imlie
Ehsaas – our moments
“Why does it concern you, let it be the way it is…” not wanting to leave the comfortable seating position I had whined. “a 7-watt bulb is not going to cost us a lot.”
“well, think about cities wanting just an hour of electricity to charge their phones and water supply.” why do your words have to make sense every time.
“Alright let’s just wait for five minutes I am sure, the power will be gone again… this is such a comfortable position, I don’t want to leave it.” I was even breathing with caution so every inch of the coziness remain undisturbed for the time being.
“I myself had switched it off but …” your helpless voice made me smile, at times I wondered what it was that irritated you but just in eight months it is hard to know everything about each other, isn’t it.
I didn’t remember a single occasion when I had loved one such windy and hot afternoon but our first summer together made me realize it too could be something I would wait for every Monday after the Sunday was well spent.
There was nothing special in this after lunch venture of Saturday and Sundays where we often sat together for one or two episodes of a series one of us enjoyed long back and at some point wished to watch it back with the other… well, I had always wished to watch a few movies and shows with you and with the enthusiasm you search for some of your favorite movies and shows when we sit together, it seems even if you didn’t have one such wish like mine, you loved sharing a time that was yours with me.
“are you going to switch it off or not?” you reminded me that the five minutes were done and the characters on the screen were into a scene you were clueless about.
I wish I could tell you how badly I had prayed for the power to cut at this very moment and when it did, shocking you and making me smile, I had squinched my eyes thinking I should have asked for something else when Ma Saraswati was right there on my tongue when I made the wish.
“There is something with you and your gods, how come they listen to you when you make one such strange wish?” like always you were surprised, probably a little upset when the television screen went blank along with the bright 7-watt bulb leaving us alone with the now stormy fan inches away from our seating area.
“I don’t make wishes on a regular basis maybe that is why they think, let this silly wish of her to have competed.” don’t know why my wits were always high around you. I wanted us to smile more often sometimes to the level it cringed me.
“last night you wished for a spare bottle of wine to be in the cupboard, it was… a few days ago you wished I don’t miss the flight despite I was running late, I didn’t … once you wished our Imlie plant to revive, it did…those were not all silly wishes.” You sounded surprised when you counted them all; you were keeping a record of those silly wishes and something touched my insides. aah, the dopamine asked serotonin to accompany it making my stomach do a dance of its own.
“Is there some connection with God?” I could hear the tease in your voice.
“but Wishes are not always fulfilled …” I trailed off recalling a few of those cruel nights after losing people who I have no idea could leave me all of a sudden and who were the remainder I could never be showing all of me to you in a silly fear of losing you after having all of you and after sharing all of me.
“you overthink a lot…” you had quipped and I had felt your arm making a motion under me.
“No, please don’t move… this is such a comfortable position, please don’t move…I don’t want to lose it.” I had nearly cried when you had tried to move.
“you would be more comfortable.” you wanted to make your point with your other arm sprawled on the handrest of the sofa moving towards me.
“Naah, please…” I didn’t want to lose the way we were curled up against each other in front of the tv screen in a comfortable peace and symphony.
It was funny I would always be the one back home to grab my favorite chair and sit in my corner away from everyone, how a simple touch of my brother’s elbow was all that it took to make me lose my tempo with the movie or tv show but here we would start with a good distance and I would end up having your chest as my awkward headrest in a few minutes, in-process letting you lie down beside me and the girl who would always lecture everyone to sit straight have no qualms regarding her craned and angled neck trying to keep her tempo intact with the movie.
Your warm body oozing out strange belongingness around my ears, my arms, my back, and disappearing somewhere around my waist was something that felt home more than the already watched movie.
Whenever you spoke your breath touched a side of my temples, sometimes your arms circling all the way from one side to another played with mine unknowingly and took me to a place I often wished not to end ever.
“I can tell you what happened next…” I teased you in an attempt to annoy you just like I used to do a few years ago to my siblings when the power didn’t come back and it was another reminder of how I wanted us to be all that I could never be with you, starting with these childish acts, I seriously needed you to stop my advances towards a side you wanted to guard as a MAN.
“you don’t know what can happen next…” why my humor could not be enough for us and you have to make me feel things I wanted to avoid just because I would lose my comfortable seating position.
“you got saved Boy… but I must tell you the end is so boring” did I ever accept lagging behind…No. even knowing you were just a move away to make me feel so many things I had to boast about how miserably I made a deal, just not to lose this comfort.
“was there a job option so we could always lay down on this sofa in afternoons…” another of my silly questions that made you laugh softly.
“We can always lay down at night, every kind of job gives us that freedom.” your fingers had held mine and now you were moving my ring, and I noticed my head was snuggled better around your neck. Without letting me know you have also found a comfortable plan for us.
“No, I love these noons, this slightly dark lounge, the noise of heatwaves outside our window, and You and I.” gone were the days I used to cringe when I went all John Keats or Tagore with you, it didn’t happen with anyone else, perhaps you were the muse I was waiting for to go poetic around.
“I like how our Rajnigandha’s faint fragrance touches us when we sit here.” and like always you kept a side of you to yourself, there was a vulnerability you dint want to show and I didn’t want to touch so I let you play with my ring.
“The bulbs took so long to flower, but they made the wait worth it …” I recalled how you wanted them for this side of our balcony, well you literally insisted. At that time I was confused about whether Rajnigandhas’ inflorescences were something that took you to someone but after the first morning I woke up to a fragrant house, I knew I will always be the one in this relationship with a set of fears and you would let them go just like that.
“The wait is always worth it,” you said the words but untangled our fingers, did I hear a sigh in your words.
But just like I said earlier you ended my apprehensions, your arms made me angle towards you and my happily surprised eyes met yours, I was gearing up to hear something from you and here I saw something else in your eyes.
“I love you.” how I wish I could tell you the magic these three words hold and even so when there was no condition, when it was not in the heat of our euphoric aftermath, or when you were not trying to be my man. aah! sometimes you made me feel your woman with those three words under my ears.
I wanted to reply to you back but then your lips touched the corner of one of my eyes simultaneously making me lose my comfortable position and claiming my lips.
A soft kiss that would want nothing else but assuring our relativities would align soon, your vulnerabilities would fade soon, my humor would accept its failure soon and another windy weekend would be back soon.
you had made my cheeks press your chest, and we were off to our nap but I knew your eyes were staring at something in the speedy revolutions of the fan.
“please God…” I mumbled sleepily.
“let the power not come till I wake up…” you completed another of my silly wishes with a smile and I felt your head resting around mine.
even If my humor failed, perhaps the silly wishes as you named them played the mists when I felt you fade away in a dessert you guarded in your memories.
In one of the last notions before our nap, I pulled the sheet covering our feet upwards with sleepy hands and you covered us, taking me to another of my happy places I so wanted never to end.
“A place is left behind, or you walk ahead, it doesn’t start or end …” The science in me argued as I dozed off.
*******
“Is there something special with this pot, beta?” my mother asked me as I watered a pot devoid of any plant, and in response, I stared at her trying to understand her question “I mean…I cant see a plant there.” she clarified.
“oh, you meant that… well, Rajnigandha’s bulbs are about to make a comeback this year.” I had explained to her wishing somewhere in my heart you would also be back, just before the temperature rode the scales and windows cried to be closed in the daytime.
*******
Love is the strangest complexity, one could simplify it easily and then get tangled in its loops. how I wished to not add the last paragraph but it just didn’t get backspaced.
What did you feel about it, Would wait to hear back from you.
Love all Morusya.