SWASAN: AASHIYAN [EPISODE-13] BY NEELIMA

SWASAN: AASHIYAN [EPISODE-13]
Thank you for all the support.
Some of you think that sanskar is doing wrong by being angry on swara but when we actually place ourselves on his place and try to understand his pain then we will know that what he is going through.
Next sanskar isn’t knowing about the baby so he has no clue that he is hurting not only swara but baby also. So in that matter he is not at fault.
I haven’t explained about his pain properly till now and that u all will understand in further episode so have patience.

Swara’s pain is a lot but sanskar is unknown to it.
Both are in their own misery. One has forgot anger trying to solve things accepting her mistake and the other is showing anger thinking that staying away he can keep himself away from further pain.
We will get to know later what their life leads to. So for that please read the story and soon sanskar will know about the baby too.

Last thing befor jumping in the episode is my hearty apology for being irregular and giving late updates but these episodes that I have written till now and the further two episode that I will write is the most difficult ones because showing swasan against each other is a difficult task for me. I can’t imagine them in fights but love and trust is where I give them stand.
So now let’s begin with the episode.

Previous parts- Click here for all episodes

In sanskar’s pov-
I felt pain in her voice when she spoke but I can’t melt for that. This separation is necessary. [looking at his hand where swara’s tear drop fell] your tears still affects me but I won’t let it win over my decision.
No one will understand me and my pain, neither you nor anyone else. What I feel, what I want, my wish nothing. None can understand neither I want to speak it out loud. They are confined to me and I will be better alone.

Either you have to leave me swara by yourself [a tear drop fall down his cheek] or I will make you leave me by my own ways and that will cause you and me both a lot of pain and I really don’t want to give you any kind of pain. But if you be stubborn and continue to act like you are doing then I will be forced to play with you and anyhow make you step back and [opening his eyes which shows no emotions] I CAN DO IT BECAUSE I BELIEVE TO GET THINGS DONE BY HOOK OR BY CROOK. TENDERNESS OF HEART COMES WITH LOVE AND I DON’T WANT ANY LOVE AND SO I CAN’T BE AND I WON’T BE SOFT AND THOUGHTFUL ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS ANYMORE.
Sanskar pov ends.

It was evening and everyone else has come from office except sanskar. Swara was disappointed since sanskar has not yet returned. she remained detached with others during having dinner and ate only little. Her leg was fine now so she could walk.
It was 10:00 p.m. swara dialled sanskar’s number but it went unanswered. She tried multiple times but he didn’t receive her call. Feeling lonely and without any work she came down in the hall to wait for sanskar.

In the hall sujata was talking to sanskar over phone asking about when he will come back home. Swara was hurt because she knew that sanskar willingly did not take her calls. But she immediately stopped her mind from crowding negative thoughts and came towards sujata seeing her going back to her room.
Swara- mom. [sujata turned] wo..mom you were talking to sanskar naa. When is he coming?
Sujata- he said he will be late.
Swara- ok…I will wait.
Sujata- your wish. [sternly]

Swara- mom can we talk for a moment.
Sujata- hmm say.
Swara- mom for the last time can you please forgive me. Sanskar is also upset with me and I know this is the reason he is coming late to home. I …. I know I hurt sanskar by saying all those that day and leaving him and so did I hurt you but mom I never meant those words. In the heat of moment I just spoke.
Sujata showed a non-caring attitude to her.

Sujata- I don’t care what you did and what you didn’t. I don’t have to do anything with that. [mahre ko koi farak naa padta tune ke kiya and ke nayi. Mahre ko koi lena dena naa hai iss baat se.]
Swara- mom please. Can we sit. Please don’t deny. Please.

They both sat on sofa.
Swara- mom remember the day when we freed bade papa and badi maa from bhaiyaa’s clutches. [sujata nodded] that day on call with sanskar when we were stuck here, I tried to stop sanskar but he just said that our relation is over. I was angry and upset with him. And then, laksh’s absence. Everything became so complicated between us.

