“I Love You As A Man Loves A Woman”, the words were still echoing in her head. Was it a dream? Was he drunk? What the hell was happening? She doubted if god had blessed her brain with the sufficient amount of grey matter of not. Something was seriously wrong! She found her limbic system and prefrontal cortex dysfunctioning or may be, the future doctor in her was just exaggerating the diagnosis. Whatever might be the reason, she still stood there confused, while in the heat of the moment, the proximity between them had terminated into a hug, a warm and affectionate hug. It was only then that it dawned upon her, it was all REAL!!
She was entwined in the arms of the guy she loved. She couldn’t have wished for anything more. A forlorn hope had revived. She felt complete. All that she wanted right now, was the time to freeze. But the fear of losing him sent chills down her spine. What if this was just another one of his infatuations? What if they had to part ways if things didn’t work out, if he discovers his love for someone else, if he breaks up with her……and…..ABANDONS HER??? She couldn’t afford to lose him, at least not her best friend in him. Undoubtedly, she loved him with all her heart, but she couldn’t trust him with his idea of love. He was way too unsure of his feelings and the fear of forfeiting him unnerved her.
Dev, on the other hand, got all he could ever have asked for. He filled her in his embrace with a promise that he would never let her go.
He was completely lost in the moment when he felt Sonakshi loosen her grip. She freed herself from his arms, stepped back and looked into his quizzical eyes.
Sona: This is not right Dev! You’ve surely misunderstood something. Since we’ve been used to each other’s presence a lot, I guess that’s what made you THINK you love me. But trust me….it’s not so….it’s just pash.
Her heart ripped into pieces, bereaved of the courage to speak anymore. Her words were hurting no one else more than herself. She didn’t want to do this, she didn’t want to speak a word more, but she had to. She had to do this for herself, for him, for their friendship. If escaping a heartbreak and the pain of separation was being selfish, then yes! She was being selfish!
She gulped down her grief, trying hard to hold her tears back, while Dev stood transfixed, earnestly listening to each and every word she said.
Sona: This isn’t how its supposed to be Dev. We can be best friends for life, but……we are two very different people. We aren’t meant to be together. May be its the length of the time we’ve spent together, that makes you think you love me. I guess we should…….stay away for some time. That’ll do both of us good. Trust me……you’ll soon find the right girl. All you gotta do is……just avoid my company for a while…..you’ll soon get over me….I know. You’ll find a great girl Dev, you’ll find a great girl…..
Her eyes were brimmed with tears, as she turned her back to him with those last words. She couldn’t face him anymore, for her breakdown would be inevitable. With her feet trembling and heart wrenching, she walked away.
Her soul was wailing out loud,
“Please stop me Dev! For just once, say that you’re true with your feelings, just hold my hand and don’t let me go. Prove me wrong Dev….. please……”
Was she crying for the moon? Not at all! Dev could very well stop her then and there, make her believe in his love, but he stood there benumbed, watching her steps recede, his hopes shattered into pieces, the qualm within him devouring his conscience.
Tum mere ho iss pal mere ho
Kal shayad ye alam naa rahe
Kuch aisa ho tum tum naa raho
Kuch aisa ho hum hum naa rahe
Yeh raaste alag ho jaaye
Chalte chalte hum kho jaaye
Main phir bhi tumko chahunga
Main phir bhi tumko chahunga.
Is chahat mein marr jaunga
Main phir bhi tumko chahunga.
He didn’t remember how he’d reached home that day, his mind was too absorbed in all that she’d said, drowning in the dilemma, if he should listen to the guy who’s never been right about love or to the girl who, he thinks, can never be wrong.
When he reached home, he found happy faces all around. There was an air of celebration. It was a surprise party arranged by his mother and friends for celebrating his success, absolutely unaware, that his soul was to devastated to be a part of it.
