Guilt (A RAGSAN FF) chapter 21

“Ahhh” screamed Ragini as the rain water fell on them and they got drenched as they were standing below the leaking ceiling. Sanskar held her hand and dragged her to a corner where rain water wasn’t leaking. Ragini was shivering due to wet clothes and held her shoulders and started rubbing them. Sanskar removed his blazer and was about to cover but he was stopped by Ragini who said “Don’t even think about it Mr. Maheshwari. Your blazer is already drenched. I mean don’t you think before doing?” Sanskar got embarrassed and put his blazer back. Ragini looked at him weirdly. What asked Sanskar through his eyes. “Gosh how have you become number one business man I don’t know” said Ragini and removed his blazer. “What is the necessity to wear it back ha. If you don’t put it on your shoulders will it run away. You will catch cold” said Ragini and threw his blazer. When she looked up at Sanskar who was covering himself with his hands as his body was visible through transparent shirt as it was wet. “Ha ha ha ha” Ragini laughed again.

“You are shying like you are a girl. Wait” said Ragini and looked around where she had seen a cloth bundle which the guys left. She found it and removed a shirt and gave it to Sanskar and said “Change it” Sanskar looked around and looked at her. “Oh okay” said Ragini and stood at a distance and turned and closed her eyes. Sanskar changed his shirt. “You can turn” said Sanskar putting the last button. Ragini turned. “Aakchu….” sneezed Ragini. “What the hell Ms. Gadodia?” said Sanskar annoyed. “Akchu I’m not doing it purposely…. Aakchu….” she sneezed again two to three times continuously and rubbed her nose. She covered her mouth and said “Sorry” and sneezed again. “You were telling me na see you caught cold now” said Sanskar concerned. “I’m fine” said Ragini and sneezed again. “I know” said Sanskar angry and held her hands and rubbed them. But Ragini kept sneezing more and more and shivered. Her nose had become red due to continuous sneezing. Sanskar looked at her worried. He looked around something to cover her to make her feel better. Her body temperature was dropping with every second and she was loosing her senses. He found a match stick and made a heap of grass and fired it carefully. Sanskar hugged Ragini from side and made her heat herself from the fire. “Ragini… Ragini…” said Sanskar patting her cheek. “Hmmm” said Ragini half conscious. “Be awake don’t sleep” said Sanskar worried. After struggling a bit Ragini gained a bit heat and sat straightening herself. But she was still shivering. Sanskar looked around again and found a langa davni(Its a treditional Tamil attire usually called as half saree similar to ghagra) at a far place which was dry. He ran and brought it and told Ragini to wear it. She looked at him annoyed. “Oh please don’t give me that look in this condition. Unless you change nothing is gonna help. Now change” said Sankar handing the dress to Ragini and turning other side. Ragini got up and stood a bit far and changed into it looking back again and again scared where Sanskar will turn. “I changed” said Ragini turning. She just covered the dupatta over her body which made her belly visible. Sanskar turned but swiftly turned back and said “Is that the way to wear Langa Davni?” asked Sanskar. “How will I know. You brought it” said Ragini. “Does that mean I should know” said Sanskar. “Obviously” said Ragini shrugging her shoulders. “Aahh” said Sanskar frustrated. He turned and dragged her. She stumbled and landed on him shocked. He held her very close to him so that only her face is visible to him and not her body. He removed the Davni and took a corner of it and tucked it Ragini’s Lehenga slightly touching her belly. The temperature of Ragini’s body increased suddenly and she widened her eyes shocked. Sanskar took the other corner and brought it through her chest and pulled the davni up with other hand still locking his eyes with her. Her breath hacked. Sanskar arranged the pallu and twirled Ragini holding her waist. Ragini closed her eyes when his cold hands touched her waist and shivered and stood closing her eyes and breathing heavily. She was not able to grasp anything. Sanskar bit his cheeks looking at her. A thunder stroke and Ragini turned and hugged Sanskar immediately as she got scared. Her thumping heart and shivering body against Sanskar’s rigid body hacked Sanskar’s breath and arouse all his dead desires. He cupped her face and neared her face as he was loosing himself.

Ragini became shy and stood away from him. Sanskar neared her and made a pattern on Ragini’s belly over her Davni makin her crave for his touch. Sanskar held her waist with other hand and squeezed it. Ragini felt goosebumps all over her body. She leaned back on his chest loosing herself. Sanskar ran his hands through her belly. Ragini felt butterflies in her stomach and moaned making Sanskar crazy. He grabbed her belly and dragged her more close. Ragini turned and hugged him blushing. Sanskar cupped her face and lifted it. He lifted her in his embrace and made her lie on the grass. He kissed her belly sensiously. Ragini held the grass beneath tightly and closed her eyes. Sanskar kissed her near her bosom and Ragini bend her head at one side. Sanskar kissed her neck and Ragini lifted her body a bit.

