SWASAN: AASHIYAN [EPISODE-14] BY NEELIMA

SWASAN: AASHIYAN [EPISODE-14]
Thanks for your comments.
Milestone- it’s never easy for a husband or a wife to forgive each other for such mistakes if they do. Infact it isn’t easy for anyone but here the fact is about realisation of the depth of the mistake they have done and it’s effect. Swara has realised it to an extent and so forgave him but for sanskar his psychological circumstances are different. There are always thoughts and mindsets for different people but it’s upto the person how they tackle it. I hope you will understand his situation as the story proceeds.
I am glad that slowly slowly I am getting comments from my old readers and there are new ones also. Thank you to all of you.
Previous parts- http://www.tellyupdates.com/?s=SWASAN%3A+AASHIYAN
Swasan stared at each other for a while until sanskar entered the room and ignoring swara kept his bag and was opening his shoes.
Swara took out his night dress and waited till he kept the shoes aside. Once he was done she forwarded his clothes to him.
Swara- you freshen up first then we need to talk. [said determinedly]
Sanskar- you are no one to tell me what I should do and what not.
Harshly taking the clothes from her hand sanskar went in washroom and closed the washroom door. Swara just looked at the way he went taking his clothes from her.
A while later, Swara who was standing near the window gazing the sky, waiting for sanskar, turned with the sound of washroom’s door opening to find him coming out and taking the pillow and blanket for sleeping on couch. She closed her eyes frustrated for a moment to calm herself and went to sanskar stopping him in his tracks. He looked at her irritated and tried to move past her but swara held his arm.
Sanskar- what is your problem? Can’t you just stop coming in my way everytime?
Swara- it’s enough sanskar. I should ask you- what is your problem? It has been six days I am back here and it’s the third day you are back from your trip and since then I am trying to talk to you but you aren’t ready. I am pleading you and apologizing but you are not giving any heed to it. Here I am trying to fix whatever went wrong between us but you are just saying one single thing that I should not come in your way and you don’t want to talk.
Swara- why sanskar? Why don’t you want to talk? I feel like a stranger here just because of your behaviour which I am not. I am your wife and I have at least this much right to have sometime with you, exchange few words but you are adamant due to your ego, your anger.
Sanskar- [angrily] just shut up swara. My ego, my anger, really. You feel like a stranger, but you shouldn’t just feel but you should know that you are a stranger for me and nothing else. I don’t want you around me and you don’t get this simple thing in your mind.
Swara- [angry but trying to be calm] sanskar I am your wife. why are you being so rude? Just if you say, I won’t become a stranger. I have apologised to you so many times but you aren’t considering my words even once. Let that be you aren’t ready to hear me. Just once let us sit and talk. Until and unless we will talk…[swara stopped speaking and flinched as sanskar suddenly spoke in loud voice]
Sanskar- talk talk talk….haan what to talk. [throwing the pillow and blanket on couch, he held her arms roughly] you want to apologize, convince me and get things fixed. Just this is what you want. How many times have you thought what I want, what I think, what is my say. You know what, you just want to convince me and then be happy with you. And then you will continue with your mahantha without thinking about me and blame me, question me and leave me if ever in any way I was related to some incident. You doubted me at the time when ragini was kidnapped too. That time you had said me that you won’t ever doubt me again but you did again this time.
Sanskar- [angrily and being emotional] First you broke the promise I gave you and without caring, without thinking about me, you came here and put yourself on gun point without thinking about me. You don’t know the feeling of losing your love and living without them, I felt it when you fell in the river but still I survived with the hope to get you back just believing on your promise but how could you know? [he started taking steps towards her and she took her steps back feeling the intensity of anger and pain in his voice]
Sanskar- I always believed on every word you spoke, trusted you blindly, loved you to an unbreakable extent and supported you in each condition, every decision you took and in return I just wished your support for me, a little love and trust. Did I ever demand anything from you or stopped you for anything. Only once I said you not to contact here but you did. I was angry and upset the way laksh and badi maa didn’t trust me. Ok that’s fine if you contacted here. I would have forgiven you for that also if you would have said me about it after I was calm. But you didn’t. That night you were talking to ragini naa and seeing me you pretended to be angry on her, am I right? You couldn’t trust me enough to explain me of whatever you were doing. [by now he pinned her to the wall and they were standing extremely close to each other]
Sanskar- [again getting angry] but how could you? You are the great swara and you can manage everything. what did you want to prove that only you are there to solve everyone’s problems. You want to prove that the great swara is there for all even if it cost loneliness and pain to her husband. Swara I would have still forgiven you even after you hid everything from me and joined hands with ragini but you left blaming me for laksh’s absence. swara even if I would have been on my death bed naa, I wouldn’t ever point a finger on you but you did in front of everyone blaming me for laksh, for ragini’s condition. Was I responsible that laksh involved himself in that mess, was I responsible for his immature decisions. How was I to be blamed for all this. You think me of a murderer who would kill his own brother. [Punched on the wall beside her in anger making her scared and her tears flowed down freely feeling his pain and hearing his words]
Swara- no sanskar…..it’s not like that.
