Guys…. A big apology to all of you from my side…!!! I want to write the previous episode in humour’s way..!!! But I completely failed in it..!! Most of you have misunderstood it..!! She is not bad… and not at all negative..!!
I am revealing 50% of truth behind swara’s reason for not accepting marriage today… and most of Swara’s thoughts, her opinions and feelings today… which I want to reveal later..!! I am changing little bit of my story plot for this relevation..!! Don’t be angry on me… and do have patience for some episodes..!!
SWARA’S POV:
When I am four years old… I saw my mother… crying and shouting loudly… bearing a lot of pain… and my father supporting her…in a hospital..!! I didn’t understand at that time… but I came to know that my mother went through that pain… to give happiness to my family…for giving another child..!!
She really made me happy… by presenting me sweet little sister…!! But… my grandfather was not..!! He used to taunt my mother… and sometimes me and my sister too… for giving birth to girls… but my father always gave us support and used to oppose him..!!
Even though… he never showed out… I know that my father is also little dissatisfied..!! From that day…I decided that, I should never become weak because of being a ‘girl’…and make my parents proud!!
As I grow up, I found the world around me sooo messed up… that every time I achieve something… society points out me… being a ‘girl child’..!! But my parents… including me never cared..!!
When I became young… I found different shades in people now..!! In addition to that…my parents quarrelling most of the times… made me frustrated with my life…!!
Then entered… the most beautiful moments of my life…!!! I topped in IIT JEE…and got admission in IIT DELHI..!! I went away from my parents… from this taunting society…and joined in hostel..!!
I am soo happy over there… with lots of freedom… and masti with friends…!!! I found peace and happy…!! I only missed my sweet dearly sister Ragini..!! I understood that… relations are the basic things… that make us weak…!! The more relations you make… the more complicated and unhappy the life becomes…!!
Relations are made by trust and love…!!! But as time passes… the trust and love between persons decreases… making relations weak..!!! This is the reason for all unhappiness in life..!! This is the reason… why my parents fight every time..!! They are just together… because of their love on us..!!
After completing my studies… I started living away from my family… in Bombay… enjoying my life with friends…but I never became close to anyone..!!
At the end…I became a stubborn, short tempered lady… selfish about my family and own happiness… and far from love and marriage… and no concern about society..!!
When my parents fixed my marriage… I am soo scared… about my future… about my life… about my partner..!! But still … I accepted it for my parent’s sake..!!! When I came to know that it was ‘HIM…’ I am shocked…!!!
I am happy that I am going to marry someone whom I know…!!Angry and hurt… as he played a game… by following me without saying me the truth…!! And sad too… as I don’t want him to marry me and spoil his life… because I will never accept this marriage and love him..!!
I don’t know whether he truly loved me or not… but I know he was a good guy…and not like other men…!! I still remember him… following me at midnight when I am walking back home alone once for my safety..!!! Like most of the men, he didn’t take advantage and tried to misbehave with me… but guarded me from others that night..!!
He still followed me… even though I never paid any attention to him..!! May be he truly loves me… but like other girls… I can’t fall for him… because… I know the truth… that this love will not be the same in future…!! I also understood that he can’t hide nor control his feelings… seeing the way he confessed his love to me… one day near milk shop behind a tree..!!
I warned him not to marry me… because he deserve someone… who loves him back and not me..!! But contradiction to my thoughts of him being a good guy… he kissed me forcefully… making my brain conclude that he is even like other men…!!!
But my heart warned me… not to judge him soon… and he might have just done unable to control his feelings..!! Yesterday on our first night… I am scared… what if he forces on me and do something…!!
I thought to just tell him and warn him again and take little revenge for that force kiss..!! Remembering the incident on engagement day… I tied him for my safety!! And I am successful in it too…!! But … I am shocked when I found c*nd*ms in his pocket…!!!
I didn’t expect this from him…!!! Anger raised in me… thinking how can he do this…!!! My temper grew to it’s extremes..!! I can’t able to control it…!! He proved that my thoughts about him were wrong…!! My brain overpowered my heart…!! Whole night I have been kept thinking… how my life changed within a few days…!!
In the morning, when he woke up … I bet him with belt… taking out all my frustrations…!! Yes… I took out all frustrations on him… unable to tolerate all non-sense happening in my life…!! I don’t have anyone nearby to burst out all my feelings from my heart… except him..!! But I can’t say anything to him even..!!! I… just got blasted on him..!!
At that time I didn’t care about anything… he being my husband… his family… nothing..!!! I don’t care… if his family abandons me now even… and I want the same thing too…!! I can’t live with him..!! I acted bravely in front of him… and came down leaving room…!!
I don’t know why… tears started flowing from my eyes unknowingly…!! I don’t want anyone to see me in that state..!! I really want someone as my support now… to reduce my madness..!! This new family… new world… new relations… although they were for short time… are making me weak…!! Perhaps I am missing my family…my sister..!! Just then my mobile started ringing… indicating Ragini’s call…!! I cleared up my throat and lifted call..!!
Me : “Haa.. Ragini Good morning..!!!”
Ragini : “Good morning Didi…!!! How are you…??!!! How is your new house??!!! How is Jiju ??!!”
Me: “Haa… Haa… I am fine…!!! Everybody is fine…!!”
