Guilt ( A RagSan FF) Chapter 34

“You know shona. Ragu is just like your dad and you like me. And Vikram was like both of us.” said Sumi caressing Swara’s hair when she was sleeping in her lap. Swara looked up at Sumi who had tears remembering Vikram. Swara wiped her tears and nodded no. Sumi kissed her forehead and continued caressing her hair. “When you got admission in IIT through rank still the fee was high for us to afford. Vikram had a dream to become a aeronautical engineer. He told your dad that he is okay with his junior collage education and lessened Shekar’s burden. It is very tough to let go of your dreams for your sibling” Swara looked at her shocked. She wasn’t aware of it. Her heart pained for Vikram’s sacrifice. “Ragini asked him why did he sacrifice his dream. You know what Vikram said” asked Sumi. “He said in a family fulfilling dream is important than deciding whose dream to be fulfilled. You should not think it as a sacrifice. You should think it as way of showing love. I really wonder how you three are glued together so strong. Though you fought like cat and dog and were as different as sky and earth there was some connection between you both. You know what it is?” asked Sumi. Swara looked at her confused. “That connection was Ragini. She glued you together. She is healing power in everyone’s life. Everyone needs her in their life.

Even Sanskar needs her in his life. More than anybody. Because she needs him in her life. Even if she hates someone to the core she will not ignore them. Here tho she loves him madly how could she ignore him and his pain. His pain to stay away from the only remembrance of his bhai and bhabi. Ya I was angry on him because he snatched my Vikram. But my heart softened when I saw him healing my Ragini’s wound on her soul. Now today when Kavya told me about his past I’m really feeling pity on him. We cannot bring our Vikky back but it wasn’t his fault. Vikky came in front of him to save you. So it was all fate. He did not stop the car as his Bhabi’s life was at risk. It happens beta when you are presented with options with one side your family and one side some unknown person obviously we decide to save our family. If you were in his place you also would have done same. So I forgave him. I’m accepting Vikram’s death as fate. You also forgive him shona” said Sumi. Swara did not answer anything. She just headed to her room and lied on the bed. She looked at Ragini’s part of bed and caressed it. A tear dropped from her eye and she closed her eyes sobbing.

“Don’t you know you are the only happiness in your Ragu maa’s life?” Sanskar’s words ringed in Swara’s mind. Sanskar screaming Ragini’s name and saving her flashed in front of her eyes. She remembered how Sanskar was patting Ragini’s head after that. The care in his gesture and worry that he was about to lose Ragini flashed in her mind.
“Arrey yar Sanky. See we ordered Chocolate cake only for Ragini. Now stop troubling me if she came to know you organized her birthday party she is gonna get damn angry on me. Already she was asking how did I know that it’s her birthday” Swara remembered she hearing Kavya’s phone conversation on Ragini’s birthday without Kavya’s knowledge.

“Poppy. I want to search a husband for Ragu. How to know someone can be best husband” said little Swara holding baby Ragini in her arms standing in front of Shekar. Shekar who was drinking tea spit it listening Swara. “Shona she is just an year old.” said Shekar shocked. “So what I will start searching now only or else that bandar will get chimpanzee for her” said Swara casually. “Oye chipkali. I will get the best husband for my Gudiya ok. Just wait and watch” said Vikram hitting Swara on her head playfully. “Maa” screamed Swara. “Hey Bhagvan. These two will never leave me to live peacefully. Shekar please handle them. I’m busy” screamed Sumi from Kitchen. Shekar hit his forehead with his palm and looked at them annoyed. “Tell na poppy” screamed Swara shaking Shekar.

“From where do you get such ideas Shona. She is just a year old we still have time for her marriage. And before her your marriage will happen and then Vikram’s after that only hers” said Shekar. “For me anything is okay Poppy but for my Ragu maa I need to find the best husband. If I start searching now only I will get the best” said Swara widening her eyes. Shekar nodded his head and sighed. He knew there was no escape from Swara when she is concerned about Ragini though it is silly. “Okay okay I will tell” said Shekar side hugging her. “Hmmm a person who will think about Ladoo’s happiness and can’t see her tears. He should accept her family as his family and understand her without her saying anything. A person who can go to any extent for her happiness. Selfless.

Main important thing is the person whom Ladoo will love madly. Because I know my Ladoo she will never fall in love with a wrong person” said Shekar caressing Ragini’s cheek. Baby Ragini smiled at him. “So basically we have to trust Gudiya’s choice hai na Poppy” said Vikram standing beside him. Shekar grabbed him from his other side and touched his cheek and said “Exactly” “But if that person is not worth for our Ragu maa then?” asked Swara bending her head. “Then our Gudiya will surely change him and make him worth to be her life partner. Hai na poppy?” asked Vikram. “Yup” said Shekar and hugged both of them. Baby Ragini chuckled unaware of the conversation.

