NIRNAYA
Decision
Svabhavo dhuradhikrama ||
One’s nature can’t be changed.
“Welcome home dear!” I invited you with a big smile.
“Will you not hug me?” You asked.
I hugged you tightly and smiled. We went inside the house.
You moved near the wall of pictures and stared at our family photograph for a while.
“It’s getting dark, we will depart by morning.” I said and called off my phone, looking at you who seemed to be lost in thought.
“Hey ?” I called you and you turned towards me.
“You aren’t changed much yaar. Brown hair, big eyes and still thin. Do you even eat something there?” I asked.
“Yeah they feed me with something, I don’t know the name!” You said.
“And you still look like my cute little sibling.” I said holding your pale face.
You hugged me and whispered, ” I am your favourite right?”
I kissed your forehead and nodded. I felt so good in a way.
“Will you do something for me?” You asked me quietly.
I said yes. “Will you spend sometime with me? As my friend? ” You have asked.
I realised how lonely you could have felt in hospital all these years. But I couldn’t able do anything for you other than conveying my sorry.
“Ofcourse dear, come let’s sit down in open air for sometime.” I said and we went to the garden space.
“The moon is half” you said staring at it.
Your deep voice and still eyes looked so cute to be dangerous.
“Yes it is and it will be for other 5 days.” I said.
You looked at me as if I was the reason for the other half to be missing. I felt so wierd.
“Do you remember your last day with us ?” You asked.
Ofcourse I do. After which I went abroad for studies and you, you were sent to hospital for treatment.
“Dad played a game with us. Actually it was for you but I joined it. Remember?” You asked.
Yes we did. Dad told, ” listen I will ask you three questions, if you answer it correctly then you can lead your life in your way and I will be relieved of your fear.” I nodded and then you came there all way running and screaming that you will also play. We enjoyed your cuteness then and allowed you to answer afterall you are a child 8 years younger to me.
“So you can win either happiness or sleep, which one will you fight for?” He asked.
You screamed happiness. He smiled and looked at me, I told “sleep”. Oh that innocent look you gave me that day! Who could forget? “Because dear, sleep is necessity. Even if you are happy all the time and couldn’t sleep means how will your body function?” I asked you. You didn’t understand anything but still smiled at me and yelled, “correct”. Me and da both accepted it and laughed.
“Is it necessary for me to be in hospital?” You asked me.
” I don’t know, infact we shouldn’t talk about it right now. Now that you are back we should only focus on how we gonna enjoy from now!” I said to you.
“Are we going to nanital to ma and papa?” You asked disinterested.
“Yes tomorrow.” I said.
You stood up and went inside the house like a robot. I followed you.
Our helper Tyagi kaka called us for dinner. We sat in dining table.
“I don’t want to go to nanital, I hate them !” You said strictly.
I can understand how you feel. Anyone who is thrown to an asylum and spent years there away from parents would talk like you but still as your elder one this is my duty to pacify you.
“Listen love, they love you so much and you have no idea how much they miss you. They wanted to treat you and cute you that’s it! Please don’t think about it and eat. Tomorrow you will find by yourself how much ma and papa loves you!” I said holding your hands.
You held my hands more even tightly and asked me, “what about the second question?”
Second question our dad asked us was the important one I thought till now.
“Your own person is a threat and that is been told by your enemy but it’s true now what will you do? Leave them or ignore the enemy?”
You asked suddenly who is enemy? And I remember papa telling you that imagine me as enemy and your elder one as your own person who is a threat.
And you told, ” no I won’t leave you even if papa ask me to! Don’t worry.” you said holding my hands.
I felt so proud and happy. Even dad did. But my answer was different because I know the world. I told ,” if my own person is threat then I will leave them.”
You asked me cutely,” why would you leave me?” I replied smartly,” I was talking about me dear. Papa told that person is me right?” . You accepted it and still asked me, ” are you a threat?” I said no and before I could explain papa congratulated me for my answer for which you were more happy than I was.
I looked at you the same way I did then.
Your eyes bloomed.
“I’m of dual personality they say. Which one you think is threat? ” You’ve asked.
“You are not a threat! You can never be one for me. You don’t know how much I feel when I think that I couldn’t stop ma and papa from sending you to hospital. If we’re there…” Before I could finish, you stopped me and told,” it’s okay! ” And went away to your room.
“Do we need to call the doctor? Doctor told me that she could be here when we call her” said kaka.
“No kaka, I don’t want to call now, let me handle this and please bring two glass of buttermilk to our rooms.” I said and came to you.
I saw you resting in your bed and kept my hand in your forehead, caressing your hair, I asked, “dear, tell me what’s troubling you?”
“You tell me what is troubling you?” You asked me.
I replied, “the guilt that I couldn’t be there with you that time hurts me still.”
“Really?it’s okay ! Will you support me now?” You asked.
“Ofcourse it’s my pleasure” I told.
“Let’s kill mom and dad” you told.
I saw your face, it was really brightened and bloomed.
“Stop your nonsense. You don’t know how much they love you.” I told.
Remember the third question? We both asked at the same time.
“This is the most tough one. If your goal is been restricted by your wellwisher then what will you do? Sacrifice your goal or sacrifice them?” Dad asked.
“Sacrifice them!” You told. That wasn’t innocent. “Why ?” Dad asked and I remember you told, “because Mary told so !”
“Who is Mary?” Dad asked.
“No one dad, it’s imaginary friend!” I replied looking at you. You smiled and asked “you?”
“I would sacrifice my dream!” I told.
You got so angry and told me “you always choose the opposite of what I choose I’m going !” And ran away grabbing imaginary Mary.
“I know you would oppose me but listen I will kill them, don’t even try to stop me with your nobility. You don’t know what I went through!” You said in a deep strict voice.
I went out of your home in anger. How can I listen to you saying about murder of our own parents? I went to my room and kaka came to me.
“Listen shall I call the doctor? You don’t seem to be good?” He asked.
“No kaka. I don’t want that idiot to go far away from me again. It’s just the vulnerability nothing else. I will treat this. My love is actually enough for medication. I don’t want to get seperated once again.” I told.
You went to the kitchen and mixed those pills in a glass of buttermilk. And kaka came there by then and you told, “this is for me right I’ll take this to my room!” And went taking the other glass.
“Here is your buttermilk!” Kaka gave me.
I held the glass and thought about that day where I told dad, “if my well wisher restrain me from my goal then I’m sure my goal is either wrong or harmful so I will sacrifice my goal”.
“I’m proud and feeling relieved!” He said patting my shoulder. I smiled at my dad.
“I know you would stand for your nobility but I too stand with Mary and my words. I will get rid of all my threats and will attain my goal for sure. Mom and dad here I come!” You said with a bitter smile.
We both proved that most of our decisions are driven by our intentions and not the discipline.
You saw the half moon the same way I did with my glass in my hand.