Guilt ( A RagSan FF) Chapter 45

“What are you doing Sanskar?” asked Ragini when Sanskar kissed her ear when she was knitting the chapati flour. “Arrey I’m romancing my legally wedded wife Mrs. Maheshwari. What did I do?” asked he leaning more close to her. “Now enough of romance. Go see Ansh is ready or not. Today is Ani’s first day in School” said Ragini trying to get out of his hold. “Okay okay Bandariya going” said Sanskar annoyed. “Wait” said Ragini and kissed his cheek. Sanskar held his cheek shocked and looked at her. “You are becoming naughty day by day ha?” said he again hugging her and tickling her. “Ahem Ahem” said Anu clearing her throat.

Sanskar stumbled and Ragini jerked. Anu was glaring Sanskar folding her hands. “Wo maa I came to drink water” said Sanskar and gulped the water in the jug and twisted his face as it tasted different. “It was tap water I was using it for knitting the floor” said Ragini pouting looking at Sanskar. Anu controlled her laugh looking at his face. “Ansh….” screamed Sanskar rushing out of the kitchen. Anu and Ragini burst out laughing when he headed out. Ragini bit her tongue feeling shy and Anu hit her head slightly and caressed her hair smiling.

“Poppy” said Ananya standing and walking to Sanskar with her new lighting shoes. Sanskar knelt and held her when she neared him and hugged her and lifted her in his arms excited. “Ohho Poppy you are more excited than her” said Ansh standing beside Sanskar. “Ansh what is this? You did not get ready yet. If that Bandariya saw you like this na she will blame me only” said Sanskar looking at Ansh who was standing with his towel around his waist. “Mommy” screamed Ansh and Ananya at a time. “What is wrong with you people. Nobody is dumb here” said Sanskar. “Exactly” said Ragini entering the room. “He is calling you Bandariya” said Ansh fuming. “Mommy ke chamche. No Ragu.

I did not say like that” said Sanskar looking at Ragini who was glaring him. “Mommy he said” said Ananya nodding her head. Sanskar hit his head with his palm and said “Here all are in your party only. I’m lone ranger like Johnny Depp” said Sanskar crying fakely. “First thing my kids are smart they will support the right thing and second thing Johnny Depp wasn’t lone ranger. He was just supporting character in that movie” said Ragini taking Ananya in her arms. She moved to Ansh’s cupboard and removed his uniform and handed him. He ran into the washroom to change smiling. “How will you come to know without them saying anything?” asked Sanskar surprised when he saw her handing the dress. “That’s mommy” screeched Ananya hugging Ragini from her neck and Ragini smiled caressing her back. Sanskar looked at them and smiled. His happy family was finally complete.
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“Swapnil, come here” said Swara showing her hands to her two year old kid who was trying to walk. “No Swapu will come to only his maasi maa” said Ragini kneeling beside Swara as she placed her hand bag on sofa entering Raheja Mansion. Swapnil turned to Ragini and walked fast fast happy showing his one small teeth widely. Ragini hugged him and lifted him in her arms and drooled happy. Swara looked at her and hugged her smiling. “Arrey Ragu” said Avantika who came with Swapnil’s milk bottle. “Namaste maa” said Ragini and bent to take her blessings. Avantika smiled and caressed her hair. Ragini took the milk bottle and sat on the sofa feeding Swapnil the milk. Swara looked at her painfully. Avantika placed her hand on Swara’s shoulder. Swara hugged her and sobbed. “Why always her happiness is incomplete maa. Always. She sacrificed everything in her life but for herself she has nothing. I can sense her craving to be a mom. But even after they started their married life why isn’t she conceiving. In this matter also God is playing with her” said Swara sobbing. “More than her craving her life is important. Think it as God’s wish that he doesn’t want to snatch Ragini from Sanskar” said Avantika consoling her.
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“Sanskar what are you doing?” asked Ragini when Sanskar walked to bed lifting Ragini in his arms. “My wifey is becoming naughty day by day so thought of teaching her lesson” said Sanskar placing her on the bed. Ragini’s hand were still around his neck and she blushed touching his nose with her nose. Sanskar bent his head a bit and pecked her lips. He leaned more and more close to her turned the bed lights off.
“Ragu” said Sanskar as he caressed Ragini’s hair who was resting her head on his chest. “Hmmm” said Ragini. “Are you okay?” asked he. “You ask this question every time Sanskar. And you know my answer. I’m more than okay” said Ragini tightening her grip around him. He kissed her forehead. Sanskar sighed and dragged her close to him
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“Ragini…. Ragini……” he screamed from his room. “What happened Sanki” said Ragini entering the room. “See na this tie. I’m not able to fix it” said Sanskar struggling with his tie. “Ohho I really doubt you are no.1 businessman. You don’t even know to fix your tie” said Ragini nearing him and fixing his tie. “What to do Mrs. Maheshwari from the time you started fixing my tie I completely forgot how to fix it” said Sanskar placing his hand on her shoulders. Ragini twisted her lips and fixed his tie. He pecked her lips. “Why is this for?” asked Ragini. He dragged her holding her waist and said “For tempting me” and winked at her. He moved his face over her neck and said “I feel like taking off from work today”

