Sach ka samna (Suhani and Sayyam’s Bond) SUHANI SI EK LADKI – part 4

Sayyam- Oh cr*p! He’s still holding Yuvraj, i have to go save him! (He starts rushing out of the room with raw eyes of guilty worry.)

Just as he was about to leave the room, he is stopped as Suhani stands in the door way, tears streaming from her bloodshot eyes and clutching on to a first aid box. Sayyam’s eyes fill at her state because he felt responsible for the descrutction of her life, he thinks about what his father said and how he never deserved to be alive and the fear in his mother’s eyes as his so called father approached her. Suhani kept the the first aid box to the side.

Suhani- (her voice trembled with breaking emotion, her lips shook with tears.) Everybody else is finding Yuvraj, but I need to talk to you now, i want to apologise beta, I’m so sorry. None of this is your fault, you didnt mean for this to happen. Please dont pent up all this pain inside y-

Sayyam- (He couldnt controll his pain as he heard her soft voice, he yelled with so much agony filled in his voice…) Maa! (He leaps in to her arms and hugs her tightly. He hides his head in the nook of her neck and cried like a tortured child, suhani shushes him soothingly holding back her own cries.)

Sayyam- (he was yelling in distress, trying to release the guilt that was eating away at him.) Yeh saab mera galathi hai, i hurt you, i ruined your life!

Suhani frantically shook her head no, trying so hard to convince him not to be guilty. She tenderly kissed in between his hair, he shut his eyes savouring his mother’s love that he yearned for his entire life.

Sayyam- (his words were repeatedly stopped by his sobs.) I shouldnt be here, i should die. The man i trusted fully tortured you infront of me and i did nothing!

Suhani held her weeping son’s head to her chest, and placed her finger against his lip to shush him.

Suhani- Chup beta, chup… Aisa mat bolo, look I’m fine, nothing has happened to me. None of this is your fault, dont ever say that sayyam.

Sayyam looked up at Suhani with innocent eyes, that looked at her like a child looks for his mother’s assurance, she ached with guilt.

Sayyam- but im the mark of my father’s crime, i came back and i reminded you of him…

Suhani tugged him to the bed and sat him down, she gingerly wiped away the tears that spilled from his eyes, as tears of resent fell from her own. 

Suhani- (She spoke sternly, sure of every word that left her mouth.) What did you do wrong? Tell me Sayyam? All you ever did was love me, even your hate held love. I was the one who left you at the orphanage, (the wails reappeared in her voice) i was the one you let you sleep through cold nights without a mother’s embrace, im the one that doesnt deserve a son like you! (She spots the packed bags in the corner of his room, and striking pain hit her chest.) Look you are leaving me again, and thats what i deserve i know, but please, (she pleaded with her hands folded.) aur mei jhantee ho ye bohot svaarthe hai, lekin please could you try to forgive your maa… she’s so sorry, shes so sorry beta.

Sayyam immediately pulled her hands down in surprise.

Sayyam- What are you doing ma? Dont do that, dont cry, please dont cry…

Suhani- Please please sayyam dont leave me, please? I know its too much to ask but i want to try again. I cant bear to see you leave Sayyam, please (her sad eyes piecered through Sayyam and flashes of his father’s misdeeds ran like shivers through his blood.)

Sayyam- (he screamed out, his pain transforming in to rage and frustration .) why do you want me!? Im the son of a beast, how could you feel safe around me?!

Suhani shakes her head no, disbelief in her eyes. She tries to lovingly reach for his hands but he pulls them aside suddenly, fear shooting through his eyes.

Suhani- Sayyam? What are you doing?

Sayyam- (his voice was almost silent, but the emotions in it were louder than screams.) I dont want to hurt you. I dont want there to be any chance of me hurting you like my father did. I need to stay away from you, i cant ruin your life…

Suhani sighs deeply, this wasnt his fault. If anything it was her fault. She didnt want him to feel alone again because of her

Suhani- Sayyam beta, mera taraf dekho… (she tries to gain his eye contact, but he looks away with a eyes bearing shame. She gently lifts his face to meet hers.) Look beta, you have be strong.  You are so much more  than just Sambhav’s son, you are nothing like him. I promise. You are respectful, strong, and so so kind, you put aside your hatred for me several times to save me and care for me. There is not an inch of Sambhav in you. There is not even an inch of me in you. God could not have given me a better son,  and then i was the one who lost him, telling myself stupid things like how he would be like his father. (She shook her head in disgust in herself.) Im so sorry.