Sanskar- then what it’s like. Everything that happens around here, I am not responsible for that. I know I get angry oftenly, I too was at mistake by picking that stone over laksh but I lost my control because he bad mouthed you and mom. Even after I found you going against me, I was angry on you but I couldn’t tolerate a word against you. That was my extent of love for you and I saw the extent of love and trust you do on me the day you left me.in all the things laksh said that day about you, he was absolutely correct when he said that you only want to be mahan. [closed his eyes to calm himself from letting his emotions and love that he had for her to come out]
Sanskar- [with closed eyes but stern tone] AND NOW SWARA I DON’T WANT YOU IN MY LIFE, I DON’T WANT YOU AROUND ME BECAUSE NOW I DON’T TRUST YOU FOR ME. I HAD ENOUGH OF BLAMES AND PAIN THAT I RECEIVED. [moved back and turned showing his back to her] Before you question me about why then I took you back in my life then let me clear you. Laksh had returned that day, maa was very happy, I was in a hurry and when she asked me to fill your hairline I just couldn’t deny and I just did as I was told and anyways you wanted ragini’s happiness, so if I said anything that day then situation would become tensed and you wouldn’t have wanted that. And you left me for ragini’s happiness naa so that’s what I gave you. You wanted laksh to return and see he is back. You must be very happy seeing them together. Live with that happiness only because we can’t come together now. [his eyes were filled with tears but he didn’t let them fall]
Here swara was all numb hearing his words. Tears were flowing unhindered. His words that meant that because ap wanted and situation demanded he filled her hairline without any meaning for him.
Sanskar- [chuckling sarcastically] you know what swara [turned to her and lifted her chin and it pained him to see her cheeks wet with tears and eyes showing pain but he didn’t showed it] I never knew that our relation was based on the fact that whether laksh is present among us or not or on ragini’s happiness. I always thought that our love, our maturity, our understanding was the basis of our relation, that made it stronger, that survived us in every situation but I guess I was wrong and I thank you for letting this bitter truth sink in me. Thank you for making me realise the importance I had in your life, for making me realise that I wasn’t able to gain enough love and trust from you to believe me, for making me realise that love was never meant for me, that living alone is my ultimate fate because a person like me doesn’t deserve anyone. I don’t have the right to wish, to dream .Am I right swara. Such a bad person I am naa.
Sanskar- [wiping her tears] why are you crying swara? You should be happy. You solved everyone’s problem and showed me my original place, where I belong. Waise why do you want to live with a person like me? Let me guess…..ummm…..yaa now everything is right and now you should be the ideal daughter in law for the family, you have to take care of your sister as she is pregnant. So much responsibility you have to handle naa. And now you need me as a tag, a license for you to live here.
Moved away and ran fingers through his hair, keeping one hand on his hip while swara was standing rooted at her place only staring sanskar with tears freely falling.
Sanskar- [calmly turning towards her] listen swara I don’t want to be part of all this that you do. I am not any doll to do mime show for you. I have had enough of all this. So let’s come to a conclusion.
Swara became extra attentive to his words.
Sanskar- [looking sideways and not at her] I can’t and I won’t tolerate any of your nuisances any more. Let me be clear. I …. I WANT US TO SEPARATE….. [he spoke becoming stone hearted] I don’t want anything from you and I don’t want to speak anything on it. As you decided to leave me earlier, decide this time too that how are you going to leave from here.
Swara felt her world shook down to ashes in mere seconds hearing his words. Sanskar picked his car keys to go out. Swara ran to him and held him.
Swara- you can’t do this sanskar. You can’t decide alone the fate of our relation. Give me chance to explain. Just because I left that day and said few words which absolutely were wrong on my part to say, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you or you aren’t important for me. Sanskar [cupped his cheeks] you are the most important part of my life. Sanskar I took decisions in anger, stuck in situations, please just once listen to me and try to understand me.
Sanskar- there’s no love anymore swara. Don’t try to build hope for yourself and me. I know that in future too what’s going to happen. I can love someone to unbreakable extent but i just breakdown in that love because you didn’t stand by me, that is not acceptable for me. Just finish it off.
Swara- sanskar [shaking him] at least once try to know my condition too.
Sanskar- did you think about me while taking that situation. Didn’t I gave you chance that day to tell me your condition, to stay back and explain me.
Swara- please sanskar. Why can’t you forgive me once when you can forgive everyone else.
Sanskar- because I didn’t expect much from anyone but you. Please don’t make it difficult for both of us.
Swara- when you love me so much then give a chance to us naa.
sanskar- [jerking her hands frustratedly as it was becoming difficult for him to stay there] yes i love you, i loved you enough to let you go no matter what and in which condition i may be but i don’t love you enough to forgive you for what you did to me. So just…..[couldn’t say anything]
he was leaving when swara again held his hands stopping him.
swara- [cryingly] i am sorry sanskar.
sanskar- [chuckled mockingly] sorry…. what would your sorry do now? care to explain.
swara- sanskar…i…we.. [she cried not knowing what to say to convince him]
sanskar- you don’t have anything to say right.. so don’t try to stop me and stay away from me.
he again turned to leave just to be stopped by her but this time it’s not exactly her who held him but her words which stopped him and he sadly smirked.
swara- i did mistake and i totally agree to it. sometimes mistakes are just forgiven and sometimes we need to correct it and sometimes are punished for that mistake. i can’t be forgiven because my mistake is big according to you, i can’t correct it as the phase, situation and time has passed but you can punish me as you wish and as long as you want, but just don’t go away from me. i want us to be back with your forgiveness and clearing all the misunderstandings between us so….[interrupted]
sanskar- [sadly chuckled] the same you are….stubborn and firm, wants to correct everything….[sadly smiled] you did not change but still everything between us changed and now their exist no “us” now. [coming dangerously close and pinning her to wall] you can do anything for gaining forgiveness right and want to finish it off with punishment…….[swara looked at him with tears of guilt and fear of losing him]……….what punishment you want and tell me till when can you tolerate that.
