Hey guys, Its AFANFICWRITER (Shreya) again, and no, i haven’t forgotten about my other ff’s and I’ll definitely post epis of them soon. I love Yuvani, and I’ve now also fallen in love with kriyam. But this is not about either of them. This is about a bond that has the potential to be so beautiful but the writers always ignore and even sometimes destroy. Sayyam and Suhani. And so, like usual I’m going to try to do something slightly different. I hope you like it. I’ve taken some scenes from the show in this but its a completely different timeline of events and eventually a different plot. Its going to be a 3 or 4 shot only, unless you people REALLY enjoy it. Sambhav has been revealed as Kunjama but Sayyam believes he is a totally good man so far. Krishna ad Yuvraj aren’t main parts in this and only appear here and there. Please comment since its the first part and i put in lots of work.
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Suhani stood strong and had a stare of fire directed straight in to Sambhav’s beastly grinning face, she didn’t falter. But inside she was melting in to a puddle of fear and pain, she had enough, she couldn’t handle this anymore. Her weakness was shown in the way she gripped on to Bhavana’s hand, Bhavana’s squeezed her hand back in an attempt to comfort her.
Sambhav- Suhani… my poor sweetheart… (He stepped closer.Suhani squeezed her eyes shut as she felt sick to the stomach just by hearing him take her name. Sambhav’s hand neared her and she flinched obviously away from him.)
Suhani- Don’t touch me!
Sambhav- Bhavana- Dekh tumare Suhani ko… Is she a fool not to listen to me, does she not that those she love is in danger?
Suhani started to quiver with fear. a weak face of Yuvraj appeared in her mind for a second; and then a image of Sayyam’s vunreble face, which absolutely frightened her. Then the image went away and she was left shocked, she was surprised saiyyam came to her mind before Krishna, Yuvaan, Yuvani or any of the other family members. But then she was saddened by the realisation that it was wrong she found it surprising, he was her son.
Bhavana- (She almost pounced at Sambhav with her long nails trained at him.) WERE YOU BORN WITH ANY DECENCY AT ALL SAMBH-(Suhani grabbed Bhavana gently by the elbow to stop her still. Bhavana looked round at her in confusion and Suhani shook her head with enough fear in her eyes that Bhavana’s hand dropped limply by her side.)
Sambhav- Wow… your love is really powerful, isn’t it? (He laughed with his usual sadistic grin on his face.) Good girl Suhani… Now I will tell you what i want you to do… if you are going to keep your pyaara sa Yuvraj alive. Follow me…
Sambhav leaves the room striding confidently to the living room, though he knew Sayyam was in the house, but he was in his room. Once he was out of sight Bhavana gently caressed Suhani’s cheek, her eyes watering. Suhani blinked at her reassuringly though she failed to convince even herself that everything was okay. But this was between her and Sambhav and she had to deal with it without letting anybody else get hurt.
She followed Sambhav out in to the garden where he was headed, trying to stay emotionless and cold. She stopped still with absolute shock seeing what he had set up on the ground…
Lit coals burnt away as grey smoke in to the musky air, they were ominous and threatening as they blazed away. Sharad, bhavana, dadi, rags and Yuvani and krishna, had followed her out and loudly gasped at the sight. The bright flame reflecting in their glassy eyes.
Sambhav- Go Suhani… Walk.
Sharad- YEH KYA BADTAMEEZI HAI?!
Suhani- PA bhaiya! (Sharad looked over at Suhani in confusion.) Please chod do, mere liye… (Sharad stepped back in surprise.)
Yuvani- But mumma!? (Her eyes spilled a tear of true emotion which caused Suhani’s strong demeanor to break slightly. She wiped her tear and kissed her cheek.)
Suhani- Its fine beta, don’t cry for this man.
Sambhav- Look lovely birla parivaar, what a wife I have! So obediant!
Suhani- Who said Sambhav, that i will tolerate this torture! (She shook with intense rage that conquered her bones.)
Sambhav- Oh you have two reasons you have to Suhani…
Suhani- Two? (Her voice faltered.)
Sambhav- Firstly you will have to wave good bye to your special Yuvraj birla. But you see… the second issue is the world sees me as dead. So when the dead corpse of Yuvraj arrives at your ornate doorstep (suhani squeezed her eyes shut to controll her tears.) no one can blame me, because I’ll be long gone. So who will everyone turn to Mrs Suhani Sambhav? They’ll turn to the boy who very obviously hates the Birla’s and especially Yuvraj.The boy you abandoned to rot away his childhood in an orphanage and now the boy who you will cause to rot away the rest of his life in jail. Sayyam.
