PART-15
Swara opens the cupboard and notices the clothes arranged in it. Sanskar comes from behind and hugs her. Swara looks at him. ‘Do you like it?’ Sanskar whispers in Swara’s ear. Swara turns towards him and pushes him away from her. ‘So you were teasing me till now. What’s the need to over act? I don’t want to talk with you’, said Swara. He again comes closer to her and says, ‘I didn’t answer you yesterday, only to surprise you today.’
‘Surprise, really! Do you have any idea how much your silence killed me? Huh? With whom I am talking? It’s a waste of my time, and one more thing you would have bought new clothes only for you. What’s the need to buy new ones for me! I don’t want to wear casual outfits now. Swara Bose used to wear them. Now she is non-existent. So ask them, who arranged this cupboard to take those outfits out and empty the cupboard, I need to arrange my stuff there. SwaraMaheswari wears sarees only and I am very much comfortable with my sarees’, say Swara and heads to leave.
Sanskar holds her hand n drags her close, puts his hands around her waist.
He says loud:
No one in this world should get a husband like Sanskar. He never ever has time for his wife. I wish my daughter shouldn’t get a husband like him…… what am I writing? Swara….. Sanskar is such a good husband, you are the most luckiest person in the world and I am praying my daughter shouldn’t get a husband like him…..it is true- people tend to say most negative things out of anger…. Sanskar is busy; instead of supporting him I am becoming head ache. Now enough is enough Swara. Wipe your tears and you have take decision on your own.
My family is everything for me. I can’t go against them. They always loved me, cared for my feelings. I shouldn’t hurt them more. I will fulfill their wishes. May be to satisfy our loved ones and make them happy, we should sacrifice what we love………………
Whatever I am a House-wife, will remain the same forever………
Sanskar looked at Swara.
‘These lines………..’
‘Yes these lines are written by you in your dairy’, replies Sanskar.
****Flashback*****
When Sanskar comes from Office he doesn’t find Swara with ladies, he goes to the room, sees her sleeping on ground, and lifts her in his arms and makes her sleep on the bed.( I narrated this already in part-8, to make you people recollect it narrated it again)
While leaving, Sanskar steps on Swara’s dairy. He then realizes it as Swara’s dairy, switches off the lights and goes to Study room. He reads it. Tears roll out of Sanskar’s eyes. ‘You are suffering a lot, Swara. Your smile is withering away. Yes, now enough is enough.’ He then goes to meet Adharsh and asks him to go US on his behalf. ‘I am tired bhai; I want to rest for a while. How all, we three strived hard for this project. So it doesn’t matter who goes US to look after the project’, says Sanskar to Adharsh. And then Sanskar calls Durga Prasad and explains him the real reason. Durga Prasad agrees to Sanskar…..
“We are going to Coorg Swara, I will bring back your smile for sure…….” Sanskar says to himself………
*********************
Sanskar comes out of his thoughts. Swara is still staring Sanskar expecting him to speak. She is totally clue-less of Sanskar’s response. ‘So he read my dairy, so he came to know about all my pain. What will he say now? Even after knowing my pain, he brought me here. What he is up to……..’
‘What? Are you expecting sorry from me? I am not all sorry for reading your dairy, if it is your dairy then it is my diary too and one shouldn’t apologize for reading his own dairy’, says Sanskar.
Swara smiles and says, ‘Of course, it is ours Sanskar. And I am sorry…’
Sanskar shuts Swara’s mouth with his hand and says, ‘Now that you have decided to stay as house wife, leaving all your dreams behind, it will take time for you to adjust to your decision. You will feel relaxed here and can make your mind stick to your decision. That’s why I bring you here, very much away from all the mess.’ He cups her face and continues, ‘We will stay here as long as you want to.’
He kisses her on forehead. She smiles. He lifts her in his arms and makes her sleep on bed. He switches off the lights and sleeps on the other side of the bed.
NEXT MORNING
The sunlight tried its best to lighten up the SwaSan room. It used the window which is on the right side of bed. The light is now disturbing Swara and succeeds in waking her up. She sits on the bed, rubs her eyes and yawns. She feels the warmth of the morning sun and finally opens her eyes. The first thing she noticed once she opened her eyes is a glass window opposite to their bed. The window is totally covered with mist. She steps out of the bed and lands her feet on the floor. Her feet experienced different feeling as the floor is extremely cool. She forwarded her steps towards the window. She wrote SwaSan on the window. Then draws a smiling smiley beside it. She turns her face a bit; from the corner of her eye she could see her Sanskar. Her lips extended a little. Then she goes towards the door and opens it, a passage of cool breeze swirled around her body. She opened her arms and stretched them long to allow the breeze to reach her soul. She hugged the breeze tight. She felt indifferent, fresh and happy. She said, ‘Good Morning, Coorg’
She stepped out of the room. She is welcomed into the corridor. She then noticed that the roof of the house is covered with clay tiles. She slowly walked forward towards the wooden pillar which is decorated with a creeper of yellow flowers. As she reached the pillar, she noticed the open courtyard which is at the centre of the house. The difference between the floor levels of corridor and courtyard is about 1 foot. There are steps on the four sides of the corridor to help people reach courtyard. The courtyard is filled with flower pots on all sides with little space left at its centre. Swara leaned her head to the pillar and thinks:
You read all my confusions Sanskar, you have gone through my pain…… you got to know how much I am craving to pursue my dreams…… but all you remembered is, my decision…….. You couldn’t see my sacrifice, you couldn’t see my desire, my passion… but why?? Yes, I took the decision to sacrifice my dreams…. I compromised with my dreams and my passion… for everyone’s happiness. But that mean the pain inside me ended…. It is still there…. Eating me up bit by bit……. I always wanted to share everything with you thinking you’ll understand my pain….. Yes, I agree you left everything else only for me, to see smile on my face…but… I expected something else from you…… I thought at least you will realize my effort, my sacrifice…. It’s not so easy for me, I thought you will pacify me, strengthen me and get me out of the mess…… bringing me away from Kolkata can never end my pain because MY PAIN RESIDES IN MY HEART AND YOU JUST CAN’T SEPARATE ME FROM MY HEART……
Swara looks down, she notices a butterfly rested on flower. She goes near it and the butterfly flies into the sky. She observes it. And suddenly realizes there is nothing between her and the sky…
To be continued……………
Note: Finally I completed writing this part. This part is my personal favorite. Isn’t it true? When we compromise on something which means to us the most, we need someone who is very close to us to understand how much difficult it is to compromise on our wishes, to sense the pain we are going through, he/she is the only one before whom we can fall weak and share everything. Sometimes we cry before them too. When that very person didn’t behave like we expect, it hurts us more. I don’t know how much I succeeded in narrating my point of view. I will be waiting for your comments.
PART-14: http://www.tellyupdates.com/everything-change-timea-swasan-ff-part-14/