PART I
” If you love somebody, let them fly freely, if they come back to you at the end of the day, they are yours and if they dont, they were never meant to be yours.”
Tum to humari kabhi thi nahi Thapki… humlogo ki shaadi humari majboori thi. Ma ko bachane ke liye, tumhe badnami se bachane ke liye. Hum apne aap ko mahan nahi keh rahe hain lekin humne wohi kya jo hume think laga. Agar uss bakht hum mandap main nahi jaate to Ma pata nahi kya kar leti. Hum swarthy ban gaye the ma ke pyaar pane liye and isi bich humne tumhara bhi jindegi barbad kar di. Hum kabhi tumse maafi nahi mangege kyuki hum jante hain ki hum maafi ke laayak nahi hain. Lekin jab se humne tumhari maang bhari hain, tabse humne sirf tumhari bhalai hi chaha hain. Jabse humne tumhare gale me mangalsutr bandha hain, humne tumhe apni jimmedari mani hain. Kahi na kahi humne tumhe apni patni bhi maan liya shayad jo humse yeh sum ho gaya. Lekin hum jaante hain ki tum hume kabhi apna nahi mana.. pati to dur ki baaat hain, apna dost bi nahi mana, to aaj yeh humdardi kyu Thapki? Isiliye kyuki tumhe lagata hain ki tumhe humare saath hona chahiye? Kyu Thapki? Tum aaj bhi usi dard main jeeti ho jo dard humne diya hain. Hum bhi jee lenege Thapki waise bhi hume aadat hain akelepan ki.. Tum jao aur apni packing kar lo. Kal subah hi tumhe sasoorji ke ghar chod ayenge.” Bihaan said to a stunned and hurt Thapki and left her in the room.
This is it, Bihaan thought after reaching the terrace. The crescent moon was shining and casting a lovely environment in this winter evening. He took a seat in the far corner of the terrace and finally let his guards down. Finally he cried. Can be there be someone as unlucky as him? He does not remember his past life on the streets before Bauji found him. He does not know his actual parents. If somebody asks him where the heaven is he will tell them that for B for Bihaan Pandey, there is a heaven only in the feet of Bauji, his bauji. But it was Ma, whose he craves more. Ma never accepted him as her son. For Vasundara Pandey, she has only one son and that is Dhruv. And Dhruv? He was his big brother, his friend and his guide. Bihaan felt ache in his heart thinking of Dhruv. How he meddled four lives for his craving for ma’s love? But did he get that? No. Instead Bihaan got the blame of destroying everybody’s lives, Thapki’s, Dhruv’s, Shradha’s. But did someone think that his life is also destroyed beyond damage? He married Thapki out of his impulse to help ma, but he could not manage not to involve his heart in this mess.
Thapki’, Bihaan uttered the name like a prayer, like his whole life depends on that name. His heart laughed at himself, “You fool, does your life not depend upon that name now?’ Yes. B for Bihaan Pandey has fallen in love with his wife, Thapki Pandey or Thapki Chaturvedi, which will be her name tomorrow onwards. They are getting divorce. Everyone is unhappy about the divorce matter but it is Bihaan who is adamant to give divorce to Thapki despite her unwillingness. The past days were emotional roller coaster for Bihaan. He fell in love with Thapki. Every time he gazes in her eyes, he is lost in her cuteness, every time she touched him, he felt some unknown emotions that want him to take her in his arms, every time he closes his eyes, and he can only see her smiling face. But it is not possible at all to let her know about his feelings. Bihaan Pandey is a practical man and he knows when to draw a line. For the first time in his life, he felt something for someone and he does not want Thapki to insult his feelings. For her, Bihaan is a liar, a cheater and she will think that he is taking advantage of her situation. Thapki is reluctant to give him divorce to save Pandey parivar’s honour and it does not imply that she feels something for him too. No doubt, she has become comfortable with him but to mistake it for love will be the last nail in his broken heart. It is better that they get separated so that he can forget her.
But is it possible to live without her now? The morning rattle of her time before the dressing table, her bathroom singing, her stares and irritation if he teases her…all this has become part of his life now. Bihaan knows that his love will never be reciprocated and he will not let anyone to see him in this state. Thapki has hurt him innumerable time with her harsh words but he has accepted them as his punishment. But he will not let her hurt his love. If Bihaab can not get love in return, it is better that he will not express his love anytime. And he will not support Thapki to stay in this marriage for his family’s sake. She has the full life in front of her, she is intelligent, smart and Bihaan is sure that Thapki can touch the sky with her willpower. She needs not to be in this house to be further humiliated by ma and Shradha. He will let his love become free from this bandhan so that she can fly high