Sayyam’s eyes flashed in front of Suhani’s terrified mind, they didn’t resemble her eyes… but they didn’t resemble Sambhav’s either, they didn’t lack humanity , they still held integrity and compassion. Eyes are the window to the soul, and Sayyam wasn’t Sambhav. She felt how raw his eyes were with freshly wounded emotions, she saw it cloudy with storms of rage that hid the scared little boy that dwelled in the lonely darkness deep inside. The wall he built around him, the distance and the lonliness was what she made him suffer. His eyes weren’t Sambhav’s eyes that she could see now, desolate and cold and pitch black without a trace of kindness within them, how ever deep you searched. She felt a foreign feeling for Sayyam, one that was always there but she always ignored… biting guilt and paining concern, it ached her heart. It was all her fault. Tears of love she didn’t know exisited streamed from her eyes , as they stare at disgust at Sambhav.
Suhani- But you were keep on telling him you are his father, the only one that cares for him… how could you do that to him?
Sambhav- He’s my ally Suhani, a pawn in game, in my revenge… on you. Whatever relation i have with him is beneath that. I know you care for him Suhani, even if you yourself don’t, (She looked down at the ground with confusion engulfing her tender heart.) … and so he comes in handy. Now come on! (He claps his hands.) Walk.
Suhani- Please Sambhav, please dont bring him between us. He is only young. He has nothing to do with this. And dont hurt Yuvraj.
Sambhav- Sambhav ji…
Suhani- What?
Sambhav- Come on address me with respect! SAMBHAV JI!
Suhani gulped down her the bile that rised up her throat.
Suhani- Please Sambhav… ji… dont bring him-
Sambhav- Get on to your knees! (Suhani looked up with relunctance in her glare.) Suhani… GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND TOUCH MY FEET AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS! (She fell to his feet in weeps of shame. The family tremored in rage but when any of them started to approach Sambhav, Suhani stopped them.)
Suhani- Please… Im sorry, Im so sorry. Please dont involve Sayyam. Don’t involve anybody. Not Sayyam, not yuvraj, not krishna, Yuvaan or Yuvani. Nobody in my family, your enemity is with me… right? I’ll do whatever. Leave everyone else alone… please Sambhav (He shot her a deadly look.) Sorry. I mean (she swallowed back her disgust.) please Sambhav ji.
Sambhav- Okay then stop all the dramabaaz and walk.
Suhani took a step up to it and lifted her foot. She lingered there, her foot a few centimetres away from the sizzling rock that she already felt moisten her skin.
Bhavana- Suhani what are you-
Suhani- Everyone go, please, i dont want you all to see me like this.
Everyone held back their tears.
Yuvani- Why mumma? You will never change in our eyes, we could never strand you like that? (Sambhav quivered with rage.)
Suhani smiled at her with tears blooming in her eyes, and it gave her enough strength.
Suhani- Please. Don’t tell Sayyam Im doing this. (She whispered this before she took her first step on the coals. Sambhav rolled his eyes.)
She winced immediately with her body braced and tears running down her face from her closed eyes.
She remembered her moments with Yuvraj as she stepped. Their hugs and laughter and love and the way their love freed her but trapped her, taught her to live but killed her, but was all worth it.
And then she remembered Sayyam, she remembered the time he threw Yuvraj off her when she imagined he was Sambhav and the protection and genuine love behind it that she misunderstood at the time. Danger was clearing her mind rather than fogging it. Tears were brought to her eyes by the memory of him yelling out maa at that time with such pain and concern in his voice and sincerity in his eyes that was ashamed of herself for not noticing. She took another step, with another wince of agonizing pain, and she hoped it was penance for her sins.
She took each step in her stride and ignored the sensation of her melting skin, Krishna took one of her hands and Yuvani the other with eyes that cried. They helped her across and their care halved her pain. After she was done she fell to the floor, unable to deal with the shredding and searing of her skin, but she felt the relief in saving both Yuvraj and Sayyam. Sambhav frowned at her success.
Sambhav- Okay now get your family out of my sight or this task you did right now will be redered useless. USELESS.
Suhani looked over at everyone with pleading eyes they easily understood. They all dissapeared to ease Suhani’s troubles, she felt their absence increase her fear but she was glad they were out of harm’s way.
Suhani slowly stood up, hissing in pain, sambhav forwarded a hand to help her with a sickly smile… which she pushed aside with eyes filled with pure hatred. Sambhav shrugged and walked inside leaving her to lean against a wall for support and spill her emotions as tears.
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She walked inside hiding her winces of pain but unable to controll her limping. Sayyam walked out of his room and noticed her. He saw her limping and felt his heartbeat increasing slightly along with his worry. He stormed up to her and blocked her by standing infront of her causing her stop.