Ragini pushed him and said “Now get going you are getting late Phattu Maheshwari” said Ragini. He held her elbow and dragged her close to him touching her cheek with his nose and kissed her ear and said “How many times should I tell you not to call me that? You want me to prove again that I’m not Phattu. Early this morning?” asked Sanskar huskily. He dragged her by encircling his hands around her waist and dragged her near him and kissed the love byte on her neck and she moaned his name “Sanskar” and closed her eyes blushing. “Is it paining?” asked Sanskar worried. Ragini nodded her head blushing. His phone ringed disturbing them. Ragini utilized the situation and ran out of the room blushing. Sanskar caressed his neck blushing.
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“Saloni maasi” said Ragini as she hugged Saloni who was cleaning the rice sitting on her veranda. “Arrey Ragini. Bacha. How are you haa? You completely forgot your Maasi ha?” asked Saloni complaining. “No maasi how can I? Wo Ani joined School this week na that’s why I became busy a bit” said Ragini apologetically. “That’s okay. Go your maa must be waiting for you. From morning she is preparing your favorite dishes” said Saloni caressing her cheek. “I love you maasi” said she kissing Saloni’s cheek and headed to her home running. “Thank you Bappa. I just want her to be happy” said Saloni looking up.
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“Maa maa maa” said Ragini hugging Sumi and twirling her happy. “Ale mela Ragu B
acha aagaya” said Sumi holding her cheek. Ragini kissed her cheek. Sumi smiled caressing her cheek.

“Hmmm Ani’s first day you should have seen. She was crying very badly not letting Ansh. I will not go leaving my bhayyu like that she was saying and crying…”said Ragini narrating Ananya’s first day in school but suddenly something similar flashed in her mind and she stopped. “Kya hua Ladoo” said Sumi turning to Ragini smiling and found Ragini looking blank. Then she realized she might have remembered Vikram. “What to do now?” thought Sumi. “Even Swapnil will cry like that after two years” said Sumi and Ragini remembered Swapnil and smiled. Sumi sighed as she saw the wrinkles on Ragini’s forehead disappearing hearing Swapnil’s name. He was like his dad whose name only used to sooth everyone.
“What happened?” asked Sumi when Ragini omitted for the second time from morning. “You changed oil or any masala?” asked Ragini wiping her face with towel after washing her face. “No Bacha” said Sumi caressing her cheek. “I’m feeling dizzy maa” said Ragini placing her head on Sumi’s shoulder. “Come will go to clinic” said she taking Ragini with her.
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“Maa I will just go to washroom and come” said Ragini heading out as she felt omitting feeling again. Sumi nodded and waited for the doctor to come. The doctor came and sat on her chair. “What happened Doctor? Is she okay” asked Sumi worried. “She is pregnant. Congratulations” said the doctor smiling. Sumi widened her eyes shocked. Ragini stumbled and sat on the chair outside the clinic and placed her hand on her stomach. She smiled through her tears feeling the new life within her. She closed her mouth to control her excitement. “If Sanskar came to know about it? How will he react?” thought Sumi.

“I think Anu ji missed to give her contraceptive pills” thought Sumi. The next sentence of Sumi killed Ragini literally. “Doctor can you abort the kid without telling her. Her husband doesn’t want kids so early. She was taking contraceptive pills but I think she missed it” said Sumi pleading her. Ragini’s eyes widened. She was shocked to grasp anything. As per her knowledge she never took pills. And what does Sumi mean. Sanskar doesn’t want kids? She was not understanding why her mom was talking like that. “Sorry madam. We cannot abort the child without both the parent permission” said the doctor. Ragini wiped her tears and stood at the door and called “Maa” Sumi jerked and sat worried.
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“Ladoo” screamed Sumi when she saw Ragini slapping Sanskar. “Two years of fake love. How could you maintain it Mr. Maheshwari. How could you” said Ragini leaning in front of Sanskar who was staring ground. “I like a fool believed your words” said Ragini waving her hands in air. “I love you Ragini that’s why I want to move on in our marriage. It’s okay Ragini what if you cannot conceive, we have Ansh and Ananya na?” said Ragini acting in front of him. “Lies all lies. I was cursing myself that I could not conceive and made you to have expectations of our child. I never knew you never had any expectation only. Why did you do this Sanskar why? Tell me I want to know the reason” said Ragini sobbing.

