Guilt (A RAGSAN FF) Chapter 23(Don’t forget to read the author’s note)

“Yohan” screamed Ragini when he covered her eyes like he used to do from childhood. Though they were away for years the distance and time did not change their friendship a bit also. “How you recognize me always” said Yohan pouting and coming in front of her. “Budhu ram. You are the only grown up kid in my life” said Ragini and chuckled. Yohan looked her smile and it cheered him. His phone buzzed with a message from Kavya. He read that and smiled and Ragini observed his blush. “Oh someone really special ha? Let me see who is that?” said Ragini snatching his phone. Yohan jerked and tried getting back his phone but Ragini was teasing him. They were near the ice cream parlor near Ragini’s house. Ragini felt her childhood was back and teased Yohan more. Sanskar parked the car near to his usual place from where he used to watch Ragini without her knowledge. He saw her playing with Yohan. How much he wished to see her laugh like that. Suddenly he saw Ragini was so lost in her teasing she was almost at the edge of the road. Sanskar saw a truck approaching her with speed. And Ragini was facing other side. As the truck neared her Sanskar screamed “Ragini” standing by the road side. Ragini jerked and looked back and was pulled by Yohan. She got scared and was breathing heavily. Yohan cupped her face and tried consoling her but her thumping heart was not relaxing at all. Sanskar crossed the road and came running to Ragini. He pushed the crowd surrounded her and neared her.

He kept his hand on her shoulder. Ragini’s heart recognized his touch. She immediately stood up and hugged him encircling her hands around his neck and closed her eyes tightly. Sanskar was surprised. When your mind becomes numb only your heart will be in senses. Her heart knew how badly she needed him. Sanskar placed his hands on her back hesitantly. Ragini hugged him more tightly shivering. Sanskar rubbed her back to cool her. Her heart started gaining steady pace and her breathing became even. She gulped a lump into her throat. She realized the situation and slowly dragged herself from Sanskar. All the people around were watching them shocked. Yohan was the most shocked person. She had seen the hatred in Ragini’s eye that day for Sanskar. And now she got consoled by Sanskar only. Though he was her childhood friend he failed to give her the comfort which Sanskar’s single touch gave her. “I’m sorry” said Ragini and ran from there avoiding everyone’s gaze. She reached her bus stop and got inside the bus still nervous. As she entered her office building she sat in her workstation still shivering and held her head to cool her nerves. She gulped half the water in the bottle at a go. Sanskar entered the office and looked at her painfully and headed to his cabin. Ragini took a deep breath and concentrated on her work. Sanskar tried concentrating on his work but could not. He was looking at Ragini and again. He wanted to console her but she was not giving him chance for that. When you cannot console your loved ones when they need you the most pains a lot.

“Ms. Gadodia. Please come to my cabin” said Sanskar over the intercom. Ragini got up and went to his cabin. “Excuse me sir?” said Ragini peeping inside his cabin. He signed her to come inside the cabin and sit on chair. She complied. “Ms. Gadodia. Are you fine?” asked Sanskar gathering courage. “That is none of your business Mr. Maheshwari. You have any work tell me otherwise I have my own list of works” said Ragini looking straight into his eyes. Sanskar could not tolerate her rude behavior not anymore. He held the water glass in his hands and squeezed it into pieces. And the glass pieces entered his skin and blood oozed out. Ragini who jerked due to the glass breaking noise looked at his eyes which were red and tear filled and her gaze went on to his hand which was bleeding uncontrollably. She could not see it. She got up from her seat and neared him and held his hand. The tear dam busted and her tears flooded from her eyes. She removed one glass piece from his hand carefully. His pain was squeezing her heart. She looked up at Sanskar who was watching her with tears in his eyes. When she removed the glass he did not even blink his eyes. The pain in his heart was more stronger than his physical pain. Ragini’s eyebrows shrank feeling his pain. She removed the pieces one by one and ran and brought the first aid box. Sanskar dragged his hand when she held it to clean it. Ragini looked at him with anger and dragged his hand and held it firmly. She cleaned his wound and applied the cream and tied the band aid. She wiped her tears and kept the first aid box on table and walked to the door.

“Ragini” said Sanskar. Whenever he called her by her name her world used to stop and she used to lose herself. She stopped but did not turn. “Please give me a chance to explain. I’ll go away from you forever” said Sanskar. “I will go away from you forever” this sentence stopped her heart beat for a moment and she turned and looked at Sanskar shocked. ” Haa I’m shifting my office to old office and I will never ever come here or anywhere near you. I promise. But please give me a chance” said Sanskar helplessly. She smiled sarcastically looking at him and said “Did you gave yourself a chance to save my Bhayyu? Did you?” Sanskar mouth was open and he couldn’t answer her. She smiled and said “When you get the answer let me know also” She headed out of his cabin banging the door. Sanskar closed his eyes frustrated and he let his tear flow.

