Samarpan – RagSan OS

Hey guys I’m here to give another one shot on ragsan-samarpan(devotion).

A girl was humming while working in kitchen ,just then an elderly man in his 70’s sat on the chair at the dining table and both of them exchanged a small smile.
“good morning”the old man said in his weak voice and the girl nodded and wished him serving the parathas she made.he ate in silence and lifted his diary kept on the table and made a move for the door..she looked at him with a known look and asked”till when will you return?”.he stopped in his tracks and said”I will be home soon..”in a longing tone.the girl sighed while the man moved out.
“he always goes to that place… feeling your presence besides him….as is his love….your last days memories still keep him alive”the girl said moving to a photo with a cloth in her hand to wipe it.she wipes the photo and its revealed to be of ragini’s and as is the girl’s face.”nani you know naa nanu loves you a lot then why did you left him?”the girl said in a broken voice but composed herself and kept talking to the photo “but dont worry your diya is here to take care of her nanu,but I just cant see that hollowness in his eyes ,the eyes which used to be a mirror to his jovial side ,expressing all the happiness are now shallow”.diya moved to her nanu’s room to clean up the place and looked at the photo placed just above the bed.she stopped on her tracks and reminisced the memories lovingly.”I don’t remember much but this photo of your wedding…. I didn’t asked you about it but when you thought it’s time that I should know it… you told me… I can’t believe nanu waited so long for you… but seeing his love I got to know his love is limitless… the selfless love”Diya bit her lip to control her sobs.she cleaned his room and her eyes fell on the diaries kept in one drawer.those looked really old and worn out so she thought to throw them if they were useless.she picked them up and opened the first diary and reading the first page her curiosity arose.it was her nanu’s diary from his old days…

DIARY
hi diary my name is sanskar maheshwari…I am studying in eleventh and currently going back to my new house…dad shifted there last month…I had to stay in boys hostel from 6th grade so I didn’t had much attachment to it… but I hope these holidays go well….. the hostel turns so boring…
Another pg….
I saw the house it’s not bad… but mom is so dramatic…. hugging and kissing me as if I came from border fighting a war….chotu…my bro…he got meagre grades so dad has arranged a home tutor for him…a girl… let’s see…if he improves or he will also come to hostel from next year… but I have highly improved….
When I saw her…
I opened the door and saw a girl with the most mesmerizing eyes, beautiful smile and cute nose… she was ethereal…I was gaping at her like an alien , realizing that I jerked and told her that we don’t need anything… apparently I thought she’s a saleswoman…a pretty one… but she gave me a hard glare but maa came to my rescue and did a namaste taking her inside.. I tried hard to not stare her but she’s so beautiful and innocent…maa broke my thoughts speaking her name”ragini”… such a melodious name …it really suited her … when she said her first word…it sounded like Melody…so she’s chotu’s teacher…nice
Knowing her
I don’t know how to talk to girls and that too…a beautiful one like her…no no it’s not just her face that attracted me… I am a Sharif Ghar ka Sharif ladka….she has a pure Aura around her…I mostly stare her sneaking around but never have I talked to her… first reason…my shyness.. and second… she’s in college which means I have to call her Didi and that’s not going to happen… I don’t want to call her that… just that my heart doesn’t permits me…
Maa and Dad weren’t at home and she had to talk to an elder so she called me”sanskar”my name sounds heavenly from her mouth… stopping this I turned to her and looked at her blankly… she said in a strict tone that chotu doesn’t concentrate… and started scolding him… but it felt she’s scolding me…I gulped down the lump that formed and got to see her new Kali Devi Avatar… and kept in mind to not awake it any time…