Swara- anything sanskar, anything to gain your forgiveness, to mend our relation, anything that can soothe your heart for whatever it has suffered due to me, anything.
sanskar- [curtly] which type of punishment do you want? emotional or mental?…. should i hurt your heart [pointing a finger over her heart] or should i hurt your mind [putting his index finger on her temples] or both as i suffered?
swara looked at him with only tears in her eyes because she has no words to say.
sanskar- bolo naa swara…..ek kaam karta hoon, dono saza deta hoon. [say na swara…..ummm..i think let me give you both the punishments] you want to soothe my heart naa. I promise swara you yourself will ask me to leave you. you know as you say that we are husband and wife so we should share everything and also should go through same feelings…….. then be ready for the punishment.
Sanskar said making swara shiver in fear and helplessness.
Sanskar walked out and drove off from the mansion and swara sat on the floor crying.
———————————-
Swara- [Sitting on the floor and crying] I didn’t thought that I would have hurt you so much. Please don’t go away from me.
NOOR-E-KHUDA*2
[o! light of god]
AJNABEE MOD HAI
[it’s an unknown turning point]
KHAUF HAR ORE HAI
[there’s terror everywhere]
HAR NAZAR PE DHUAAN CHAA GAYA
[on every gaze there is a clouded smoke]
PAL BHAR ME JAANE KYA HO GAYA
[don’t know what has lost in just a moment]
Sanskar was driving his car very fast. His eyes showed fury and pain, immense pain. He was doing rash driving. He drove off and stopped at a lonely road.
Leaning back on his seat, he closed his eyes and the past memories and recent confrontation came rushing in his mind.
Never have he wished for such a situation in his life. They both had dreamt of a happy life together, a life expecting nothing else but their togetherness which is their strength.
But……. but destiny, his fate and he himself can’t keep him away from pain. How much ever he fights with everything to keep himself strong but he is breaking each and every second. how could life be so miserable for someone who never wished to harm anyone. who only for once took wrong path of revenge and hurted the one who became his life, his everything. But then life became beautiful with her being with him. For all that he has to face she was beside him holding his hand just before the storm which came and destroyed everything.
The hands which held each other tightly were separated. the fingers which entangled with the other showing their togetherness were pointing each other. the pull on his collar which were to mischievously show her love and tantrums dramatically, pulled him to put allegations. the hands which pulled him ever along with her to take blessings from elder for them being happy and together till lifelong brought him in front of all to show him as a culprit.
the eyes which drowned into the other in the depth of love was just filled with questions, hurt and accusations. was this the fate of their relationship. separation, pain, distrust, accusations.
tears threatened to roll down his eyes thinking of all this and he didn’t try to stop them, he can’t stop himself from crying today and his eyes became red with anger and unbearable pain. Today he had expressed his views and pain after a long time. From their separation till now he didn’t find someone to express what he is going through.
pain…… pain is the only thing left in his life which is increasing every moment and now anger. anger on her for leaving his hand just for the sake of her sister. was he nothing to her? why did she leave him. even if she wanted to go to baadi he wouldn’t have stopped her but keeping their relation at stake and accusing him and putting all blame on him, did he deserve this for loving her so much.
moving out of the car he stood facing the sky, he could not control anymore so he spoke out loudly and shouted out loud to take out his frustration, hurt, and pain which is buried deep inside his heart from so much time.
AASMAN ZARD HAI [the sky has turned yellow]
AANHEIN BHI SARD HAIN [even the sighs have turned cold]
TAN SE SAAYA JUDA HO GAYA [from the body, the shadow has been separated]
PAL BHAR MEIN JAANEIN KYA HO GAYA [don’t know what has been lost in just a moment]
sanskar- WHY THIS HAPPENS WITH ME? WHY I GET PAIN IN LOVE?………….. WHY YOU DID THIS TO ME SWARA, WHY YOU DID THIS TO US? I LOVED YOU SO MUCH, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUT THEN WHY YOU GAVE ME THIS PAIN? WHY? WHY DID YOU ACCUSE ME SWARA? [by now he started crying and knelt down on road] WHY?
after a long span he is crying. how much he wants to control his tears, how much he wants not to break down but today he is unable to control. he just can’t suppress those tears any more. that burning sensation when he just doesn’t allows those tears to slip out his eyelashes each time his eyes became moist was unbearable today because the heart that is burning could not control them anymore.