Swara- that week it was getting difficult to handle ragini. She was being depressed each passing day as we didn’t get any news about laksh and over that before the day we left, ragini heard the conversation between sanskar and police that there are very less chances and negligible hope of finding laksh. She was shattered and wasn’t able to handle herself and ……[swara momentarily paused thinking about that day]
Flashback-

All elder maheshwari’s have been in temple doing a pooja for laksh safety and return. Swara entered ragini’s room with glass of juice and was shocked to see ragini who has just cut her nerves on the wrist and blood was flowing like a fountain. [ guys I saw once when my bhabhi was wearing bangles and her bangles broke and a piece cut her wrist over the nerve and got inserted there. Blood flew out of her nerves like a fountain and we all immediately anyhow took the glass piece out and stopped the blood flow. Just in few seconds she lost so much of blood and we all were panicked]

Swara rushed to ragini and held her wrist pressing over the cut to stop the blood flow.
Swara- ragini…ragini… yeh.. what have you done. [panicked and crying] oh..god…what should I do?

Swara tied a handkerchief around her wrist and immediately called the doctor. Ragini was sitting static, immovable. After talking to doctor she shook ragini hard to bring her to senses.

Swara- ragini… for god’s sake say something [again shook her] say something god damit.
Ragini- laksh won’t come back swara. He won’t.[she burst in tears]
Swara- ragini sanskar is finding him. He will come. You don’t worry. And this do you realise what you did. How could you do so?

Ragini- I don’t want to live swara. I heard sanskar talk with police and they said that there is no chance of finding laksh. He left me swara. If only sanskar wouldn’t have picked stone to hit him and wouldn’t have fought with him then may be laksh wouldn’t have gone. If sanskar would have talked to laksh and tried to make him understand then may be laksh would have been here. And now sanskar couldn’t find him…..laksh left us swara….laksh..le.f..t.
Ragini fainted due to blood loss. Swara was highly tensed. No one was there at home to handle the situation. But thankfully the doctor arrived as they were nearby. They quickly treated ragini and while checking her up they found that ragini was pregnant.

Getting news of her pregnancy, ragini was elated but sad at the same time because laksh wasn’t there. Swara scolded her a lot and then assured her that laksh will return. Ragini asked forgiveness from swara and took promise from swara not to tell her pregnancy news to anyone and that she will wait for laksh’s return. They decided not to tell anyone about the suicide and ragini promised to not repeat her mistake again.

The event went by but ragini’s words abou the fight and sanskar were imprinted in her mind and so the next day when swara lost her calmness she spoke all those that were in her mind forgetting everything in her anger that to whom and what she is speaking and when she realised the situation a bit by sanskar’s warning ragini’s hold on her hand while she was saying something to her made swara look at the small bandage on ragini’s wrist which left her with no option to think upon at that moment but to go to badi. Without thinking of further consequences swara took her steps outside mm.

Flashback over.
Sujata- [shook swara] where you got lost. If you don’t have to say anything then why are you wasting my time.
Swara- haan. Mom ragini tried to suicide that day. Do you remember the bandage on her hand. it was because she had cut her wrist. She wanted to suicide. [sujata shockingly was going to speak loud but swara held her hand and gestured her not to speak] None of you were home, and I didn’t know what to do. Somehow I called doctor and ragini was treated and we knew about her pregnancy. She wanted to keep it hidden till laksh was found and in that condition I didn’t think before speaking to sanskar in anger and frustration.

Swara- I know what I told was wrong on my part and I should have controlled myself and thought once before speaking but it just happened. For all the hurt and pain I caused I am sorry. Just please forgive me although I know it’s not easy for you and sanskar. Please mom. [swara controlled her tears but yet few drops oozed out due to the condition she is in]
Sujata- why didn’t you tell this to all of us. You both sisters kept such big matter hidden from us and now you are telling me. If you would have told before then all this wouldn’t have happened. Huh!
Swara just cried silently. Sujata seeing her state kept her hand over her head surprising swara. She looked at sujata with teary eyes.

Sujata- I was and I am very angry on you but knowing the reason I forgive you. But my son has suffered a lot. I have seen him upset. He rarely came home and I don’t know he ever ate properly or not. Sometimes he would call and inform and sometimes I didn’t knew his whereabouts. He had once left the house before and the way he shifted to guest room I thought that he may leave this time. I have lived without my son and I don’t want him to go away again. You won’t understand how precious he is to me. I had him with so much difficulty.
Swara- mom I promise I will never leave him like this ever. Am sorry.
Sujata- it’s ok. Next time if you did something which upsets him I will not forgive you. Remember that.
Swara- [happily] I would. Thank you mom.