Being friends with her…
Maa gave me the responsibility to look after chotu’s studies and his homework…due to which I had to talk to her…I was anxious but chotu.. I don’t know how read my mind and said she doesn’t bite…I was running after him but ragini came in front of me… she was about to dash with me… looking scared but still cute…I balanced myself and gave her a sheepish smile while she composed herself and went to teach chotu…I sat there and told her about chotu’s studies and we discussed about it…my first actual conversation with her…I am feeling on cloud nine remembering it….
We talked on daily basis and one day with all my strength I asked her… will you be my friend…. she looked shocked and I thought I did a blunder…at our time a girl and boy aren’t friends but then she smiled relieving me and accepting my friendship…I smiled and she went to her house… seeing her gone I broke my dam of emotions and jumped in happiness…I felt an unexplainable joy….we could now talk about our hobbies… which we did and we shared daily basis things… not going into deep… and making each other awkward..
Her creative side
She used to bring a diary with her and write in it… one day she forgot it and maa gave it to me to return it to her the next day…I guess destiny is shining on me…I was in conflict whether to read her diary or not but my curiosity got the better of me…
‘i went to first day of college….’ some pages talked about her life… which I already knew but some were of my prime interest…’i went to teach a boy… and saw an alien today…he just stared at me…as if lost somewhere… didn’t even moved and above that called me saleswoman…hump…’ awww she has mentioned me in her diary…’i he was just coming in full speed which stopped my heart…these mischievous boys…’ I am not that much naughty…
‘i am friend’s with a boy… but I can’t tell it at home…they will stop my taking tution.. conservative thinking… but I am happy that he looks after his brother’s studies…he is a nice guy’ yes I am nice…I mean she thinks of me as nice…
‘i will be married in 2years… but I want to work… I want to be a writer… which my family has restricted me to do…’ she will be married…no… but I shouldn’t feel bad.. but I am feeling bad…is it attraction or something else?if I propose her… will she even look at me…
‘ here 5years difference doesn’t matter if boy is elder but if girl is 1year older… it’s a sin…I hate this patriachal setup… but this is what happens in society.. and I have to accept it as my fate…’i so she also doesn’t believe in it but still she won’t even protest against it… after all girls are always seen as submissive… and what I know she loves her family immensely… she won’t retaliate them..
‘i didn’t let me wear her saree… seeing sudha aunty wearing a red golden banarsi sari I also wanted to wear a saree but my maa..so stubborn’ Sari…. ragini will look good in saree…I imagined her in one but I know she will wear it only after marriage… with the sindoor of someone’i name…no I shouldn’t get sad… control it… it’s just attraction…
I continued reading her diary.. and found her rebellious thoughts.. against this hypocrite society… she has portrayed them amazingly… she also wrote some interesting stories giving morals…if she becomes a writer she would rule the literature world…

Back to pavilion
My summer holidays are ending I have to go back…I have not got attached to someone like it was with ragini… though she is not that much attached to me.. but reading her diary made a unique and unexplainable bond with her…I returned her diary the next day… though I didn’t wanted to… but seeing her hugging her diary assured my decision was correct….
Is it love?
I am not able to get her out of mind…I think about her all the time…is this love? this uneasiness… nervousness… being in dream world?…I still can’t name it…I have only seen the movies in name of love… but I think it’s more than liking and friendship…I hope it’s not love… because it won’t get a destination…. she can’t be mine…
But soon I realized it’s love but I have to divert myself… to get out of this…so I have started writing.. but there also she came… her thoughts, her thinking are my inspiration for writing…I know I won’t be able to get her out of my mind…so I have accepted the fact and living my life in this way….
Who had thought a 11th class boy will fall in love… but I did… maybe I turn out to be wrong… it’s just my hormones playing with me… but I somewhere know it’s not..
For her
I have written a whole book inspired by her…. she would have liked it a lot…I hope I could show her this…. this time when I will go I will gift her this and also..I have made a saree for her… in our hostel we have other spaces for hobbies…instrents for music…carpentry…and the physically operated scloth making….it took me almost 2months to finish her saree…it has turned out fine… she will look good in it… and it will be her saree so her maa couldn’t say anything….by this she will know I read her diary… but I don’t care now.. only her happiness matters….

Meeting her again
Chotu isn’t going to hostel because he got highest marks in his class… all because of ragini…I couldn’t thank her enough..I know how it feels to stay away from home…it makes you emotionally drained.. but thanks to ragini.. it’s not happening…I will give her the gift.. will she be happy?I think she will shy away… but I will make her accept the gift…
I couldn’t ask anyone about her..they will feel weird…I was waiting for her to come… and she came… but her smile was lost which drained my smile too..maa told the reason which shook me… she is getting married… but she’s in 2nd year only… how..why… but then ragini said it’s a really nice guy…it had to happen sometime but why now…my excitement to meet her died down… she was unhappy as she wanted to complete her studies but couldn’t…I couldn’t do anything…I am just an outsider…a kid for her parents who won’t listen to me…I ran to my room hiding my outburst of emotions…anger,pain, sorrow… everything came barging but I controlled myself…I can’t fall weak.
I went in the hall and greeted her…I decided to not give her the gift…I was angry on her … for no reason.. but more on myself… for not being able to confess to her… for even getting these feelings…
Maa was arranging my bag and found the saree which I crafted…I made an excuse that I got it for her…she smiled and hugged me but then said that she would gift it to ragini on her marriage… destiny…I cursed it for playing behind the shadows… playing with lives… making all helpless…
I didn’t went for her marriage…I couldn’t see her marrying someone… yes I accepted the fact that she’s someone ‘i wife but still I just didn’t wanted to make my life more miserable…
Some days ago maa got the picture from wedding… she looked so beautiful in her attire and her smile was back… maybe because she got a good husband…I hope so….
It was my last day at home and I went to buy something when I saw her… wearing the saree I made…it filled my heart with joy as well as pain… but nonetheless she looked an angel…I didn’t turned back and moved away promising myself that I won’t love anyone else in my life…

