SWASAN: AASHIYAN [EPISODE-15]
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The next morning-
Swara woke up in the morning around 7:30 a.m. in awkward position on the sofa. Her vision was blurred but she tried looking around the surrounding and soon remembered where she is. Tears formed in her eyes but then she composed herself and went to washroom to freshen herself. After freshening up she came out of farmhouse to go home but feeling nausea she went back inside. Throwing up continuously for good 15 minutes, swara was exhausted. She had been able to hide all this from everyone for all this while but now she is feeling exhausted. She really needs someone’s support and that someone is none other than sanskar. Along with the pregnancy hormones which takes a toll on her while she tries to be normal with everyone, not to let anyone doubt her, the emotionally traumatic phase that she is going through adds more to her misery.
Feeling exhausted and drained out, she sat on the sofa. Tears of helplessness, loneliness flowed from her eyes. Taking her morning medicines which she always keeps with her, she saw the time, stood and wiping off her tears again came out of the house. Feeling dizzy, she held her head and kept on walking trying to focus. She asked the guard to stop a cab for her to go and stood holding the gate.
Sanskar who has been awake since a long time waited for swara to come out. For the whole night he has been in the car sleeping uncomfortably, he has been restless for swara as she was alone in the farmhouse. Even she closed the windows and he couldn’t know how she has been. He could have gone in through other ways too, he had known many ways because they have spent much time in this farmhouse from childhood during weekends but then he didn’t want her to know about his presence and over that he dismissed all his thoughts related to concern towards her due to his anger but couldn’t stop getting restless.
Sanskar saw swara coming out the first time but frowned when she went inside again and then it took her more than half an hour to come out again. He sighed in relief seeing her back but soon became worried seeing her unsteady steps and also she was holding her head. She stumbled a bit while she stood holding the gate. she wasn’t well and as he registered this fact he was going towards her forgetting everything but by then the guard brought the cab which he himself has booked before-hand in the early hours of morning and had instructed to come by the gate when called, which he did when he saw her moving towards gate.
Swara sat in the cab and sighed as she couldn’t have stood for a moment more. She closed her eyes being relaxed after instructing the cab driver the address to go. Sanskar immediately sat in his car and followed her at some distance.
Two hours later swara reached mm and paid the driver and entered inside. It was half past ten when she reached mm and directly went to her room. None was in hall as all men had gone to office and women were in their respective rooms. She sat on the bed calming her uneven breath. Sanskar who had been behind swara till now also reached mm and came to the room. Although his face was unreadable from outside but inside his heart concern and worry for swara was filled. He looked at swara who was sitting on bed with pale face and closed eyes.
swara felt someone’s presence and looked to find sanskar and as soon as she looked at sanskar she couldn’t stop herself and she hugged him burying her head in the crook of his neck shocking sanskar due to sudden hug. he didn’t expected any such reaction from swara but instead expected her to question him.
Swara- sanskar….
Her mere whisper contained longingness, need and pain. Sanskar kept his hands on her back gently as he felt her sobbing. She felt so fragile at this moment to him.
Sanskar- you ok.
Swara- no I am not. why didn’t you come sanskar? I waited for you so long. I expected you there. I thought you are willing to give us a chance. I felt like my all hopes are declining when you didn’t come. Why you didn’t come sanskar?
She asked him and with each word her hold on him increased. She didn’t want to be away from him anymore. Every moment away from him seemed like death to her, shattering her every moment. She was feeling like she was going away from him every moment and she was not ready to accept it. She just can’t. she loves him, she needs him.
Sanskar- you asked for it swara. You wanted that I forgive you and you were ready for every punishment, to do anything for it then just waiting for few hours for me and when I didn’t come you felt so bad. [said caressing her back tenderly to calm her sobs]
Sanskar- you expected me to come when I had already told you that I don’t want to give us a chance. Even after knowing this fact you felt so much pain and hurt then swara did you think how I felt that day when you left me. When you trusted me when laksh was beaten in jail that I had this firm belief that whether anyone stands by me or not you would surely do.You know for a moment when you stopped on the stairs I also expected you to come, I had firm belief that even though you pointed fingers on me but our relation was important to you and you wouldn’t just go breaking it. I expected your steps to come in but you took them back.
Sanskar- [stopped caressing her back but still holding her while she cried hearing him and clutched his shirt even more] you left me alone that moment to face everything alone, to fight with the sudden loneliness in my life, to stabilise my own self because suddenly I lost my companion.
Swara- I was bound sanskar. [sobbing badly] I didn’t want to hurt you this way but at that moment I just did and said everything which I shouldn’t have. I got to know about ragini’s pregnancy and her state was not good. I had to go with her. That time I couldn’t have left her alone.
Sanskar- and so you left me alone. Couldn’t have you taken care of her without raising a finger on me. Instead of proving me a killer in front of everyone just to take care of ragini, you could have told me once that ‘sanskar I am going with ragini because at this moment she needs me more’. I wouldn’t have stopped you swara.
Swara didn’t know what to say. Every word sanskar spoke was correct. She was just crying in his arms. He also didn’t separated her from himself, don’t know why but he kept holding her. After few seconds swara spoke.
Swara- can’t you forgive me for once. I don’t how to explain my situation but everyone deserves one chance naa.
Sanskar- can I ask one question? If on my place you would have been there then would it be so easy for you to forgive me, if i would have left you, all alone, without you doing any such mistake.