SAANS RUK SI GAYI [the breathe seems to have stopped]
JISM CHHIL SA GAYA [the body seems to be peeled (wounded)]
TOOTE KHWAABON KE MANZAR PE
TERA JAHAN CHAL DIYA [your world is walking towards the place full of shattered dreams]
{NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
TU KAHAN CHUPA HAI HUMEIN YE BATA [tell me where you are hidden]
NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
YU NAA HUMSE NAZRE PHIRA [don’t take your gaze away from us (turn your back on us)]}*2
NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
Sanskar- [slowly to himself while crying] you were the only one i wanted in my life by my side but you left me accusing me for laksh’s disappearance. why you gave this pain to me swara. it’s killing me from the day you went. and now when you are back i can’t just accept you and let you be with me the way you want because now i can’t take this anymore.
i have my own feelings, i am a human too damn it. I HAVE FEELINGS SWARA [ he shouted] I HAVE FEELINGS. I FEEL HURT, I FEEL PAINED, I FEEL EMPTY AND LONELY…….AND IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU….it’s all because of you. i want to forget you and this pain, i can’t handle swara. See what have you done to me. why couldn’t you trust me and live with me when i loved you and supported you each time with all my heart and soul. why you had to leave me and destroy everything? [he cried more for sometime and then stood up wiping his tears]
no…. i won’t cry. You are stubborn over not leaving me naa and want to sort it out with some mere punishment, then I will give you that only. if i went through this pain then now swara you will feel the same pain which i went through. you felt my love but now feel my pain swara. feel how it is being lonely even though you are around so many people. feel how desperate people become to go to someone but couldn’t. [with determined voice yet pain quite visible in his eyes] i will make you crave for me, my love and my support. i will make you feel the pain of negligence and loneliness when the one you need the most and relied on leaves you. and after this you will understand swara what it feels like to be when you are alone, when your own room haunts with the memories of when you were happy.
sorry but i can’t accept you. i know what i am going to do will pain me more when i will do it and when i will see you bear everything but i need to do that. And then …then you will hate me and leave me.
sanskar- aaahhhhhhhh……. you are making me hate myself for doing this to you even before i did something. i can’t withstand this. i can’t.
NAZREIN KARAM FARMAA HI DE [let the eyes show their nobility]
DEEN O DHARAM KO JAGA HI DE [let the duty and righteousness be awakened]
JALTI HUYI TANHAAIYAAN [loneliness is burning]
ROOTHI HUYI PARCHAIYAAN [the shadows are angry (upset)]
KAISI UDI YE HAWAA [what sort of wind is blowing
CHAAYA HAI KAISA SAMAA [what sort of an atmosphere is spread]
ROOH JAM SI GAYI [ the soul seems to be frozen]
WAQT THAM SA GAYA [the time seems to have stopped]
TOOTE KHWAABOON KE MANZAR PE
TERA JAHAN CHAL DIYA [the world is walking towards the place full of shattered dreams]
NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
TU KAHAN CHUPA HAI HUMEIN YE BATA [tell me where you are hidden]
NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
YU NAA HUMSE NAZRE PHIRA [don’t take your gaze away from us (turn your back on us)]
NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
sanskar drove off to a bar and started drinking. one, two, three…..nine, ten, eleven..
sanskar- one more…[in drunken voice]
bartender- sir you have drunk a lot.
sanskar- i said give me one more. [said angrily shouting]
bartender- but sir…
sanskar took out money from his wallet and kept on the counter.
sanskar- take this and give me a bottle[said rudely]
bartender- sir how will you go home. please sir i think you should…..
sanskar- i said give me a bottle. [said dangerously]
bartender helplessly gave him a bottle and sanskar woobly walked out from there. sitting in the car he started driving but could not control the steering and DASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
his car dashed with a wall due to improper handling of steering by him being drunk and the car stopped. lucky enough that he didn’t get hurt but the car is not starting anymore.
sanskar- why isn’t it starting. hahahaha! isne bhi bich mein saath chod diya. [this also left me in middle]
in full drunken state he came out of the car holding the bottle in one hand and his coat over his shoulder. he wobbly walked on the road while drinking and after some time stopped an auto.
sanskar- [in drunken tone] bhaiyaa ghar leke chalo.[bhaiyaa take me home]
saying this he sat in the auto drinking.
auto driver- sahab where is your home.
sanskar- home…haaan……arrrree you don’t know. xyz road….. maheshwari mansion. haan maheshwari mansion is my home……hahahaha there i live……..[sarcastically]… hahahahaha i live there. [a tear escaped his eye which he wiped from his arm’s sleeves] bhaiyaa bich mein mat chod dena [bhaiyaa don’t leave me in middle]
and he again started drinking while the driver looked at the drunken state of sanskar and sighed and drove towards mm.
after about half an hour the driver stopped the taxi in front of mm. sanskar unsteadily stepped out of the auto and took his steps towards mm when the driver called him from back.
driver- sahab paise to dete jao. [sir give me my charges and then go]
sanskar turned back.
sanskar- haan paise. [oh yes your money]
he took out his wallet and opened it to find only cards and not a single penny as he spent all he had in his wallet on his drinks.
sanskar- wallet mein toh paise hi nahi hai. [there’s no money in the wallet]
auto driver- sahab jab paise nahi the toh baithe hi kyun auto mein. itne bade ghar mein aa ke ruke ho aur dikhne mein bhi amir lagte ho per jeb mein paise hi nahi hai. [when you did not had money then why did you sit in the auto. you came here to such a big home and also look like to be rich but don’t have money in your pockets.]
sanskar got angry hearing the driver. he marched towards him with unsteady steps and angrily held his collar.
sanskar- kya bola tumne. sanskar maheshwari se baat kar rahe ho tum. soch samajh kar bola karo. [what did you say. you are talking to sanskar maheshwari. speak after thinking] [said sanskar angrily tightening his hold making the driver a bit scared]
just then the guards came forward to separate them but sanskar was hell angry and least bothered to give a damn to them.
guards- sir leave him…sir….sir.. [said while trying to hold him and control him from harming the driver which were all going in vain]
sanskar pushed the driver angrily who got saved from falling due to the auto behind him.
driver- [scared but gathered courage and spoke] sahab ye kya kar rahe ho. maine kuch galat thodi na kaha hai. [sir what are you doing. i didn’t said anything wrong] just give me my money.
sanskar- sab matlabi hai is duniya mein. [all are selfish in this world] and u i will show you what i am and what i can do.
sanskar was going to punch him but at the nick of time swara came and shouted his name seeing his state and him going to punch the driver.
