Saadi Love Story (part 20)

It’s been 3 hours since Nikhil came back from office and broke the news of Sanskar’s departure for London. Ragini didn’t come out from the room since the time she had stepped in. AP was worried with these sudden turn of events as till now she was witnessing the change in Ragsan’s relationship and she was sure their comfort will turn into Love but with this sudden act of Sanskar’s, her worry for their relation had again started clouding her heart. She had gone to her room also to call her for dinner but she just refused by saying that she was not feeling to eat anything. AP had tried several times but seeing her stubbornness she sighed and left from there leaving her alone. She wanted to talk to Ragini and ask if something went wrong between them in her absence but seeing her state she choose to not to ask her now.

Here Ragini was still trying to register what Nikhil has said. She still can’t believe that Sanskar had left for London for indefinite period and didn’t even tell her. It was not that he had gone out of India for the first time after their marriage. He had gone for his tour several times but Everytime he uses to inform her 3 days before his departure and she happily arranges each and every thing that he would need for his tour. He even called her also from the airport before boarding his flight. But this is the first time he had gone without meeting her and even worse he didn’t even tell her. To say that she was hurt with Sanskar’s behavior would be an understatement as she was feeling heartbroken with this behavior of Sanskar.

How could Sanskar do this to her? Ok agreed, that he was feeling guilt and was trying to be back to normal by distancing himself from her. But wasn’t all that enough that he was doing from past 3 weeks that today he had taken this step. And what does he think that like this he’ll make everything normal between them. Hell No!!! He may not understand that like this he’s making things more difficult between them, she thought as she sat on the couch holding Sanskar’s pic. Till now she had given him his space because she thought that maybe he’ll come out from his guilt trip on his own but today Sanskar’s this action has shattered all he hopes.

She thought that today she’ll tell each and every feeling to Sanskar which was there in her heart and after that everything will be fine but everything went upside down with this act of Sanskar’s and now here she is sitting lonely in their room holding his pic with tears continuously flowing from her eyes. She felt like everything was slipping away from her hand, her life is slipping away from her and she was just watching it helplessly not able to do anything. Never in her life she had felt this much suffocated before like she was feeling now. Never in her life she had felt this much alone before like she was feeling now. And the person who’s always there to take her out from her miseries is only the reason of her current state and the worst part is that he didn’t even realize it till now. all she wants at that moment is to yell at Sanskar, to give him some piece of Mind so that he could understand that he was feeling guilty unnecessarily but all she could do at that moment is to sit over here alone and cry on the sudden turn of events.

“Aap Na bahut bure ho. Suna aapne bahut bure ho aap. Is tarah mujhe chod ke chale Gaye. Kyun? Kyun aap achanak is tarah se chale gaye? Ek baar mujhse mile bhi nahi, mujhe bataya tak nahi aur chale gaye. Ek baar Mujhse baat to ki hoti, mujhe batane ka mauka to diya hota ki I Love you and I don’t regret what happened between us that night. But no you straight away jump into the conclusions by yourself and now punishing not only yourself but also me. Please don’t do this to yourself and to me. Please jaldi se waapas aa jaiye Sanskar. I miss you, I miss you a lot. Aapki Ragini aapke bina ekdum akeli ho gayi hai. Waapas aa jaiye Sanskar, Waapas aa jaiye.” Ragini said while clutching Sanskar’s photo tight to her heart sobbing uncontrollably wetting his face on the photo with her tears.

[You are really very bad. Did you listen, you are very bad. You had gone by leaving me like this. Why? Why you left like this all of a sudden? You didn’t even meet me once neither did you told me and left. At least u should have talk to me once, gave me a chance to tell you that I Love you and I don’t regret what happened between us that night. But no you straight away jump into the conclusions by yourself and now punishing not only yourself but also me. Please don’t do this to yourself and to me. Please come soon Sanskar. I miss you, I miss you a lot. Your Ragini had become all alone without you. Please come soon Sanskar, come soon.]

