Saadi Love Story (part 19)

Sanskar looked at Ragini who was still lying on the couch with her eyes closed and her chest was heaving up and down due to her ragged breathings. Her pallu was dangling aside leaving her upper body only in blouse while her lips were swollen and her upper body was full of his marks due to his assault on it. He immediately looked other side not able to look at her.

“Sanskar” Ragini called out softly when she felt the warmth of his body missing causing Sanskar to look at her.
Ragini opens her eyes slowly to look at him only to see him feeling guilty. The eyes which were reflecting his desires, his Love, his passion for her few minutes back were now reflecting his guilt and regret of what he has done. She looked at him confusingly as if trying to figure what had gone wrong all of a sudden that he was so regretful of his acts. Haven’t he saw the Love in her eyes for him that he was feeling guilty of what he had done, she thought as she looked at Sanskar who was now picking up the coat from the floor and has tucked it on her upper body securely hiding her modesty

“I am Sorry Ragini. I am really sorry.” He said before heading outside the room and before Ragini could say anything or do anything to stop him he had already gone out of the room.

“Did he really regret of what happened between us?” Ragini thought as she clutched his coat tight to herself which still had his fragrance in it while her eyes started getting watery.

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Sanskar goes to his gym to take out all the frustration and anger he was having on himself. With each and every punches and kicks his close moments with Ragini was coming in front of his eyes. And as a result his punches and kicks gets more aggressive by every passing minute. He vigorously throws kicks and punches in the air while doing his intense tai-chi to calm down his restless mind.

Sanskar’s Monologue:

What the hell is wrong with me? What I had done? How could I do this? How could I lose my control over myself? How could I let my desires overtook me? The desires which I was trying to control from so long how I could let those desires blind my senses. But at that moment everything seems to be so perfect den why it seems to be wrong at this moment. No, what I am even thinking? It was wrong since the time it all has started. Ragini was scared, terrified with what had happened with her that’s why she hugged me but what went wrong with me, Why did I behaved like a blo*dy Pervert? We were on the verge of making Love if those Thunder sounds haven’t brought me back in my senses. What Ragini must be thinking of me? But she too responded to my touch, she didn’t protest at all, why? May be she was emotionally wrecked at that time or she had submitted herself to me as his wifely duties but what had gone wrong with me.

Ragini, she must be thinking so low of me. She must be thinking that I am lusting over here; she must be thinking that I am trying to show my rights on her but it is not true. She had done everything, sacrificed her each and every dream to keep this marriage working without any expectations and I…… I just ruined everything. Whatever happened between us was not right. How will I face her now? How will I meet her eyes now? I had saved her from that leech Shaurya den how I myself could do any such thing like that. I know that we are husband and wife and it’s my duty to do all the mechanics of marriage but not like this. How could I relate to Ragini physically when I had only Loved swara. It’ll be wrong with her. But then a part of me believes that whatever happened between us was right and nothing could be more perfect then this but another part of mine is denying this fact. Why?

After so many efforts our relationship had gone in such a comfort zone den how could I ruin everything? Torn between my desires and this unknown attraction I had done all this. I had let that beast overtook me who wanted to devour her in every possible way. It was wrong; whatever happened between us was wrong. How could I betray swara’s Love when I was so madly in love with her and still in Love with her? How could I betray Ragini’s trust that she had on me since the time of our marriage? But am I really in Love with swara now because if I am den I could have never done that what I had done few minutes back. So does that mean that Ragini had taken swara’s place in my heart? (abb aya na line pe) NO!!! NEVER!!!! What I am thinking? How can I even think of it? Whatever happened between us was just the result of that physical attraction that I was feeling towards Ragini and nothing else. I can’t Love Ragini and I know she too can’t Love me. She just respects me and may be that’s why she had submitted herself to me tonight but now I won’t let this happen again. The emotions in my heart that gone out of control today I won’t let those emotions to overtook me again. I won’t let my desires blind my sense of wrong and right again. I won’t let that trust to be broken which Ragini had on me. I had to do something and that too soon.