Swara cried for a long time after their conversation. She was tried but thought to wait for some more time for sanskar to come back safely as he went in anger and so was awake and looking out the window when she saw auto and guards and in the dim light she figured out that sanskar was also there. She hurriedly came down and seeing sanskar going to punch the driver shouted for him.
listening to her shout sanskar stopped in his tracks and the driver sighed in relief.
swara- sanskarrrrrr….. [she hurriedly went and held him by his arms who finally looked at her completely drunken, anger still evident in his eyes which were ready to fire someone and for once swara flinched but composed]
swara-[ the strong smell of alcohol came from him when she stood holding him which made her feel like vomiting but she controlled herself understanding he is drunk and spoke softly] sanskar what happened, why are you getting so angry?
sanskar- [rudely] none of your concern….. stay out of it…. how dare he to speak to me like that. [said glaring the driver angrily and jerking off her hold on his arms]
driver- [scared but gaining some courage] madam ji humne toh sirf apne paise mange the aur inke paas paise nahi the toh inhe auto mein nahi bhaithna chahiye the. kya galat kaha humne. [madam ji i just asked for my money and if he didn’t had money he shouldn’t have sat in my auto. what wrong did i say?]
sanskar- just shut up. how dare you…. [roared sanskar only to be interrupted]
swara- sanskar..sanskar calm down. leave this matter.
sanskar- [gritting his teeth] i won’t. he…
swara- [calmly] sanskar. just two minutes please be calm and keep your anger within yourself because anger only worsens situations. please.
She somehow held sanskar away from the driver.
swara asked the guard to pay of the money and that she would be giving it to him in the morning. the driver took the money and drove away. sanskar looked at her and jerked her hands which were holding him. pain and anger were all he had for now. he started making his way towards home walking unsteadily and stumbling.
swara hurriedly made way to him and again held him which he jerked.
sanskar- stay away…… don’t try to come near me.
swara [sad but composed]- sanskar stop talking and please let’s move inside. all are sleeping, so don’t disturb there sleep. and what is all this. you are drunk. Why did you drink sanskar. It will affect your health.
sanskar- [pulling her to himself] don’t you ask me how could i? i could do many things and i would do it. And alcohol just affect much as your words and actions did.
swara- [her eyes became moist yet again but she composed herself when sanskar left her with jerk and started walking again] sanskar….. [to guards] please help me take him in and yes don’t tell anyone about all this. ok.
guards just nodded and one of them came forward to help her.
swara- sanskar please please listen to me and come inside without disturbing anyone. all slept and if they see you like this then it won’t be good. chalo let’s go to our room.
sanskar- our room [chuckles making her confuse] you just left that room and me [said painfully looking directly into her eyes]wasn’t i important to you? Was our relation so weak before her[ragini]. ahhhh whom am i talking to. leave it.
hearing him and seeing the hurtful and pained expression swara felt hurt and controlled her tears.
he stumbled butt she immediately held his hand to support him but he jerked her hand again and tried to walk himself but failed. swara signalled the guard to hold him and so he did. although sanskar protested but the guard supported him to walk in the house. sanskar was continuously blabbering to leave him in his staggered voice as the effect of being drunk. seeing this without any option swara kept her palm over his mouth and made him to keep quite while he stared at her eyes lost in them.
somehow they reached the room and making sanskar sit on the bed the guard went followed by swara who closed the door.
Swara- sanskar sleep now.
She made him lay on the bed and he held her hand and said something which caused more tears to swara.
Sanskar- you are near me now but soon you will go. If your dreams shatter multiple times it is more painful, as every-time new hope builds and gets crashed down. Everytime you go far naa it’s pains here a lot [pointing his heart] so I this time go permanently so that I don’t have to bear the pain again and again. It will be for once and permanent.
He slept soon and swara removed his shoes and belt and opened two buttons of his shirt for him to be comfortable.
she ran in the washroom and puked due to the alcohol smell which she somehow controlled herself till now. washing her tear stained face she came out and first thing she did was to spray perfume in the room and a nice cologne to sanskar so that the alcohol smell gets reduced.
wiping her tears which came out on it’s own she laid beside sanskar looking at him. she caressed his face lovingly. She was hesitant to lye beside him thinking about his reaction but she badly needed his embrace. She has missed him so much and after the recent conversation she didn’t knew where there relation stands. So she didn’t wanted to be away from him for even a moment when she is getting a chance and so laid down beside him keeping hand over his chest and turning towards him so that she can look at him properly.
swara- sanskar i don’t know what is going to be the fate of our relation but I can only hope that I can explain my situation to you and make you aware that in what condition I took the decision of going baadi. I know I was wrong to blame you but words that have been spoken, how can I change them. If only possible then I would have changed everything that happened that day.