Ragini(concerned) : “Dii…Is everything ok??!!! Are you really fine??!! Why is voice soo low??!!”
Me : “Nothing like that Ragini… I am really good… and everything is really fine..!!”
Ragini : “I know di.. you are not happy now..!! But…Do you trust in me???!!!”
Me : “What is that question Ragini??!! Offcourse..!!”
Ragini: “Then trust Jiju even di…!!! I know you don’t like this marriage…!! But still … I am telling you… that jiju is really good…!! He loves you soo much…!! Please… just give him
a chance…!! That’s what I want to say..!! Believe me di…!! He is the best husband any one can get..!!”
Me : “Why are you saying all this to me??!!”
Ragini: “Just… I felt like… even I don’t know why..!! I just want you not to misjudge him…!!! Ok… bye… talk to you later…!! Time for college..!! Miss you..!!”
Me: “Miss you too…” saying this I kept my phone…!!
After listening Ragini’s words… my heart started its argument that may be I might have misunderstood him…!! But I am unable to decide… what’s right and what’s not..!!
I went to kitchen and made Kheer in my first Rasoi…!!! While I was coming out … I suddenly got slipped… and was about to fall down and then… ‘HE’ held me…!! AGAIN…. We ar soo close to each other..!!! I tried to act brave… but… his eyes are making me weak…!!! They are showing some feelings which I am not able to understand…!! He made me stand and went away… without uttering a word…!!
I came out with bowls… and saw ‘HIM’… along with his mother, father and sister… sitting and waiting for my food…!!! He was staring at me… as if I came from another planet..!!
Everybody ate it… and praised me… specially him… He ate 3 bowls…!!
Later… everybody decided to go for shopping… and I came up to room… to freshen up within 5 minutes… and cool down myself..!!
Again… my brain and heart started their argument with each other…!!
My heart: “See… Swara..!!! He is such a sweet guy…!!! He didn’t say anything nor show any anger on you for beating him…what you have done to him is really wrong!!”
My brain: “Heyy… stop your non- sense…!! Did you forget what you found with him yesterday???!!! He is not a good guy..!!”
My heart: “Common.. dude..!! Tell me… if he is a bad guy… do you think he would just stay calm… even after beating him like that??!! Why will he save you from falling down even after you did this much to him???!!!”
My brain: “What do want to say???!!! I am blind??!! My eyes are not working??!!”
My heart: “What you saw, might not be right always..!! Think about Ragini’s words even…!! She is saying sooo confidently that her jiju is a good guy..!! Just trust her..!!”
Finally … after a lot of arguments…and thinking about his behaviour in other cases…my heart and brain concluded that, may be I over reacted too much..!!
My heart: “Since… you did this much to him…!!! You should apologise to him…!!”
My brain: “What non-sense are you talking??!!! It will make situation critical…!!!”
My heart: “It’s your mistake completely…!!! You are unable to control your anger… and you showed your stupidity…!! Sooo… you should definitely do it..!!”
My brain: “Common dude..!!! I accept that what you did is wrong..!! But it will be an advantage now..!! Because of this… maybe he will start hating you… if he loves you..!! He will
leave you and you will be free from this relationship…!!”
My heart(angrily) : “There are many ways… to get away from him..!!! It’s not by beating him..!! Just tell me one thing … Will you be able to tolerate… if someone slaps you unnecessarily??!!!No right…!! So.. go and say Sorry..!!”
My brain(coolly): “Chill maar dear..!! Take it easy..!! No need of any sorry…!! But next time… be careful…!!! Be in senses… don’t become emotional..!!”
My heart: “I said what I want to say…!! It’s in your hands whether to say sorry or not dear..!! But haa… really… next time… be careful and control your anger..!!”
My heart and mind calmed down finally… leaving me the decision to say sorry or not..!! But I never found answers to few questions from my brain nor my heart…!!Why do I always loose my senses whenever he is soo close to me??!!
His eyes show something which I never saw in anyone till now..!! Why am I not able to understand his expressions whenever I look into his eyes??!!
Till now… I never showed my anger nor frustration on anyone accept to my near and dear ones..!! But why did I express it on him??!! He is not near one to me right??!!!
I don’t know when I will find answers to these questions…!!! But I should really find out answers for these… before I leave him…!!
POV ENDS..!!
PRECAP: Sanskar’s POV…!!! His feelings..!!
What do you think… will swara say sorry to him??!!! Please do read the below message completely..!!
Sorry… for not following yesterday’s Precap…!!! Because… I don’t want anyone to misjudge swara’s character…!!! Every one can’t be perfect..!! And My swara in this ff has short temper and selfishness as her defective features…!!! I will show the reason for this too.. later..!! She is not at all bad…!!! And she is really really really good..!! Please don’t take her negative..!!
My ff story is on how… sanskar’s true love will make swara fall for him and change her opinions..!! May be she is right at few things… which is not revealed in this ff till now..!!My ff… both are really different characters..!! Please don’t judge this ff on one episode..!! I promise you guys… I give you a beautiful ending for this ff..!! And you will see reasons for everything as story continues..!!
I will show you a friendly swara… when she accepts sanskar as her friend..!!! Please guys.. accept swara like this with her defects in this ff..!! I just wanted to show that she is different from other girls..!! If you still feel bad… you can discontinue my ff…!!! I am really very very very very sorry for you all… 🙁 🙁 🙁 !!!