“True Love Will Never Fade Unless It Was A Lie”
Standing against the window I looked at the snow falling outside…
The cup of coffee in my hand could not warm my heart which was crying in pain… Each second regretting for my loss…
This snow unlike every time failed to cheer my dull mood, I took a seat and rested my head backwards… Closing my eyes I sighed, everything started flashing in my mind again… Every moment spent with him was as fresh as it happened a day before…
Unknowingly my hand reached out for the heart-shaped pendant I was wearing, I clutched it tightly and a tear slipped from my eye thinking about it…about Him
Since childhood we enjoyed this snowfall together, spending our vacations in Shimla was always fun… From those busy lives in Delhi, life here was so calm, so pure and so natural…
I was soon drown in the memories of the moments spent here… Just then my eyes fell on my watch… It was 5 in the evening, I smiled sadly… In Delhi there would be such a rush in our house… After all it was his engagement today… And this is what brought me here, I couldn’t see him getting engaged to someone else, when I had dreamt for the same since years… I didn’t know what to do when only a day was left for his engagement, I just packed my bag and saying that I have a conference in Mumbai I tried to leave… As I thought it was not at all easy to convince Sanskar, he was annoyed with me because I was leaving my best friend all alone when he was going to get tied in a relationship but all thanks to my acting skills that successfully helped me to hide the turmoil, going in my little heart… I convinced him somehow stating this conference is very important for my career and I knew this was it, he will never deny when it comes to my happiness- my career… He had to bid me a bye thinking that I was going for something good but little did he know I’m running from him…
I realized my eyes were shedding tears by now and this time Sanskar is not beside me to wipe them or to say some comforting words in my ear, I’m all alone here…
I started thinking of our friendship… Sanskar and I were childhood friends, and we shared this bond because of our fathers who were best friends as well… He is exactly one month elder to me so we didn’t have any age difference between us… We shared every little thing that use to happen in our lives, we had each other’s secrets and never did we reveal them to a third person… We had a different bond may be more than friendship but I didn’t realize it till he left to UK for further studies …
A week before he had to go he called me and asked me to come to our favorite spot where we generally passed time with each other… I went to terrace of my house- yeah this is the place that connects our houses and our favorite one too…
Sanskar seemed to be different that day… Not like his usual self… I sided my thoughts and started the conversation
“You called me here Sanskar…
Batao kya hua, jane ka man nhi hai kya tumhara (in a teasing tone) ”
(Say what happened, don’t you want to go?)
And instead of teasing me back he stood quite…
No this is not the Sanskar I know, he will never stay quiet like this if I tease him ever… I recollected, that on call too he sounded different… What is the thing that is bothering him?
Sanskar turned and moved to the boundary and stood their keeping his hands on the railing
I knew he wanted to say something but why he is hesitating
I moved near to him and kept my hand on his shoulder
“Sanskar what happened? You want to say something right?
Then say na, why are you hesitating, this is not the Sanskar I know,he never hesitates in saying anything to me ”
He turned and directly looked into my eyes “Yes Swara this Sanskar is different ” he whispered
“Huh?”
“Swara I want to say something very important, I just don’t know how to say ”
I wanted to ask him what he wants to say but I waited … Waited for him to continue
I don’t know why my heart suddenly started beating so fast
He held my one hand and looked into my eyes straight
“I…I love you Swara ”
And as soon as I registered in my mind what he just said I was shocked …. I was shocked would be an understatement… I was beyond shock, I just didn’t know how to react…
He looked at my face as if trying to understand my emotions and I knew shock was evident on my face and he could easily notice that
He further continued
“I know this is not the right time to say this, but I don’t want to delay it now… I am not asking you to accept my feelings and reciprocate them… But all I want is you to know about it…I can’t hide it more, I feel that you have the full right to know this… You take your time Swara, I will wait, and whatever you would decide be it now or in future, I’ll fully understand it and support you ”
He left my hand gradually and waited for me to say something
I know he is more than a friend to me but I have not seen him in that way ever… Sanskar has all the qualities that a girl would expect from her boy and even I like him… But love
I’m not ready for this now , at least I need a little time to understand my feelings…my thoughts broke when I heard him calling my name
“Swara… I am sorry, I should not have said this all of a sudden… And I had no intention of burdening you with my feelings but I could not control it more and when I’m leaving just after a week I wanted to reveal this as soon as possible…