Swara opened her tear filled eyes coming back to present. “Sorry Poppy I forgot your words. I did not trust my Ragu maa’s choice. I did not” said Swara sobbing. “Now my Ragu maa will not suffer between her family and her love. I will trust her choice. I will trust Sanskar for Ragini.” said Swara and wiped her tears and closed her eyes.
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“Ansh careful” said Ragini when Ansh ran leaving her hand inside the park. She patted Ananya’s back and sat near a tree. She looked at the sea saw and remembered how she and Swara used to play on it. A tear dropped from her eye. She lifted her hand to wipe it but already a hand wiped her tear. She looked up and found Sanskar. She lowered her head not able to face him with tears in her eyes. “Ani. You know in Mumbai na there will be no water scarcity” said Sanskar sitting beside her. Ragini was still staring ground. Ananya smiled at Sanskar. “Arrey your mumma floods Mumbai every second day with her tears” said Sanskar and burst out laughing. Ragini couldn’t control her laugh and pouted and hit him playfully. And Sanskar held her wrist and Ragini placed her head on his chest and Sanskar patted her head side hugging her and placed his chin on her head. He looked at the entrance of the park and found Swara who was looking at them.

He turned his face completely to grasp whether he was dreaming or really Swara was standing. Ragini sensed his head movement and looked at direction he was watching and found Swara looking at them. Swara and Ragini’s eyes met and Swara wiped the tear which was peeping from corner of her eye. Ragini lifted her head and sat straight. Sanskar took Ananya from her hand and signed her to go. Ragini whose gaze went to Sanskar when he took Ananya started tearing. She turned and again looked at Swara and started walking to her slowly.

“Dhup me jalte hue tan ko chaya ped ki mil gayi
Ragini heart was beating fast. After a month she was seeing Swara so close and Swara was not running away from her
Ruthe bache ki hasi jaise phuslane se phir se khil gayi
She neared Swara and Swara pouted and said Sorry holding her ears and burst into a cry like a kid
Kuch aisa hi mehsoos ab dil ko ho raha hai
Ragini held her hands and cupped her face. And tears started flowing from her eyes
Barso ke purane zakhm pe marham laga sa hai
She burst into a cry and touched her forehead with Swara’s forehead and both of them cried closing their eyes
Kuch aisa rehem iss lamhe me hai yeh lamha kaha tha mera
Swara cupped Ragini’s face and kissed her forehead and cheeks like a mom who got her kid after years
Ab hai samne isse chulu zara mar javu ya jeelu zara
She dragged Ragini to a bone crushing hug and placed her chin on Ragini’s head
Khushiya chum lu ya ro lu zara mar javu ya jeelu zara
Ragini closed her eyes and sobbed more and smiled through her tears. She looked at Sanskar who looked away and wiped his tears with his palm. Swara also observed it.

“I’m so happy for the first time that you won Bandar. You really searched the best husband for our Ladoo” said Swara in her heart. She looked at Sanskar and smiled. Sanskar was shocked for Swara’s acceptance of him in Ragini’s life. He couldn’t believe and looked around to check if she was smiling at him only. Swara nodded her head and signed him to come. And Sanskar walked to her and stood in front of them nervous. “Maa” screamed Ansh. Ragini turned and looked at Ansh who was calling her. Ragini signed Sanskar to talk to Swara. He nodded his head scared. Ragini glared him and he pouted and lowered his head. “I will just come dee” said Ragini walking in Ansh’s direction. Swara and Sanskar looked at each other and smiled weakly and there was awkward silence between them. Ragini’s laughing sound grabbed their attention and both looked at her and smiled. Swara observed Sanskar who was smiling widely looking at Ragini. She could sense how much he wished Ragini to laugh like this. The twinkle of Ragini’s eyes was reflecting in Sanskar’s eyes.

“My Ladoo will never fall in love with a wrong person” Swara remembered Shekar’s words and smiled. “Thank you” said Swara bringing Sanskar out of his dream. Sanskar looked at her confused. “For coming in my Ragu’s life and healing her pain” said Swara smiling looking at him. “You are not angry on me?” asked Sanskar. “Kavya told me everything and I have no complaints from you. It was just fate and I accepted it” said Swara shocking Sanskar. “And I know you are the best thing that ever happened in my Ragu maa’s life.” said Swara. “Hope she also forgives me some day” said Sanskar looking in Ragini’s direction. “You really don’t know Ragini. She might be free from the promise she gave to Poppy about punishing the culprit because you are not at fault. But forgiving you for Vikram’s death is highly impossible for her. She did not forgive Kishan till now who hurt Vikram in school just for a scratch on his head. Here you are responsible for her bhayyu’s death though unintentionally but you are responsible.

