Hii everyone…!! How are you all??!!! Asusual…I am soon illegally…ready to get a punch from kakali 😛 !! Thank you…thank you…thank you soo much friends…for your lovely comments…!! I am soo soo sooo happy seeing your interest in my ff…!! Your comments always blow me up like anything…!!
Here is a long chapter…!! I hope it reaches your expectations…!! Fingers crossed…!! Criticism is most welcome…so that I would clarify and put up in next episode…!!
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Link to all episodes: Here
Link to previous episode: Episode 30
RECAP: Swara’s explaination about ragini’s marriage…!! Swara’s feelings about her marriage with sanskar…!! Swara coming to know about ragini’s love…and backing out…for a meet with laksh…!! Sanskar confronting swara…!!
SWARA’S POV:
“Should I answer her…that the person with whom she is in love with…is the same person for whom I had once developed my feelings??!!!” I shouted at the top of my lungs.
OOOH NOO!!! Did I just blurt out??!! Shit!! I myself am making situations awkward…!! I turned aside and as expected… found sanskar with enlarged eyes and O shaped open mouth…standing still…!!
“Sanskar!!” I tapped while calling him…and he came out of shock…!!
“What did you just say??!!” He asked…!!
I am confused…!! What should I do now??!! Should I let out my buried down secret past which I never shared with anyone??!! What if it worsens the existing conditions??!! I don’t know…!! May be I shouldn’t…!!
But… my heart wants to…!! It wants me to share it with sanskar…!! Yess!!! I want to tell him…but why??!! I myself don’t know…!! I don’t know what magic he does on me every time…due to which I share all my feelings…with him…!! He has almost become my personal diary in which I pen out all my things…!!
May be sharing with him…relieves all my stress waves out of my brain…which are currently roaming violently…!!
Letting out a deep sigh…I turned back Facing River…!! Closing my eyes…slowly I stated recollecting my past…!! Memories of 16 years old swara…in her boyish attire and bobbed hair cut…came to my mind…unknowingly making my lips curl into smile…!!
Flashback:
“BHARATIYA PROUDYOGIKI SAMSTHAAN DILLI (in hindi)
INDIAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY DELHI”
I read out proudly several times…standing at entrance…!!
“Swara…come fast…!!” called my father… who already crossed me and went inside…his eyes reflecting happiness…!!
Why wouldn’t he??!! After all… I am the first one among my relatives…no no…whole bhadi…who topped and got admission into best institute…for engineering…!! I can’t believe that I am now an IITAN…!!
But…the thing is… instead of such a big achievement…I have received funny unbelievable responses from bhadi people…!!
Half of them don’t know what IIT is…and some of them misinterpreted it as IIIT…!! But most idiotic response is people suggesting that there is no point of higher education for a girl…!!
Well!!! Keeping aside all these thoughts… I entered inside…with an excitement about my future…along with high hopes and lot of dreams…!!!
Only thing that didn’t reach my expectations is ragging!!! HELL with the movies…which showed ragging as a scary shit!!! There was nothing much pressure from seniors other than asking our introduction…!! May be there is a bit more intense ragging…for boys!!!
Being good at guitar and acting…I was inducted directly into music society, along with dramatics society…!! Within a short span I joined into cultural fest working team too…!!
By the end of first semester… three-fourth of our batch girls got paired up…!! Few with seniors…few with our batch mates…!!
Second semester started…and it’s when I started noticing him…!!
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“It’s really stupid!!! We just joined…and why the hell is he teaching difficult ones instead of starting basics to us??” I shouted loudly after reaching to my room…!!
I along with my room-mate Priya decided to attend early morning yoga sessions for our betterment giving up our precious sleeps…!!
“It’s 2nd semester buddy…!!We are not V.I.P’s over there to have a special session from the start…!!” she said coolly..!!
“Such a nonsense and boring sessions..!! The only thing that amazed me was our senior Amit doing mind blowing asana stunts at the end…bending his whole body like an elastic…!!” I said falling on my bed with a thud…!!