Sanskar held her waist and squeezed it. Sanskar saw her face as she had closed her eyes and shivering due to his touch. He lowered her blouse a bit and placed few wet kisses on her skin. He moved up and neared Ragini’s lips. Ragini closed her eyes more tight feeling Sanskar’s closeness. She touched her neck controlling her shivering body. She was driving Sanskar more and more crazy and Ragini was loosing herself in the moment. Sanskar neared her lips more and more. The night when he forcefully kissed Ragini awoke in his memory and he controlled himself as he remembered her condition and dragged himself away and sat straightening himself. “Gosh what the hell I was doing. I should stay away from her and I’m again trying to force her. I have to control myself” thought Sanskar pulling his hair frustrated. Ragini got up and sat controlling her self and covering herself. “What the hell is wrong with me. Why did I let him to come so near to me. Gosh these feelings, why am I not able to control them. I hate myself” thought Ragini breathing heavily composing herself. “I’m sorry” said Sanskar and got up from there and moved from there and sat at a distance. Ragini dragged her legs near to her chest and buried her face in it.
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“Hello Aunty” said Kavya standing outside Ragini’s house looking at Sumi when she opened the door. “Hello. Sorry beta I’m not able to recognize you” said Sumi. “Oh Aunty we haven’t met. I’m Kavya Ragini’s friend” said Kavya. “Oh Kavya. Come beta come inside” said Sumi. Kavya entered the house looking around. “Aunty Ragini?” asked Kavya sitting on the sofa. “Wo beta Ragu has gone for a meeting out of the town. She will be back tomorrow” said Sumi bringing water for her. “Oh is it Aunty so sorry to disturb you. Actually I was not able to meet her and I tried calling her number. It is switched off. Then I will leave just inform her that I had come” said Kavya getting up. “Arrey beta sit. I will get tea for you. Later you can go” said Sumi.

“No no aunty don’t bother. I’m fine. Next time I will have full meals” said Kavya laughing. “You are really sweet the way Ladoo said” said Sumi caressing her cheek. Kavya smiled. “Kavyu” screamed Swara coming out of her room with her teddy finding Kavya. “Shona” said Kavya hugging Swara. “How are you?” asked Kavya dragging her out of the hug and cupping her face. “Fit n fine” said Swara chuckling. “That’s good” said Kavya smiling. “Swara don’t trouble her go inside and sleep” said Sumi strictly. Swara’s smile faded away. “I’m not feeling sleepy” said Swara pouting. Before Sumi could say anything Kavya held Swara’s chin and said “Why? What happened to Shona Bacha?” Swara pouted sadly and said “Ragu maa sings lori everyday. But today she is not there. I told Saloni maasi to call her but she is not picking call”

“Oh. That’s the matter. Ok today I will sing Lori for Shona bacha” said Kavya smiling. “Yippie” jumped Swara. “No beta. Don’t bother. She will fall asleep after sometime” said Sumi. “No Aunty. I would love to do it” said Kavya. Swara dragged her to her room. She kept her head on Kavya’s lap and smiled. “Which lori you want to listen?” asked Kavya. “Anything will do” said Swara. “Lori tho I don’t know but I know a song. You will feel good listening to it. Wanna listen?” asked Kavya. “Ok” said Swara smiling widely.

“Hum rahe ya na rahe kal” sang Kavya patting Swara’s head and shoulder.
“Who is singing this song?” thought Yohan as he neared Ragini’s house. He had come to meet Ragini as he was feeling restless and her phone was switched off. He neared Ragini’s home window and peeped inside. He found Swara lying on Kavya’s lap and Kavya singing. A smile appeared on his face looking at her smile.
“Kal yaad aayenge yeh pal” she remembered her and Sanskar’s school days where they used to have fun.

“Pal yeh hai pyar ke pal” Yohan lost himself in her beautiful voice.
“Aaa mere sang chal” Kavya remembered how she reacted when Sanskar agreed for their proposal.
“Hum rahe ya na rahe yaad ayenge yeh pal” sang Kavya and a tear dropped from her eye. Yohan’s heart pained looking at her tear. She looked down at Swara who fell asleep. She made Swara sleep on pillow and kissed her hair and left her room.
“I’m really sorry beta. This girl is so stubborn” said Sumi as Kavya came to hall. “No aunty that’s fine.” said Kavya smiling. She prepared to leave but stopped and turned Sumi and said “Aunty Ragu is very brave. It is really hard to choose the life she is living. I know you are worried for her future but you are her only support. You should try to reduce her pain. Just try you don’t increase her pain. Support her in her every decision. That is the least we can do for her Aunty. She needs you. Try to understand her” said Kavya. She smiled at Sumi and left from there. Sumi closed the door and wiped her tears. She stopped at Swaragini room and found Swara sleeping innocently. She went inside and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry Shonu. I’m really the worst mom in the world. I hated you for the thing which is not your fault”said Sumi caressing Swara’s hair. She wiped her tears and said “Now we three will fight this together bacha. Your Ragu maa and you are not alone. Your mumma is there with you” She kissed Swara’s cheek softly and headed to her room.