Sorry (he mumbled slowly)”
I looked into his eyes for dew seconds then I started
“You need not to say sorry for anything Sanskar, I don’t love someone like you but I can at least understand you…your feelings… I will not say that I don’t love you… Because I haven’t seen you with such a vision Sanskar… All I ever saw was my best friend in you… I don’t know what I feel for you right now… Of course you are more than a friend to me but I don’t think I have reached that step of love yet”
I don’t want to disappoint him and I can’t hurt him either… I further continued
“All I need is a little time Sanskar, a little time to realize what I feel, a little time to take a decision… I don’t want to do anything in haste”
“I know Swara, and you take your own time , after telling you everything I’m feeling much better, and I am happy you didn’t slap me (he smiled) I was scared that your hand will straightaway land on my cheek”
He said keeping hand on his right cheek
This boy knows how to lighten our moods very well…I returned him a smile back
“Your answer will be waiting for you once you come back ” I said …
He opened his arms a little and I immediately hugged him, even I need some comfort after hearing and saying this much…
And a short friendly hug with some light talks and we succeeded in removing that awkwardness between us…
People will not believe but this is what we two exactly are, we can not allow anything to get between our friendship even if it is love
***Now I regretted not confessing then, if I would have said it then, we would have been together now
Shortly after he went from India, I was able to realize my feelings… I missed him so much, suddenly between so many people I started feeling lonely… And soon I was in love with me, may be I was earlier too but realization struck me now
All this time we were in contact with each other, phone calls video chats connected as well and we always avoided this topic of love… We didn’t want us to feel awkward to each other…
Ten days back when Sanskar came back to India, I was very happy… Finally my wait was over, our wait was over… I wanted to confess my love for him as soon as he reached here… But I decided to do this as soon as he starts his new business… Although it was a branch of Dad’s and uncle’s company but it was going to be under Sanskar’s control fully.. This was not hidden from me that how much he wanted to start something new of his own… He always wished for this so I thought it would be better if I propose him the… Yes I was planing to propose him…
But after two-three days of coming back I noticed Sanskar was behaving quiet indifferently, may be he felt that my answer is no… But I wanted to surprise him, so I delayed confronting him…
Then suddenly uncle announced that he is getting married to Sonakshi and that hit me like a thunderbolt… I looked up at Sanskar who never found it necessary to give me a glance… It seemed like sanskar already knew this… He was so calm… He was accepting all the congratulations with a smile..a shy smile to be more clear…
And I was staring him like insaw a ghost…even worse than that… How could this not affect him? Didn’t he say that he’ll wait for my answer? He was ready to wait right? He loved me then what is this…. No I can never doubt his love…
To show others I congratulated him too, I was not ready to meet his eyes, with a fake smile I moved towards my room…
And I was just wondering what is actually happening… Suddenly everything seemed alien to me…
I recollected his words and yes he said he’ll wait for me… He loves me so what happened now?
No you can’t blame him Swara when mistake is all yours my mind reminded me… And hence, I thought that may be his love FADED with the distance between us… May be it FADED with time…
And if he is ready for this marriage and his happiness lies in this, then I can’t burden him by telling him my feelings for him, I’m satisfied with his happiness… Sonakshi is a good girl… May be she’s better than me… A successful fashion designer… Sweet and simple girl… May be we were not meant to be together… And if this is what destiny had planned for us that I won’t be an obstacle between Sanskar and his happiness… Thinking all this I took a decision that brought me here… Running away from him I’m sitting here in Shimla, in our holiday home… The only place where I could get little peace
I didn’t realize being so immersed in my thoughts that it was dark outside now… Snow had already stopped falling … I was in no mood to have dinner, my head was paining so I went to bed to sleep… However I knew this is going to be a long night…
********
I woke up by the ringing of my phone… I realized it was morning now, I slept very late last night…
After attending the call I was checking messages on my phone.. I was so drown in my sorrows that I forgot that there are other things in my life that exist too
My phone was flooded with messages from my colleagues, friends and family and Sanskar of course
I heard someone ringing the doorbell… Who could be outside?
I went to the main door and I saw Sanskar standing outside from the nearby window, he was supposed to be in Delhi? Then what is he doing here? He had his own engagement to attend last evening and today he is here… Is there some problem in Delhi… I last talked to mom yesterday evening and she said everything is well there.. But now?