That had been a sleepless night for him….one among the many more to come……..as he had curbed his feelings within him, thinking that probably Sonakshi was right. She’d always known him inside out and would always decide what’s best for him. If she thought staying astray will do them good, then he will stay away from her.
He tried his level best not to think of her, but his mind and heart revolted against the very idea of forgetting her. No one could deny the fact that he loved her immensely. The more he tried to swipe her memories, the more they made him crave for her presence.
A month of separation made Dev believe in himself, in the feelings he had for Sonakshi, made him believe in his LOVE. Though hitherto, Sonakshi had always been right about everything, this time she was WRONG. Parting ways with her was something he couldn’t even dream of. She’d become a part of him now and she had to know this. Her refusal, the other day, was justified. She’d seen him switch over relationships so often that she might have thought he wasn’t serious. But Dev knew that this time, he was gravest in his approach and he had to tell this to her, now or never.
But things weren’t going to be that easy. Sonakshi had changed her phone number and deleted all her social media accounts. There was no way left for him contact her. He even went to her home, but to his dismay, she’d left the city with her family. Contacting all her friends was in vain as none of them was in touch with her, nor did they have any hint of her whereabouts. All of a sudden she’d disappeared……rendering him the loss of a lifetime.
The only person who knew anything about her was Elena.
…………………………………………………………….
A few weeks back, before Dev had come to ask her about Sonakshi, Elena did have a conversation with her. But she couldn’t tell Dev anything about her, as she was bound by the promise she’d made to her soul sister.
Elena: Hi Sona! How are you??
Sona: I’m good yaar….how about you?
Elena: I’m great, moving to Pune next month….NIFT mein admission mil gaya yaar.
Sona: Hey that’s a great news!! Congratulations!
Elena: Thank you so much…..but what about you…tune kya decide kiya?
Sona: Leaving for AIIMS Jodhpur……..tomorrow.
Elena: Jodhpur?? But why?? You could’ve easily got a college in Delhi…..then why are you going to Jodhpur…… and woh bhi kal??
Sona: I can’t live in this city anymore. For some reason I feel suffocated…..ghutan hoti hai mujhe ab yahan….plus I always wanted to join the AIIMS….Delhi nahi toh Jodhpur sahi…..I have family friends there so it won’t be a problem.
Elena: But Sona what about aunty? Woh yahan akele rahengi?
Sona: Nahi…..Ma is shifting to Kolkata…she has to look after my dida….and Dad has been transferred there too.
Elena: Did you tell Dev?
Sona: I haven’t told anyone, except you. I don’t want to tell him, and I expect the same from you. Do not tell him anything Ele please. Promise me you won’t share this with anyone, not even Jatin.
Elena: Sona why are you doing this? What has happened? Tell me right now. You can’t hide things from me.
Sona: I can’t explain everything to you Ele….. But trust me whatever I’m doing is for his own good. I’m doing it for both of us. So please, if you want us to be happy…..just don’t tell him anything about me…..I beg of you Ele please…..
Elena: But Sona…
Sona: Elena promise kar….if you’ve ever considered me your true friend, if you’ve ever loved me like your sister….you won’t tell him a word. Promise kar Ele.
And Elena had to give in. She had no idea about the trauma the two of them had been going through. All she remembered was her promise to her best friend, that she could never break.
…………………………………………………………….
Dev tried everything he could to get a hint about her. But he failed. She had left him forever. He could never make her believe in his love and this excruciating regret had killed the jovial Dev in him.
Throughout those four years of college, his guitar had been his only friend. He had stopped talking to anyone, including his family. While Ishwari was completely unaware of the reason behind his changed behavior, Nikki knew it all.
She had seen her brother grieve through the nights, seen him lost her thoughts, his heart wrenched in the guilt that he’d let her go. She’d seen the hidden singer in him, sit with his guitar and weep his heart out for those long hours. She’d often seen him sitting on the window, with his fingers lost in those musical strings, his heart pouting out its pain through his music…..