“Hello” said Yohan standing beside Kavya when she walked out if Ragini’s home. Kavya jerked and looked at him horrified. “Oh I’m sorry I’m Yohan. I think you forgot we met in hospital” said Yohan. “Oh Ya. Ragu’s childhood friend right?” said Kavya remembering. “Yup” said Yohan smiling and walking with her. “I’m Kavya Ragini’s friend” said Kavya. “I know” said Yohan looking into her eyes. Kavya looked at him and his eyes were shining with his Geneon feelings. She blushed and lowered her gaze bringing both of them to reality. They walked bit with awkward silence. “So?” said both of them breaking the silence. Both of them laughed together. “Can I have an Ice cream date with you?” asked Yohan at a go showing a ice cream parlor. Kavya smiled and said “Sure” and they headed to get ice creams. Kavya laughed at his silly jokes and enjoyed the ice cream. Yohan’s heart was jumping looking at her smiling face and her expressions. He was confused what was happening with him.

“Okay see ya” said Kavya sitting in her car. “Can I have your number?” asked Yohan shrinking his eyes. Kavya smiled at his flushed face and gave her number to him. She waved bye to him sitting in her car. Yohan caressed his neck blushing as her car disappeared. He hit his phone to his forehead and ran to his home smiling.
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Morning rays fell on Ragini who was sleeping still in same position as she sat last night. She rubbed her eyes and looked around. She found Sanskar who was sleeping in sitting position leaning his head and back to the wall and with open mouth. She got up and neared him unknowingly. She touched his cheek slightly and looked at him painfully. “Why is it so difficult to stay away from you? I never felt this in my life. When I’m in your embrace I want the time to stop. I forget everything. Why I feel incomplete without you? Why did you come in my life Mr. Maheshwari. Your silence kills me. Your ignorance takes my breath away. How much ever I go far from you my heart drags me to you. I don’t know what is it called. I aimed to destroy you but I want to destroy myself for you. I said I can only hate you but I am not able to hate you. Do I love you? I don’t know. I don’t know why I couldn’t control myself yesterday. I don’t know why I felt that you should not stop your approach.

This confusion is killing me. I want to give you pain but I cannot see you in pain. why why why” said Ragini in her heart screaming. She controlled her throat which was ready to scream. She got up and went back to her place wiping her tears and sat there as she sensed slight movements in Sanskar’s body. As the sunrays became intense and disturbed Sanskar’s sleep. He shrank his eyes a bit and opned them and looked Ragini who was still sitting burying her face. “I’m sorry Ragini I should have controlled myself. You are still confused about your feelings and I don’t want to move further unless you forgive me completely. I know it will never happen but I will wait all my life for your forgiveness.

I will make sure that every problem which comes on your way to face me. I know I cannot bring your bhayyu back and you will never forgive me for that. It is not necessary that every love story should complete. May be this is our fate” said Sanskar in his heart looking at Ragini painfully. “Ms. Gadodia. Please get up already sun has rose and we need to get back to hotel” said Sanskar rudely. Ragini lifted her head annoyed as she was pretending that she is asleep. She stretched her arms and looked around rubbing her eyes. “Ms. Gadodia” called Sanskar again standing at entrance. “Haa coming coming Akdu Maheshwari” screamed Ragini and walked behind him. They reached the place where their car got spoiled and picked Ragini’s phone and the gift packet given by Mrs Malhotra and headed to the hotel by bus. Sanskar was travelling in bus for the first time. The crowd was making him suffocated. Ragini laughed looking at his condition. She made faces and cheered him. Sanskar laughed at her childish behavior but it helped him to divert his mind and feel less annoyed. They reached hotel and got changed.

Sanskar told Tarun to book a flight and get the car repaired and bring it back to Mumbai. Tarun complied. All over the journey Sanskar avoided Ragini. It pained her. Tarun came to pick Sanskar and Ragini from Airport. Ragini sat in the back seat. Tarun opened the back door for Sanskar. He closed it and sat beside Tarun. Tarun looked at him shocked. He sat in the driving seat and drove the car. Ragini was staring Sanskar and he was looking outside the window sensing her gaze on him. Tarun looked through rear mirror and got confused for the behavioral change in Sanskar and Ragini. They dropped her near the house and Tarun drove the car away from there. Ragini looked at the car painfully. Sanskar watched her through the mirror. Ragini turned and headed inside the house.
“Ragu maa” said Swara hugging Ragini and Ragini smiled weakly at her. Ragini was lost in her thoughts remembering the trip and her closeness with Sanskar. Suddenly her gaze met Shekar and Vikram’s portrait. “No. No. I can’t loose myself. I can’t forgive him” said Ragini determined. A tear dropped from her eye as her heart was paining at the thought of hurting her Sanskar. “My Sanskar?” told her heart weakly which her mind suppressed.

Sanskar hugged Ananya and patted her back to make her sleep. He remembered Ragini and his funny moments and their closeness. “I can’t make my Ragini to go through that situation again. Never ever. Even if I have to stay away from her I will” said Sanskar to himself. “My Ragini?” asked his mind. “Yup” said his heart suppressing his mind and Sanskar smiled looking at the moon.
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Will Ragini’s heart win over her mind? Keep reading and keep smiling.