Here inside the flight Sanskar jerked open his eyes as he felt sudden restlessness in his heart. He looked at his watch and realize that he was about to reach to London and he was sure that by now Nikhil had told everyone back at home about his sudden departure to London. He sighed and leaned back on his seat and closed his eyes yet again. As he closed his eyes the only thing he saw is Ragini’s smiling face in front of his eyes and he jerked them open yet again. He knows that Ragini must be shocked with this sudden action of his and for the first time in his life Sanskar Maheshwari is not sure that whether by leaving like this all of a sudden is right or wrong. He very well knows that this problem in London project was just an excuse to go away from her but at that moment he just wanted to go away from all this for some time so that he could get some time to ponder over his thoughts and feelings for Ragini. And by staying near her it was impossible for him to do so.

Though they hardly came face to face in this 3 weeks but whenever they came all the events of that night started playing in front of his eyes making him guiltier. No matter how much he had avoided her but he did see her sleeping on couch while waiting for him when he returned late at night. He saw her bringing lunch for him in the office and den leaving it over dere for him before leaving from office disappointed. He saw her preparing breakfast and coffee for him every day excitedly like she uses to do before and he hardly use to have it. And all this had started taking toll on him. He knows that he was hurting Ragini with this behavior of his but for the first time he himself was helpless as he himself was burning in a fire den how can he sooth her. But no matter how much he was burning from inside yet he can’t see her getting hurt due to him therefore to avoid hurting her anymore he decided to be alone for some time so that he could get a grip on himself.

He could feel the restlessness in his heart again and again and he don’t have to guess why he was feeling so. He knows that the only person who must be missing him right now is none other than Ragini due to which he was feeling this sudden restlessness. he could feel her sadness and pain right now though by being 100 miles away from her and the worst part is that he can’t do anything to sooth that pain because he himself was lost in his own miseries. Never in his life he felt this much helpless before like he was feeling now. But he can’t do anything rather than wishing that Ragini could understand him and his reason for taking this step. He was going away from her not because he wanted to stay away from her but because he could control himself and this uncontrollable emotions so that everything get back to normal in their relationship

“I am sorry Ragini for leaving you like this. I know that I had hurt you yet again But I am doing all this for our own good, for the good of our relationship. Even I am not happy by leaving like this but I had to Ragini. Because if I had to make everything normal between us den I need to stay away from you for some time. Please try to understand me Ragini and don’t miss me much. I can’t betray you by giving you any false hopes for our relationship due to my uncontrollable desires wen I know that I can’t give you that place in my heart which I gave to swara so it’s better if I stay away from you for few days so that I can control my desires for you because our relationship is far beyond by just being physical and I can’t insult it like this I’ll come back when I feel controlled enough to be near you so that I won’t repeat the same thing that I did that night to broke your trust on me.” Sanskar murmured as he closed his eyes yet again when he heard the announcement that flight is about to land to London.

********************************************************

Days went by and so did weeks and it’s been 2 weeks now since Sanskar had left for London. But each and everyday was not less than a punishment for both Ragsan and especially Ragini who everyday woke up with the hope that may be today Sanskar will come or at least call her but by every night he hopes just shattered and she ends up being alone. In front of other family members she tries her best to smile so that they won’t get suspicious of her inner turmoil especially AP who always use to worry for hers and Sanskar’s relationship but inside she was dyeing with each and every second. She gets to know about Sanskar time to time from Nikhil and AP wenever he use to call them from London but not once did he called her to talk to her and this is what hurt her even more but she didn’t said anything and pretended in front of AP and others that she and Sanskar use to talk every night but AP can see through her lie. Many times she tried to talk regarding this to Sanskar but Every time he avoided this topic and cuts the call increasing her worry even more.

Ragini had thought many times to call Sanskar on her own but Every time she use to stop himself by just half dialing his number and if some time she called him also then it was Sanskar’s secretary who picks up the call telling her that he’s in meeting and dejected she just cuts the call. It was getting unbearable for her to bear this distance between them. At times she just feel like to run away in his arms and hide over dere for forever so that he could never keep her apart from himself but she knows that this won’t be possible until Sanskar would make a move which seems to be impossible for now.

