SARPHIRE SHORT STORY ON ISHQBAAZ – Part 2

Okay here is soochna janhit me jari ye OS hosh o hawaas me nahi likha gaya hai kripya sambhal kar padhey (kindly read it carefully because writer was not in senses when she wrote it)

Anika: Tel laina gayi tameez.
(To hell with manners.)

Tia: Hye what was that.
All together say in chorus.
Shivay Anika in chorus : JHAND.
Dadi: Maro siyapo.
Jhanvi and Pinky: O my Mata.
OmRu: GHANTA.

Tia: i was asking what the hell you all are talking about
Shivay: Anika tune kabhi lachho bandariya dekhi hai (Anika have you ever seen an ape)
Anika: Haan!

Rudra pointing at Tia: haan bhaiya ek to ye rahi same jiske palle ab bhi kuchh nahi pada ke bandariya yehi hai (yes bhaiya she is there one of them who is unable to understand still that she is the only ape here)
He said looking towards Tia as she was still confused
Tia: Excuse me!!
Om: abey chal be excuse me!! tujhe excuse karne se pehle hum khud ko excuse na karey (shut you miss excuse me rather than excuse i think it will be better if we excuse us)

Tia: What the hell!!!
Somya: Oh…. Makeup ki chalti phirti dukaan tujhe koi jaldi well na dekhne de tu hell ki baat kar rahi hai (oh walking Makeup store no one will let you see well soon and you are asking about hell)
OM: hell hell sala poora dimaag hell bana diya hai tune (hell hell you have made our brains hell)

Anika: tadi maar rahi hai badi (showing lots of tashan)
Tia: whats that tadi
Anika: jo tujhe abhi tak hai chadhi usey kehte hai tadi (the attitude that is roaming in your brain is known as tadi)
Tia: What was that

Shivay pating his head: oh chup be angrez ki maa (shut up you english woman)
Anika: Sala bol to aisey raha hai jaisey khud hindi ka tutor laga ho (saying like he is well studied tutor of hindi)
Om :Bhai kaha se le aaya isey kaha se pakad ke laya hai (from where do you brought him i mean from where) (giving a disbelief look)
Shivay: egypt me mummies ki sale lagi thi waha unki line me ye bhi khadi thi (there was sale in egypt where she was also stood along with mummies)
Rudra: pakad ke kahan laye hai ye to big bazar e sabun ki sale me sabun ke sath free mili hai tabhi to itni gori hai (he never brought him!! she was free in sale of soaps)
OM: where?

Rudra: In Big Bazar
Om: achha is hisaab se to Anika ke baal lambe hai to wo shampoo ke sath free mili hogi ya phir hair oil ke sath aur SOmya aantey ke sath (if this is the case then Anika have long hairs so she must be free with Shampoo or Hairoil and SOmya with Wheat four)
Rudra: is it !! now i got it why always she use to say that “Ye prathey khaney wali ka hath hai”
Somya: chup be chakar ghinni body bana li dimag ko shrink kar diya (shut up idiot you made your body well built but shrinked your brain)
Rudra: what was that

Somya: leave it, it was a high level thing you won’t get it so easily
Shivay: Isey waisey bhi kuchh samajh nahi aayega (he won’t get anything leave him)
Anika: haan samjhne ka theka sirf is thekedaar ne le rakha hai (on he have the contract to understand everything)

Shivay: What is the meaning of thekedaar
Anika laughed: itna bada angrez thekedaar nahi pta abbey jaa jhand hai teri zindagi jhand thekedaar matlab contractor (haha a well educated man doesnt know the meaning of thekedaar your life is a joke man a big joke thekedaar means contractor)
Tej shouts: Shut up all of you, you all are ghanchakkar and making me also ghanchakkar. here we were talking about Om’s marriage
Jhanvi: Chup be tune kaun sa pahad ukhad liya shadi kar ke jo tu usey advice de raha hai (shut up what the hell have you done after your marriage that you are advising him)
Tej: shadi me pahad kaun ukhadta hai

