Visiting her old home used be a comfort. But something had been off all day. The tension in Swara’s shoulders had her whole back in knots. She dropped her keys and jacket by the front door and walked upstairs. The typically locked door to her sister ex husband’s room was open and music was drifting into the hall.
Sanskar.
Hesitating first, she paused in the doorway and almost lost her breath. There was nothing quite like seeing Sanskar lying on his bed all stretched out with his hands behind his head and shirt unbuttoned. The dip and curve of muscles below smooth skin just wasn’t fair.
Sanskar’s eyes were closed, but he shifted to the far side of the bed. “Join me.” There was no demand or tease in the words. It was just an offer.
The cool, naturally seductive voice had an immediate effect on Swara. It didn’t need to be said twice. Swara walked over to the empty side of the bed and sat on the edge. She glanced at her sister ex husband’s bare chest and considered taking off her own tee. It had been so long. This may not have been that kind of invitation, so Swara lay down beside Sanskar with all her clothes intact. It was probably better that way, one of them had to be sensible.
They lay there in silence through the rest of the song. Swara didn’t know the name of it but it was nice. The notes were surprisingly sleepy and the lyrics seemed deep. She closed her eyes before she felt her housemate shift closer. Sanskar’s elbow grazed Swara’s arm as they resettled.
The touch tingled but it was the next song that surprised Swara. They didn’t usually like to adhere to a lot of goth romance clichés, at least if they could help it. But “crazy in love ” seemed fitting.
Swara was losing herself in the moment. The presence of Sanskar soaked into her. There was something wild in his scent. Fall leaves and ash from the fireplace, the spicy tang of scotch and cloves mixed together -something dangerous and s*xy- pure Sanskar . The pleasantness of just being still and knowing her housemate was home leached the tension out of her whole body.
.
I look and stare so deep in your eyes
I touch on you more and more every time
When you leave I’m beggin you not to go
Call your name two, three times in a row
.
Sanskar’s fingertips touched her cheek as if the song was giving him instructions. Swara stayed frozen with her eyes closed, like moving would make it end. Fingertips moved across her lips with barely-there pressure. Following the contours and sparking a thousand memories. There was nothing shy or unsure in his touches, but the gentleness tugged at the buried desire inside her.
.
Such a funny thing for me to try to explain How I’m feeling and my pride is the one to blame yeah Cause I know I don’t understand Just how your love can do what no on else can
.
Her brows furrowed at this development, afraid of what it meant. They hadn’t seen or heard from each other in years. There was so much uncertainty that built up in the time apart. The back of Sanskar’s fingers stroked down her face, her neck, over her shoulder. Relearning. They curled around her side and Sanskar’s chest pressed against her arm.
.
Got me lookin so crazy right now Your love’s got me lookin so crazy right now Got me lookin so crazy right now your touch’s Got me lookin so crazy right now Got me hoping you page me right now your kiss’s Got me hoping you save me right now Lookin so crazy your love’s got me lookin Got me lookin so crazy in love
.
The man couldn’t have been in town long. Swara would have asked, but the following question would have been ‘how long are you staying?’ and she didn’t want to think about her once lover leaving again. Sanskar’s hand came to a stop on her stomach, the thumb stroking low on her waist sent a shiver through Swara .
.
When I talk to my friends so quietly “who he think he is?” look at what you’ve done to me Tennis shoes don’t even need to buy a new dress You ain’t here, ain’t nobody else to impress
.
Lips touched firmly to her cheek, her jaw, and finally with the smallest shift, their lips pressed together. Swara moaned softly, slightly twisting her body to match the kiss. If Sanskar’s scent turned her on, the taste could make her come before anything else happened. Sensibility be damned. At least the years built up some restraint.
.
It’s the way that you know what I thought I know It’s the beat that my heart skips when I’m with you But I still don’t understand Just how your love can do what no one else can
.
Swara opened her mouth first, letting Sanskar deepen the kiss. Letting Sanskar take whatever he wanted, what they both wanted. She kept her eyes squeezed shut, afraid this was dream or a projection and she didn’t want to break the spell. She stretched up as Sanskar’s hands finally dragged her tee off. Then skin and body slid together, hands curled into each other’s hair as Sanskar’s tongue reached into Swara’s mouth like he was starved.
It may have been just kissing, but damn if it wasn’t the best kiss in a years for either of them.
.
Got me lookin so crazy right now Your love’s got me lookin so crazy right now Got me lookin so crazy right now your touch’s Got me lookin so crazy right now
.
Sanskar’s hands glided down, eager and greedy to trace the softness in Swara’s jeans . he lifted his knee between Swara’s legs, turning them on their sides towards each other.
Swara’s eyes snapped open and she sucked in a shaky breath. The scent of her lover mixed with arousal permeated the room and filled her lungs. It was like being warm. She licked her lips as Sanskar kissed down her neck.
“Sanskar -“
Her lover’s eyes dimmed a little as he backed up. He looked like he was waiting for Swara to push him away. He removed his hand from the button on Swara’s jeans and fell back on the bed. Looking away, he combed his hand through his hair before dropping it at his side.
“I’m sorry. It doesn’t mean anything.” The whisper was calm and steady. As if Swara wasn’t kissing him back and everything was nobody’s fault. Disappointment wavered in Swara’s heart and she pushed up on her elbow.
“Don’t tell me I don’t mean anything…” she stroked across Sanskar’s abdomen, hand spread wide, fingers dragging bluntly into the lean muscle.
“That’s not what I said.” With a sigh, Sanskar threaded his fingers through Swara’s over his stomach.
“Isn’t it?” Positions reversed, Swara found herself on her side pressed against her lover’s arm. Sanskar’s wary expression flickered back. There was something desperate in it, which was just fine with Swara. She flipped her leg over her lover’s thighs, keeping her body up by her hands placed on both sides of Sanskar’s head. Her big scary lover was beautiful like this. The hungry expression mixed with the hesitant trust stirred everything inside Swara to make things right. “How can this not mean EVERYTHING?”
Sanskar’s hands curled around Swara’s ass before pulling her hips down so their bodies were touching again. “I don’t want to push you.” He looked Swara in the eye. “You do mean everything.”
The raw honesty and guilt in Sanskar’s eyes surprised Swara. She twisted her hips so his hard groin and her softness pressed together. She licked a trail around her lover’s ear before murmuring, “I missed you.”
A soft smile spread across Sanskar’s face that was more breathtaking than anything Swara could imagine. She wondered how to make sure the man was always this happy. Sanskar’s hands slid up and curled around Swara’s neck.
“Stay jaan ?”
Yeah, she could do that. Unable to speak, Swara only nodded before Sanskar arched off the bed and pulled Swara’s into another deep kiss.
.
Got me hoping you save me right now your kiss Got me hoping you save me right now Lookin so crazy, your love’s got me lookin Got me lookin so crazy in love Got me lookin so crazy right now Your touch got me lookin so crazy right now Got me hoping you page me right now your kiss Got me hoping you page me right now Lookin so crazy your love’s got me lookin Got me lookin so crazy in love Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, oh no no.