(Sanskar’s Monologue ends)

Sanskar keeps on punching and kicking in air for god knows how long. All the muscles of his body were aching yet the pain that he was feeling in his heart right now was much more than the pain he was feeling in his body. Finally, his legs gave up and he loses his balance and fell on floor and a loud howl escaped from his throat reflecting his inner turmoil that he was facing right now. He was torn between his heart and mind now, which were leading him to two different directions. Where his heart was feeling contented after feeling so close to him and making him feel that the thing that he feel for Ragini is much more than just an attraction, his mind was continuously denying this fact making him remind that she’s his deceased wife’s sister and he can’t feel for her in this way. But least he knows that with this inner turmoil of his he was not only hurting himself but also that person who loves him beyond the limits of sanity and whom he too loves yet he doesn’t want to accept.

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Here Ragini was still sitting at the place where Sanskar had left her still clutching his coat tight. Her eyes were just stick to the door as she waited for him to come back so that she could tell him that she doesn’t regret for whatever transpired between them but he was nowhere to be seen.

Ragini’s Monologue:
Did he regret for whatever between us? But why did he regret? I swear I saw Love in his eyes for me when he was kissing me, touching me den what happen all of a sudden that he regrets for that? Did he thought that I regret for what happened between us but how could he think that? This was the most blissful moment of my life den how could I regret this He says that my eyes are the mirror of my heart and he can easily read them den why didn’t he saw my Love for him in my eyes. And that guilt which I saw in his eyes I just can’t able to bear it. I know he must be thinking that he had done wrong with me but why is he thinking anything like that

Or it is like he saw swara Di in me that’s why he Loved me and touched me in that way? This mere thought is pricking my heart. I know it’s wrong when I knew how madly Di and Sanskar were in love but why my traitor heart is not accepting this fact. May be I shouldn’t have hugged him at that moment. He was just trying to console me and I didn’t realize when I started to tempt him. After all he too is a man and he must have some desires. So what if I had seen a flicker of emotions in his eyes during the dance or at the time wen I hugged him or when he’s kissing me, his feelings are still not strong as mine and he must be needing sometime to realize it. After all it’s difficult to forget your first love and give its place to someone else. And I in the daze of my fear and Love had tempted him den it’s so natural for him to touch me in this way. Why it didn’t struck in my pea-size brain before may be den he shouldn’t be guilty like the way he’s now. I need to tell him that I didn’t regret for whatever happened between us. After all he’s my husband and he had full right on my body and soul but more than that he’s the person I Love the most and I had submitted the each and every fiber of my body and soul to him.

Sanskar, why don’t you understand that you haven’t done anything wrong? Whatever happened was happened with my consent and I don’t regret for it. I Love you so much Sanskar and only you had right to touch me and Love me in this way. I Love you and I’ll always do but right now I had to make you realize that you haven’t done anything wrong that you have to feel guilty for it. I know right now you must be blaming yourself only because you must be thinking that I am not ready for all this but it is not true Sanskar. I know you can never Love me but I won’t let you drown in the pool of your guilt too. I’ll do whatever I can to take out from this guilt and I’ll succeed in it.

(Ragini’s Monologue ends)

She keeps on waiting and waiting for him but he didn’t come inside the room. She was feeling totally exhausted with all the events that happened since evening yet she didn’t blink her eyes once and keeps on looking at the door waiting for him. She knows that once she’ll tell him that she doesn’t regret for whatever happened between them den he’ll be free from this guilt. And to see him all happy and without any guilt she could wait for whole of her life for him and she’ll. Her eyes were giving up as it was closing again and again due to fatigue yet she tried hard to keep them open because she can’t miss the chance to talk to Sanskar. But finally she dozed off waiting for him and didn’t realize when she went into deep slumber waiting for him still sitting on the couch.

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Sanskar came into the room late at night thinking that she must have been slept by now but to his surprise he saw her sleeping on the couch while waiting for him. He felt a lump on his throat as he saw her position. Of course she must be waiting for him after all he owe an explanation to her for his act. But what will he tell her that he came close to her because he was not able to keep control in his desires for her. What will he tell her that now-a-days he was feeling an unknown attraction towards her due to which he did all this? No he can’t break her heart. it’s true that she doesn’t love him but she respects him and wen he’ll tell her this then probably he’ll lose that respect too and he don’t want this. He doesn’t know why but he can’t see Ragini hurt due to him. He needs sometime before talking to Ragini. Thinking this he looked at Ragini who was sleeping on couch in half-sitting position holding his coat tight. The marks which were now visible on the skin exposed from his coat are now turning into Love bytes and as he looked at them he feared for Ragini’s reaction next morning.