Jhanvi: Dashrath Manjhi did so the mountain man
Tej joining his hands: oye meri maa chup ho ja (Oh ma please shut up)
Jhanvi: go and do it infront of your maa i am not here to give you blessings
Dadi: dont you show me your face you beard man (mujhe to tu shakal bhi na dikhaiyo saley dadhiyal) first go and shred off your moustaches which are looking like the royal ministers of Rajashthan you are looking more of a watchman (pehle ja jakar ye rajasthan ke rajwado wali muchh katwa kar aa senapati kam chaukidaar jiyada lagta hai)
Tej gave a shocking expression hearing his mother saying so then he truned towards Jhanvi and said again

Tej: kyu be manji tera chacha laga hai (why is it so is Manjhi your uncle)
Jhanvi shouted: Oye chup kar kal queen Victoria ko meri chachi bana raha tha aaj Manjhi ko chacha bana raha hai kal ko Modi ko mera pati bana dega (shut up first your were saying queen Victoria as my aunt and now Manjhi Uncle idiot tomorrow you will say MODI as my Husband
Tej gave a shocking expression again

Jhanvi: well you can do so moreover he will only say Mitronn… all the time
Rudra: rehna do bapu ji rehna do twade to apni sambhali jaati hun OM nu ki advice de rahe ho (leave it father leave it you can’t handle of your own marriage and advicing OM)

Tej: chup ho ja kanjara pyo haan mai tera (shut up i am your father)
Rudra: pehla pyo vargan harkatein to kar ke dikhao (first show some kind of fatherly habits at least)
Om to dadi sarcastically: ye kis tarah ka baap paida kiya hai aapne (which kind of father is this you have given birth to!!)
Tej: nahi wo tere liye Tom Cruise ko paida karegi (she would have given brith to Tom Cruise for you!!!)
Om: NO to Reonaldo Caprio

Rudra: Jao Bapu ji haath joda thuda aagey ja kar koi budhi wudhi fasao kya time pass kar rahey ho yaha par (Oh dad i am pleading you please go from here and look out for any old woman kindly why are you wasting your time)
Tej: Rudra tu na mere se kaan de thalley na kha lein (Rudra be careful i think now you are going to have a tight slap across your face from me)
Shivay: why?? is there any problem if you will slap above the ear (kyu kan ke upar marne me koi problem hai kya)

Anika: yes it is reserved for you (haan kaan ke upar tere liye reserve hai)
Shivay: yaar tum rashan Pani le ke mujhe pe kyu chadh jati ho (why the hell you climb on me everytime taking every blame)

Anika: to kya tujhe le ke raashan pani ke upar chadh jaun (so shall i climb upon blame taking you with me)
Shivay: tum kabhi kisi baat ka seedha jawaab nahi de sakti kya (can’t you answer me straightly)

Anika: jab tujhe ulta diya hua jawaab samajh nahi aata to seedha jawaab ghanta samjh aana hai tujhe (when you can’t understand the indirect answer then how the hell you will understand the direct answer)

Shivay: Anika what’s this ….. (he was about to complete but Anika cuts off)
Anika showing sandal to him: Bol ke dekh muh pe na chhapi to kahiyo (try to say that once then i swear if i never stamped this on your face)
Shivay giving a shocking look: you will beat me okay do it if you want to but on one condition the sandal must be of Reebok or Puma

Anika: sure it is branded only but top most brand of Kolhapur the Kolhapuri and the no is 6
OM: Anika bhabhi aap hato aaj mai isiki hataunga wo bhi Reebok ya Puma se nahi 10 no wali relaxo se (Anika Bhabhi you stay behind today I will teach him a lesson and that also not from Reebok or Puma i will do it with local Relaxo and that also of no 10)

Rudra murmurs: say whatever you want to say but there chemestry is so damn awesome
Shivay: yaha wo mere thobde ki chemestry bigadne me lagi hui hai aur thujhe humari chemestry ki padi hai (she is thinking of spoiling chemestry of my face and you are talking about our chemestry)