Above that what am I going to answer him now? According to them I am supposed to be in Mumbai attending my conference.. And the worst part I can not lie much to Sanskar… He can easily catch my lies.. Don’t know how he missed it when I told him about going to Mumbai
My chain of thoughts broke when I heard the sound of door bell again… I gained courage and opened the door somehow…
I was ready to see a shocked Sanskar
Sanskar looked at me then smiled to my utter amazement… I tried to fake a smile back… My eyes scanned his ring finger, hoping to find it empty but to my disappointment he had a ring there… I closed my eyes seeing this but no I can’t show him that I’m unhappy…
“Sanskar tum yahan?”
I asked even after knowing that very well that he will also shoot the same question back
“Yes, I came too see you, since you ran away from my engagement ”
He said with a frown
“Ran… Nhi nhi I…I… Yes I came to visit one of my friend here, han i came to see her she is getting married today”
I fumbled with words, and cooked up this story which a nursery kid can also tag false…
“Oh really? You came here to attend your friend’s marriage on stake of my engagement? So others are more important to you”
He said with a hurt expression
I immediately regretted saying such a bad excuse… You can’t hurt your Sanskar Swara…
“Woh… You would be tired Sanskar, come in first… We’ll talk later, I’ll bring coffee for you…”
******
Sanskar and me were sitting on a couch, I was busy thinking what to talk further… Today suddenly I’m out of words… He seemed annoyed and why would someone be happy if your friend left your engagement to attend someone else’s…
I somehow managed to say lie after a lie… And he was partly convinced… Or he seemed to be convinced even if he was not…
“You’re not happy for your friend’s wedding Swara?”
His voice brought me back to earth
“I’m happy, very happy Sanskar for your wedding ”
I said with a low voice, I can’t fake enthusiasm anymore
“I’m talking about your friend swara”
“My friend…oh..yes I’m happy” I said
“You don’t look much happy… Everything is okay right?”
“Ye..yes everything is okay”
I faked a smile and started moving towards room
Suddenly I felt him holding my hand, I turned and realized he was very near to me… I looked into his eyes… And everything else faded… Again these brown eyes captivated me
“I need your help Swara ”
He said slowly looking straight into my eyes, I saw the same feelings in his eyes today which I saw when he said I love you to me
“Hmmm”
“The girl I love has lost her smile somewhere”
I didn’t give any reply, So he loves her now, I felt my heart pain
“Oh” I said after few moments
“You know where it is”
“No”
I whispered, and tried to remove his hand from my hand
“I..I need to go to…to washroom Sanskar ”
I avoided eye contact
“No you can’t go unless you help me out”
“What you want me to do?”
I whispered slowly , while I turned my face to hide that tear which just escaped my eye and wiped it with my free hand
“I want you to smile”
He said with a small smile
“Huh?”
“I know you’re not going to share your problem with me, but I can’t see you like this… Your smile is very beautiful Swara, don’t lose it for anything please ”
I nodded and pulled my hand back, as his grip was not tight anymore
I ran from there, I couldn’t control my tears anymore which were threatening to fall…
He said the girl he loves but he is getting married to someone else then how can he love me… No he meant friendly love Swara… Don’t live in fake hopes… You have to be strong… His love for you faded in these years…now He is only and only your friend…
After half an hour I came out to find Sanskar sitting and doing something on phone
“Swara” he called
I
looked towards him
“Your friend… Lisa right? When will you go to her?”
“ummm I..I..will leave after an hour”
“Oh so I’ll also come with you,after all she is my friend too”
“You? How… I mean how can you?”I again fumbled… God what will I do now
“Why can’t I come? I’m sure she’ll not kick me out” he chuckled
I nodded…
******
We were standing outside a church where Lisa’s marriage was supposed to happen
In my casual clothes obviously as I didn’t know about this marriage earlier… I sighed… I’m not scared that he will get angry with me now but I’m scared that he’ll get hurt…
I never lied to him till now but today I crossed all the limits…I don’t know what will happen now?
“I can’t see any wedding preparations here swara”
“umm… Woh…let’s get in first ”
And leaving him behind I ran inside, praying to get some excuse…
Once I was in, I was sure there is no escape now…
I was trying hard to prevent my tears from falling…
“Swara” I heard him call
“Sanskar woh”
“Stop it right there Swara, enough of your lies..” his angry voice made me shiver…he never looked so hurt and angry like this before
Tears started flowing from my eyes…
“I’m sorry… There is no marriage here… Sanskar ”
“I knew that from the very beginning” he said trying to stay calm
“But I want to know why…?”