He slowly went towards her making sure that he doesn’t disturb her sleep and gently scooped her in his arms. As he looked at her angelic face he felt himself losing it again but then he immediately whacked himself mentally shrugging off all the thoughts and slowly headed towards their bed and gently laid her down while tucking her securely in the blanket. He had just turned to leave when he felt a tug in his hand and he was afraid that if she’s awake? If yes, then how will he face her? He slowly turned to look at her and found her still sleeping while holding his hand in hers. He smiled and bend down at her level to look at her.

It was true that he was feeling guilty for his act but that guilt was more for her because he thinks that he was ruining her life, her trust by letting his desires overtook like this and he can’t do that even in his wildest dreams. She respects him as her sister’s husband and is comfortable with him as a friend and he can’t let her do the things against her will just because he was her husband and he was physically attracted towards her. He keeps on looking at her for a while and den gently disentangled his hand from hers and was turned to leave only when he had this sudden urge in him to look at her once again. Giving up in front of his heart he turned and look at her. And before he could understand anything he found himself giving a soft peck on her forehead wishing her good night

“Please try to forgive me Ragini for whatever I done with you in the daze of my desires.” He whispered looking at her sleeping form and den turned to go and sleep in the study after taking a long hour of shower to calm his erotic thoughts because he definitely can’t sleep in the couch today as it only let him remind his close moments with Ragini.

Outside it was still raining but this time it seems that it was crying on the fate on these two lovers who loves each other insanely but the difference is that one had realized this feeling long back while other is still in the dilemma.

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Next morning when Ragini woke up she found herself on the bed with the blanket tucking securely around her along with Sanskar’s coat. It took her sometime to register the events of last night and as those images flashed in front of her eyes, her eyes instantly searched for Sanskar who was nowhere to be seen in the room. She looked at the couch which was totally undone indicating that no one has slept over dere. Just then she realized that last night she slept on couch waiting for him and today morning she found herself on Bed. And she doesn’t have to guess who brought her here in the bed. It can only be Sanskar who cares for her this much and only he can bring her in the bed like this. the mere thought that she was in Sanskar’s arms when he carried her to the bed had started giving goosebumps in her body but right now it was not a time to think about all this as right now her priority is to talk to Sanskar as soon as possible so that she could tell him that he haven’t done anything wrong.

But the question is that where is Sanskar? if she’s here in the bed den definitely Sanskar had come back last night den where’s he’s now and why he didn’t slept in their room last night and where had he slept? There were so many questions running in her mind and she knows that only one person can answer all these questions and that one person is only Sanskar whom her eyes are searching restlessly. She immediately get down from bed and adjusted her clumsy Saree before heading outside in search of Sanskar. just then as if to answer all her questions Sanskar entered in the room in his vest and track pants after his workout session only to collide with Ragini who was heading outside. As soon as Ragini saw him her heart was at peace and as a result she instantly hugged him tight expressing her restlessness of not seeing him in the morning

“Aap kahan chale Gaye the? Aapko pata hai main kitna darr gayi thi” Ragini said in a choked voice while still hugging him tight as if he’ll vanish in thin air if she’ll leave him.

Sanskar just stood dere numb not knowing how to react and what to say. Why is she behaving like this? Isn’t she mad on him for whatever he did last night, he thought as he looked at her hugging him so tight. Probably she thinks of one of her duty to succumb in the demands of his body that’s why she’s not mad at him. But he didn’t think like this way. For him their relationship is far beyond physical. Yes, for a moment he got dazed in his desires but now he’s in his senses and he can’t let the same thing happen again.