Rudra: Bhai thats not chemestry that is geography you must say she is planning to spoil the geography of your face
Shivay snatching sandal from Anika’s hand: Sala subject da boohtni da kada kitaab vi khol ke vekhi hai (you idiot you are talking about chemestry and geography have you ever opened book in your life)
Anika shouted: khud ne to Phd kar rakhi hai na har cheez me (you are saying if you have done Phd in every language)

Shivay: what’s this…
Anika cuts off raising her sleev to her elbow: Om tu zara ruk aaj mai isey language hi sikha doon oye Rudra zara Ram Pyari (stick) utha laa darwazey ke peechhey se (wait OM let me teach him language today first Rudra go and bring stick from the back of the door)
Rudra went and brought the stick
Rudra: aao Abdulla zara Ram Pyari se milo (come Abdulla lets meet your Ram Pyari)
Shivay: oye nahi bhai ye cheating mai ni na ye cheating hai aisey maar ni khani maine (oye no this is cheating yr)

Anika: why!! are you feeling scared??
Shivay: scare!! me!! and from this stick !! never (in attitude)
Anika kept the stick aside and then took a rubberband from the table which was kept near them and showing them to him

Anika: to issey kha le (then get the treatment from this rubberband)
Shivay giving a scared look: oye nahi oye lag jayegi bohot tez lagti hai yr issey waisey bhi thand hai mai mar jaunga (NO please it will hit more forcefully and i will surely feel immense pain no please and this is winter also so no no)
Anika: Mai yaha teri bakwas sun ney nahi baithi hu (i am not here to hear your nonsense)

Shivay: to aam taur par tum bakwas sunney jati kaha ho (then where you use to go to hear all nosense)
Tia interrupted: Anika, Shivay baby what is this nonsene going on
Shivay: oh chup kar meri zindagi ka aadha siyappa to teri wajah se hai (shut up half of the problems in my life are only because of you)
Tia: what!!!

Om to Tia: OOh.. third grade serial ki fifth grade heroine bas kar apna ye angrezi ka raag alaapna (OH fifth grade heroine of third grade serial now shut the hell up this english all the time)
Rudra: Oh mainu kehn de…. (Let me say)
Om with sarcasm: bhai tu rehn de… (Bhai you leave it)
Anika: oh hero just leave okay dont waste our time here (Oh hero khali phokat time khoti mat kar)

Shivay: what’s this language
Anika irritated to the core: sala phir bola tera dimag ka peinch gir gaya hai kya kahin ya ghajni ke Amir Khan ka effect hai. Agar tuney apni yeh bakwaas band na ki na to mai Dangal ki Amir Khan banna mer deir nahi karungi aur charoon charon khana chit kar doongi (oh you said that again have your screw losted somewhere or you are showing Ghajini effect and if you never stopped it then i will become Amir khan of Dangal and then you are dead for sure)

Shivay shouted: shut up……. if anyone said one more word then..
Rudra: okay we will not say that word but you must tell which word is that, that we have to ignore
Shivay: i said just shut up if anyone said anything then i will….
Anika giving a death glare to him: then you will what???
Shivay: i will…

Anika: you will…
Shivay: i…
Anika: ab bakega bhi (now will you proceed or not)
Shivay was numb for a while then suddenly sung: Tujhe dekh ke dil mera boley mere dil ki dhadkan boley mai jatt yamla punjabi Punjaban meri ho ley
Anika raising her eyebrow: what was that

Shivay: dont know just happend
Anika: now you listen
Shivay: what?
Anika: tujhe dekh ke dil mera doley mere dil ki dhadkan boley teri gali se guzrungi mai tu rehna khidki kholey
Shivay was a shocking look

Tia: what the…
Rudra cutting her off: abey e… britain ki padaish aur India par bojh ek baar boli na to ye parathey wali aisa hath maregi ke tu wapiis britain pahuch jayegi (Oh birth of britain and spot on India if you said one more time anything then i swear that SOmya will turn you blue black and in one slap you will be back to Britain)