By passing of each and every day she was started withdrawing in her own shell. Most of the time she use to stay at her room only sometimes complaining to Swara’s pic about Sanskar and sometimes to Sanskar’s pic itself. She hardly eats or goes out with Heer or Uttara and wenever they ask her den she just says that she don’t feel like having anything or going somewhere and made some excuses. Everyone in the house was missing her chirpy self but everyone was clueless at this behavior of hers as they knew that this is not the first time Sanskar had left for his tour like this that Ragini is behaving like this but only AP knows that something had definitely went wrong between them due to which all this is happening but whenever she tries to talk about this to Ragini then she just shrugs off by saying that everything is fine between them and she was just missing Sanskar and nothing else.

Every member in the house was trying their best to cheer her up but least they know that the only person who can brought her normal back again is Sanskar who is far away right now. Nikhil had even brought Ragini office also along with him on the pretext of helping him over dere in the absence of Sanskar so that she could divert her mind for some time but he didn’t knew that he was bringing back the gush of memories in her mind like this as whenever she goes to his cabin all the flashes of her and Sanskar having lunch together and then that close moment that they shared that day in his cabin started playing in front of her eyes. His chair on which she uses to drool for hours imagining Sanskar to be there was just add to her miseries which makes her miss him even more and she just comes back to home the very next moment.

It was one fine day when Ragini was in her room at night trying to catch some sleep when she heard landline of her room ringing. She immediately got up and looked at watch which was showing 1 am of night. She frowned thinking who must be calling her at this time of night. She choose to ignore the call but the thinking it to be of someone important she decided to attend it.

“Hello!” she said in a low voice as soon as she picked up the call only to find no response from other side. She frowned and looked at the receiver to check if it’s working or not.

“Hello! Who’s it?” she said yet again but again there was no response from other side but this time she heard someone’s breathings

“Who’s it?” Ragini asked yet again desperately because somewhere her heart has sensed who’s on the other side but again there was no response from other side except the sounds of breathings

“Aap waapas kab aayenge? Please jaldi se waapas aa jayiye.” Ragini said while trying her best to muffle the sob that was desperately wanted to escape from her throat.

[When are you coming back? Please come back soon.]

Yes she recognized who is on the other side. She doesn’t need to hear the sound to recognize the person from the other side as she can recognize him from his breath. It was Sanskar, her Sanskar who had finally called her. She wanted to ask so many questions, to say so many things to him but at that moment she just managed to say those 2 lines and den went quiet just listening to his calm breathings. Both didn’t spoke for few moments just listening to each other’s khamoshiyaan and next moment Ragini felt the line getting disconnected from the other side.

“Hello! Hello Sanskar! Hello!” Ragini said again and again while checking that phone is not out of order but then it hits her that Sanskar had cut the call from other side.

She put the receiver back with heavy heart and came back to couch and laid down holding Sanskar’s pic. Sanskar had called her, her Sanskar had called her was the only thing which was running in her mind. At one side where her heart danced in joy realizing that Sanskar had finally called her then on the other hand it pained wen it realizes that Sanskar didn’t even said a word to her wen he called her after so long. She so much wanted to hear his voice but he didn’t say a word to her and just kept down the phone. But still today her heart was at peace because today Sanskar had called her, it means he reminds of her and it means that he too is missing her like she’s missing him that’s why he called her and though for few mins she was able to talk to him. She clutched Sanskar’s photo tight and went into deep slumber thinking of her Sanskar.

Here in London Sanskar too was not able to concentrate on anything since the time he came here. Days went busy in solving the problem of London project but his nights were sleepless as he continuously thinks of Ragini. He thought that by coming far away from her he’ll able to control his emotions but situation gets worse instead and he started missing her like anything. he missed the coffee prepared by her, he missed the breakfasts, the lunches, the dinners made by her, he missed her bossing over him when he neglects his health in the amidst of work, he missed her way of arranging his clothes every morning, he missed her pranks that she use to play along with Laksh and Uttara, he missed her cribbing to her Babaji, He missed her smile, he missed her childish antics, he missed her innocent yet meaningful talks, he missed her care, he missed her melodious voice, he missed her musical laughter, he missed HER!!!!! Yes he missed her and no matter how much he tried to deny or run away from this fact but he can’t. And that day he was just not able to control himself anymore and had called her.