Yet his heart is aching to crush her in his arms and go away somewhere where this line of right and wrong doesn’t even exist but then his mind again overtook his heart making him realize what he was thinking. For the first time he hesitates to hug her back as he knows that he had no control on himself whenever she’s this much close to him. He’s scared to call this feeling as Love as he thinks that it’ll be unfair to both Ragini nad swara but it’s not in him to call it as just a physical attraction or Lust also as it’ll be an insult to all that Ragini had done till now. Torn between his feelings and ideologies he just stood over dere motionless without any reaction

Ragini pulled out from hug when she didn’t felt the warmth of her embrace around her which was always dere whenever she needed it but today that warmth is missing. She looked into his eyes and saw the same guilt and regret which she saw last night. And she knows that this guilt was more for her den it is for him because he thinks that he did wrong with her as he’s still unaware of her feelings but she need to tell him that he don’t have to regret for anything. She keeps on looking in his eyes trying to find those emotions that she witnessed last night but all she saw in them was guilt and regret for his acts. No, she won’t let him travel in this guilt trip when he was nowhere at fault. Determining this she was about to say something wen Sanskar’s voice interrupted her in between.

“Ragini, I am sorry.” Sanskar said and Ragini frowned listening to his apology.

“Ragini, I am sorry for whatever happened last night. It won’t be happen like this. I mean I shouldn’t have lost my control like this but I failed to get a grip on my control and ended up……. ended up being that close to you.” Sanskar somehow able to complete his sentence while looking away from her as he knows that one look in her eyes and he’ll lose himself once again.

“Sanskar Aap….” Ragini tried to say something only to be interrupted by him again.

“Please Ragini let me speak. I know you won’t see me in fault because you respect me a lot and can never see me feeling guilty. You will always ready to fulfill your wifely duties be it fulfilling my desires or any other thing but that doesn’t mean that I take advantage of it. Your consent matters a lot to me and I in the daze of that moment didn’t even care for that. Though unknowingly but I had taken advantage of your respect towards me. Knowingly or unknowingly I had ruined that trust which you had on me with this act of mine and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that but please try to forgive me for whatever I did.” Sanskar said and each word of his is pricking Ragini’s heart. Not because she was feeling hurt with his words but because he was feeling guilty because he thinks that she doesn’t want this.

“Sanskar you are thinking all wrong. It’s not like that.” Ragini tried to explain him but he was so adamant in his own logics.

“Nahi Ragini I know I am at fault and I also know that you can never find any fault in me but Ragini truth is this only that whatever happened last night shouldn’t have happened and I need some time to be back at normal and den face you as right now I am not even able to face myself. Please give sometime to me Ragini to make everything like it was before. Please.” Sanskar literally pleaded to her and all Ragini could is to nod her head as she herself think that whatever he’s saying may be right. She should give him some time. May be after that he’ll be free from this guilt and den she’ll tell him that she didn’t regret for whatever happened.

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But things didn’t turn out the way Ragini thought. She thought after some days Sanskar will be normal and their relationship will be back to normal like before but it didn’t happen like that. In fact since that day Sanskar had started keeping distance with her once again just like he use to do in the initial days of their marriage. And all Ragini could do is to wait for him just like she use to do before. But Sanskar makes sure that he hardly comes face to face with her as whenever he looked at her their making out session came in front of his eyes and he started feeling guilty for his act. So in order to avoid it he started going to office early sometimes without having breakfast and den comes late at night when everyone in the house sleep even Ragini. but whenever Sanskar entered in his room he always finds Ragini sleeping on the couch waiting for him and den he carried her to the bed and tucked her securely in the blanket and next morning before Ragini could wake up he goes to his workout session or to take shower so when Ragini comes with his coffee she never finds him in the room.

Ragini knows that Sanskar is purposely distancing himself from her as co-incidence can happen once or twice or even thrice but it can’t happen every time. She’s not a fool that she’s not understanding his excuse of work load or important meeting at office but she just wanted him to give sometime so that he could understand it by himself that she still had the same place and respect for him which she had before but seeing Sanskar punishing himself for no fault of his was unbearable to her. Whenever she goes to his office taking his Lunch his secretary use to tell her that Sanskar is out for some Lunch meeting and will return late so sighing she just came back home leaving his Lunch over dere only because she knows that he’s at the office only and purposely not coming in front of her and its true because as soon as Ragini left from his cabin Sanskar came out from the adjacent cabin and started having the lunch that Ragini had brought for him for he don’t like any other thing then the food made by her. But unknown to him Ragini always caught him relishing the lunch made by her through the blinds. Tears welled up in her eyes when she saw him struggling with himself for no reason. But for his own sake she decided to keep quiet and see to which extent he can avoid her.