Sujata- haan haan thik hai. [yaa yaa ok]
Both went to their respective rooms.
———————–
Swara waited for sanskar a long time. She was feeling little better talking to sujata and gaining her forgiveness. She didn’t knew when she slept in sitting position itself. Almost late at 11:30 p.m. sanskar came back home looking exhausted. He saw swara sleeping in sitting position but didn’t react. Instead he continued with his work.
Taking his clothes he changed and arranged the couch for sleeping. Swara got up due to sounds. She saw sanskar who laid on couch for sleeping and then looked at time.
Swara- sanskar came. Oh god how can I sleep and he came so late.
She hurriedly came to him.

Swara- sanskar I am sorry, I didn’t knew when I slept waiting for you. You should have woken me up.[no response from him] Leave it. Did you had your dinner. If you didn’t had then please have your food. I will just warm and bring.
Sanskar had closed his eyes and kept one hand over his forehead and didn’t react.
Swara- Sanskar I am talking to you. [slightly shaking his shoulder] please say something. I know you aren’t sleeping. And why are you sleeping on the couch. Sleep on the bed.
Swara- [keeping hands on her hip] sanskar it isn’t fair to ignore my words. I am your wife and you can’t just ignore me.

Swara- aarggghhh….. sanskar…….ok then. I too am like you only.
Swara sat on the floor and kept her head on his shoulder and holding his hand closed her eyes for sleeping. This was unexpected for sanskar. He woke up instantly.
Sanskar- what do you think you are doing?
Swara- arre why you woke up. You sleep comfortably. I won’t say anything, just hold your hand and be here.

Sanskar- swara I don’t want any drama now. let me sleep and you go sleep on the bed. Don’t irritate me.
Swara- now that you don’t listen to me and aren’t ready to sleep on the bed then what can I do. Now where you will be, I will be there only. You know like ‘tum jahan jahan main wahan wahan’.

Sanskar- [mockingly] oohh right. How wonderful theory which changes according to your wishes. [angrily] leave my hand and just go.
Swara- [sadly] sanskar you won’t be comfortable on the couch. Please come and sleep on the bed. I just care for you and i….
Sanskar- keep your care with you itself.

Swara- sanskarrr… I am not faking. Please..
He jerked her hand and got up.
Sanskar- fine you won’t go right. Good. I know how much you care.
He left to balcony and sat on the chair closing his eyes. The weather outside was cold but he didn’t care. Swara too came behind him.
Swara- sanskar it’s cold here. Come inside.
Sanskar- I am not sleeping on the couch anymore. You got your peace then stop bothering me and have a comfortable sleep on bed or on couch wherever you wish.
Swara- sanskar stop behaving like kid. It’s so cold, you will be ill if you stay here.
Sanskar- [shouting] Then where should I go. Why can’t you just let me be as I am. You didn’t want me to sleep on couch, then fine. Now LEAVE ME ALONE. Do you understand. Stop bothering me and being around me.

Swara- sanskar I …. [choked with tears] ok you sleep on the couch. I won’t say a word, won’t disturb you. Please… don’t stay out. Please.
Sanskar- a dozen thanks to you for your kindness.
Sanskar entered the room passing by her not showing even a bit of concern for her, and slept on the couch covering his eyes with his forearm.
Swara silently closed the balcony door and slept on the bed muffling her sobs. Sanskar heard the door closing sound and the click sound as she switched off the lights. He too slept with a heavy heart.
———————–
The next day swara woke up and saw sanskar sleeping. She smiled sadly. Quickly getting ready she kept sanskar’s dress and other belongings ready on the bed and went down. After a while all the ladies gathered for the pooja.

Swara helped others in breakfast and prepared kheer for sanskar especially. Everyone came for breakfast including sanskar but swara was disappointed seeing him as he didn’t wear the dress she kept for him. But letting the sadness go she arranged the breakfast and served everyone and was about to serve sanskar too but he showed his hand to her and took another food item serving himself and started having it. Swara tried to serve him kheer but he got up saying he is done and will leave for office.

Swara was being disappointed again and again. Sanskar went to room and swara too went back of him. Before sanskar takes his coat swara moved and offered him the coat which he angrily snatched from her hand glaring her and went from there. Swara sighed.
Swara- till when will you be angry sanskar. Your anger will soon vanish and I will find my companion, my solace in you.
——————–
Swara thought of taking the lunch for everyone by herself, so that being in office surrounding maybe sanskar will talk to her and listen to her and won’t be angry. Thinking this swara went in kitchen and engaged herself in work. Preparing the lunch single-handedly a little while earlier she packed lunch boxes for all the men, then went to ap and sujata and asked their permission to go and give it in the office. They agreed to her and hence she rushed to office happily.
In the office giving the boxes first to dp, rp and laksh she stood outside sanskar’s cabin and sighed. Taking a deep breath she knocked the door.