Sanskar- maybe I sound selfish to you swara but I wanted you to stand for us but unfortunately you didn’t. yes you deserve a chance, everyone deserves a second chance but what should I do. I know we can be happy but I am unable to forgive you because I am not able to trust you.
Swara- sanskar I love you…I do really…..believe me.
Sanskar- I know swara but sometimes love is not enough for two people to live together. We need to give each other time, make the other our priority, balance our relation, and most important we need to trust each other that the other one won’t leave our hand in middle but I can’t find that trust in me for you and that’s why I am saying we can’t be together.
Swara- [breaking the hug, she still held his coat her face tired and full of tears] sanskar I will try my best, I will rebuild that trust but don’t say so.
Sanskar- [smiles sadly but then serious] you can’t do it swara. When our relation is on the verge to break off and you wanted to talk to me but you couldn’t because ragini requested you to make something for her, then how do you even expect me and expect yourself to believe that you could get time to even spend with me, let alone building trust. Don’t take me wrong, I am not saying that you shouldn’t do things for ragini or others, you should do as you please but if you do things on the cost of our relation, how are you ever going to mend it. Have you ever seen ragini doing anything which would cost her relation with laksh, or have you seen any other person who would do so. I never asked to become selfish and think about ur ownself but just to that do everything but protecting our relation.
Sanskar- u may find my talks baseless or unreasonable but then I can’t help it. That’s my way of thinking, that’s how I believe. You broke my hopes, my belief, my trust and me the moment you left me. I asked you to come to farmhouse and left you alone there. I just wanted you to know how it feels to be alone, to know that what it feels like when your expectations and hopes are crushed. I am sorry for all the trouble I gave you and sorry for the fact that you had to live with a person like me in past. Your priority was, is and will be ragini and all people around except me and so I free you from me. No restrictions, no boundation, nothing from my side. Live as you feel, do as you want. I will be no one in your life from whom you have to hide anything or take tension about ever.
PYAR HUMKO BHI HAI, PYAR TUMKO BHI HAI
TOH YE KYA SILSILE HO GAYE
BEWAFA HUM NAHI, BEWAFA TUM NAHI
TO KYUN ITNE GILE HO GAYE
CHALTE CHALTE KAISE YE FASLE HO GAYE
KYA PATA, KAHAN HUM CHALE
Sanskar walked out from the room and few tears rolled down his cheeks and swara just stood at her place, analysing every word he said, she didn’t stopped him because she couldn’t, and so was with her tears. Today sanskar has exactly pinpointed the thing that lacks in their relation and she was just trying to get a grip over what he said. Trying to find out where she did mistakes in her relationship. Where she has made his belief so firm that he says that she can’t mend it even though they are so much in love.
[PYAR HUMKO BHI HAI, PYAR TUMKO BHI HAI
TOH YE KYA SILSILE HO GAYE
BEWAFA HUM NAHI BEWAFA TUM NAHI
TOH KYUN ITNE GILE HO GAYE
CHALTE CHALTE KAISE YEH FASLE HO GAYE
HMMM HMMM HOO HMM KYA PATA
KAHA HUM CHALE]*2
She sat down on the floor beside bed and remembered every moment of their life. Every memory of them together was so beautiful and she wondered how can they be so apart now. they had loved and trusted each other so much. She laughed with tears over every memory she remembered of their silly fights. She then thought that they never fought that may lead them far. Those fights were their love and this fight, she doesn’t know whether in this fight she triggered between them, she showed back anger on sanskar or she just did something which is costing her so much that she doesn’t know whether she will get her sanskar back or not.
DUNIYA JO PUCHE TOH KYA HUM KAHE
KOI YE HUMKO SAMJHADE
TESH LAGI DO PAL MEIN TOOT GAYE
SISHE KE THE KYA SAB VAADE
JATA HAI KOI KYUN SAPNON KO TUKRAKE
PAYEGA YE DIL KYA KISI KO BATAKE
CHALTE CHALTE RAKH HUM BIN JALE HO GAYE
HMM HMM HMM HOOO BOOJH GAYE DIYE PYAR KE
At the end of everything that she was gaining was tears, tears because she took a wrong move in her life, because she gave sanskar pain, such pain and distrust that their relation is on stake. Their dreams seems non-existent and only pain has surrounded them.
PYAR HUMKO BHI HAI PYAR TUMKO BHI HAI
TOH YEH KYA SILSILE HO GAYE
DOOB GAYA HAI JAISE DARD MEIN DIL
AASUN BHARI HAI AB AANKHEN
TANHAIION KI JO ROTH AA GAYI
UJDI HUI HAI SAB RAHE
SOCHA THA PAYENGE DONO EK MANZIL KO
RAAHEN JO BADLI TOH TUMHI BATA DO
CHALTE CHALTE GUM KAHAN KAFILE HO GAYE
HMM HMMM HMM HOO KHO GAYE KAHAN RAASTE
PYAR HUMKO BHI HAI, PYAR TUMKO BHI HAI
TOH YE KYA SILSILE HO GAYE
BEWAFA HUM NAHI BEWAFA TUM NAHI
TOH YE KITNE GILE HO GAYE
CHALTE CHALTE KAISE YE FASLE HO GAYE
Episode ends.
I edited this much only so posting this part. I planned to give a long update but then will give in fragments. The next episode is on it’s way too and will be posted today itself so check out.
Sanskar will get to know about baby in the 17th epi for sure as those parts are also written. I have to just edit and modify some scenes. So wait for the situation in which sanskar gets to know about baby and also his reaction.