Ragsan TS: Dil Dhoondta Hai (Shot 2)

Bela is back! This is dedicated to all of you who wanted this update, hopper it stands up to your expectations.

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In a crazy turn of events, I found myself thrown in the company of Sanskaar Maheshwari more often than Laksh took a bath. After the first date went successful, Swara and Laksh made a habit of bringing Sanskaar and I to their dates respectively. Sanskaar always came and the reason was clear to me- he was still hoping to get noticed by Swara. That meant harm for Laksh so I tagged along without complaints as well. We were always in a group, with Swara clinging to Laksh and leaving me to tag along with Sanskaar by my side, giving me company. More often than not, I found myself looking at Sanskaar unhealthily. He fascinated me. Not just his looks, but there was something in him, something that was very fascinating. I found myself staring at him, observing all the minute details of his face, like the birthmark under his left eyebrow, the curve of his nose, his long eyelashes, his clear skin, the way his eyes shone brightly whenever he spoke of something he was passionate about, the way they glazed over when he was in some faraway land, the slight dimple that was almost invisible due to his stubble, the quirk of his lips when he was amused and the way his whole body would shake when he would laugh. For the first time I found myself slightly obsessed over someone of the opposite s*x and it made me very uncomfortable to think that of all the people, it had to be Sanskaar.

Today was yet another one of Swara and Laksh’s dates, their tenth in the two months they had been dating. They wanted to go clubbing and Sanskaar and I had been ‘invited’ to come too. I knew he would be there, clingy as he was to Swara. Well, I would be there too. Let’s see how he wins.

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I applied my cologne on my body as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was definitely looking better than I did two months ago. The under-eye circles were almost gone and I had gained weight enough to look healthy. Combined with my regular gymming, I was in a much better shape than I had ever been in. But of course, it was all because a certain woman in my friend circle was frank enough to tell me on meeting me after a long period of time that I looked ‘shit’.

Ragini Gadodia is too smart for her own good at times. She has all the basic tendencies of a lawyer in her. She knows how to manipulate the situation to her favour, knows how to interrogate well and is eloquent to a T. I wonder sometimes how a woman like her can be best friends with someone like Laksh. She belongs to a different class of people altogether- she is an intellectual and a great orator, someone with extensive knowledge of serious matters like law, politics, rights, current affairs, GK, philosophy, sociology, business and economics. For her to be friends with a simpleton like Laksh, whose knowledge was limited to his field was what I called the 8th wonder of the world.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I not been interested in Swara. And I had no hesitation in admitting to myself that a woman like Ragini would have been the ideal choice for my life partner. I would have pursued her, got to know her better and I would probably have married her as well. She is interesting to a fault. She isn’t afraid to speak up against what she feels is wrong, is decided upon her opinions, is hardworking and pragmatic and most importantly, she is like me- she firmly believes that mediocrity is a waste of life. She is ambitious but kind and humble.

And yet, she is infuriating. She can be arrogant, stubborn and rather daft at times. She is efficient and independent but she considers herself self-sufficient and not needing anyone. Such a loner behaviour is doing nothing but making her antisocial. We have met each other almost ten times for an entire day and apart from that, I find myself bumping into her at random places like restaurants and banks. The firm she works for was also commissioned by my company for handling of all its legal cases and by Providence, she was the one we dealt with. And so, Ragini Gadodia now also haunted my workplace.

I don’t know why, but sometimes I feel as if she disapproves of me. She studies me whenever we meet and keeps an eye out on me and my actions. I understand that all of it comes from her wanting Laksh and Swara’s relationship to go smooth but her concern for Laksh’s affairs unsettles me. She pays too much attention to him and his needs and I find it unhealthy. But then, who am I to comment?

My phone rang and I saw Swara calling. She was picking me up and then we would pick up Laksh and go to the club. Ragini would come there straight on her own. Phew….another night with Ragini Gadodia.

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I looked around the dimly lit room as loud music blared from the speakers all around me. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why I had consented to attending this stupid party. The EDM was good enough, the alcohol was as it always is, the food was okay but then all this could easily have been arranged in my house as well. The company, for which I was here, was nowhere to be found. The rotating flashlight chose that moment to shine bright in my face and I stifled a groan as I covered my eyes with my hand.

I felt a hand on my arm and before I could make out what was happening, I was pulled away from my current position. I crashed into a rock hard chest and a hand went up to my head, shielding it. The protest on my lips died down when the familiar scent of one Sanskaar Maheshwari consumed me. Surprisingly, the knowledge of having him close washed away all my previous discomfort and dissatisfaction with the place. Unknowingly, I smiled.

