SWASAN: AASHIYAN [EPISODE-16]
Previous episodes- http://www.tellyupdates.com/?s=SWASAN%3A+AASHIYAN
Thanks for the support and comments. And sorry for using the same song in last episode which I used in third episode.
Episode begins.
Swara was sitting in the room and slowly slowly sanskar’s words were affecting her mind set a lot. She was absorbing the facts he said by correlating everything from past. She realised that he isn’t wrong. Every word he spoke was true. For every problem they have faced always their relation was at stake. Each time for one or the other reason they have to be separate from each other but just the difference was other times they knew they were each other’s support but this time they were broken and not together.
What he said is not entirely wrong. Keeping family together intact is important but what is its importance when your relations will be at stake. She got to realise that many times she has thought of family before him.
Sanskar’s question that what if in place of him she would have been and he would have left her was constantly coming in her mind. She shivered with the thought itself. She couldn’t take that. She knows now that how difficult and painful it is when he is not with her. She has faced that phase of life just a week before and she doesn’t want to live that way anymore. Thinking this she remembered how in baadi she had lived those days.
After going from mm shekhar was angry on sanskar because he thought sanskar to be the reason for laksh’s absence as swara blamed him too. Whenever sanskar’s topic would raise he would become angry and say wrong about him without even knowing that how much it hurts swara to hear that. And she wasn’t able to justify sanskar. Situation became even worse after the day sanskar had informed about him finding laksh but he couldn’t bring him back.
From that day shekhar and ragini became rude to swara whenever she took sanskar’s name. and shekhar also behaved rude to swara regarding not telling them about ragini’s pregnancy. Swara constantly took care of ragini even after that. They did not realise that although laksh was missing and not with ragini, swara was also living without her husband. She was also going through similar phase of pain, just the difference was she knew about sanskar, he was with the family but that hadn’t made the situation easy for her rather difficult because sanskar was really upset from her and to that extent that she had wiped off her sindoor. No one knew what she was going through not even sumi.
Well in those days it was only sumi who had been caring towards her. Only sumi had told her to talk to sanskar once and she has not opposed shekhar or ragini but still stood holding swara or giving a caring hug to her few times. Sum had the responsibility of ayush and over that ragini’s pregnancy. Sumi gave her maximum time to them, hence had very less time to spend with swara. Although for saying she was with her family but she was all alone. Her only true companion that time was her baby who was nourishing inside her, for whom she was taking care of herself.
Many a times she didn’t felt like eating but she ate for the baby or sometimes felt like having different dishes but she couldn’t say anyone. Sometimes she would prepare something for herself but most of the times she suppressed her desires.
In those days she has craved for sanskar each and every moment and her desperation to meet him and get back to him has increased more and more. She never took anyone’s behaviour to heart but always tried to understand their perspective but then she was left alone. Today sitting in her room she is realising that none in the world but only sanskar has been her true friend, companion and support. He has always understood her and stood by her but she couldn’t understand him.
She felt extremely guilty for leaving sanskar, and for raising finger on him. But then she was so much in anger, frustration over all the events occurring around. She was broken that time by his words, ragini’s condition and over that they hadn’t talked to each other since a week which was worsening the situation and a truth that unfolded in front of her which shook her. She didn’t know what to do, how to handle the situation.
She has been strong all her life, she has handled situations very perfectly and if she had been in any confusion, her dida has been with her who always read her dilemma and after her dida sanskar was there. Same as dida he has always understood her mood before her even sharing anything but that time none was with her to tell her what to do, how to handle this situation and in that process she hurt the one who was most dear and precious to her, her sanskar.
Now she is able to feel sanskar’s pain because she can correlate it wth her. As the pain she felt when sanskar spoke to her about breaking their relation, the same way sanskar would have felt when she went away breaking their relation. Sanskar would have felt the same way or even worse than she did when he said that she couldn’t value their relation when he found her with ragini on the road.
She cried understanding his pain and cried for the fact that he is going far from her without knowing her situation. At this moment she wants him to understand her, listen to her and know about her situation too. She wants him to console her and at the same moment wants to take away all his pain that she gave him.