Sanskar just stared ground holding his cheek. “Why did you do this Sanskar. Why?” asked Ragini sobbing holding his shirt and leaning to him. Sanskar held her elbow and dragged her near to him and looked into her eyes. His eyes were bleeding red. “I was scared” said Sanskar and stopped himself from blurting out. “I was scared that you will avoid Ansh and Ananya.” Ragini’s eyeballs moved scared looking at his rage filled eyes. “He is telling lie” said her heart. “Now come” said he dragging her with him. “Where?” asked Ragini confused. “To abort this kid. I don’t want it in this world” said Sanskar. Ragini jerked his hand and stood fuming. Sanskar turned and looked at her. Her eyes were emitting fire. She was again the old Ragini who used to hate him to the core. “I did not punish you for my Bhayyu’s accident but don’t think I will spare you if you tried killing my kid” screamed Ragini placing her hand on her belly. Sanskar’s eyes widened hearing her and he jerked to her scream which showed her deadly anger.
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Flashback( This was when Ragini thought of talking to Pari’s parent):

“Arrey Ragini beta?” said Pari’s mom when she opened her door and found Ragini. Ragini smiled and bent to take her blessing and hugged her. “How are you maa?” she said sitting on the sofa. “How come today you remembered your budhi maa” said she teary eyed. “Maa I was just busy with Kavi’s marriage. And Shona dee is also pregnant so did not get time only. Sorry” said she holding her ears. Pari’s mom smiled and hugged her caressing her hair.
“Papa. Shall I ask you something?” said Ragini hesitantly when they were having tea in the evening. He placed the tea cup aside. “Ask beta” said he smiling. “What had happened to Pari dee? How did she I mean…” Ragini struggled to ask. His face became painful as he remembered that painful phase of his life when he lost everything. “I’m sorry papa. I shouldn’t have asked you only” said Ragini apologetically. “No no beta. Don’t be sorry. She left us and left you behind in her place. “ he said caressing her cheek.

“He tried a lot to save her. He was armature driver, but we had no option. He missed his balance and hit a person from his car. We don’t know who it was. There was a case also on him which went on for two years. For that purpose only we were forcing him to get married as we felt if he goes to jail then who will look after those kids.” said Pari’s dad narrating that night’s incident in front of Ragini who was watching ground with wide eyes. And tears were flowing from her eyes uncontrollably.
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“Bhayyu Bhayyu…. Get up see don’t play with me. I’m scared very much scared” she remembered that horrible night standing in front of the hospital where Vikram and Swara were admitted. She wiped her tears and headed from there.
She stood at the place where Sanskar’s car hit Vikram and she could visualize Vikram’s body flying in air. “Bhayyu….” she screamed as if it was happening just then. She held her paining head and sat on a bench on the footpath.
“Hate is so powerful na bhayyu” said Ragini sitting beside Vikram when they were watching Agneepath movie in TV. Vikram smiled and said “Might be but not more than love” “That’s impossible bhayyu. How can you compare love and hate at the same situation” said Ragini. “You will understand when you fall in love” said Vikram.

“I did not get you. You are saying if I fall in love with a person whom I hate the most?” asked Ragini confused. “Exactly” said Vikram hitting her head playfully. “That will be the most impossible scenario. How can I fall in love with the person whom I hate?” asked Ragini scratching her head. “Hate is something planned emotion but love is unplanned. You can tell why you hate a person and when will you hate him. But you cannot tell why will you start loving a person and when you will fall in love” said Vikram. “It’s so complicated bhayyu, if something like that happens what should I do?” asked Ragini confused pouting. “Forgive that person if your heart says” said Vikram smiling. “You know na bhayyu that’s the one thing I cannot do” said Ragini folding her hands. “Then love him” said Vikram placing his hands around her neck. “Is that possible?” asked Ragini looking weird. “Haa. You don’t want to forgive a person but you can forget the hate then what will be remaining?” asked Vikram. “Love” said Ragini widening her eyes. “Bingo. See when your revenge has no meaning your hate should automatically vanish hai na and there will be only love. Forgiveness is completely different emotion. Thank God. My chotu understands only Maths language bappa save her husband” said Vikram scared. “Bhayyu” said Ragini chasing him.
“My problem is you dammit My problem is I love you” she remembered Sanskar’s confession.
“Ragini please give me a chance to explain.”
“Did you ever give yourself a chance to save my bhayyu? Did you?”
“How can I expect a person who destroyed a family to understand the value of family”
“I’m sorry Ragini”