sanskar stirred in his sleep and moved towards swara and kept his hand on her stomach. he moved a little more and held her waist looking innocent in sleep with his dishevelled hair.
she smiled teary eyed for his action and moved more into him, snuggling and slept hugging him sobbing slightly. The void she had felt everyday not being in his arms was no more. she felt the warmth of his embrace after so much time. If possible she would have merged in him. sleep took over her after sometime and both looked heavenly in each other’s embrace.
it was the next morning and swasan were sleeping cuddling more into each other. after about one and half months it is, that they are sleeping in the warmth of each other’s embrace, their souls feeling content by the presence of the other near them. today both of them were not feeling disturbed and neither were finding the other by extending their hands because they were holding each other. sunrays entered into the room and were disturbing them. sanskar was adjusting himself in order to get rid of the sunlight disturbing his peaceful sleep. due to this swara’s sleep disturbed and she woke up and looked at sanskar who was continuously moving due to sunlight falling over his face and he was making some sounds out of irritation.
sanskar- [in sleep] aahhhh…….. unhhh
she got up without disturbing his sleep and put the curtains and saw him who now was relaxed and sleeping looking innocent. she admired him for a while.
he was shifting and trying to hold or rather find someone on the bed. realising that he is finding her presence beside him she smiled and tears automatically skipped her eyes. she came to bed and laid beside sleeping sanskar and caressed his hair lovingly.
swara- are you searching my presence sanskar? did you search me like this everyday ? you love me so much sanskar. [sanskar turned a little by the feel of her touch and wrapped hand around her waist pulling her close] [she looked at his hand wrapping her and more tears escaped her eyes]
swara- i am sorry for leaving you. i am so sorry. [kissed on his forehead lovingly]
sanskar woke from his deep slumber and in half sleep saw swara in his arms looking at him. He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. He clutched his head because it was paining and closed his eyes and again sleep took over him.
Swara was surprised, happy seeing him smile and feeling his forehead kiss and she too smiled wide with teary eyes but soon seeing him holding his head, her smile vanished. She understoodhe is feeling headache and she saw him sleeping again. freeing herself without disturbing him, she got ready and went downstairs and silently went into kitchen and prepared lemon water.
she was coming to her room when parineeta saw and stopped her.
parineeta- swara for whom are you taking this. what is it?
swara- none of your concern. Just do your work quietly.
swara went to her room leaving a fuming parineeta behind.
parineeta- swara you will pay for everything and this family too. they did a very big mistake by sending aadarsh jail and you by ruining our plan and messing up everything. i will soon show you and others what a grave mistake they did and specially you and ragini who at last moment turned the game in your favour. enjoy you all how much ever you want. will see all of you.
saying this she went to her room.
swara here came in the room and sat beside sleeping sanskar keeping the lemon water on the side table.
swara- [softly and lovingly] sanskar…….sanskar….sanskar wake up it’s morning and time for pooja [prayer]. sanskar. huhhh [to herself] sanskar….
sighing she finally shook him a little calling his name again finally waking him up. She was tensed for his reaction but tried acting normal.
sanskar- ahhhh [holding his head which ached due to hangover]
swara- sanskar get up it’s late. we need to attend the pooja.
sanskar- [said feeling intense pain in his head] please swara stop. it’s paining like hell [his head] and you are speaking non-stop. and why did you wake me up. ahhhhh….
swara- [passing the glass of lemon water] have this. it will help you and i am not speaking much, [now a bit angry] it’s your hangover that you are feeling like this.
sanskar took the glass with one hand and was still holding his head with the other and his eyes half open. he slowly drank the lemon water and soon completed it. He wasn’t knowing that he is acting normal with swara
holding his head and moving it back he pressed on his temples to relax from the hammering pain in his head. heavy half open eyes he tried remembering last night and slowly his hangover was reducing due to lemon water effect. with every memory of last day and his drunken state, his facial expressions changed from love, hurt, pain, to anger and then a blank face. as swara stared at him sitting beside him, sanskar too stole her glances with every memory he recovered.
determinedly he got down the bed from the other side.
swara- [stood from bed] sanskar [said calmly and caringly]
sanskar walked in washroom taking his clothes without paying heed to her call leaving a sad swara behind in room. busied herself in arranging the bed and room while waiting for sanskar, she thought in mind of how to mend things, how to react, talk and approach him.
Yesterday she understood his pain, and now she knows that it isn’t going to be easy. She was in pain too and most hurt because she hurt her own love so much.
coming back to sense with door opening sound, she looked towards washroom door from where emerged sanskar in t-shirt and jeans, wiping his wet hairs with a towel. she smiled as her eyes filled with unshed tears due to guilt and sadness for missing such mornings for this entire one and half month where she wakes up in his embrace and wakes him up who always becomes lazy in mornings and then him wiping his hairs with towel and finding ways to get his morning kiss or romance with her, his smile when he looks at her.
she feels sadness engulfing her as things have changed. yes she woke up in his embrace and also woke him up but after that nothing was similar. she felt as if she didn’t existed in the room due to sanskar’s behaviour. he didn’t asked her for anything and over that he didn’t looked at her even once.
putting off all her thoughts she called out for him in an attempt to talk which he ignored or rather pretended not to hear as if she is not present there.