It had been two weeks since he was here and he haven’t heard her voice. He knows she had called him often but Every time he asked his secretary to tell her that he’s busy in meeting. But that day he desperately wanted to talk to her. He tried hard to control his heart but that day his heart went out of control and at last he gave up in front of his heart. he just wanted to hear his voice because right now he was not in the state of any kind of confrontation therefore he called at landline of his room and waited impatiently for the call to be answered and wen finally she picked up the phone Sanskar had forget every other thing and all he could hear is her sweet voice which he missed terribly in these 2 weeks. When she asked who’s on the other side den he desperately wanted to tell that it was him but he controlled himself and just closed his eyes listening to her voice which was soothing his aching heart but he jerked his eyes open when she asked him when he’s coming back. He was surprised to know that she recognized that it was him when he haven’t even said a word. Den how she had recognized him.

He wanted to talk so many things to her, to tell her so many things, to tell her to take care of herself in his absence, to tell her that he was missing her terribly, to tell her that this distance was for their own good but at that moment his lips just got sealed and all he could do is to listen to her Khamoshi like she was listening his and wen he felt that he won’t be able to control himself then he just disconnected the call. He could feel her muffling her sobs on the other side and he just can’t able to bear it yet he’s the reason of it. Frustrated on himself he goes near the window of his room and stand looking outside.

The cool breeze was soothing his body but the ache in his heart is still the same. He looked at the city outside illuminating with lights but there’s all darkness around him and he was afraid that this darkness wont consumes him and most importantly consume Ragini and their relationship. By now he was sure that what he feels for Geet is not just a physical attraction because if it was then it would have faded by now staying far away from her but it didn’t in fact now he yearns more for just her one look. These feelings are different. These are something pure, something divine, something which he feared to call as “LOVE”. How can it be Love? Love just happens once; it can’t happen twice and he had fallen in Love with swara once den how can he fall in Love with Ragini now. Wasn’t it be unfair to both Ragini and swara, he thought as he closed his eyes wishing someone to give the answers of the questions running in his mind.

“Swara, why had you left me to face all this alone like this? You wanted me to marry Ragini and I did for your happiness because I Love you den what are these feelings which I am going through now. why I am feeling so differently for Ragini which I can feel just for you? Why I am feeling so restless for not seeing her, for not hearing her voice from so long? It’s not right I know but then y do I feel that nothing could be more perfect then this? I don’t know what I should do Swara. I am stuck up in the middle of the river swara please take me out from it before I drown in it and take Ragini along with me too. Please tell me what I should do now.” Sanskar murmured while closing his eyes confessing his inner turmoil to the person whom both he and Ragini loved the most

“Sanskar!” he heard a familiar voice behind him and he snapped open his eyes and turn around only to find Swara standing over dere with a smiling face.

“Swara” he murmured not believing his eyes. How could she be here? Is she real or was it his dream?

“You were missing me na so I am here.” Swara said as she came near him while flashing her best smile and Sanskar smiled seeing her smiling.

” you are really here. I can’t believe it” he said as he cupped her face to ensure that it was not his dream.

“You need me and I won’t be there how can it be possible. But I am disappointed with you right now. You don’t love me anymore right?” Swara said turning away from him pouting.

“No it’s not true. I Love you, I really Love you. In fact I can’t give your place to someone else. I know you must be upset the way I am feeling for Ragini now-a-days but trust me Swara that it’s all unintentional. It was not in my control but I promise that I’ll control myself soon. I’ll get a grip on my desires for Ragini. I’ll hold myself from flowing in this flow of emotions. No one can take your place, trust me.” Sanskar said as he desperately tried to make her believe his love for her while turning her towards him.

“That is the problem; you are holding yourself from moving on. That’s why I said that you don’t love me anymore.” She said in a serious tone while looking deep into his eyes

“Swara I do not understand what you are trying to say.” He asked rather confused not able to understand head nd tail of anything.

