My life was peaceful , simple and content. Even though I didn’t had the chance to attend parties and do other fun stuff, I was happy. I was my dadima and dadu’s pretty princess. They were strict but I knew that they loved me to the core. They were the most important people in my life who always made me feel special. Their love was the reason why I never felt like alone. But I always missed my mom. Dad never seemed to care about me and when I came to know the reason for his carelessness towards me , I was shattered . he never found me important because I was the last symbol of the woman who made him away from the love of his life , his mishti.. But I never understood why he never saw my pretty mamma’s helplessness. She was as much the victim as him. Like him she too never got the taste of true love and the happiness of a family.
The main reason why I wanted to unite shomi maa and papa despite dadimaa’s protest was the kindle of hope which promised me a father’s and mother’s love if I united them , the love of a kind sister and the happiness of a complete family. Shona was the perfect sister cum bestie . she was a beautiful and kind hearted soul .
Everything was perfect. I was okay despite lakshya’s rejection. I loved him truly but had accepted his decision. But then again he entered in my life like a hurricane once again leaving my barely healed wounds open . now he wanted to marry me. I had asked him again whether he truly was happy. He said he was happy. But when again I started spinning my dreams of a beautiful life with the man I loved, my man , he crashed another atom bomb in my life by saying that he never loved me , he accepted the marriage for the sake of his brother and that he loved my sister . The catastrophe that occurred in my life was complete when I learnt that shona also loved him. Nobody can or will really understand what I had felt that moment. I was crushed . At that moment of vulnerability when sanskar came to me, I accepted his offer thus doing the final rites to my innocent soul, murdered by my beloved sister and the man I loved. I completely lost myself in that mad love or obsession that I tried to kill my swara. I became a blo*dy murderer, all because of him. Then came the “ maha khulasa of evil ragini’s dirty game’’. My papa again started hating me , my dadu and dadi maa lost their respect because of me , maa was disgusted with me, swara was angry with me, lakshya hated me. I’m feeling angry at myself now that at that time also all I was worried about was Lakshya’s feeling.
I know what I had done was wrong, but all of them are equally responsible for my actions. They never felt that I also had a heart and would feel emotions just like them . Yet they chose to ignore my feelings . So I rebelled against them gaining nothing but losing everything . my family , my sister , friend , my love, my innocence …everything. I’m alone now , away from my loved ones. I’m broken , lost and lonely. Its a moonless night just like my life, I want this darkness to engulf me in her mighty cloak so that I can escape from this unbearable and bone crushing pain…I just don’t want to feel anything anymore..love, pain, happiness, anger, hatred …I don’t want to feel anything. I just want to be devoid of every feeling. Empty like my broken soul…