“Found your way here stalking me, aye?” the infuriating drawl of Sanskaar reached my ears clearly, despite the loud music. I rolled my eyes, all feelings of friendship and comradeship leaving my being. “I could say the same for you too. The surprise of finding you everywhere I go remains new, everytime.” I retorted, looking up just in time to see him chuckle at my response. He looked dapper in his crisp white T-shirt, green jacket and blue jeans, hair messy. He started walking and pulled me along as well. We reached a corner where I spotted Laksh with Swara on his lap, laughing and drinking. I stared at them.

“Whatcha looking at Ragini? It is rude to stare.”

“I am just wondering how they both are stuck together despite the heat in the room.”

“Looking at them, I would say that the heat isn’t just in the room, but somewhere else too……….”

“Did you just make a s*xual innuendo?”

“Considering that you understood, I would desist to think of you as innocent from now on.”

I smacked his chest lightly and walked up to the table where Laksh and Swara sat. I sat down while Sanskaar went to bring an apple martini for me, on my request.

“Hi lovebirds.”

“Hey Ragini, you look gorgeous! Doesn’t she Swara?”

“She does. I love the silver.”

I raised an eyebrow at her statement. I was wearing a white party outfit which hugged me well. How in the world was she seeing black?

“Ayeee Sanky! You have brought alcohol for meee?” Swara slurred. Sanskaar smiled at her pleasantly. Then, straightening his face, he replied curtly, “No.”

I giggled as he handed me my drink and sat down with his own bottle of beer, ignoring the otherwise dangerous pout Swara was giving. After realizing that she would gain no attention from his side, she stood up shakily and pulled Lakshya with her, heading towards the dance floor.

“She is dead drunk. She told me my black dress was lovely.”

Sanskaar gave a bark of laughter as he took a sip. “She has really low capacity. She is hardly able to hold more than two shots of vodka with some coke.”

“And yet she imbibes more?”

“Of course. She drinks only when she is assured that she is with someone who would be sober enough to drop her home safely. I guess that is why we are here today. She knew at least YOU won’t be drunk.”

“She knows me well then. I drink hard only when I am at my own place, for I can just go to bed.”

Silence prevailed as we went back to drinking. I looked around and once again got reminded of why I hated the clubbing culture. People were pressed against each other in their inebriated state, on the pretext of dancing. I knew that half of them had no idea who the person they were clinging to was. I moved my eyes towards my silent partner. Sanskaar was lost in thoughts so I used to opportunity to examine him more closely.

“Like what you see?”

Caught off guard by his observation, I took a few seconds to form a response. “Hardly.”

“I am heartbroken.”

“Learn to accept the truth then.”

“Truth or Reality?”

I raised an eyebrow. I never thought of him as one with a philosophical bend. I smirked as I replied, “Depends on how you take it.”

“Reality. If I am supposed to have a different take, it is obviously reality. But this, madam, doesn’t give weight to your observation. Truth is always real but reality may not always be true.”

“It is, in your case Mr. Maheshwari. And that is sufficient.”

“So you think I am not good to look at?”

“I may have been implying that since this discussion started.”

“How vain of you to think you understand beauty in its true form then. Why, those of us who think we have seen beauty have seen nothing but beauty in its physical form. A beautiful flower, for example. A beautiful flower, a beautiful woman or a beautiful scenery. But I would have thought that you hold a more substantial view of beauty, as a student of Arts in your law school days.”

“I admit, I do. But do you?”

“I do. I admire beauty with all my senses. I admire a good looking person, I admire good music, I admire good food, I admire good fragrances and I admire the feel of a dog’s fur as I stroke it. And yet, I find other things beautiful too. I find a mother’s unwavering love for her child beautiful. I find the satisfaction of feeding the poor beautiful. And I find your…….”

I looked at him, transfixed by his speech. His eyes had brightened considerably during the course of his explanation and he looked happy. So absorbed was I in the bubble he had created that by the time I realized that he had stopped at a crucial point, the atmosphere had changed. The bubble had been cruelly broken. I hid my disappointment, trying to control my voice as I asked, “You were saying……..”

“Never mind what I was saying. You weren’t even interested anyway.”

“Of course I was! That……that has been the most stimulating conversation I have had in some time. We forget the little sources of joy in our lives after a certain stage. Our emotions, our ideas, our thoughts- they deserve the tag of being beautiful too. I find the feeling of waking up to a new day with new hopes beautiful. I find the feeling of rain pattering against my window while I sit with my coffee and book beautiful. Damn, more than people or things, I find myself admiring the beauty of incidents and feelings. And this is how it should be. No beautiful thing lasts forever.”