“Sanskar I am no more in your life and I’ll never return still you are holding me within you and along with holding yourself. You know y I asked Ragini to marry you because I don’t want you to stuck up in your life. I want you to move on in your life. I want you to have each and every happiness of your life which you deserve. I don’t want you to die each and every second by mourning on my death. That won’t make any difference rather it’ll just hurt me more. and dere’s no other person perfect then Ragini with whom you can move on in your life” She said as she placed her hand on his cheek trying to make him understand the reality of his life.

“No Swara I can’t…..” Sanskar tried to protest wen Swara interrupted.

“Sanskar I was your past and Ragini is your present and your future too and you can’t ruin your present and future by being stuck up in your past. Listen to your heart. Try to realize the depth of your feelings for Ragini. Nothing is wrong in it in fact nothing could be more perfect then this. You are not doing any sin by feeling like this for Ragini. She deserves your Love, she needs your Love and more than her you deserve her, you need her Love. Accept your feelings . They are not sinful in fact nothing could be more pure and divine than this. you are not doing any injustice to me or Ragini by feeling for her like this but ya if you keep on running from these feelings and hold yourself from moving on then you are doing injustice; not only to me but to Ragini too who had no fault in this. You Love her Sanskar, you really Love her and there’s nothing wrong in it. Please don’t run away from your feelings and give pain to both yourself and Ragini. Accept it before it’s too late. And Sanskar “Love can happen Twice” and dere should be no regret to accept it.”swarasaid as she smiled with her last sentence wiping away the lone tear escaped from Sanskar’s eyes

“Swara……” Sanskar tried to say something but couldn’t as he was too much choked from inside.

“You may run away from whole world Sanskar, you can run away from Ragini or me too but Sanskar Ragini stays here (she said pointing towards his heart), in your heart and you can’t run away from yourself. You can’t run away from the reality that you Love Ragini. You really Love her, it can be seen in your eyes otherwise you won’t be thinking about her all the time since you came here, you wouldn’t have called her just to hear her voice. you are not in peace even for a second since you came here. this is what we called Love right? Then why there’s hesitation to accept it. Move on in your life with Ragini. Listen to your heart. Give a chance to yourself to Love again, to dream again, to be happy again. This is what your heart wants and dis is wat you want too just not able to accept it for now.” Swara said and paused for a while to look at his reaction.

“Free me Sanskar! We were not “Destined To Be”. It’s you and Ragini who is”Destined To Be” and will always be not in this birth but every birth. Sometimes even God can commit mistakes and in our case he did commit this mistake by making us falling in Love with each other when we were never meant to be but then he corrected his mistake too with me taking away from this world and bringing Ragini to your Life that too by me. May be Ragini’s Babaji too wanted this that’s why all this has happened with us and now it’s you and Ragini who are together. And now I need to go Sanskar, I need to go. I need to find the person with whom I am “Destined To Be”. But I can’t go until you’ll free me. Please free me Sanskar so that I could go to the world where I can find my soul mate with whom I am “Destined To Be”. Please free me.” Swara said while tears escaping her eyes and Sanskar nodded his head in no like a child.

“And what about me Swara. You asked me to free you because you need to find your soul mate. My heart wants to be with Ragini because it can’t stay away from her. You wanted me to be with her because you wanted me to see me happy and move on in my life. But in amidst of these where should I go? I know somewhere in my heart that Ragini had become an integral part of my life but next moment I remind of you and I feel like I am wrong. I can’t feel for her in this way. Even now when you had cleared each and every turmoil of my heart I am still not sure whether I’ll be able to move on or not. Why can’t you just come back? Why can’t you be just with me?” Sanskar said and swara rolled over her eyes seeing the adamancy of this man who is still ignoring his heart in front of his mind. She knows that he’s head over heels in love with her sister yet he’s scared to accept it.

” I need you Swara. I need you as a whole; I need you as a person.”Sanskar said as he cupped her face showing his helplessness.