Suhani looked up at him with wavering lips and slightly glassy eyes.
Sayyam- Why do you never tell me what’s happenening around here! Why are you limping like that Ma!? (She heard and saw it again, the love in the cracks of his angry voice and fear in his eyes. It melted her strong demeanor.)
She grabbed his arms and he could feel her shiver from her touch that increased his concern.He noticed her shaky voice.
Suhani- Sayyam woh-
Sambhav suddenly appeared behind Saiyyam with a menacing and mocking smile. ‘Jail…’ he mouthed, and pointed at Sayyam.
Suhani’s arms fell from Sayyam’s in helplessness which caused his eyebrows to frown in confusion. She kept her face and voice void of emotion to try and make it easier for herself.
Suhani- Nothing. Nothing is going on around here Sayyam. (He glared at her suspiciously- He definitely knew she was lying. He was worried.)
Sayyam- Fine Mrs Birla, if you say so. Go on your way and carry on ignoring me… (That bit her. The ‘maa’ was gone, but she didn’t know that would hurt so much. Sambhav was succeding in pulling her son away from her, the son she abandoned and the son never loved fairly. But she had no other choice but to walk past him without a word.Sayyam felt a sting in his heart at the rejection that he quickly covered up.)
Suhani uncontrollably whimpered in pain with every step that caused Sayyam’s heart to ache, his eyes glassed over with tears at her pain that he refused to shed. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly as if he was trying to block it out, as if each groan of her pain hurt him. But it was when the weeps started to seep in to the whimpers as the pain was too much for her that Sayyam couldn’t handle it anymore.
Sambhav pressed his finger angrily to indicate to Suhani to keep quiet, she stopped immediately. Sambhav saw Sayyam turning around and dissapeared in to another room and locked the door from the inside.
Sayyam came over to Suhani and firmly wrapped an arm around her shoulders, keeping his face as if he didn’t care. Suhani looked up at him with confused eyes but he avoided her stare.
Sayyam- I know you don’t want to look at me or speak to me or be even 50 metres near me but you will have to deal with me for now. (His voice was coated with coldness that made her flinch with sadness.) Come now…
He led her gently and slowly to keep up with her limping and his care warmed Suhani’s heart but also buried her deeper in her guilt. He guided her in to her room and sat her on the chair all while hiding his emotions in a blank face. He went over to the drawers and found the first aid kit, Suhani watched him with a mix of gratitude for him and shame at herself in her heart.
He sat on the coffee table in front of her and finally looked at his mother and saw straight through her strong demeanor and saw her pain. He leaned down to her feet and took it in to his hands and started to lifting it in to his lap, she smiled sadly at his gesture but didn’t want him to see the deformed surface of her skin.
Suhani- Sayyam beta (Sayyam felt a warmth in his heart, like a little victory. It was the first time he felt accepted by her, but the he ignored the happiness becausee having hope just hurt more when you are then rejected.) its fine, leave it I-
Saiyyam- Shh. Just keep quiet and let me do it Mrs Birla.
He looked at her foot. He saw the grotesque wound, parts of it fresh and bleeding, parts of were burnt to a crisp and black and crumbling , others with yellowing peeling crusty skin. His eyes watered and lips trembled with love and pain for his mother, even though he tried to hide it and when Suhani saw that… she felt disgust on herself for misunderstanding him, she couldn’t forgive herself.
Sayyam- How could this happen! Should I call the doctor!?
Suhani- No. No, its okay. I fell over, thats it, its not a big issue.
There it was, he thought, the lies and the deception, she hid everything from him happiness or pain; there was the reason he only believed his father. He was afraid for her, what was she hiding?
Sayyam- Not a big deal?… (He laughed a dry laugh that in reality hid lots of fear and concern.)
He wet an wad of cotton with antiseptic and softly wiped her wounds, careful not to hurt her. Everytime she winced, hissed or jumped in pain he looked up at her with enough worry and care and nurture that tears run down her face as he bandaged the injury.
He looked up and saw his mother crying, and it tormented him… caused him bitter strife that hurt even more to hide, he battled to hide it. She saw the sufferering in his eyes and felt selfish, the innocent boy she threw aside without a second thought loved her enough that he cried at her pain through his hatred for her. She tried not to cry so he wouldn’t but she couldn’t stop the flow of tears.
Sayyam stood up and turned away and started to walk away trying to ignored Suhani’s muffled cries. But then stopped still being unable to bear it. He walked back to her with his usual blank face and leaned down slightly.
He gently wiped away her tears, only revealing his compassion through his actions not his expression. Suhani watched in confusion, taken aback by his true nature.