Sanskar- [from inside cabin] come in.
Swara entered the cabin and stood in front of his table. He looked up to see who the person is as the person didn’t speak. Now it was him to be shocked seeing swara there holding the lunch basket in her hand.
Sanskar- [forgetting things and surprised] what are you doing here?
Swara- came to give you lunch.
sanskar then remembered things and immediately came in his old composure and spoke sternly to her.

sanskar- you came to give lunch so keep it over the table near couch and then you may go.
Sanskar- can I do lunch with you here itself. Then I won’t disturb you and silently go from here. Pakka. [ pinching her throat]
Sanskar- I don’t want to have lunch now. so leave.
swara- sanskar please agree to me naa. By this we will get some time to spend and we will be able to talk for some time.

sanskar- [angryily] leave. [said sanskar shutting her down with his tone of command and anger]
swara- [gaining some courage] at least have your lunch and then…
sanskar- [got up from chair and came to her. pulled and left her near door] i said leave ……now. I don’t want to ruin the office demeanour.
swara could not control the way he shouted at her and keeping the lunch basket there, left controlling her tears. Here in cabin sanskar just stood at his place in anger. He punched his palm on the wall in frustration and then came towards window. Looking down he saw swara exiting the office premises and sitting in the car which soon drove out the gate disappearing from his sight.

He stood there for a while looking at infinity and then resumed his work. Whereas there swara reached home and directly went in her room and locking the door she slid down the wall crying.
Swara- sanskar you never shouted on me like this before. You always cared for me and now even after so much persuasion you aren’t even ready to talk to me for a while. You just went in balcony the last night, didn’t let me serve you anything and now….. why sanskar? I left you, I know I did wrong. I blamed you and I yet again know that I did wrong but sanskar even you said our relation has broken. I was angry on you too, upset and broken hearing your words. That moment I had felt my world turning upside down. Even though I left u but I came to talk to you the next day but you just wiped off my sindoor, that sindoor which connected us, which bound us in a relation.

Swara- [wiping off her tears] now it’s enough. I will talk to you today at any cost. You can’t just shout at me or shut me off now. I can’t wait for everything to be correct itself. And over that till how much time can I hide our baby news from u. I need u, our baby needs you and I know as much as we need u, u need us too.
————————
After dinner all had went to their rooms to sleep. Sanskar today too hadn’t returned home till now. swara was determined today to talk to him and hence was waiting for him when ragini and uttara came to swasan room.

Ragini- swara what are you doing?
Swara- uttara ragini….nothing…. did you both had any work.
Ragini- no actually today whole day we couldn’t talk naa that’s why. Maa and chachiji has restricted me from doing work and then you were busy too and after giving lunch at office you were in your room all the time and I was suffering from sauth ka laduu. You know it’s so difficult to eat and it’s taste eww [made faces]
Uttara laughed while swara smiled at ragini.

Ragini- [scowling] what you both are laughing at me. I will see when your time comes.
Swara kept her hand on her belly hearing ragini.
Swara- [in mind] time has come ragini even before than you but I have to wait till I don’t tell sanskar about our baby first.
Uttara- [to swara] bhabhi where are you lost.
Swara- haan nowhere.
Ragini- swara is everything alright.

Swara- yaa why you asked?
Ragini- no I find you lost many a times, that’s why? Accha leave this let’s talk naa. It’s so much time that we have gossiped.
Ragini quickly sat on the bed gesturing uttara and swara to join. They too smiled and joined her. Ragini elaborated how sujata feeds her chapatti dipped in ghee and fruits every now and then, asking suggestion of some escape plan and then they cracked jokes and all in which swara only smiled.

A while later laksh came to swasan room searching for ragini and saw the three busy in their talks.
Laksh- wow… here I am searching for you in whole house and you all are here gossiping. What all bad habits about me was being spoken haan.
Ragini- laksh… we weren’t talking bad about you although I had to say so much. We were busy in our daily talks.
Laksh- accha ji what have you to talk about me. Let me also know.

Ragini- let it be laksh.
Laksh- say naa you don’t have anything to speak about me then how will you. [said teasingly]
Ragini- accha let me prove my point then. In morning you have to ask fo
r everything from me- ragini where is my wallet, ragini where is my files and your cupboard laksh, I have to arrange it everyday after you leave for office. Kids are better than you in this matter and then you are always busy in your work and even forgot to bring rasmallai that I asked you today and…..
Laksh- bas bas…… I surrender. ok

Ragini- better.
Swara looked at the way raglak are fighting and smiled remembering how she and sanskar used to fight over every topic and then he would always convert their fights to teasing romance.
Uttara- [teasing] I tell you only my bhabhi’s can shut my brothers.
Laksh- you are done. Didn’t got a chance and started.
Uttara- huh!