While crying she felt dizzy and went unconscious in that sitting position itself due to lack of energy as she didn’t had anything since morning and over that her stress was a major factor. Also she didn’t took her medicines except that of her nausea in morning.
On the other hand sanskar after leaving from home went to a hotel and buying a set of dress he freshened up and stayed there for sometime before he went to office. His mind also wandered over everything he has faced in the span swara was not with him. The loneliness, the emptiness and heaviness he felt without swara and over that her accusation. His condition was also same like swara but difference was he was not crying. He has known well to hide his emotions behind the blank expression on his face. His past has taught him enough things to face the cruel world and mask his emotions and that only helped him when he was away from swara.
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At around 12:00 noon uttara came from college early and asked sujata about swara. Since none saw her coming ,so they didn’t knew that she has returned.
Sujata- vo I she didn’t return from farmhouse because she didn’t came home and neither sanskar and I didn’t called her also. I thought not to disturb them.
Uttara- oh ok. I am going in my room.
Uttara while going to her room called swara which went unreceived, so then she called sanskar who picked her call.
Sanskar- yes uttara say.
Uttara- ohh bhai when will you and bhabhi return from farmhouse and why isn’t bhabhi picking my calls.
Sanskar- [confused] what are you saying uttara. We are not in farmhouse, infact we returned in morning only and now I am in office.
Uttara- what but maa said that you both didn’t return, she didn’t see you both and bhabhi is also not in home because then we would have seen her naa.
Sanskar- [shocked and worried] uttara how is it possible. Don’t joke around. I am really busy in office and over that before leaving home I met swara in our room itself. I don’t want to hear any prank related to swara. So don’t you dare.
Uttara- bhai I am serious in these matters. Wait let me check your room once. May be sshe would be in room and maa wouldn’t have known.
Sanskar was highly tensed and he remembered saying swara to leave him and that he doesn’t want her in his life. He thought whether swara left him and gone or…bad thoughts were coming in his mind which he tried to dismiss but then it was making him restless. He didn’t know but unconsciously he prayed for her safety and that she shouldn’t leave him. He didn’t know how badly his heart wanted her and what he was wishing for was just contradictory to what he had spoken to swara.
We often say naa that our tongue speaks what we want them to speak in our consciousness but when our heart wants something it doesn’t need our tongue to speak, instead it unconsciously prays for it, without a second thought and in this case sanskar’s heart knew that he ever wants in his life is swara and her love. Only his anger, ego and hurt is making him think and speak of their separation.
In just few seconds he would have prayed multiple times that his swara should be at home, shouldn’t have gone anywhere and was highly restless about it and finally he breathed in relief when uttara said that swara is in room only.
Uttara went to swasan room and pushed the door lightly opening it to see swara with her head on bed and sleeping.
Uttara- bhai bhabhi is in room and she is sleeping. Sorry I disturbed you.
Sanskar- [worried tone] thank god but sleeping now. she is fine right.
Uttara- she would be tired bhai so must have slept. I will see to her and take her care. ok you don’t worry.[said she understanding his worry] bye.
Sanskar- haan bye. See to her once.
Sanskar relaxed and resumed his work and here uttara who confidently consoled and answered sanskar, after cutting call immediately came to swara seeing her in that state. Uttara became worried when swara didn’t respond to her shake. She saw her pale and tear stained face. Taking a little amount of water in her hand she sprinkled on swara’s face who tiredly opened her eyes and blinked multiple times to get accustomed to the light and surrounding and then seeing uttara sat properly.
Uttara- bhabhi what happened? Why were you sitting on ground and what condition you have made of yourself. What is all this. [asked concerned]
Swara- nothing uttara. Just like that …nothing to worry.
Uttara- bhabhi you can share with me. I am not a kid. When you can share and solve my problems then why can’t you share your problems. You are saying to me that nothing happened but you were unconscious here and not sleeping. I can understand this much. Wait let me call everyone, if you aren’t willing to speak to me.
Swara- no uttara. [Choked voice] please. I am saying naa I am fine. Please don’t call others and worry them.
Uttara- then tell me.
Swara- I am saying naa nothing.