__________________________________x___________________________________________
“Ragini. Shall we leave?” asked Sahil standing in front of Ragini. Sanskar who was heading out of office looked at her when she smiled weakly at Sahil. “Which Chocolate Swara likes asked Sahil walking in the parking. Sanskar was walking slowly in front of them. “Shona dee likes all the chocolates” said Ragini smiling. She looked at Sanskar who was walking in front of her. Sahil observed her nervousness due to Sanskar. He has been observing changes in both of them from the time they returned from the trip. Somewhere he felt some kind of emotional connection between them. But memory of that night took over his heart and he brushed his thoughts. Sanskar was dangerous for Ragini according to his mind. He drove the car in front of Sanskar. Sanskar sat in his car and drove off to his house wiping his tears. Sahil kept talking to Ragini on random things but she seemed lost. Sahil observed it and tried cheering her. She smiled weakly at him.
“Shall I ask you something Ragini?” said Sahil. Ragini just smiled nodding her head. “Anything is bothering you? You can share it with me” said Sahil. Ragini smiled widely and said “Nothing like that sir. Just work pressure” Sahil was surprised. Ragini was one of his best employees. You load her with 10 people work also she will never complain about work pressure. Now actually her work load had reduced due to Sanskar’s work policies. “I feel you are stressing out yourself.

Anyways don’t worry Mr. Maheshwari will be out of the office soon and you will be relieved” said Sahil and analyzed Ragini’s expressions which changed rapidly. She just smiled at him trying to control her tears. Sahil felt the time was not right to talk about it and avoided the topic.
“Sahil” screeched Swara as soon as she spotted Sahil. She ran and hugged him like a small kid. “Look at her how shamelessly she is hugging a guy” said one of the woman who was walking by. Sahil heard it and felt bad. Sumi stood in front of the woman and said “Why are you bothered Mrs. Khanna. Mind your business. Nobody needs your character certificate for my Shona”
Swara looked up at Sumi with tearful eyes. Ragini looked at Sumi surprised. She heard Sumi calling Swara as shona after more than an year. Sumi neared Swara and caressed her hair and Swara hugged her tightly sobbing. The motherly warmth she missed from years was covering her. Sumi kissed Swara’s hair consoling her. She welcomed Sahil inside the house and let the children talk and headed to her room after serving tea and snacks. Ragini followed her and entered her room. “Maa” said Ragini standing beside Sumi who was standing near Shekar and Vikram’s portrait. “I’m the worst mom Ragu. I could never understand your pain. Nor I could handle Swara. I kept blaming her for the thing she was not responsible for. I did not support you in your struggle. I…. I ….. was never there for my kids when they needed me. I couldn’t be there for Vikram, neither for Swara nor for you” said Sumi sobbing. Ragini dragged her to a hug and caressed her hair. “Shhh maa. There can be never worst mom. You thought about your kid, nothing wrong in it” said Ragini consoling Sumi. Finally her mom was back in her life.

“Even I want to drink tea” said Swara pouting. Sahil smiled at her. He searched around and found a water glass. He emptied it and cooled the tea pouring over the two glasses. Sahil sat near Swara and held the glass and cooled the tea with his breath and made Swara drink it carefully. Swara smiled like a kid. Ragini who came out of Sumi’s room looked at them smiled widely. After Swara finished drinking she had a tea mustache. Sahil laughed looking at her. “What?” asked Swara. Sahil controlled his laugh and neared Swara and wiped the tea with his hands. Swara felt goosebumps all over her body. “You are really my best friend yar” said Sahil side hugging Swara. Swara jerked suddenly remembering her moments with Sahil. Till now her memories were blur. Now her memories were shaping up with clear pictures. “Ahhh” said Swara holding her head. “Shona” screamed Ragini as she panicked looking at Swara’s condition. “Ragu maa. It is paining. Please do something” screamed Swara holding her head. “Shonu. See Ragu maa is here only. Relax” said Ragini tearing and holding Swara in her embrace. Sahil had tears looking at Swara who was wincing in pain. “Shona” called Sahil and dragged Swara to his side and cupped her face. “Sahil my head is paining. I saw you. I saw me and you in some place” said Swara struggling. “I’m not able to recall” said Swara still holding her head. “Shhh baby. Relax. Don’t panic about recalling what you forgot. Create your new memories. Everyone doesn’t get this golden opportunity. You might not remember your memories. Look at the good point you don’t remember your painful memories also. Good na” said Sahil wiping her tears. Swara relaxed and hugged Sahil as she became weak. Sahil hugged her from shoulder. Tears flowed from his eyes. Ragini looked at him thankfully. He lifted Swara in his arms and made her lie on the bed in Swaragini room. He kissed her forehead painfully closing his eyes and got up to leave. Swara held his hand and said “Sahil please don’t go away from me” Sahil held her hand and said “where will I go leaving my world. You are my only world” Swara smiled in her sleep. Sahil wiped his tears and headed out of her room. He kept his hand on Ragini’s shoulder who was weeping holding the chair near the table. She turned and hugged Sahil. Sumi looked at them and smiled through her tears. “Shekar finally someone have come in my Ladoo’s life who understands her. I’m so happy. Kisiki nazar na lage” said Sumi wiping her tears. Sahil caressed Ragini’s hair. He knew how much she needed him right now. He rubbed her shoulder to console her.
_____________________________________x________________________________________