Sayyam- Really? You really want me? (His eyes lit in intense childish delight, he felt that moment of happiness was happier than he had felt in his entire life. A tear of joy streaked his face.)

Suhani- Of course beta, i need you. (She nodded assuringly.) But i dont deserve you. You never had a family to grow up with, never had anyone to lift you up when you fall or feed you your favourite food or tuck you in to bed. I deprived you of a good life, and i dont whether you can ever forgive me. (She couldnt controll her endless tears of bitter guilt.)

Sayyam- (he wiped away her tears with his thumbs with bright red eyes) I dont want you to apologise maa, you dont need to. (He holds her hands comfortingly, squeezing it in reassurance.) I’ll be here with you, i wont let that beast hurt you ever again, ill bring your Yuvraj back to you. If you want me, im here. And you dont have to worry about anything. Nothing, i swear.

Suhani- (she softly carreses his cheek with an affectionate but teary eyed smile, she whispered in awe.) hey bhagwaan, mein kis accha kaam kiya hai is tarah ka ek beta paane ke liya…

Sayyam’s eyes soften and lips tremble again, he was overcome by the new feeling of being loved.

Sayyam- maa-

Suhani- (she frowned playfully) Now keep quiet, let me bandage your cuts, we cant let them get infected.

She gently wiped away at his wounds with antiseptic, her eyes watering at the state of the  injuries. Sayyam looked at her adoringly, taken aback by the nurture in her touch. Happy tears left his eyes continously as he remembered all the times he prayed for this.

The antiseptic enters a wound and suddenly stings badly, Sayyam winces in pain. Suhani looks up at immediately in concern, she sees him crying.

Suhani- What happened beta, why are you crying? Is it stinging too badly? Dont worry its almost done. (She finished the bandaging and tied the cloth.)

He shakes his head no and musters up a smile.

Sayyam- No maa, they are happy tears. (she looks at him in confusion.) Do you know? One day, back when i lived in the orphange, i was walking home and this rich boy came up to me and yelled at me and told me how no one wanted me and how id never have any family or money… and then he shoved me to the ground and i scraped my knee. And that night, i spent all night praying for my maa to come and aid my bleeding knee… and now its happening, mera khushiya mujhe sambhal ne pa raha hai maa… (He smiled at her with childish joy.)

Suhani started crying again, the guilt returning and creating a lump in her throat, the guilt would never subside.

Suhani- I could give you all my love for the rest of your life and do each and every little thing for you but id still never be able to pay back for the pain i caused you. 

Sayyam- No maa, you are my maa and a mother can never have any debt to her son.

Suhani smiled gratefully, she mouthed thank you. Sayyam shook his head saying its not needed.

Sayyam yawned loudly and adorably, causing Suhani to giggle a little.

Suhani- beta, aaram karlo, today had been a very long day, you are very tired… she leans over and gingerly plants a kiss on his forehead, both of them shut their eyes treasuring the moment.

She got up to leave. Sayyam was suddenly faced with memories of earlier that day, he shook with the fear that something would happen to his maa, he was scared like he used to be when he was a child.  He stops Suhani leaving by tugging on her arm.

Suhani looks round at him frowning in concern.

Sayyam- Maa… ( he whimpered quitely making Suhani’s heart race in care.) Mujhe dhar lag rahi hoon…

Suhani teared up at seeing his fright and the innocence in his eyes.

Suhani- dhar na mat beta, ill be here. Ab se mein kahi nai jaunga…

Sayyam’s eyes watered with emotion. Suhani came and sat beside him on the bed.

Suhani- aaga meri baccha, now sleep and dont be scared anymore (he slowly lowered her his head in to her lap, nervous by the new care he was  recieving)

Suhani wiped his remaining tears, trying to smile.

Suhani- now stop crying, today we have both shed enough water to fill a river. (Sayyam laughed slightly and felt immediately more relaxed hearing his mother’s bad joke.) You will stop na?

Sayyam- only if you do maa (Suhani nods and they smile.)

Suhani starts singing in a beautifully melodious voice, and sayyam realises it sounded exactly like the voice he envisioned when he was young. He closed his crying eyes,soothed by her lullabye. Suhani tenderly stroked his hair, smiling down at him affectionately.

Suhani- (she sang) chhotee aankhen neend se bhar rahe hain, neend ek hajaar sapane saath lata hai, sau gawoo meri chota baccha

Sayyam started snoring softly, finally asleep. Suhani sat still for the whole night, softly crying at the pain she had caused her child and the moments she had missed.