Hi lovely people, how are you all, I miss all of you and I’m so sorry for the so long absence. For those who didn’t know, I’m still recovering from a surgery keeping me forbidden from walking for 4 months and unfortunately my therapy is making me always tired which keep me away from my laptop.
Thanks again for your support and please be patient for my other stories… I don’t know when I’ll be able to write again.
Ok, sorry for long speech… let’ss move inside the story now! I feel like I lost my ability of writing, tell me how you find this update 🙂
***FLASHBACK***
– Excuse me!!!
Swara throws her hair back turning back, her huge black eyes shooting lightening in anger contrasting with the cuteness of her small innocent face covered with water drops.
Her expression turns angrier seeing the guy who was standing there, his back to the tree and a leg across the other, his eyes hidden by Ray ban shades and a hand in his pocket while the other is still playing with a stone throwing it up in the air and catching it back.
– How dare you?…
She points a finger out yelling aloud as he doesn’t react:
– I’m talking to you, are you deaf !?… how old are you, five!?… hey… are you mute too?… you are…
She stops talking seeing him walking toward her taking off his glasses letting her discover a handsome face taking her breath away, something in his manner to hold her gaze coming closer made her heart beats going mad and she feels obliged to turn aside crossing her arms on her chest confused, he stops at inches from her surprisingly and keeps looking to her keenly until she looks back to him. She sees him signing with his chin asking her to talk and stammers no more finding the anger which was consuming her:
– You.. K… K… Kya? Don’t you see what have you done? Are you blind too? …
Wiping her chin from the water drops falling from it, she finds back her anger in his silence and adds disgusted:
– Ill-mannered!!!
He smirks his brows shooting up in surprise then seeing him bringing his hand up to his ear, she thinks he’s about apologizing when he touches it then his lips repeatedly nodding in no which makes her widen her eyes in shock her lips making a perfect O, she turns red crimson mumbling:
– You… are you… Oh God! You’re really deaf and mute?
Putting her hand over her mouth, she breaths hardly barely holding her tears then adds:
– I’m… I’m really sorry… oh… you can’t hear me…
Holding her both ears, she shakes her head asking again:
– SO-R-RY… please… please… mudje maaf…
Suddenly, he burst out laughing loudly a hand over his stomach failing to control himself which makes her feel just like killing him, a horrified expression covers her face registering the situation and taking off her hand from her ears she hits on his chest pushing him away shouting:
– You son of…
In her anger, she couldn’t take her balance hitting him again and slipping she’s about falling back in the lake when he grabs her arms just in time before she reaches the water’s surface…
***END OF FLASHBACK***
Sanskar’s smile was more shining than the moon itself, full, huge and reflecting on the lake’s surface its glow turning the so awaited moment magical.
Swara didn’t stop talking since her wakening, her lessons, her physical therapy, her sport sessions, the books she read, the drawings she made, the dishes she liked… all small details of what she’s doing since they’re separated.
– Hey ho? San-a-skar? Are you lis-t-ening to me?
Sanskar blinks suddenly surprised seeing her waving her hand in front of his face, she’s right, he’s of course listening but absentmindedly, his thoughts have roamed far away from the present, to that first meet with her in what seems another life.
She can’t imagine how seeing her like this could fill his heart with solace, those long months of her lifeless stature was like agony for him… he smiles to her tenderly as she orders some hair strands on his forehead. A simple touch she’s used to do just like he does when he combs her hair, but here, tonight, it was different… even her, she’s different!
He shakes his head clearing his thoughts and asks her on a serious tone:
– Of course I’m listening but I’m waiting for what I don’t know… I’m so proud of your huge progress princess, but I was sure that you’ll do it, you’re an exceptional person and when you look back from where you started, you should also be proud of yourself, it needs a huge force and courage.
She lies down on grass putting her head on his knee and looks to the sky keeping silent for a long moment. She’s feeling so good, here at this instant, it just feels like she’s home.
