Part 5:
Chandni at seeing him again here hugged back Naani tightly as if trying to shelter herself from him, Advay could visibly see the shadows of fear in her eyes which made him wince and he felt disgusted with himself. Naani could also understand her fears and to assure Chandni that she is safe now Naani tightened her embrace “my child, you don’t have to fear anyone, I’m here with you and I won’t let any harm come to you” Naani patted Chandni’s head assuring “you are too weak my dear, lay down and have some rest I’m here with you” she touched her face affectionately and kissing her head Naani settled her on the bed and sat beside her, gesturing Advay to leave the room. With defeated expressions on his face he left the room and locked himself in the study, with legs as heavy as lead he dragged himself to his work-table and slid down to the floor with his back rested against the table he dropped his head in his hands and tears flooded his eyes drenching his white shirt “why did I do it? Why I had to turn out just as him? Why I had to be a monster? Why? Why? Why?…
he shouted hysterically and started to throw things wildly. He was trying to make sense of everything but he was too disoriented because of his guilt and onslaught of God knows whatever emotions welling up inside him.
(Note: A song to express what Advay is feeling right and how the guilt is killing him.
Song: Monster
“Ever since I could remember,
Everything inside of me,
Just wanted to fit in (oh, oh, oh, oh)
I was never one for pretenders,
Everything I tried to be,
Just wouldn’t settle in (oh, oh, oh, oh)”
If I told you what I was,
Would you turn your back on me?
And if I seem dangerous,
Would you be scared?
I get the feeling just because
Everything I touch isn’t dark enough
That this problem lies in me
I’m only a man with a candle to guide me,
I’m taking a stand to escape what’s inside me.
A monster, a monster,
I’ve turned into a monster,
A monster, a monster,
And it keeps getting stronger” Something started to boil inside him, what was it rage, hatred or vengeance? All troubling memories of his childhood began to twirl in front of him “Aahhhh….” he started to shout hysterically while venting out his rage on everything that came into his touch.
“Can I clear my conscience?
If I’m different from the rest?
Do I have to run and hide? (oh, oh, oh, oh)
I never said that I want this,
This burden came to me,
And it’s made its home inside (oh, oh, oh, oh)
If I told you what I was,
Would you turn your back on me?
And if I seem dangerous,
Would you be scared?
I get the feeling just because,
Everything I touch isn’t dark enough
That this problem lies in me” A handsome yet hideous face of a man flashed before his eyes “You bastard I’ll kill you. I’ll destroy your whole world, you made me like this” he lifted a chair and started to bang it with full force on the floor until he broke it into little pieces of wood, still his rage didn’t go down, he picked another chair and did the same.
I’m only a man with a candle to guide me,
I’m taking a stand to escape what’s inside me.
A monster, a monster,
I’ve turned into a monster,
A monster, a monster,
And it keeps getting stronger.
I’m only a man with a candle to guide me,
I’m taking a stand to escape what’s inside me.
A monster, a monster,
I’ve turned into a monster,
A monster, a monster,
And it keeps getting stronger” When he found nothing else to break he started to kick and punch the walls of the study violently, he just wanted to get rid of this rage panting up in him. Sometime later, tired of his violent outburst he slid down against the wall with flooded and swollen eyes trying to figure out how he can make everything right for Chandni.
“Maybe Naani will show me the right way, I have to talk to her, but she hates me now, she doesn’t want to talk to me, I deserve it, hell I deserve the worst” he was talking to himself. “How could I do it? How could I destroy an innocent life and still be able to breathe? How?” he was getting miserable with every passing moment. Whereas Naani was trying her best to pull Chandni out of this trauma, not for a second she left her alone until she was sure that Chandni is asleep. “Murli, tell Cheeku to come into my room and ask Shilpa to remain with Chandni until I come there” Naani ordered him and went to her room. Advay was still dreading over his impiety when he heard Murli knocking at the door
“Advay bhaiyya Naani wants to talk to you in her room” it was a shocker for him that after his vicious iniquity Naani still wanted to talk to him, he hurriedly opened the door and almost ran to her room. “Naani” he called her with tear drenched eyes and a hoarse voice she was sitting on the chair, he thought Naani didn’t hear him and the moment he turned to go away he heard the word “Cheeku” Naani had opened her arms for him and tears were drenching her eyes. She all over the world knew that this was what her grandson needed right now the warmth and comfort of her embrace, he quickly moved towards Naani and tried to hide himself in her arms “Naani I’m so sorry, I’ve become a monster, I destroyed her life, I just want to die” he confided his feelings to her.
“Cheeku look at me my child, look at me” she held his tear-stricken face and wiped away his tears “Cheeku no one knows you better than me, you are not a monster my child, what you did was monstrous, I know you never meant to harm this girl yet you did it and I know the reason she called you bastard and you lashed out just like always, you never had tolerance against this word but that poor soul didn’t know it. Still what you did is a sin and now you have to do the repentance” Naani told him. “I know Naani, I’m ready to bear any punishment she gives me even death itself” he told Naani “No she wouldn’t wish death upon anyone,
I’m blind by sight but I can easily see what’s in the heart, she is a pure and innocent soul, give her time, show her that you are seriously regretful and care for her she will forgive you, I know you seek her forgiveness because deep down you love that girl” this piece of news was a bombshell for him as he himself didn’t know that he loved Chandni, love at first sight or maybe he felt a deep connection with her from the moment he set his eyes on her “Naani I” he tried to refuse his love for her “Cheeku you may not have realized it yet but I can feel that you love her, you will come around it eventually” she didn’t let him deny it.
“Naani, how do I make up to her? I’ve destroyed her life, I want to do right by her” he asked her painfully. “Patience my child, time heals every wound, give her some time, don’t come in front of her for few days, if she will see your face, all she is going to see will be the pain you have inflicted upon her and her destruction, just be patient” Naani had been successful to get Chandni comfortable with her and she could easily cry her heart out to Naani. During their conversations Naani got to knew that Chandni has no one in this world and she is all alone, but Naani told her that she is not alone anymore they are her family and she didn’t have to live anywhere else than this house.