“Okay Ragini. I will take your leave. Tomorrow we have appointment with Yohan in the evening don’t forget” said Sahil bidding her bye. “Such a sweet fellow” said Sumi standing beside Ragini who nodded her head smiling. Sumi caressed her hair and blessed her. She was happy as Ragini’s life was falling into place. Sahil seemed a good match for Ragini.

____________________________________x_________________________________________
“You know when you smile the full moon gets jealous” texted Yohan to Kavya. Kavya who was having food looked at her message and her lips curved into a smile. “Why is so?” replied Kavya. “Because your face will have a eid ka chand which is more beautiful than the full moon” replied Yohan. Kavya read it and her smile widened. “Oh enough Mr. flirt. Chal good night” texted Kavya. Yohan fell on his bed stretching his arms smiling widely. “This is the problem with you girls, when we say truth you think we are flirting and when we flirt you think we are saying truth, fine good night” texted Yohan. Kavya smiled and nodded her head in disbelief at Yohan’s childish behavior. She looked up and found Dayal giving her suspicious look. “What?” asked Kavya. “Someone was blushing looking at the phone. I’m just wondering why” said Dayal looking around. “Poppy” cried Kavya in fake cry. “Fine. Now keep your phone aside and have food” said Dayal a bit strict. Kavya nodded her head like a kid and had her food. “Ragini was right. I cannot change my Doll’s destiny but I can make her strong to face the challenges. And before everything else I need to apologize to Sanskar. Then only I can live in peace” thought Dayal and concentrated on his food

_________________________________________x____________________________________
My note: Hi guys I’m really thankful to all my readers who read my story and appreciate it. All the silent readers also thanks a lot. But somewhere I feel I’m misinterpreting Ragini and Sanskar. I feel most of you people are thinking Sanskar is in greater pain compared Ragini. And almost everyone want her to know the full truth and forgive him and accept her feelings. Guys just once place yourself in her position and think will she be able to forgive him? Is that easy. She might feel bad for his fate but how will she forgive him. Let me elaborate it. Compare both Ragini and Sanskar both of their pain. Sanskar lost Adarsh in plane crash. He came to know about it through phone and he lost Pari due to the shock she got and she breathed last in front of him. Where as Ragini and Shekar were searching Vikram and Swara like mad. In that one night she went through years of pain. One one second is like a year in such situations. Sanskar was rich and financially he grew but Ragini was from middle class family and in middle class family it is really hard to manage the house. She did that but she never backed off. She fought for two years for Justice. Ragini had people to share her problem but Sanskar did not had. Yup but sharing your problem and living in it are two different things. And Sanskar avoided Ansh and Ananya thinking they will remind him of Pari. But Ragini never avoided Swara. Eventhough Sumi spoke so rudely to Swara Ragini always forgave her sensing her pain. Major difference: I would like to give an example of song of Raj saheb. “Kisiki muskurahoto pe ho nisaar. Kisika dard mil sake tho le udhar. Jeena issi ka naam hai” this is Ragini’s agenda. Though she went through so much it did not change her behavior. Where as Sanskar became rude arrogant businessman who did not understand his employees plight before Ragini entered his life.

Just a sorry and feeling guilty is not enough sometime. Ragini was not responsible for Sanskar’s miseries but Sanskar was responsible for her miseries, though indirectly but he was responsible. You kill some one purposefully or accidentally; you have killed the person. I will have a brief chapter to depict all my points briefly. And I know you people are not feeling good about being this ff painful but I cannot avoid it. Sorry if anyone felt bad with my analysis. I’m not against Sanskar but if Ragini forgive him then her character will loose its charm and the story will become clumsy. Trust me you will not be disappointed by my decision. I cannot disclose anything now. Running away from your sins is never an option. Ragini will know Sanskar side story but do you think she will forgive him. As I have told before. Forgiveness is totally a strong emotion. You just tell me can you forgive someone who killed your brother just because you love him. I tho cannot do. Even if there is slight scratch on my bro I will feel like ripping of the other person who is responsible for it where as Ragini lost her Bhayyu. I hope I justified her character. Please drop in your views. I would love to listen.