Why couldn’t she feel that with her family? Why can’t she feel reassured with them? She knows that he’s waiting her to talk about them and she simply doesn’t have words about them… it’s something she’s unable to describe with words, maybe it’s because she’s still not cured yet…will she ever be cured? She could see in her “other” doctors’ eyes their lack of confidence as much as hope is filling Ragini’s eyes.
Ragini, she’s her sister who is so caring and kind, she was the only one understanding her silence since weeks after her arrival, she kept telling her how much she missed her and how would she like to change things making her meet her doctor again, because he was the one able to really help her.
– Princess?
She blinks surprised by Sanskar’s voice the bubble of memories dispersing around her. She looks to him for a moment then frowns the unwelcomed image of her dream irrupting in her mind from nowhere, she turns up away lake’s surface gathering herself in a ball confusing him.
He puts a hand on her head caressing her hair tenderly asking:
– Kya hua, Swara?… what’s disturbing you?
She keeps silence for long minutes again, the soothing caress of his fingers in her hair calming her alerted senses, she thinks about her life since she’s back in that house they’re calling “home”, her father, her Dadi, Ragini and Laksh… they’re all doing their best to make her feel safe and loved, awkwardly sometimes but yet, she’s even feeling bad for not be able to communicate with them. She’s unable to know what’s family about but from the books she read and Sanskar’s explanation, it’s not what they incarnate for her…
– I… feel… gu… guilty, Sanskar!
She finally speaks surprising him, he stops caressing her hair frowning displeased, she’s stammering again. She’s feeling insecure and it aches his heart.
– Guilty for what, princess?
Taking his hand from her head, she hugs it tightly against her chest and replies finally:
– They’re a… all so kind… so caring… I… I… I rea-lly feel them… loving me…
– But?
– B… but, I j… just ca-n-t… I d… don’t, I don’t have words!
– It’s ok, it happens to all of us, feelings aren’t simple to express in words.
She doesn’t reply, tears fill her beautiful eyes and she just hugs his arm tighter. He knows that she’s feeling like if she failed in some test and she hates failing. She’s in need to exteriorize her feelings but they’re too much for her yet young brain. A year back, she was just at foetal age mentally!
– Let’s try something, ok?
she hesitates for a moment but finishes by agreeing with a nod, he asks her then:
– Tell me about the things you love!
She sits up abruptly freeing his hand, her back to him he smiles seeing her looking to her hands, she starts enumerating on them:
– Chocolate, golgape, ice cream, Jo’s hot chocolate, Maria’s Christmas cookies, the little prince story, Shah Rukh Khan’s movies, red roses, ice’s smell, your smile when I’m a good girl… aree!!!
She looks back to him angrily complaining:
– Hey, I don’t have enough fingers!
To her cute exasperated innocent pout, he can’t help but laugh heartedly making her open her eyes even wider in anger, she turns her back to him folding her arms childishly and he just slides nearer to her saying:
– Sorry, I’m not mocking you princess… you don’t have to keep a number for the things you love, you know? You can count them to the infinity…
– Nahi… and I’ll take back your cute smile from the list!
He shakes his head smiling and says holding his ears:
– Ok sorry, never again…
She fakes keeping angry at him but his next question makes her forget about it:
– What if you could count more? Would your family appear on your list… or not?
She unfolds her arms absentmindedly, her thoughts roaming aver the few memories filling her mind about them since she’s in contact with them.
Actually, her first impression would have been hate, she was feeling about them just like she feels about the bitter taste of her pills and the hurt of her injections!