Somya: why the hell i will beat her??
Rudra being irritated; shut up everyone now we will play Antakshari because you idiots will never talk something good (bas ab sab yaha baith ke antakshari kehlenge Dimag ke andhe, kaan ke kanaey aur akal ke lule koi baat dhang ki nahi karenge)
Om:Rudra it is aankh ke andhe aur kaan ke behre (blind by eyes and deaf by ears)
Rudra: my characters my wish why are you interrupting in mid just shut up
Om: i was just rectifying

Rudra: han ab tu meri vyakaran theek karwa yaha baith ke ek to pehle hi nikammo ne dimag kha rakha hai aur isey vyakaran aur shuddhi karan ki padi hai (yes now you are here to rectify my grammatical mistakes already these idiots are eating my brain and you are thinking about rectifying and purifying my grammar)
Om: Now i am going to call doctor
Somya: But why are you calling doctor
Om: tum sab pagalon ke liye ek head pagal ki zaroorat hai na (for you all as you all metals need a head for yourself na)
Rudra: woah it means you will live here alone no way you will also come along with us and yes you must call doctor from London
Om: why from London

Rudra: yes then like Tanu weds Manu returns someone like Tanu will say when i will come back from there that My love is out (aa gaye mere mehboob bahar)
Shivay: not for that but because whatever Oberoi will do it will be by style only or branded

Anika slammed her bag on his back: he has bad habit of saying Oberoi this much Oberoi he has used that now others Oberoi had decided to change their surname as they are saying that this Oberoi sirname belongs to him and he has taken copy right of that (iski Oberoi ki to itni badi buri aadat hai na isey Oberoi bolne ki ke ab baki ke Oberois ne bhi keh diya ke bhaiya hum koi aur surname rakh lenge kyuki ye wala iska hai isney kar liya hai)
Tej shouted: tum sab pagalon ke khandan se aaye ho (you all belong from a mad family)
Dadi slapped him: tu saley kisi aur khandaan se aaya hai (have you came from any other family)

Shakti: sab pagal hai yaha (everyone is mad over here)
Everyone got silence and looked at Shakti for a minte there was a complete silence and then altogether clapped and Om said in a taunting tone
Om: ye badi nayi baat batayi maa qasam maza aa gaya (you have told something new belive me)
Pinki: waah now only he is awake great
Om: this all is happening because of Shivay only he was wishing to stop me
Shivay glared him
Om in rude tone; what!!
Shivay glared then started : Oh mother see you son is getting spoilt kindly get his hair cut and admit him into college see your son is spoilt (amma dekh ha dekh tera munna bigda jaye iske chhotey baal kara de isko college me bhijwa de amma dekh)
Pinki: shut up…. and listen now

Janvi: now we have to listen to her also (lo ab inki bhi sunni padegi)
Pinki: to suno (listen)
Janvi: kindly bark (bhauk)
everyone was looking her in very strange manner
Janvi: i mean to say kindly speak
Pinki: okay then ho wari warsi khatan gaya si khat ke liyonde phere….
Janvi cuts off: oye hoye hoye hoye itne gandey chehre
everyone was looking her with a look that do we have to laugh!! then Rudra said

Rudra: bhangra na sajda taa nache munda de brahaa
Somya: waah yaha hum problem solve kar ke marey jaa rahey hai aur yaha saala maa bete ko bhangra karna hai (great here we are dying for solving this problem and here mother son is busy in doing bhangra)
Anika: dont worry SOmya we will make them dance if they wish lets play the music then let them do Bhangra Ghoomar Garba and all
Shivay: what the..

Anika giving a death glare: you said that now you gone

to be continued…..
**********************************************
All right guys that’s all for now, catch you all soon with next part of “SARPHIRE”. But till then don’t forget to drop your comments on this hilarious ride. All sorts of comments will be accepted from talliyan to galliyan ji bhaar kar do Jo Dena chahta ho. But do drop your views.

MISDIRECTED BY ??: KHORAFAATI TEAM {SURBHI & SHIVIKA}

hahah yes we both are writing it so next part will be by…. um… lets see who will post whether it will be by me or her