Meri jaan mein har khamoshi hain
Tere pyaar ke nagme gaunga
Main phir bhi tumko chahunga
Main phir bhi tumko chahunga
Is chahat mein mar jaunga
Main phir bhi tumko chahunga
Through all these painful years, his only solace had been his books and his music. The only time he did not thinks of her was when he studied. He’d performed well through all these years at the IIT, which offered him great a placement. But he’d decided to continue with his studies at the IIM.
It was before he’d left for the IIM, that one day his mother came calling out for him, sounding extremely tensed.
Ishwari: Dev!!…..beta kahaan hai tu??
(Dev where are you?)
Dev: Kya hua Maa….. Tu itni pareshaan kyun lag rahi hai???
(What happened Maa… Why are you so tensed?)
Ishwari: Beta woh….Anju……
Dev: Kya hua Maasi ko??
(What happened to Maasi?)
Ishwari: Tujhe Jodhpur jaana hoga Dev…… Anju ko heart attack aaya hai…..Sanyu akeli hai wahan uske saath.
(You’ll have to leave for jodhpur… Anju has got a heart attack….Sanyu is alone there)
Dev: Theek hai Maa…..main aaj hi nikalta hoon…..tu chinta mat kar….Maasi bilkul theek ho jaayengi.
(OK ma….I’ll leave right away…don’t worry….Maasi will be fine)
With that he left for Jodhpur the very evening. Sanyu’s father was no more and her mother had been living alone at Jodhpur after she’d left for Roorkee for her studies. It was a minor attack and she was discharged when Dev reached there. They had decided to take her to Delhi, so that she could have Ishwari’s company as Sanyu had got a job in the US and he had to leave the next month.
The next evening Dev was asked to get her reports from the hospital…..from the All India Institute of Medical Sciences, Jodhpur!!
For some strange reason he felt the presence of Sonakshi around him. AIIMS always reminded him of her. She had always dreamt of being a doctor at the AIIMS. On his way back from the hospital he was lost in his own thoughts…his eyes looking for her, his heart screaming out loud that she was around him.
Aise zaroori ho mujhko tum
Jaise hawa ye saanson ko
Aise talashun main tumko
Jaise ke pair zameeno ko
Hasna yaa rona ho mujhe
Paagal sa dhoondhun main tumhe
Kal mujhse mohabbat ho naa ho
Kal mujhko ijazat ho naa ho
Toote dil ke tukde lekar
Tere dar pe hi reh jaaunga
Main phir bhi tumko chahunga
Main phir bhi tumko chahunga
Is chahat mein mar jaunga
Main phir bhi tumko chahunga
It was the 5th of September, the day that had marked their strengthening friendship. Dev remembered it very well and so did Sonakshi.
In the hostel, she was busy preparing for her third professional final exams, when a sudden desire to have an ice cream grew predominant.
She asked her friend and roommate Tina (You can imagine the same girl who played Tina in the show) to accompany her for the late night ice cream venture.
Tina: But Sona its 9:45 ab toh canteen band ho chuki hogi.
(Its 9:45 sona…the canteen must be closed by now)
Sona: Jo ice cream mujhe khaani hai woh yahaan nahi milegi.
(You won’t get that ice cream here)
Tina: Toh phir mars pe jaan hoga kya?
(So shall we move to mars?)
Sona: Arre nahi yaar….tu bas chal mere saath.
(Just come with me)
She took out her scooty and left for her favourite ice cream corner…..the place that she always visited whenever she missed Dev.
At the ice cream parlour Tina was shocked to see Sonakshi order for Choco Shot.
Tina: Sona….tu yeh 5 rupay ki ice cream ke liye mujhe AIIMS road se Ratanada leke aayi hai…..aur woh bhi raat ke 10:00 baje??? Tera dimaag toh theek hai??
(Sona are you out of your senses? For thus five rupee ice cream…..you’ve brought me from AIIMS road to Ratanada…..that too at this late hour…..are you crazy?)
