Ishqbaz-I Am Afraid of Relationship/Marriage – Episode 7 (RiKara FF)

I never gave a real reason to my family that why I don’t wanna marry. I always used to give some lame excuses. Because I know no one will understand my point of view. In our society a girl’s life starts and ends under a man.A girls life alone has no value. I know like Omkaraji many men also suffer because of some selfish Swetlana type women. If there are selfish men in the world then there are selfish women too.But society always point their fingers toward women while like Tej Singh Oberoi type men also equally involved in these type of sin.But see he is still a well known businessman whom people give respect…. people can talk behind their back but they get respect in front of all.
Husband is equal to God ,Haven lays under husband’s feet -this is what our society teaches us.Even after being so modern still girl’s mentality is revolve around these concept.My family never consciously differentiate between me-my sister and my brother but if I notice deeply then it’s clear that we have a huge difference between us . When family came to know Anika di’s affair there were a huge fuss about this but when they came to know about Ranveer they didn’t said much.If I ignore this saying that they have learned from Anika di’s matter than also there were many things where they unknowingly differentiate between us.
Girl’s are always praised for their sweet heart, lovely heart, their sacrifices,their motherly lovely nature etc. etc…..I don’t know why but I think while saying all these actually paternalistic society wisely makes women weak.

If not for Ranveer and Priyanka I would have never agreed for marriage. For their happiness I become weak.
Its not needed to ask a girl to sacrifice her happiness for her family….she does that with her will.Its not like boys don’t do sacrifice for their family…. they do…even Omkaraji has agreed for this marriage for his sister’s, for his family’s happiness….But no one can deny that maximum time its girls who sacrifice….After all they are the face of mother, they are the face of Devi….this is how paternalistic society builds a girl’s mind even before they know.
Will any one understand if I say all these to them?I think if I say all these to a living human being then he/she will laugh at me at first and then will suggest me to see a psychiatrist.
I always get dominated infront of my loved once.Its not like they purposely dominate on me ….its just that for their happiness I bow down. I was determined that I will never bow down in this matter….. I will never marry. But at the end I become weak and said yes for marriage.
I am afraid what if in my in-law’s house also same happen?What if I get dominated there also?What if I always get dominated in our relationship?What if I get dominated by my husband?I am afraid…. afraid of my future…. afraid of this kind of relationship…. afraid of this kind of marriage…. I am afraid of marriage.
While writing I have not realized…. its dawn.Someone is knocking in my door to wake me up.Shivam my nephew who was sleeping in my room wake up with the knocking sound.So,bye dear diary ….I have to go now….

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Thank you all,thank you soooooo much for reading and commenting on my story…..