“I can’t..I just can’t tell you” I whispered
And I let the tears fall freely from my eyes…
How can I tell him that I love him when he is already engaged with someone else he just came here to take me back to Delhi.. I can’t tell him my feelings when I know he’ll simply call off his marriage with sonakshi for me…
If he had agreed to marry her, he might have started loving her
I heard him calling my name
“Swara”
I wiped my tears and turned back
“You really don’t want to tell me any thing?
You said you’re going to Mumbai for a conference, I never objected for your own good…
When I called your colleague because I was not able to contact u, I got to know there is no such meeting in Mumbai… I realized you lied to me, still I didn’t say anything… I wondered where you are and then I came here on the basis of a mere hope and belief to find you here in our holiday home where we have created numerous memories together… Reaching here I got to know that my best friend left my engagement to attend her other friend’s wedding, I asked myself that since when others became more important than me to you… But that feeling lasted for a very brief moment because my heart knew that you’re hiding something very big and that is troubling you a lot… I knew you’re cooking up stories but you forgot that I know you inside out Swara… I can easily catch your lies… I waited… Waited for you to trust me enough to reveal everything by yourself but alas I think I lost that trust, your trust on me FADED over the years… Don’t think I’m angry with you Swara, no I’m not at all angry, I’m just disappointed with myself as I allowed you to go away from me to this extent…”
I stood mum, how much had I hurt Sanskar with my actions… He thinks that I don’t trust him…I will prefer dying rather than distrusting him… I trust him more than I trust in the existence of almighty… Sun can rise in west but Swara’s trust in Sanskar will never fade
I realized, I was again drown in my thoughts that I missed to hear what Sanskar was saying
He was probably asking a sorry but why
He came forward and wiped my tears with his thumb… The moment his thumb touched my cheek I felt as if all my sorrows are fading away… He wiped my tears gently as a result more tears escaped from my eyes…
“Stop crying Swara..pls ” he pleaded
He gently tugged a strand of hair behind my ear
I tried not to cry atleast for the sake of his words
“You remember I told you that I’ll wait for your answer”
I instantly raised my eyes to look into his eyes
“I was waiting for your answer, each day I waited to hear a yes from you Swara, distanced failed to fade my love for you…but you never answered not even today you’re ready to confess that you love me… My ears are yearning to hear those three words from your mouth… But it seems like I have to long for your confession till I breath for the last…”
I immediately kept my hand on his mouth to stop him from saying further…how can he say like that… I was already in tears hearing that he loves me and he even knows that I love him but when he said the last sentence I shivered… I can’t ever allow him to say anything like that
“What are you saying Sanskar?
How dare you talk about your… Your…. ”
I couldn’t complete the sentence… I hugged him tightly as my life depends on him… It really does
I broke into sobs once again…
“I…I had hurt you a lot Sanskar… I’m sorry.. I..I don’t deserve this endearment Sanskar… I just don’t… ”
“Stop crying Swara you haven’t done anything wrong, it’s.. Its just that we both didn’t talk to each other regarding this”
“No Sanskar… I..I believed that you are ready to marry someone else…I thought that your love for me has faded… Being a fool I didn’t share my feelings with you…”
He broke the hug and wiped my tears again…
“I messed everything Sanskar… Everything ”
“ Everything is alright Swara… Stop crying please ”
I moved a little away from him
“ Nothing is right Sanskar…you’re now Sonakshi’s fiancée, and just because of me you and Sonakshi both will have to suffer in future ”
He held my hands and pulled me a little close to him making me look into his eyes again
“Swara…Listen ”
He whispered softly… But it was audible enough
“I am only yours Swara…Sanskar is only for Swara…
Suna tumne Sanskar sirf Swara ke liye hai”
I felt as if my heart got a ray of hope suddenly hearing his words but next moment I was puzzled realizing that he is only mine… Then what about that engagement ring
“I know you’re confused.. I’ll explain everything once we get back home ”
He said looking around the church
I nodded in answer as soon as he moved past me to exit the church I held his hand and asked him to pray before leaving like this
******
We were seated in front of each other in the living room of our holiday home
I was patiently listening to his words, by each passing moment I realized what could have happened if Sonakshi and Dev didn’t love each other
Sanskar told he was very much disturbed by his decision to marry Sonakshi… He felt he’s doing injustice to her as he could never give my place to anyone… After a lot of thinking he found himself not strong enough to cheat someone so he decided to talk to his parents but before that he needed to meet Sonakshi too
And thankfully Sonakshi Was staying in my house which is adjacent to Sanskar’s
Sanskar further continued
