Guyz please respond me fr my ff. I wud like to know how shall I improve.
Guyz I forgot to introduce one more character.
Rohan Gadodia: Son of sumi and shekar. Loves his parents and her sister a lot. He spends money lavishly.
Here goes our 1st episode…….
A voice is heard…….from background. It was a melodious song…… It was Ap.
Ap: God, letz all b blessed by ur grace. Plz forgive us for all our sins….
Someone hugs her from behind….. His face was revealed. He was wearing white shirt vth grey blazer. He was just stunning at his looks. His face was revealed. He is one of our leading roles. Sanskar Maheshwari!!!
Sanskar: Badi maa, how can u commit any sin? U r the best person in this world.
Ap kisses his forehead.
Ap: Itz ur goodness that u respect me a lot. I’m glad tht u r my son. I’m very proud of u beta……
Sanskar bows and takes her blessings.
Ap: May god shower all the happiness.
She gets sad.
Sanskar: maa, wat happened? Y did u get sad?
Ap: kaash, Lakshya was like u. Day by day he is creating nuisense in home. There has already a big rift is created btwn father and son. I don’t know wen vl he understand all his responsibilities.
Sanskar: Don’t worry maa. He is still a youngster. I’m sure he’ll gradually understand everything. But u plz don’t b like this. I’ll talk to him.
Ap: I trust u. Itz only u, whom he listens.
Sanskar hugs her and moves to Lucky’s room……
@ Lakshya’s room.
Sanskar enters his room. It was a complete mess. He has threw his clothes here and there. It was sure by the sight he was drunk last night. Sanskar cudnt bare tht smell. He slowly leans towards lucky and shakes him.
Lucky was sleeping hugging his pillow…..
Lucky: hey Rita, plz 5 more minz….
He holds Sanskar’s hands and drags to bed.
Lucky: common baby…. Give me my morning kiss. I’ll b luckiest to hav it. Plz make my day…..
He leans to kiss Sanskar. Sanskar gets shocked and pushes him. Lucky falls down by tht. He wakes up suddenly….
Lucky: bha…. Bhaai… Wat r u doing in my room. Bhaai don’t tell me u were kissing me!!
Sanskar: shut up!! Idiot. Do u know watz the time is? Still u r in ur hang over. Lucky, tell me where had u been? Whoz tht new girl? Wat was the name… Riya..
Lucky: Rita…. So crazy girl and u know…..
Sanky: I don’t wanna know. Get ready soon and clean this mess, faster. U know na if bade papa….
Lucky: uff! Y vl u take tht Hitler’s name this early morning? I don’t wanna spoil my day….. I’m sleeping, thtz final. However he vl scold me evn I get up now. So no use. U r his charm. So u handle him.
Sanskar shows him fake anger.
Lucky: bhaai….. OK fine. U know tht I can’t bare this reaction of urs. I’m up. Happy?
Sanky: thtz like my boy…… Now go nd get fresh. I’ll clean all these…
Lucky: love u bhaai…
They share a hug. Lucky moves to get fresh.
Sanskar: i dont know wen vl he grow up. I wish he understands his duty soon…….
@ Gadodia Mansion…..
“Offo!! Wat kind of parents r u both!! Letting ur daughter to sleep till now. Wat if she continues the same thing vth her in-laws'”. It was dadi.
Shekar: Let her sleep maa. U told na she can’t do all these vth her in-laws’ so let her enjoy now…..
Sumi: maa, plz, she slept bit late last night. So plz don’t disturb her.
Dadi: I’m a fool to tell u both. I’ve to manage tht girl on my own.
She goes to her room. Her grand daughter was in deep sleep covering herself head to toe.
Dadi: Arey chori, utho!!
Rags shrugs her and goes to sleep again.
Dadi gets angry. She removes the blanket.
Her face was revealed. She was exactly like an angel. She looked evn more cute vth her open hairs and in tht attire. She is our Ragini. Most pampered child of Gadodia family.
Rags: Arey paru, get out and let me sleep.
Dadi: shaitan!! Don’t hav manners tht u call ur dadi by name. Get up or else…..
She looks at the jug of water on the table, before she cud take it….. Rags takes and throws water on her and starts laughing.
Rags: not always dadi, tit for tat. Yesterday u did it, today itz me.
She starts laughing and makes her tongue out.
Dadi starts chasing her in anger……
Rags: dadi, itz impossible to catch me.
Dadi gets tired and sits on bed.
Rags looks at her and sits beside her.
Rags: sorry, paru…….
Dadi holds her ears…
Rags: ouuch!!! Maa…..
Dadi: no maa or baba. Itz dadi. I’m ur dadi, more talented in cheating than u. Now run and get fresh or else….
Rags: OK…… Paru , u vl pay fr it tmrw.
Dadi: bhaag…..
Rags: sorry……
Dadi laughs looking at herself………..
Screen shifts to a small room. A woman was seen who was shouting louder….
Lady: This is ur last warning. Ur rent must b paid vthin a week or else u vl b thrown out……
A girl was standing infrnt of her bowing her head. Tears were rilling down from her eyes continuously. She was Swara!!!
Swara: ma’am plz give some more days. It vl b too difficult for me to adjust the money. Plz, I beg u.
Warden: not a word. I want the money by next week at any cost. If u can’t, then move out….
She walks out. All girls were staring at Swara’s room. Swara was crying helplessly………….
Precap: Swaragini meets…..
Guyz plz do comment. It was my first ever episode. Plz guide me. Love u guyzz.