swara- sanskar [sanskar didn’t respond]
swara- sanskar wo… [sanskar walked to cupboard to grab his coat ignoring her presence and talks]
swara- [sad, and hurt for him not responding, went to him and held his hand] sanskar i…
he removed her hand, glaring her and walked downstairs and she too followed and stared at sanskar who stood near temple with others who have just gathered around. she went and stood beside him. staring him she tried to figure out what’s going in his heart and mind but couldn’t understand.
as the morning pooja ended all dispersed for their work. sanskar was walking back to the room and swara with the thought to talk to him was going back of him when ragini called her.
ragini- swara. can you do me a favour please.
swara- [stopped walking towards room and turned back to ragini] yes ragini. say naa.
ragini- i mean …i ..woh i want to eat halwa and i can’t say it to maa or chachiji. can you please….
swara- it’s ok i will prepare. happy.

ragini- very happy…. [moving her towards kitchen holding her shoulder] chalo please make it fast.
swara- arre…aaram se ragini [relax ragini] i am going naa. Vo first let me go to room. I have something to talk to sanskar.
Ragini- no you talk to him afterwards naa please. I so desperately want to have the halwa now.
Swara- [sighing] ok I am going to make it.
swara sighing went to kitchen.
Sanskar who was ascending the stairs heard the convo of swaragini smiled sadly and thought within self- here our relation is at stake. You say that you can do anything to mend our relation back but swara you aren’t even able to deny ragini although you want to talk to me then what will you do with our relation in future.
Sanskar went from there thinking something.
In kitchen swara prepared halwa and helped with the morning breakfast while ignoring parineeta who also was present in the kitchen. after finishing her work she came out hurriedly and went to her room just to get disappointed not finding sanskar.
swara- where did he go?
Just then sanskar came in room and took his belongings ignoring swara who was calling his name multiple times, moving behind him.
He left from there without paying attention to her, not even having his breakfast leaving hurt and guilt ridden swara behind.
—————————————-
Same day in afternoon Swara received a message on mobile which made her confused and happy at the same time. The message was from sanskar stating –
“COME TO FARMHOUSE BY 7:00 P.M. I THINK SOMETIME ALONE IS BETTER FOR US. I WILL WAIT FOR YOU
FROM- SANSKAR”
Swara wasn’t able to understand how to control her excitement. The mere thought that sanskar was ready to give them a chance was like a boon for her. She saw the time and it was 3:00 p.m. of day. She excitedly opened the cupboard and surfed through it for a good saree and took out one orange sari which sanskar had earlier gifted her. Then she went to find matching accessories and placed all at one place. It was quarter past four till she decided everything.
Swara quickly went to inform and take permission from sujata and ap. She first met sujata and told her about going to farmhouse as sanskar has called her there. Sujata instantly agreed and gave her permission as sanskar has already told her about this and took the keys from her before-hand itself.
Swara was elated getting the permission and her hopes were getting higher and there was a glow on her face since she received the message. A slight hesitation and confusion arose in her mind as to why sanskar suddenly asked her to meet him, when he was determined and told her his decision the last night but then she dismissed it thinking that maybe he would have rethought about it.
For reaching farmhouse it takes almost an hour and half and hence swara started getting ready quickly. Wearing the sari with matching bangles and a pair of ear-rings, leaving her hair open coming down till her waist, she applied just kajal as make up. She readied herself simple as she knew that they most probably will only talk and sort out things as there relation has drastically declined as of now and awkwardness filled the atmosphere between then which had warmth and comfort earlier. Thinking this her eyes misted but she consoled herself and wiped the corner of her eyes.

Keeping hand on her belly swara talked to the baby.
Swara- baby if everything goes well today between mumma and papa then today I will tell about you to your papa. I know he will be extremely happy but I hope he will not get angry for informing him about you so late. Wish mumma luck. Love you so much.
Swara kept her pregnancy report in her handbag along with a small box wrapped properly. Giving a last glance to herself she came out and sat in the car which zoomed off towards farmhouse.
Ten minutes to seven, swara reached the farmhouse and rang the bell but got no response. Dim light was refracting through the glass pane of the door. She knocked on the door but again nothing. She slightly pushed the door and it got opened. She was confused but then entered inside thinking maybe he is in room. She walked through the hall and looked around. She found him nowhere but she observed that food was neatly laid on the dining table and covered with lids.
Thinking maybe he will come in sometime swara sat on the sofa and switched on the tv. Surfing multiple channels for 45 minutes approx. she was bored as well as tensed as sanskar didn’t came till now and also because once or twice she felt that someone was seeing her. She looked around a bit scared but found none and thought that she is over thinking. Waiting for few more minutes she finally decided to call him.
Trying multiple times, she sat on the sofa, her eyes tearing as sanskar was not answering her calls. She was tired waiting and it was a quarter to nine now. she was becoming tensed and desperate by each passing moment for sanskar’s arrival. She again tried his number just to get it unanswered.
She came out of the house and called the guard to ask about sanskar.
Swara- bhaiyaa did sanskar told when will he come? Actually his call is not connecting.
Guard- no madam we don’t know about sanskar sahib. In fact i hadn’t met or talk to him too.
Swara- he must have come today in evening naa.
Guard- no maam. Sanskar sir did not came here.