But amidst of all these also Sanskar never failed to take care of Ragini. His guilt due to his act was another thing but his responsibility for her is his utmost priority. But the only difference is that he never shows this in front of her but he always makes sure that she doesn’t face any kind of problems. Unknown to Ragini he had appointed bodyguards for her who follows her at a safe distance whenever she goes somewhere out of the house. Shaurya’s incidence is still fresh in his mind and he don’t want Ragini to stuck up in another problem.

And as for Shaurya, Sanskar had done all the arrangements to make his life living hell. Till now Sanskar had never poke his nose in his business no matter how illegal it was because till now he had never crossed his path in such a dirty way. But what he tried to do with Ragini that day had evoked the Beast in him and since that day he had started planning for shaurya’s downfall. He gathered all the details of his illegal business and the crimes that he had committed and after gathering all necessary evidences against him he presented them in front of law along with some other charges such as forgery, coercion etc and within blink of eyes all Shaurya’s business came into crash and now the condition is that he don’t even have the money to appoint a lawyer for him. Sanskar had made such charges that all his black money was now under STF officers and the little money he had it all gone into paying the loans and debts and as if it’s not enough Sanskar had send Shauyra jail on the charge of raping a 18 year old girl and murdering one of his business rival making sure that he spent rest of his life in jail only and will never come out from it.

But in spite of all this also he still didn’t have courage to face Ragini and he keeps on distancing himself from her. This went for whole 3 weeks and now it was taking toll on Ragini. Everything has a limit and Sanskar was testing her patience now. Why don’t he understand that she can’t blame him in her wildest dreams. This is what she feared since the day she realized her feelings for him. She knows that he’ll distance himself from her wen he come to know about it and it finally happened but the reason is different. He was distancing himself because he thinks that he tried to force himself on her which is not true. She had submitted herself willingly to him for her body, her soul belongs to him only but now his indifferent behavior was hurting her. She knows he cares for her and even in this state also he never fails to care for her like he use to before but only difference is that now he avoid coming in front of her. Its whole 3 weeks and they haven’t talked properly to each other forget about talking they hardly able to see each other. But now not anymore. She needs to tell him what she feels for him. Probably Heer was right she should have tell this to him then only but nevertheless its better late than never. Probably its high time now when she should tell him that she feels for him probably den he’ll realize that he don’t have to feel guilty for anything, she thought and determined to tell Sanskar each and every thing that she feels for him when he’ll come back from office today no matter what’s the consequence of it.

That evening she was waiting eagerly for him to come in the living room. Though she was conversing with AP but all her mind was towards the door waiting for his arrival but he didn’t come. Just when she was about to call him and ask when he’ll come she saw Nikhil coming inside. Her heart flutters with the thought that now Sanskar will also come any moment because she came to know from Laksh that today there was not much work in the office. She was so excited to tell him about her feelings that she didn’t even concentrate on what AP was saying but soon her excitement turned into disappointment when Sanskar didn’t came inside even after whole 15 minutes.

“Nikhil bhaiya, where is Sanskar?” Ragini asked anxiously as her eyes restlessly searched for Sansakr.

“Ragini, bhai haven’t told you that he’s going to London?” Nikhil asked with a frown confusing Ragini.

“London?” she asked yet again in order to confirm that she had heard it right.

“haan Ragini woh there was some problem in the London project from some days so today Bhai had decided to go to London and check himself. So he left for London this afternoon after lunch from office only. But I thought that he must have informed you, hasn’t he?” Nikhil asked but Ragini was not able to concentrate on whatever he was saying further for her mind is wandering only at the thing that Sanskar had left for London and haven’t even met her before.

“Woh chale gaye. Mujhse ek baar mile bhi nahi, bataya tak nahi aur chale Gaye. Kyun?” Ragini muttered as she made her way towards her room motionless leaving confused Nikhil and worried AP behind.

Phew! so dis is it guys… Ok ok I know that now you all will run behind me for giving this twist but once again I am saying that have trust on me as I myself can’t write such parts but since it is needed for the story I have to write it so please don’t hate me for this… have trust on me and I promise I won’t disappoint you all… Hit the like button if you all like it and do leave your comment/criticism… it’s necessary… next update will be on next Thursday.

Take care, stay happy, stay healthy, stay busy, stay loved, stay blessed, keep shining, keep smiling, be confident & you guys are beautiful the way you’re,,,,be Yourself!!!!