Laksh- what now both of you have to sit here. Come let swara take rest and we should also go and sleep.
Ragini- no laksh I am not sleepy. You go if you want to sleep.
Laksh- ok then let’s stay here for some time if swara has no problem.
Swara- it’s ok laksh.
Ragini- swara sun naa. [making pleading face] sing a song naa. I want to hear you. It has been so long time and your guitar is here itself. Please sing naa.
Swara denied but ragini somehow convinced her.
Swara took her guitar and remembered sanskar, their love and now their separation and anger and striked the strings to catch some beat.
Swara- YE RAATEIN NAHI DHADAKTEE
DIN BHI SANS NAHI LETI
AB TO AAJA O MERE SONIYAA

BAATEIN REH GAYI ADHOORI
MERE LABON PE ZAROORI
AAKE SUN JAA O MERE SONIYAA
[These nights don’t beat
(like a heart) now,
Even the days don’t breathe,
Now come o my beautiful one,
What I had to say remained unsaid,
On my lips, important things,
Come, listen to me, o beautiful one…]
TERE BIN NAHI LAAGE JIYAA
TERE BIN, AB TOH AAJA PIYAA
TERE BIN, NAHI LAAGE JIYAA…
[Without you my heart isn’t contented,

Without you…now come o beloved]
PEHLE JAISE MAUSAM BHI AATE NAHI HAIN
BAARISHON MEIN PAHLE JAISE BAATEN NAHI HAIN
SOOKHE SOOKHE ALFAAZ,

KHALI KHALI MERE HAATHON KI LAKEEREIN
BULAVE SONIYA…
[Even the weather as they were earlier,
Don’t come anymore.
Nor is there the same element in the rains as it used to be..
My dry words (as they come through dry lips),
My empty hands’ lines, call you o beautiful….]
TERE BIN NAHI LAGE JIYAA
TERE BIN, AB TOH AAJA PIYAA

TERE BIN, NAHI LAAGE JIYAA
CHAAND BHI WAHEEN HAI
WOHI HAI SITAARE
TERE BAAD PHEEKE PHEEKE LAGTE HAIN SAARE
AAJA LEKE TU SAWERE KAR JAA
DOOR ANDHERE
TERI DORI TADPAVE SANIYAA
[Even the moon is where it was,

There the stars are too.
After (I see) you all these seem bland..
Come with mornings and throw away the darkness,
Separation from your pains,
O beautiful one…]
TERE BIN, NAHI LAAAGE JIYAA
TERE BIN, AB TOH AAJA PIYAA
TERE BIN, NAHI LAAGE JIYAA
TERE BIN, TERE BIN….

Swara sang the song pouring her heart out but unfortunately there was none to understand it’s actual meaning although laksh and uttara felt that something wrong was with swara. But they thought to ask her later. One more person heard her song and that was sanskar who reached home and heard it from somewhere the middle but still could feel the pain and meaning of each word. He was standing at the door unnoticed by others as all were too absorbed in the song as it was well sung with feelings.

Swara quickly wiped her tears that flowed out so that others don’t notice it. Raglakutt lapped for her and gave a fake smile to them and kept her guitar. Uttara noticed sanskar standing at the door looking at swara.
Uttara- arey sanskar bhai. When you came, we didn’t noticed. You know bhabhi sang song. It was so beautiful. [she observed swasan reactions]
Laksh- true. It was sung beautifully. Well now we will take leave. You take rest. We didn’t know how time passed so quickly. It’s too late now. Come ragini now you should sleep and I won’t hear anything from you.

Ragini- ok. Good night swara sanskar and uttara.
Swautt- good night.
Laksh- good night bhai [while exiting the room]
Sanskar- good night.
They all went to respective room, leaving swasan alone. Sanskar was standing at the door still while swara was looking at him.

Precap- confrontation and slow break down. Someone blames swara and situation worsens.

I know the precap is quite non- understandable but wait for next update which I will do within two days and it will be a dhamaka. Specially episode 15.
And happiness has to wait a little longer to enter swasan life but I assure that you will enjoy the story if you continue reading till the 20th episode.