Yaah…he was good…!! Even our senior Laksh too did his aasanas perfectly…eventhough they were not thrilling…!!” she said gazing her phone…!!
“Who??!!” I asked…!!
“Our senior, Laksh bhaiyya…!!” She tried to clarify…!!
“Never heard of him…!! Who is he??!!” I asked…!!
“You don’t know him??!!!!” she jumped horrified and landed on my bed…!!
“You are talking as if he is president of America…!!” I spoke amused seeing her reaction…!!
Priya:“He has been there in robotics and entrepreneurship societies…!!”
Me: “But I am not there in robotics…and entrepreneurship inductions are not yet done…!! How will I know??!!”
Priya: “He is soo calm and silent reyy…never speaks much…and concentrates only on his work…!!”
Me(pissed off): “I am not interested in knowing about his bio-data…!! Just tell me who the hell he is…!!”
“Ok…ok..!!” she said…settling herself in a comfortable position.
Priya: “Do you remember the guy…who was positioned next to our Amit bhaiyya today??!!”
Me(blankly): “No!!”
Priya: “Areyy…yaar!! Try to remember…!! Try!! Try!! He wore green shirt today!!!
Me(holding my head..and trying to remember): “Ummm….umm… Haa!!! I remember…!!”
Priya(excited): “Haa…haa…he is the one…!!”
“But I don’t remember his face reyy…!!” I added immediately…bring her excitement level and hard work to zero level…!! But still she didn’t give up..!!
Priya: “Areyy…yaar!!! Try !! Try!! He mostly wears that green shirt only…!!”
Me(joking): “Why??!! Doesn’t he have any more shirts??!!!”
Priya(still not giving up): “Uhh..idiot!!! Stop joking and try to remember him…!!”
Me(smiling): “It’s ok madam…!! I will see him in tomorrow session…!! Now hurry up…!! We need to attend our classes…!!”
It might be the end of that day’s talk about him…!! But it’s the base that got created for my stupid actions and thoughts further…!!
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“What are you doing??” Priya asked me….finding me looking for something…!!
“Searching for green shirt guy…!! You only told yesterday about some senior…Laksh…!!” I said still looking for him…!!
“Ohh…Laksh Bhaiyya??!!! Today he didn’t wear green shirt madam!!! He wore red!! There…There he is…near Amit bhaiyya…!!” She said pointing her hand towards a thin figure…!!
As priya told…I am able to guess him as a calm guy…with lot of patience…from his features. There is no attitude…of being a senior which I generally figure out from many of our
senior’s faces…!! This might be reason why I couldn’t distinguish him from our batch mates yesterday…!!
“Well..!! That’s fine…!! I came to know about one more senior…!!” I said completing my judging analysis in first look…!!
“He is very good Bhaiyya…unlike others…!!! He studies well too…!!” she started bio-data once again…!!
“Why are you calling him bhaiyya??!! I think seniors had warned us right from the start…that no one should call them as Brother/Bhaiyya/bhai/Bhayna/Annaya/Anna etc..etc.. right??!!” I raised a point noticing her words…!!
She chuckled and replied… “Now no one will mind me calling them bhaiyya…because everyone knows I am committed…!!”
I gave a mean look to her silly reply…and started my practice…!! There are many things that I never understand…!! One of them is this…!! My friends…who hardly completed 5 months of college…gets into relationships…!! They didn’t even have right to vote…as they are not mature enough to decide our ruler until 18…!! But… they are mature enough to decide their soul mates…and fall in love…!! Stupidity in peaks!!!! 😛
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“I am done with these patience sessions…!!” I murmured myself determined…while wearing my chappals…after completion of yoga class…!! Seriously…I myself couldn’t believe that I had successfully completed a month yoga classes…!!
