppy face….
Me: No….. hahahaha…..
Then grandpa and I give high five to each other…..
End of fb*
I still remember the conversation between us….. I understand what you mean today….. Today I was standing beside your corpse but there are no single tears from my eyes…… I don’t know why….. I just cried when seeing your children pain but the tears not because of your death…. It’s not that I didn’t have emotions….. It’s just that I prefer to accept the truth that you are no more like what you did before… And I strongly believe that even you do no longer exist in this world but I know you will watch me from somewhere….. I know you won’t like to see me cry……. You like me to smile and make fun around most of time as we did before you die…… I promise I will remain as we were before you leave me…… After all it’s a grandpa and granddaughter promise…
Sometimes it’s not about blood relation…..
Sometimes we are just connected through heart…..
Sometimes it’s better to leave than remain in this world with pain….
Sometimes the people who seems doesn’t care but still care and worry a lot but it’s just they never show…..
Sometimes stranger became more important than the one related…..
The one related seem least important……
At the end of day, it does just all about how you want see the thing……
It does about in which perception you want see the thing…….
~ a small last tribute to my late grandpa aka my best friend (1957-2016)….. May his soul rest in peace……