She said nothing but just gave him a knowing smile confusing Sanskar and next moment he saw Ragini standing in front of him instead of Swara looking at him smiling with all the love in her eyes while he was cupping her face looking at her confused. Where is swara? And how come Ragini is here at this moment, he thought as he looked at Ragini who was bringing her face close to his. She tip toed and gave a soft peck on his cheek and then returned back to her previous position looking at him lovingly.
Main pyar ton vadh tainu pyar karaan
(I love you more than love/What I feel for you is more than love)
Tainu sajda sohne lakh vaar karaan
(I bow down to you in worship one lakh times)
Je din nu keh dayen toon raat maahi
(If you call a day night…)
Ve main raat samajh aitbaar karaan
(I take your word for it, believing it’s night)

Mein tere layi duniya nu chhadeya
(I left the whole world for you,)
Tere layi door aapne kare
(distanced myself from my loved ones)
Ve main tainu kinna chauhni aan Eh gal teri soch ton pare
(How much I love you… is beyond your thoughts)

Main saahan bina saar haan sakdi
(I can do without breaths…)
Tere bina pal vi na sare
(but can’t do without you even for a moment)
Ve main tainu kinna chauhni aan, Eh gal teri soch ton pare
(How much I love you… is beyond your thoughts)

Akhiyan ch har vele tera mukh ve
(My eyes picture your face all the time)
Tak tainu tuttde ne saare dukh ve
(By mere looking at you, all my pain and sorrows vanish)
Deed teri da ehe nazara
(A glance at you is such…)
Na pyas lagge te na lagge bhukh ve
(…I neither feel hungery nor thirsty)

Tere bina aun na supne
(I can’t dream in your absense)
Supne vi jhidak ke main dhare
(I yelled to scare away my dreams)
Ve main tainu kinna chauhni aan, Eh gal teri soch ton pare
(How much I love you… is beyond your thoughts)

“I’ll always be there with you. I’ll never leave your side no matter what because I Love you. I Love you Sanskar.” She whispered looking deep into his eyes with a smile of contentment on her face.

Sanskar jerked open his eyes and looked around himself only to find him all alone still standing near the window. There’s no swara, no Ragini nothing. It was only him who was present in this room and no one else was present over her neither swara or Ragini his eyes searched everywhere to get a trace of anyone of them but it was all futile. he pushed back his hairs unbelievingly not able to understand anything.

So does that mean that he was imagining all this? they were not here; he thought as he sat on the couch and closed his eyes leaning back. If all this were the part of his imagination, then why it all felt so real? he was not able to understand anything that was happening with him. Did Swara really came to give the answer of all his questions or was it that it was his confrontation with his own heart, with his own inner self whose voice he was suppressing from so long. But when did anyone is able to suppress their heart’s voice. the more you try to suppress the more it’ll call out to you. he recalled the confrontation he had with Swara few moments back and tries to understand her each and every word.

Everything was moving like a film in front of his eyes as he reminds of swara’s words. Can it be possible that really he and swara were not meant to be with each other that’s why all this has happened in their lives. And his heart, why it craves for Ragini if wat he felt for her is just a physical attraction. He ponders on Swara’s words along with his own logics and ideologies and more he thought of it more he gets confused. And then at that moment he recalled the how swara’s face transformed into Ragini’s wen he said that he need her as a person and how Ragini had confessed that she’ll never leave his side because she loves him and he jerked his eyes stood upright trying to get the depth of swara and Ragini’s words.

“What was that Swara wanted to tell me like this? That Ragini had already taken her place in my life and heart unknown to myself.” He thought as he looked at swara’s pic in his wallet trying to put two and two together to understand what’s actually is happening in his life which he was not able to figure out.

Precap:
Homecoming and oops a small twist!

Phew! so this is it guys! hope you all are going to like it… sorry for being late. I had finals so just got busy with last minute assignments. I seriously had no idea how this part turn out to be as I was going to type something else at the ending and wen I stared typing I just get into the flow and typed something else and now I am feeling nervous… so do let me know how this part is… hit the like button if you all like it and do leave your comment/criticism… it’s necessary

Take care, stay happy, stay healthy, stay busy, stay blessed, stay loved, keep shinning, keep smiling, be confident & you’re beautiful the way you’re…..be yourself!!!!!!!