“Your Sorry will not bring my bhayyu back Mr. Maheshwari”
“Why are you doing this Ragini we won’t be happy in this”
“Just be with me that’s enough for me. I don’t want anything else”
“Promise me you will not back off. You will punish the culprit” Shekar’s promise flashed in her mind. She held her head and struggled.
“Punishment is for Sins Ragu bacha not for mistakes” she remembered Shekar’s words.
“You will also fall in love and you will learn to forgive” she remembered Vikram’s words.
“I love him Bhayyu. I love him. But I cannot forgive him. I cannot. He has gone through so much I have to get him out of all his pain. I have to. I will not let him know that I know the truth” said Ragini closing her eyes.
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“Ragini” said Sanskar hugging Ragini who just entered MM. Ragini controlled her emotions. “Where were you? You know how worried I was?” asked Sanskar worried. Ragini’s hands were struggling to move but somehow she moved them and hugged him back. “Why didn’t I give you a chance to speak Sanskar. I hurt you so much. Still you loved me madly. I know you did not wanted to move on in our marriage as you wanted me to forgive you. I’m sorry Sanskar I cannot forgive you” thought Ragini“I’m sorry” said Ragini sobbing clutching his shirt. He brought her out of the hug and cupped her face. “No no Ragu. For such silly things anyone cries oh what now cheer up” said Sanskar. “But I will love you and heal your pain. I will” thought she looking into his eyes which just showed his love and his madness. “I love you” said Ragini. “I love you more” said Sanskar and kissed her forehead. “I know that” said Ragini in her heart and closed her eyes painfully.

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“I hate you Sanskar I hate you. How could you even think of killing your own child Sanskar how could you” screamed Ragini. She wiped her tears and stormed from there to her room. Sanskar collapsed on the floor. And Sumi headed behind Ragini. “Tell her Sanskar. Why did you do all this? She will go away from you forever” said Anu placing her hand on his shoulder. “You are impossibly stubborn” said Anu and rushed to Ragini.
“Ladoo you are doing wrong beta” said Sumi standing behind Ragini who was packing her bag. “No maa I cannot live here with a person who cheated me for two years in the name of love I cannot. And you helped him. I mean didn’t you had trust on your own daughter” asked Ragini turning to her. “It wasn’t like that bacha” said Sumi. “Ragini” said Anu standing at the room door.

“Maa you also did not trust me na? You also helped him. I never ever thought whenever you used to make me drink milk that you are cheating me mixing pills in that. From last few months I avoided the milk that’s why the truth came out otherwise I would have been a fool all my life. Didn’t you know maa how much I craved to be a mom when Shona dee delivered her baby. Why did you people do this with me?” asked Ragini furious. She packed her bag and descended from the stairs and looked at Sanskar who was still numb and kneeling down. She neared him. She kept her bag and knelt before him. She touched her forehead with his forehead and ran her hands over his cheeks. “Just once just once tell me Sanskar why did you do this?” she asked him as her voice started cracking. He pecked her lips holding her face and struggled to say anything. “Please Ragini listen to me. We don’t want this kid. Please let’s abort it. Please” said he pleading and running his hands in her hair and caressing her cheeks. Ragini’s blood boiled listening to him. She got up with a jerk and stormed out of the house with her bag. “Ragini… Ragini… listen beta” said Anu running behind her.
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“Papa can I stay with you people for some days?” asked Ragini standing at Pari’s parent’s home. Pari’s dad looked at her confused and nodded his head confused and took her inside.

Sanskar sat on his bed and caressed Ragini’s side. Tears were still flowing from his eyes. “You said you will not leave me. Why did you go Ragini? Why?” said he sobbing.
Ragini who was sleeping got up with a jerk and sat on her bed and tears flew from her eyes. “Why didn’t you trust me Sanskar. Why? You could have told me once that you are scared that I will ignore Ansh and Ananya. I swear I wouldn’t have forced you to do this. I wouldn’t have. How will I live now without you? How will I? But for our kid, the symbol of our love I will stay away from you. I will” said Ragini sobbing holding her stomach.

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Happy Pongal and Sankranti. I will update the next chapter on Monday. From next week I will update on Monday and Thursdays like earlier. Hope you people liked the chappy.