Sayyam- You may think I am some sort of Monster like you see my father Mrs Suhani… But i don’t find fun in others pain. So please (His real tension and anxiety was shown through his frown.) don’t cry like that, please.
He already regretted saying too much, he’s always felt putting his true emotions in to the open left him vunerable for someone to abandon him again. He turned on his foot and left the room to hide the way he was on the verge of breaking.
Suhani was caught in the middle of a labrinth of her own churning guilt and sickening disgust at herself and her strong adamancy and ego. She despised how her pride had grown so large that she failed to see shrivelling suffering that inhabited her son’s eyes, how her hatred for Sambhav had poisoned her mind with selfish thoughts and cruel judgements. She finally felt a loss, a loss of time she could have spent Sayyam, huddling him close to her chest and hiding her baby from the harsh world and protecting him from all evil and pain. She had missed out, and it wasn’t Sayyam’s fault, nor Yuvraj’s, nor the Birla family’s, not even Sambhav’s… but her own. She dabbed away at her tears with her dupatta, while remembering the tears probably spilling from Sayyam’s at the same time. She felt selfish harbouring his care and concern when she didn’t deserve it. She didn’t even think she deserved to loe him or be his mother She thought the poor child deserved much better than a failed mother like herself. And though her mind was repulsed by the thought of it, for a second, just for a second, she wished Sambhav had talked to Sayyam after he left her room… just so that Sayyam didn’t feel alone. Suhani wanted to go to him and beg him for forgiveness for the things she had done but she feared his safety, she didn’t want Sambhav to use him as revenge on her. She lifted a pillow and hugged it to her chest while she cried tears she knew she didn’t have the right to, when she knew someone was feeling even more pain because of her.
Suhani- You were wrong Yuvraj… (She whispered with a broken voice.) He doesn’t resemble Sambhav. He doesn’t even resemble me. I don’t know how he has become who he is. All I know is that it was disgusting, disgusting, disgusting, what i put him through! I can’t even- i can never- i can’t even look him in the eye.
A tear rolled down Yuvraj’s face as he watched a broken Suhani weeping through the mirror. The single tear was packed with withering guilt and pleading apologies and agonising regret. She was right. He had been wrong, so wrong. The way he just saw Sayyam tend to Suhani’s wound, care for her and wipe away her tears. Sayyam was the only one that could look after Suhani like he could, maybe even better than he ever could. Yuvaan wasn’t there, nor Yuvani or any other family member. When she needed someone Sayyam was the only one to care for her, even after everything he and Suhani had said to him. He was sick with shame. Filthy blood? Stone cold heart? Heinous beast? All to a child that had never known the love of a parent?
Suhani- Did you see Yuvraj, how he cared for me? How he didn’t let me cry? What had i ever done for him that he had to do this for me? Nothing, i’ve never done anything. I’m a monster…
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Sayyam hauled furniture out of the way of the living room and was seeming to be creating a huge gap of space. He made lots of noise as he lifted with sweat dripping of his face and drenching his clothes, and the Birla family clamoured together in the room to check what ‘hungama’ he was creating now.
Yuvaan- SAYYAM! CANT YOU EVER LET US LIVE IN PEACE. Tu ek najayas jhoota hai, you fool!
Sayyam- (Sayyam felt the insult pang at his heart but shut his eyes and took a deep breath and composed his voice in to a calm rude manner.)This happenes to be my house too, so let me do what i want.
Sharad- SAYYAM-
Suhani walked up to the door of her room and started limping out, silencing everybody. She looked around seeing her pathway to the sofa clear and easy to walk through and smiles sweetly, this silently brought Sayyam intense happiness.
Suhani- Aww, thank you! Who did this for me?
The rest of the family cowered with a little embarresment.
Sayyam- I did. But not for you Mrs Birla, i just felt like creating chos and it happened to benefit you. (He snarled, trying again to hide any nice emotion.)
Suhani’s eyes glazed over as she realised again that he was trying to take care of her. She smiled at him, trying to convey her gratitude through one look.
Suhani- Thank you, Sayyam. Thank you.
Sayyam looked at her intently. His eyes softened and she slightly saw the weak boy who was only looking for acceptance from his mother inside.
Precap- A drunken Sayyam held a gun to his head.// Sayyam- I’m done. Mrs Suhani Birla, can you even imagine what it was like for a young boy to be told repeatedly that they are not even worth making eye contact with because they are an unwanted illegitamate child that was cast aside at birth? Thats why I hate you Suhani! Why I believe my father! You are a backstabbing liar! //He tightens the trigger and is about to pull it…