Priya…who was more excited than me for this thing…gave up last week itself…as she was hardly getting sleep after having late night chats and talks with her boyfriend…!! And here I am…still managing it…along with music, dramatics and cultural festival…!! But not anymore…further…!!
“Hi..!!” I heard voice…!! I turned back…and got surprised…!! For a moment…I checked my surroundings…to make sure…Laksh…my senior is calling me only…!! As far as Priya told…he is someone…who minds his own work…and what he has to do with me??!!!
“You are swara right??!!” He asked…giving me conformation…that I am the one…whom he is talking to…!!
Me(hiding surprise): “Yeah??!!”
Laksh: “Umm…Wooh…I just called to inform you…that you got selected in entrepreneurship cell…!! Congratulations!!The list is not yet out…but it will be…by evening…!!! I just thought to tell you…as I see you daily in yoga class…!!”
If it would have been someone…my reply would have been confident…!! But…his voice…I could sense shyness in it…!! Shit!! Why is he shying and moreover it’s making me feel embarrassed…!!
“Ok…!! Thank you…!!”I said…trying myself not to disclose my awkwardness…!!
“Tomorrow is your first meeting..!! See you there..!! Bye…!!” He said and went away quickly…before I could reply a bye to him…!!
‘He is different’…I thought…!! I wish I should have just drawn only this conclusion from his behaviour…!! I wish…I shouldn’t have thought more than this…!! But I did!!!
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I completed my first year…and so his 2nd year…!! We never talked much…and even we did… it’s only about work…!!
Loneliness started to eat me…whenever my friends get busy their boyfriends…!! I do have boys as friends…but it’s limited up to class or work…or facebook…!! Neither our batchmate boys are interested in a girl who is boyish, short tempered and egoistic…nor I am interested in making them more close to me…who feels that… generally girls always wants boys…to bear them…!!
That’s when I found him interesting…!! I found him different…!! Different from most of the boys…!! My friend’s love stories too had their impact on me…!! I started liking him…from when, how and why…I don’t know…!! I began to fantasize our small meets right from the start of 1st year… as destiny…and my feelings towards him as Love…!!
I couldn’t believe myself that I am in love…but filmy dialogues of Love…used to revolve in my brain…shutting my thoughts…!!
Third year of my college…a different swara entered…!! A swara who no longer had a bobbed hair-cut…!! This swara even started keeping kajal to her eyes…!! My sister and friends were surprised while my mother was happy…!!
They started teasing me…but I never care…!! They guessed about my interest on some senior…but couldn’t find out who he was… and I never shared about him to anyone…!!
I got unnecessary attention from some of the boys…but I showed them right position with my actions…!! First time…I wore a saree…with matching accessories…and increased intensity of kajal to my eyes…along with light makeup on Diwali day…!! I just wished only his attention on me…!! But it never happened…!!
I felt happy…finding out looks never had impact on him…!! Day by day…I find him becoming more handsome…!! I thought of chatting with him…tried to talk with him…!! But I am unable to..!! I am shy…at the same time scared…of what he will think about me…!!
By the end of academic year…I realized he won’t be visible to me…from next year…as it was his last year…!! That’s when I did a most annoying thing…!!
I decided to express my feelings to him…before he leaves and proposed him during farewell party time…!!
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“I love you Laksh!!!” I said to him…offering him a rose…!!
Finding him alone I went straight to him and spilled out the matter…!! We both stared at each other for few moments…!! Sounds of disco where party has been going on…is audible to us…!!
“Are you in senses swara??!!” He asked in serious tone…!!
“Y..e..s!!” I spoke in a low tone…getting little scared…of his question…!! I don’t know…why…I lost my confidence…!! I suddenly started feeling like I have done a mistake…!! I thought to propose…but I didn’t think of his reactions after that…!!
Few times…he opened his mouth to speak something…but closed again…not knowing what to tell…!!
“What do you know about me??” He shot up finally…!!
Me: “You are my senior…”
Laksh(serious): “And??”