But gradually, and surely with the help of her Sanskar’s secret instructions via their telephonic conversations, she started giving them space for interacting with her, reacting to their care with a small smile, accepting their closeness awkwardly. She recalls the first time her father took her in his arms, it was when she thanked him for a gift he brought her, saying Baba. He cried so much keeping her close to him and she couldn’t understand why was he in pain, but felt bad for it, she didn’t want to give him that pain…
She remembers Ragini’s endless tears staying with her all the time, during her lessons and reeducation therapy séances, she couldn’t understand why she’s crying and found it so weird when she told her that it was happy tears because she’s happy to see back. How can tears express happiness? It’s still confusing for her, the tears she knows are from pain…
Whatever it is, it makes her feel sad for her sister every time… no she doesn’t want to make them feel sad about her, they all say they love her so much and keeping them out of the list of things she love would make them feel sad…
– Ha… I thing so… they all say that they love me, they would surely feel so sad if I don’t feel the same for them and I don’t like making them feel sad… I want them to feel happy!
– But?
Sanskar question gives her more confusion. She stands up walking toward the lake’s board lost in her thought. He follows her staying in her back, he wants her to explore her own feeling without any external orientation… she can’t recover without going back to that somber moment of her life!
– Their eyes…
It was a whisper, like a thought just escaping her lips in a breath, he makes a step closes asking:
– Their eyes?
– There is something in their eyes…
Her gaze roam over the water’s surface as she tries to put words over what her heart feels
– something… some… it’s like if their eyes are saying something but they don’t want to say it… like if they keep something in their hearts, something they don’t want me to know… a secret!
She pauses for a moment recalling all the moments she spent with them till now, she recalls their gaze toward each other, her father and her Dadi… Ragini and Laksh…
– haa Sanskar… a secret! I feel them keeping some secret from me and this secret is making them look more scared from than I am from them!
Sanskar is about asking her what makes her scared from them when she turns toward him abruptly looking straight in his eyes and asking so close to hom that her breaths brush over his face:
– just like you… you also are keeping a secret from me!
Lost in her huge beautiful enquiring eyes, he plunges in his memories to their first meet here itself in some similar circumstance…
***FLASHBACK***
Swara’s tightly closed eyes open slowly her heart beat race going mad in her fear of falling in the lake and the moment after she forgets about breathing.
From this closeness, she could admire the features of this perfect face, a strange mixture between a childish cuteness and a man’s hotness, his eyes standing her gaze behind the silky strands of hair brushing his forehead, his some days beard and those perfect parted lips blowing his breaths over her face…
– so filmy, na!?
She frowns blinking to break his charm, she’s still there falling back her feat touching ground and her stature firmly sustained in his arms… she struggles to free herself pushing him away with all her forces, he just doesn’t make a move!
– Let go of me!!!
Rising his brows his smile stretching wider, he doesn’t seem listening to her or even be affected by her attempts of stepping away from his hold!
– I said let go me! Are you mad!?
– Won’t you say thank you? I just saved you, you know?
– I didn’t ask your help! I would prefer to finish in the lake instead of being…
She’s silenced by his finger over her lips startling her, he didn’t break the eye contact even for once and it was destabilizing… he’s creating in her some weird sensations she never experienced before and it was both confusing and irking her!
– The lake behind you is very deep and dangerous and its boards are slippy! It’s said that the safe distance is from where its waters doesn’t reach you if you throw a stone in it!
Making three steps back with her still in his arms, he finally straights her up keeping his hands over her arms while making a fourth step putting distance between them.
Not waiting for her reaction, he finally frees her walking away letting her stunned in plays, when he reaches the tree where he was standing the first time she saw him, he stops a moment saying:
– And by the way… you’re welcome!
*** END OF FLASHBACK ***
Sanskar comes out of his thoughts startled at the sound of her fingers snap in front of him. He shakes his face forcing a smile over his lips and turns away closing his eyes… all of sudden he feels overwhelmed, for the first time since he’s back in her life again, the past seems too heavy to hold over his shoulders again, he feels her coming and turns away again crashing a single tear escaping his lashes under his thumb’s tip. He slaps himself in his mind for weakening now… just so close to his aim! Swara’s voice in his back startles him:
– What are you hiding from me, Sanskar?