“When somehow hiding from everyone I reached there, Swara, I saw that she was talking to someone else, I could hear her crying… I tried not to open the ajar door but listening to her cries, I became worried and I entered the room… To my shock Dev was present there… He was trying to console her and he was also having tears in his eyes…”
I looked at him shocked, Sanskar told that Sonakshi and Dev both loved each other… They were soon going to tell this to everyone but before that Sanskar’s Dad and her father already fixed their alliance…
They could not protest against their parents being the dutiful children…
Then Sanskar told about his love to them too and like this they three convinced the family… No scratch that…it was not needed to convince them…because all our elders wanted was happiness of their children… And they even scolded them for hiding such a big thing from them because this could have led to worse consequences…
I smiled at him when he completed the entire story…but I was still guilty this all just happened because of me…
“Sanskar…you’re not angry with me? ” I questioned
“No…I’m not…and why am I supposed to be angry with you Swara? I already told you this is not your mistake ”
I gave him a small smile
“No Sanskar… Truth is I was responsible for this…”
He interrupted me
“It happened because it had to happen… Now everything is clear… They both are together and we are also together… Oh wait we are together na”
He raised his eyebrow in question
I entangled my one arm with his and I leaned over his shoulder…
“If this time we will not be able to stay together then I don’t think I’ll be able to stay in this world too”
He looked at me and then he slowly brought his other hand near my face and moved the strands of hair falling on my face… I closed my eyes and allowed myself to melt in his arms… I could feel a warm touch on my forehead and soon I realized his lips just brushed my forehead for a millisecond…
I could feel him encircling his arm around me…
I don’t know till how long we stayed like that… The only sound one could hear was the throbbing of our hearts… Sometimes you don’t need words to convey your feelings… All you need is a comfortable silence with the right person…
*****
I opened my eyes to find myself snuggled in Sanskar’s arms… He was peacefully sleeping with his one arm around my back and other one still entangled with mine… I wonder his arm would be hurting by now…
I slowly tried to detach myself but his grip was really strong…
My heart could not permit me to disturb his sleep… I didn’t realize that I was staring him until I found those brown captivating eyes staring me back…
Unknowingly my hands moved to ruffle those already messed hair…
He gave me a glare trying to stop me from messing his hair but it seemed like an invitation to do that more…I know even he liked it…
He held my hand and I could see that charming face coming close to my face… My heart started beating faster, I felt heat rushing up to my cheeks…
I pulled my hand and ran ahead but before I could actually escape I felt myself pinned against the wall near me
Sanskar moved his face closer and whispered in my ear
“How will you escape now? You’re caught”
“Who wants to escape Sanskar…I can happily stay like this forever”
I whispered back
He again looked into my eyes and yet again those brown orbs bewitched me…
I could feel his hot breath on my face…
His lips were very near to mine and I could no more keep my eyes open
He again whispered “May I”?
In that subconscious mind all I could do was to place my lips on his…
And soon we were involved in our first kiss…. First kiss to celebrate our love… I could feel butterflies in my stomach… This feeling was ecstatic… I let my hands move round his neck while his hands were already holding me from my waist…
After few minutes we broke the kiss… We both were breathing heavily and I could not meet his eyes… I felt too shy to react…
Few hours back I was shedding tears on the loss of my love but now I am standing so close to him and we just shared our first kiss… Imagining him with someone else stabbed my heart a thousand times… I soon felt a drop of tear rolling down my cheek. .
Sanskar gently wiped that tear off my face and caressed my face… Resting his forehead against mine he said directly looking into my eyes
“We are together now Swara…and nothing can separate us
Don’t let these precious pearls get wasted ”
I smiled and nodded
“I love you Swara, I’ll love you till my last breath ”
And I can never get enough of hearing this sentence, it can give life to my heart at any moment
“I love you too Sanskar, and I’ll love you forever and ever ”
Our lips again met…this kiss was to seal our promise to be with each other till eternity
And the moment ceased there…
“ Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence.” —Vincent Van Gogh.
The End…
******
Thank you for reading… And I’m really sorry if it was not worth reading…!!
On 31st August I completed 1 year as a writer and registered member on Telly Updates…
I never thought I could write something until I came to know about Swasan and telly updates…
Now when I go back and see my initial works I wonder how you people tolerated me… But thank you so much for showering your love on those petty tales I wrote…
This One Shot is dedicated to that every reader who stopped by my story and gave his/her precious time in reading it…
Thank you for bearing me and I wish you people will like this OS too… Please share your views they mean a lot…