Me: “You are in robotics, entrepreneurship societies…!!”
Laksh: “And??”
I have nothing else to say…!!! Such a stupid answer I have given…!! I never talked to him…and how I will know about him??!!
He chuckled and said… “Many of them know this…!! I don’t know what made you think that you love me…but I understood very well…you are not…!! The feelings which you got on me were nothing but of attraction…!!
You are a talented, hardworking girl, deterministic girl unlike many of them here. You are one among 100 girls… who breaks boy’s delusion about girls…!! Eventhough…we are seniors…we know little bit about you…and we like and respect the way you are… unlike other girls…!!
Your earlier bobbed hair cut, your fights with your batch mates…always reminds me of my deceased sister…!! She died at 12 in an accident…!! As a brother…I suggest you…never let these things disturb your mind…!! They would object you from reaching heights…!! And best of luck for your future…!!”
I cried…!! I cried that night silently…feeling idiotic of myself…!! He felt me as his sister…while I felt him different…!!
But with time…I realized about my feelings towards him…!! He was right…!! It’s not at all love…!! I do know nothing much about him…!! It’s just an over thinking of my excitement seeing our similarities…in few matters…!! While I never care about others…he even minds his own work…!! While I restrict boy’s friendship to a certain level…he shies to talk with girls…and befriend them…!!
It’s not only me who found him becoming more handsome day by day in my 3rd year…but many of my friends…!! It’s because…he started working out…going to gyms…!! It’s just that I found him like a wowww…and got attracted to him…but nothing more than that…!!
He passed out…and I upgraded to final year…!! Little uneasiness…which I used to feel whenever we both face each other…is gone…!! Whenever I remind him…my stupid proposal comes to my mind…making me face palm myself due to embarrassment…!!
But…I am glad…that I did something which I was never expected of…and it became one of my memories…my cute crush story…which no one knows…!!
My interest in the field of archaeology…had become a passion for me…when I did an online part time internship under ASI, India…in my fourth year…!! My father strongly objected my further studies of doing M.S…And I left with no choice other than accepting a job in Mumbai offered during campus placement…!! He was reluctant first…but huge package and my stubbornness made him agree finally…!!
Flashback ends…!!!
My friends…who once were committed and dreamed of marrying their partners…had their breakups in upcoming years…adding strength to my views about teenage and youth love…!!There are hardly 1-2% of teen love stories reaching destination of marriage…!!
Gone are the days of pure love where Shah Jahan built Taj Mahal for his beloved wife…!!! These are the days…where in some cases…blood relations are even lack of love and bonding…!! These are the days where you can’t differentiate what is love and attraction…!! These are the days…people getting cheated up in the name of love…!!
Mumbai’s life…brought much more maturity to my views… about relationships and love…!! I found myself content and enjoying life…with freedom and chasing out my interest…and I want to be like this forever…!! Laksh was right…!! I am different from many of the girls…!! And I am happy being different…!!
POV ENDS…!!
RECAP: Swara’s problem of facing laksh…!! Swalak’s face-off…!!
I just wanted to ask two things…!!
1) Do you want raglak love story too??!! It adds up one more episode…!!
2) Is anyone interested to know 3 things swara wished to do at least once in her life??!! I need to cut out that whole story track episodes…for ending it quick…!! I will think of a quick way to reveal them…if you are interested…!! I am not sure about it…!!
Once I would like to thank each and every one of them… Sweeta, Balaji, Swarna, Mica, Rekha, Simin, Soujanya,Mariyajap, Vyshu, Swasan, vidhi, simi, yashu, s, astra, kakali, SNY, Mumpi, sneha, pramudi, ishu, shan, tani, arshi, shifa, shreeyu,ameera, milestone and chanu twin… thank you soo much guys…!! 😀 😀
Swasan, s, SNY, milestone… I want to know your real names…if you are interested in telling me…!! 😀
Ameera…if you are same writer ameera ‘My incomplete Love story’ please…!!