“It doesn’t. But unfortunately, beauty has become synonymous with beauty in its physical manifestation. We cannot do anything other than holding on our own opinions and practicing them.”

We were interrupted by the return of Swara and Laksh who were drenched in sweat and giggling uncontrollably. I sighed as I helped Laksh towards the exit, Sanskaar following me with Swara. We reached Swara’s car and then suddenly, Sanskaar shrieked.

“Swara, where is the key?”

“In the lock! HEHEHEHE”

“For God’s sake woman, you drove us both here. It must be in your purse. Let me check it.”

“NO! Don’t you know that a woman’s bag should never be checked?”

“Why, does it have monsters?”

“Mine has Bobbi Brown lipstick.”

“Who is Bobbi Brown?”

“IDIOT!”

I sniggered as Swara pushed away Sanskaar in a rage. Sanskaar fell on the ground and looked at me in confusion.

“Makeup mogul. Her products are much sought after and very expensive.” I supplied. Swara snorted. “My lipstick cost me Rs 2300. Just one lipstick.”

“You spent 2.3k on a lipstick?” Sanskaar grimaced. Swara nodded proudly and then proceeded to show off the item. Laksh wolf-whistled as he looked at the lipstick in awe.

“Great. But where are the keys?”

“I don’t know. I think I dropped them.”

“WHAT?!”

With a feeling of foreboding, I backed away from them, trying to pick up Laksh and run before they turn to me for help………

“Ragini, help us! Look for the keys in her goddam purse.”

I sighed as I walked towards Swara and checked her purse. It had her wallet, Bobbi Brown lipstick, few tissues and a mini deodorant. No trace of any key was found.

My ashen face provided Sanskaar with the answer to his hopes and he groaned in exasperation. I looked at everyone. Swara was sitting on the bumper of her car, swinging her legs, Laksh was sitting on the ground in squatting position and Sanskaar was also sitting on the ground with his arms around his knees. Sighing, I offered the only option available.

“Let us all go to my house. Maa and Papa are out; you all can spend the night there. We will come with duplicate keys tomorrow when Swara becomes sober.”

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I felt a keen sense of comradeship with Ragini as she and I dragged our friends inside the house and put them to bed(separate). Finished with my task of settling Laksh, I moved to the living room and plopped down on the couch. Ragini joined me a few minutes later, changed into her nightclothes and her face makeup removed.

“Swara chatters a lot when she is drunk.” she huffed as she plopped down beside me.” I gave her a half smile.

“Laksh was telling me how he once puked on you when he was drunk and you were carrying him to his bed. I felt no remorse for dropping him on the bed like a hot potato. Didn’t even bother to put the covers around him.”

Ragini grimaced at the memory and I chuckled. She could be really cute at times.

Both of us were silent after that. It was not an awkward silence, it was comfortable. We were too tired and well………hungry. I popped an eye open and looked at Ragini who was clutching her stomach already. I smirked.

“Hungry as well?” I asked. She looked at me and then nodded.

“I would have ordered pizza but no store would be open. And I don’t want to wake up the servants. I was debating whether or not I am able enough to cook myself…….”

“We will do it together.” I replied. At her look of surprise, I rolled my eyes. “Don’t tell me you weren’t aware that men could cook too.”

“I never took YOU as the sort of person who would cook.”

“Pleasure.”

We made our way towards the kitchen. Ragini gave me an apron as she donned hers and together, we started scouring the place for something to eat.

Five minutes later, we were standing in front of the counter with all the essential items for pasta ready. I quickly chopped all the vegetables while Ragini washed the pieces of chicken and also put the pasta to boil. I took charge of making the red sauce spaghetti while Ragini decided to cook the white sauce penne pasta.

Mine was easier to make and I was familiar with the process, that gave me ample opportunity to sneak a few glances at the lady beside me who was engrossed in preparing her recipe perfectly. A few tendrils of her hair, which she had pulled up in a bun, were falling in front of her eyes. She blew them off, irritated but I was absolutely mesmerized with this simple act.

It is never a good idea to lie to yourself. I cannot refute that Ragini is beautiful. Not only does she look good, but she IS good. She has a heart of gold and is sickeningly kind and gracious. She is perceptive and gets to know your feelings and then acts accordingly. The mere fact that her relationship with Laksh is rocking, despite having briefly dated him for a while, speaks volumes of how serious she is about her relationships with people.

With these thoughts in mind, I turned to my own cooking, smiling at the heavenly smell of sauce and cheese that wafted across the kitchen.

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I set the table and cutlery while Sanskaar came with the pasta bowls. We sat down to eat. I took a bite of the food he made and was surprised at how well it tasted. Looking over at him, I realised that my own recipe must have blown him over because he had his eyes closed and there was a blissful smile on his face as he savoured the taste.