Swara- [surprised] didn’t came. Then the food arrangement inside, who has done it.
Guard- I don’t know about that madam but the house-keeper did it saying that he was instructed to do so as someone will come and only you came in evening.
Swara was shocked. Telling the guard ok, she came back inside. She can’t comprehend what is happening. Where is sanskar and why isn’t he receiving her call. She is getting tensed for him whether he is safe or not.
She kept on waiting for him and calling him time to time but to get it unanswered again and again. She again felt that someone was seeing her and she moved towards a window to find none. She was little bit scared but then calmed herself. The window was open a bit.
Swara- is someone there?

Getting no response and finding no one she closed the window and checked others too and also bolted the door and came back to sofa and sat waiting for sanskar. At around 10: 30 p.m. she received a message from him and she quickly read it to feel her hopes getting crashed.
The message read- “SORRY TO MAKE YOU WAIT BUT I WASN’T GOING TO COME”.
She sat at her place stunned, hurt and unmoved. Tears slowly fell from her eyes. She realised that sanskar asked her to come but he never intended to talk or be with her. He had made it clear last night itself. And maybe this was his way of punishment. Swara was deeply hurt. She kept hand over her belly and slowly whispered.
Swara- I really thought that maybe our sufferings were over as you thought about talking and initiated it too but I was wrong. Sorry baby but today again we have to be there for each other. I couldn’t tell about you to papa. sorry again because of me no one knows about you and you have to suffer. But baccha mumma is there….[said brokenly] and soon papa will be there too…..papa will there too.
UDJE SE LAMHOON KO AAS TERI [the ravaged moments have hopes on u]
ZAKHMI DILON KO HAI PYAAS TERI [the wounded hearts are thirsty for u]
HAR DHADKAN KO TALAH TERI [every heart beat searches for you]
TERA MILTA KAHAN HAI PATA [and your address is unknown to all]
She brought her legs on the sofa and curled her knees up to her chest and hugged them sobbing.
KHAALI AANKHEIN KHUD SE SAWAL KARE [the empty eyes question themselves]
AMAN KI CHEEKH BEHAAL KARE [the shout of peace is making me in a bad condition]
BEHTA LAHU FARIYAAD KARE [the flowing blood is compromising]
TERA MITATAA CHALA HAI NISHAAN [your signs have started getting erased]
After some swara walked to dining table and sat. Her state was miserable due to crying. Wiping her tears, she took a plate and served herself a little amount of food. Unwillingly she ate some because for her pain and unwillingness she can’t keep her baby starving. While eating she chocked on her food multiple times because she couldn’t stop her tears.
ROOH JAM SI GAYI [ the soul seems to be frozen]
WAQT THAM SA GAYA [the time seems to have stopped]
TOOTE KHWAABOON KE MANZAR PE
TERA JAHAN CHAL DIYA [the world is walking towards the place full of shattered dreams]
NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
TU KAHAN CHUPA HAI HUMEIN YE BATA [tell me where you are hidden]
NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
YU NAA HUMSE NAZRE PHIRA [don’t take your gaze away from us (turn your back on us)]
NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
Although she read the message but still she sat on the sofa looking towards the door that may be he will come and knock. She knows her sanskar very well. He can’t call her and let her to live somewhere alone. So she waited only to get her little hope being shattered.
{NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
AAJ KAL TU KAHAN HAI YEH BATA[where are you now a days tell me]}*2
NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
AAJ KAL TU KAHAN HAI YEH BATA[where are you now a days tell me]
NOOR-E-KHUDA*2 [o! light of the god]
KYA YEH SACH HAI KE TU HAI HUM SE KHAFA [is it true that you are angry with us all?]
NOOR-E-KHUDA [o! light of the god]
————– outside farm house in the car————-
Sanskar was sitting in the car and looking towards the farm house. He was here since 6:30 p.m. in the evening. He saw swara coming looking simple yet absolutely beautiful. For a moment he forgot for what motive he was here and stared her. He was hiding and looking at her. He saw her ringing the bell and going in. through the window he himself has left open, he kept a check on her.
He found her watching tv and then calling him, her asking to guard about him. He has instructed the guard before-hand itself about what he has to do.
For a moment he thought he was caught when swara came towards window but she couldn’t notice him as he hid himself and also because of dark outside. As swara shut the windows, he was left with no choice but to come back in his car as he had no other ways he can see what she was doing. He was worried for her whether she ate food or not. He couldn’t go inside and can’t send guard to ask too as then she will get to know that he is here.
He sighed and thought that he shouldn’t be worried for her because in future too he won’t be with her and also he has to forget her so he shouldn’t be bothered.
Sanskar- [to himself] swara you wanted punishment, anything to gain my forgiveness but sorry I am not going to take you back in my life. Soon swara I will make you to leave me. [a tear escaped his eyes which he wiped off]
Sanskar sat in the car itself and gazed the farmhouse and slept unknowingly. He was hurt too doing something like this to swara and he didn’t knew as tears escaped his eyes in sleep too.
Inside the farmhouse swara dozed off waiting for him due to heavy crying, in sitting position itself.
Episode-ends

Precap- there reaction on meeting each other in mm the next morning and sanskar’s ways to make swara leave him.
Sorry adishu and other readers too for again being late but I got some work and so was stuck. I had thought that I will write and post in two days but i couldn’t. sorry for that but in compensation I have written this long part.