10 years later…
I have still the memories of ragini in my heart… my family forced me to marry but I am refusing and finally they have given up….I am a successful writer now… maybe I chose this profession as ragini wanted to become one but I found my way in it….my written book… which I wanted to gift her became my 1st step in the writing world… would she be reading my book? she might know I read her diary then… will she be angry… will I even get a chance to meet her?.. still she never leaves my heart…I always think what I will say meeting her… she must be having her own family… hope she’s happy…
24 years later…
I am still single… mocking my destiny…chotu is living in Mumbai… with his family…maa wanted to see me married but I wasn’t able to fulfil her last wish…I have come back to our old house here… where my love lives… but she would be in her sasural
I went to park for a stroll… and I saw her… she has wrinkles… white hair..a big spectacles.. but looked so beautiful in this age too… I couldn’t control my urge to Meet her..so I sat beside her and said a hello… she turned towards me with her innocent eyes… and smiled recognising me… I had a tear as she had… she asked about my life and I told her that I am a popular writer…she knew it… her face told me… but she didn’t said anything about diary..maybe didn’t wanted to…I got to know she’s a widow… her husband died 5yrs ago… she lives here with her daughter and SIL who have brought their house…we talked about our lives…I found solace in her…my longing had achieved a step…I met her again… she had become too lonely but now I won’t let her be…

Marriage..
Ragini’s daughter came to my house…we came to know each other few months back… she kept on playing with her pallu.. typical ragini habit to which I smiled… she took a breath and said for which I had lost hope… to marry her mom…I was shocked..is it happening?I was hesitant but she convinced me… apparently she could not see her mom’s loneliness…I saw my dream of marrying her come true…
She disagreed and was horrified with this proposal but her daughter bent to face her and said”Umar koi maayne nahi rakhti… duniya ke baare mein mat socho… you have your life to live and you can not go through it alone… you need a companion maa…we are fine and I am sure sanskar ji will take care of you…”. ragini was reluctant but after a month of convincing she agreed.our bond was made strong by Diya whom we both played with together.. our little angel… me and ragini married in a temple with simplicity…I was happy to see her being mine…
After 2 years ragini’s daughter and SIL died in a car crash… she was devastated… I had to stay strong for her… for Diya… I was able to get her out of trauma…
I decided to tell her about my feeling so I gave her my diary and left from there…I came back and saw her sobbing…I got tensed and went near her…she hugged me muttering a sorry but I told her not to as it was fate’s plan… she became too affectionate after that… taking care of my everything…we raised Diya as our child… through her I got to see how our family would have turned out…a sweet family…
Ragini still behaves like we are newly married…her tantrums are of a teenager… but she looks cute while doing it… keeping our relationship alive…
Leaving her
I woke up one day and found her unmoving…she was dead…I cried for hours…. she had y’day only asked me for her favorite flower… and now she left the world…I have to let her go..I did her last rites… and waited to unite with her after my course of life…
*****”*
Diya closed the diary , tears gushing out of her eyes.”nanu devoted his whole life to love… loving Nani selflessly without any expectations…”Diya smiled painfully but wiped her tears picking up the call she received.”hello…haa ratan”she spoke in a broken voice.”Diya why are you crying? what happened… wait I am coming…”ratan said in a worried tone.diya wiped her tears which flowed continuously saying-no ratan..I am fine… just read a love story…I am coming to college…”.ratan hummed and said”yaa come to college and then tell me what happened… and stop crying…tum ronewaalon mein se nhi rulanewaalon mein see ho”.Diya nodded her head cutting the call.
Done….wow I updated 3days continuously…a record for me….it was mostly Sanskar pov…I hope you liked it.
Thanks for reading