Sona: I’m sorry yaar….I’ll get a magnum for you…OK??
Tina: Better….. But seriously Sona…. Choco Shot???
Sona: Meri favourite hai…..
(Its my favourite)
She said smiling to herself with those long lost memories flashing across her mind….How he had given in his entire pocket money for those boxes, and still managed to get this ice cream for her.
He’d always been special to her. She could never forget him. She didn’t want to. She did miss him but the thought that he might be happy in his life….made him forget all her agony.
She knew that his best friend could bear all the pains for him, but his ex-girlfriend would never have been able to survive this separation. She had no regrets for her decision. She was contented to live with his memories.
All these thoughts were running in her mind while she was on her way back to the hostel….she was lost in her own world, with nearly no attention on the road……and before Tina could warn her, they had already met an accident.
There was a guy on the bike who had hit them from the front, snapping Sona out of her trance. His bike was lying in the centre of the road…and he was just picking it up when Sona’s anger burst out upon him. Tina had never seen this “Bhadra Kaali” avataar of her sweet Sona.
Sona: You moron…..aankhien hain ya gulaab jamun?? Saamne se scooty aa rahi ….aur yeh bhaisaab apni hi duniya mein khoye huye hain!!
(Can’t you see a scooty coming straight from the front….are you blind…..??)
She saw him paying no heed to what she was saying. He was busy checking out the scratches on his bike. This enraged her even more.
Sona: Hello Mister!! Tumse baat kar rahi hoon……dhyaan kaha tha tumhara haan?? Poori road khaali padi thi……tumhe meri hi scooty mili thi bhidne ke liye???
(Hey Mister…. I’m talking to you…where were you lost haan…?)
All this while the guy was having his helmet on. But now as he moved towards her, he took it off. Sonakshi was dumbstruck seeing the guy standing before him…… It was Dev!
Tum yun mile ho jabse mujhe
Aur sunehri mein lagti hoon
Sirf labon se nahi ab toh
Poore badan se hasti hoon
Mere din raat salone se
Sab hai tere hi hone se
Yeh saath hamesha hoga nahi
Tum aur kahi mein aur kahi
Lekin jab yaad karoge tum
Main ban ke hawa aa jaunga
Main phir bhi tumko chahunga
Main phir bhi tumko chahunga
Iss chahat mein mar jaunga
Main phir bhi tumko chahunga
Dev proceeded to apologize to the ladies. He couldn’t recognise Sonakshi as her face was covered with a scraf that also muffled her voice.
Dev: Listen Ma’am…..pehli baat…yeh ek front facing accident tha…..maine aapko peeche se takkar nahi maari hai. Doosri baat….aap please shant ho jaayiye…..I’ll pay the damage.
Tina: Bol toh aise rahe ho jaise hum pe koi ehsaan kar rahe ho. Obviously you’ll have to pay the damage. Kyun Sona??
(Huh….as if he’s doing a favour to us.)
Sona stood there transfixed she couldn’t speak a word more. She wanted to hug him at once. It had been four year since she’d seen him. How she’d craved for his company and today he was here standing in front of her, unaware that she was right before him. But she couldn’t let him know it was her. He must have been used to live without her…..she didn’t want to get back in his life.
Sona: Chal Tina…..koi zaroorat nahi hai iski.
(Come Tina let’s go….)
Tina: But Sona…..
Sona: Tina…maine kaha na chal yaha se.
(I said let’s go)
And with that she left…..once again. She left him all alone to himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It’s been eight years but the hope that she’ll be back still resides in his heart.
…………………………………………………………….
PRECAP: Bekaraar dil iss tarah mile
Jis tarah kabhi hum juda na the
P.S. No proof reading done so please avoid the mistakes if any. Hope you guys liked this chapter. I tried my best not to make it too depressing. Do let me know how you liked it.
Love you all?????