I might accept it as fate but Ragini it is really tough for her. Hope she comes out of it. But at least tell her what happened. It might lessen her pain a bit” said Swara looking at Sanskar with tears in her eyes. “No. I cannot remind her of that night, I cannot. Let her never forgive me but I cannot make her go through same situation again. And I hope you will not reveal it to her. It’s my request please” said Sanskar pleading Swara. “How much ever you try truth will come out some day. I will surely wait for that day when you both will accept this marriage” said Swara. “Shona dee” screeched Ansh and hugged Swara. Swara bent to his height and kissed his cheek and gave him his fav chocolate which she bought. Ansh took it happily and hugged Swara. Sanskar was worried due to Swara’s words. He was scared for the moment when Ragini will know the truth. Ragini looked at him and asked what through eyes. He just nodded his head. “Now at least talk to me Shona” said Sahil standing behind Swara and grabbing everyone’s attention. “What happened?” asked Ragini to Sahil. “Your dee has not spoken to me from a month as I attended your marriage” said Sahil helplessly looking at Ragini. “Dee” said Ragini and Swara stood up and looked at Sahil. She twisted her lips with fake anger and headed from there. “Go cool her” said Ragini pushing him and Sahil ran behind her and started walking beside her. Ragini saw Swara neared Sahil and kept her head on Sahil’s shoulder. Sahil looked back at Ragini and showed thumbs up and Ragini smiled at him. Ragini lifted Ansh and started walking out of the park. Sanskar forwarded his hand to Ragini. Ragini smiled and grabbed his hand and walked with him and they headed home.
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“Maa shall I ask you something?” said Ragini when she was helping Anu in preparing tea. “Haa beta. Ask” said Anu smiling. “Where is Sanskar’s dad?” asked Ragini hesitant. Anu got worried. Ragini had started her query and she will not stop unless she gets answer. And Sanskar had told strictly that at any cost Ragini should not know about the tragedies happened in their life. Anu looked around nervously. “Bandariya….” called Sanskar much to Anu’s relief. Ragini’s face turned annoyed and she looked back at Sanskar and asked “What?” Sanskar held her hand and dragged her saying “Wo I need your help in something. Come” Ragini looked at him confused and followed him. Sanskar headed to his room and closed the door. Ragini looked at him confused. “Sanki what is your problem? You said you need my help and you are staring ground from 5 minutes without saying anything to me” said Ragini annoyed. “Wo… wo…” Sanskar struggled to say. “Arghhhh” huffed Ragini annoyed and tried going out of the room.

Sanskar held her hand and twirled her. Ragini who was shocked turned and landed on his chest. She looked up at Sanskar who was looking at her intensely. His gaze was raising her heart beat and she avoided eye contact with him and stared ground. Her cheeks turned crimson. Sanskar held her chin and neared her face not able to control himself. Ragini was still staring ground. Sanskar placed his lips on her cheek and Ragini held his shirt tightly and his lips traveled on her pink cheeks raising her nervousness and she closed her eyes. “Sanskar” said Ragini softly and her breath tickled him and awoke all the desires. He moved his lips to her neck and started kissing it. Ragini clutched his hair and Sanskar lost his control and held her waist and dragged her close to him. “Sanskar… please” said Ragini pleading him as she wasn’t ready for this. Sanskar started kissing her other part of face and Ragini felt butterflies in her stomach and bent her head backward making way for him on her bare clavicle bone.

Sanskar held her waist more tight and moved to her cleavage. Ragini hacked for breath. She came to reality and pushed him with all her force and held her racing heart. Sanskar held her hand and dragged her close and pinned her hand to her back and neared her neck. “What are you doing Sanskar. Leave me” said Ragini trying to get out of his hold. Sanskar locked his eyes with her and said “What is wrong Ragini. We are married right?” Ragini felt her heart beat stopped for second. Sanskar dragged her more close and started kissing her ear. Ragini felt she is losing herself. “Please Sanskar. Don’t do this” said Ragini and tears were fighting to drop from her eyes. It pained Sanskar. But to keep her away from him and this matter it was the only way. “I can do worst than this. You can’t even imagine” said Sanskar and pushed her to the bed. Ragini was shocked. Sanskar approached her opening his shirt buttons. Ragini got up and tried moving. But Sanskar locked her with his hands and neared her and lowered her blouse a bit and started kissing. Ragini started sobbing. With all her strength she pushed Sanskar who stood stumbling. “Why did I even thought of giving you chance. You will never change. I was wrong. I was wrong” screamed Ragini and ran from there to her room. She closed the door and cried her heart out leaning to the door. Sanskar collapsed on the floor. “I need to keep this hatred alive. I have to. To keep you alive” said Sanskar and closed his eyes and sobbed.

“No. No My Sanskar cannot do like this. My Sanskar? Yes my Sanskar my husband cannot do like this. I know him. I know Sanskar you are trying to hide something from me. And I will find out what it is. I know you are just provoking me to hate you but you have seen my hate not love. If you are stubborn Mr. Maheshwari I’m also your wife. Not less than you” said Ragini and wiped her tears.
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Hope you people liked the chappy. Keep smiling.