“Bl***y Hell Ragini, this is delicious!”
“Damn Sanskaar, this tastes so yummy!”

We both said at the same time and looked at each other. A small smile crept on his face while I started giggling.

“I am glad the food is so tasty. At least my stomach would be satiated tonight, against what I had been prepared for an hour ago.” Sanskaar said as he ate.

“Me too. I just had two pieces of dahi kabab in the club and I was worried that I would have to go to bed on an empty stomach.”

“Hardly. You love food so much that I am sure you would have managed. And if you hadn’t, I would definitely have done something about it!”

I laughed as he smirked at me and continued eating. He was definitely very handsome. And he would have been perfect, had he not been determined to try on Swara despite Lakshya being her boyfriend. And well, he had a bad habit of smoking. I HATE smokers.

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After completing our dinner, I stepped out for some fresh air while Ragini went about doing her night time routine of brushing , cleansing and whatever else she did. She joined me a few minutes later as we sat on a bench in her garden, looking at the moon.

“Your house is beautiful.” I told her.

“Well, it isn’t mine. It is my father’s.”

“My sincere apologies madam. Your father’s house is beautiful.”

“Why sir, thank you. It had escaped my notice till you so kindly volunteered to point it out to me. I will be forever grateful for this mercy.”

I smirked as she turned away and went back to looking at the moon. The dynamics of our relationship had changed. When we met for the first time, we had been very amiable to each other. However, after reconnecting, we acted as typical longtime best friends do- insulting each other, predicting each other’s actions and supporting each other. It was refreshing to have such a relationship. I pulled out a cigarette from my jeans pocket and looked for the lighter in my other pockets.

Ragini stood up suddenly. I looked at her in confusion as she looked at the cigarette in my mouth and turned away.

“Hey, what happened?”

“Umm, nothing. I wish to sleep. That’s it. Bye.”

Flashes of the night we met for the first time came to my mind. Even then she had run off without saying anything. My eyes hardened and I stood up, yanking her by her arm towards me. “What is it?” I asked with clenched teeth. Ragini’s gaze went down.

“I..I don’t like anyone smoking in front of me. I can’t take it. Sorry, good bye.” she replied, stepping away and turning around.

I stared at her incredulously. She was leaving because I wanted to smoke? What the hell? Why did she always do that? “What is wrong with you?” I asked her in anger. She whipped around and gave me a hard stare.

“Smoking is injurious to health. And I know you don’t care, but I am allergic to tobacco smoke.”

A sudden realisation dawned on me. “Is that why you ran away from the car that night? That night when we met for the first time and I was dropping you home?”

Ragini nodded curtly. “The car had broken down, we were both alone. I knew you were stressed and wanted a puff or two but I couldn’t take it. I had to leave.”

“And it didn’t occur to you to INFORM me of your allergy? You found it better to leave the car and go out in the rain, not warmly dressed, rather than just telling me to stop smoking as you were allergic?”

“I..I did not want to share it……”

“I WENT F***ING MAD! I thought I had unknowingly done something to make you uncomfortable. That’s why I ran after you to bring you back.”

“Well, I did come back……”

“Not before drenching yourself in the rain and making me drenched too. I thought you were ill at ease with me.”

“Is that why you chose to sit in the driver’s seat and requested me to sit back?”

“Obviously yes! That’s also why I never contacted you again, despite voicing a wish to be in touch after the dinner. I would have loved being friends with you but I thought that you didn’t like me!”

I wanted to pull my hair off in frustration as Ragini gaped at me. I wanted to march up to her, grab her by her shoulders and shake her till some iota of sense went to her head. I had been on a self-hatred mode for so many months now, plagued by the memory of that night. It was the first time someone had revolted at my sight and ran away from me and ironically, it had been the same person I had grown to respect in just a single meeting. For Ragini to tell me that it was her OWN deficiency which led to her actions that night proved to be more frustrating than my being responsible.

“I am sorry. I didn’t know you took offence. I….I just thought about myself. Sorry.”

I did not want to accept her sorry. I wanted to shake her till sense reached the deepest part of her brain. I wanted her to feel the same dejection I felt. And yet, I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why but I just couldn’t.

Ragini made me sit down and sat down beside me. She threw the cigarette away and took my hand in hers, shaking it lightly and smiling at me. And then, nothing else mattered to me. She was okay. I was okay. We were friends. Nothing else mattered.

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Done with the second part. For those of you asking what sort of a TS this is going to be, I guess Three shots. You may never know, it may have 4-5. I don’t know, depends on how expressive I feel.

Do drop your valuable comments and votes.