Uttara- I know there are problems going between you and sanskar bhai. Is that the reason.
Swara snapped her head to look at uttara as she was shocked that uttara knew.
Swara- [shutter] wh..what are you tel..telling about?
Uttara- I am sorry but I observed how distant you both were behaving and over that i…I heard your both conversation day before yesterday. Actually I didn’t intend to but I wanted to talk to you both alone so was waiting for laksh bhai and ragini bhabhi to leave and then come back but when I came I just heard you both. I know what is going on between you both and I thought since you both went to farmhouse things would have got solved but I can make out that it didn’t worked.
Uttara- bhabhi you only say naa that you are first my friend then bhabhi then same goes to you. Please share your problems with me. Please. I can’t see you both suffering like this.
Swara not able to control hugged uttara and cried out. She got a shoulder today to release some amount of her pain, so she cried and cried.
Uttara- sshhh bhabhi….ssshhhh. tell me what happened.
Swara- [breaking the hug] uttara aren’t you angry on me for leaving your brother as mom was?
Uttara- I felt your decision was wrong and was a bit angry on you too but I know that you love him so much and I know this well as I have seen and felt that myself. remember when you called me to temple two days after you left from here. I don’t know what you wanted to do that day but you asked me to call bhai to temple and made him wear that raksha dhaga through me and also asked me to take care of him. I felt how much you love bhai and so my anger was gone but that doesn’t mean you did anything correct by leaving bhai. That was a wrong decision bhabhi.
Swara- I know that it was the worst decision of my life but I can’t change it uttara, the mistake has been done and I can’t reverse it and now sanskar ….he is angry and doesn’t want to hear anything. What should I do? He doesn’t want to live with me.
Swara said everything as she can’t keep it with herself.
Uttara- bhabhi you know bhai loves you a lot and he is just angry. Now when I called bhai to know about your whereabouts as none saw you both coming, bhai became tensed and was so worried for you. He even asked me take care of you. He is angry, hurt and upset. Give him time to heal and after sometime he will forgive you. Please don’t worry and lose hope.
Swara- it’s not so easy uttara. Sanskar isn’t ready to listen to me forgiveness is very far.
Uttara- you both are just complicating things and nothing else. You just relax. Ok. And by the way how you were unconscious?
Swara- [shocked what to answer] vo..vo I was crying and I didn’t had food since morning and because of exhaustion may be.
Uttara- go freshen up and then we all will have food. It’s going to be lunch time too. Come.
She helped swara get up and then went from there. Here swara was somewhat feeling better sharing her grief with uttara and also knowing that sanskar was worried for her and listening uttara’s comforting words. She freshened up and got ready and came down and had lunch with all and gave fake smile to all on ragini’s teasing over the farmhouse visit with sanskar.
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Same day early in the evening-
Sanskar couldn’t concentrate on his works. Many a times he was getting thoughts of swara. Although uttara said that swara was fine but he was feeling restless to see her. Not able to cope up he left early from the office and came home.
He saw in the hall and found ap and sujata in the temple area but not swara, so he silently went to his room. As he entered his room he saw swara wrapped in a blue sari and her sari pallu was tucked near her waist as she was cleaning the dressing table and arranging the cosmetics. Listening footsteps swara turned and saw sanskar entering. Leaving the cloth she came towards him surprised as he came early. Sanskar stood near the bed and saw her and was relieved that she was fine. He was so worried for her since uttara’s call.
Swara- sanskar [surprisingly]
As she moved towards him she felt little dizzy and stumbled but composed herself. seeing her stumble he swiftly came and held her from waist and due to his sudden arrival she was misbalanced and arched back and in fear to fall caught his shoulder tightly. He was unbalanced but somehow stabilised himself to stand in a difficult way holding her. He looked at her face enchanted and as she opened her eyes he could sense her fear to fall and nervousness.
Swara- [fearful especially for the baby, requested him] please don’t lose your grip or I will fall. Don’t let me fall.
She said looking down tilting her head towards floor and clutching him even tighter. Sanskar forgot everything around by her gesture and the way she was fearfully looking down. He was enchanted, intoxicated by her look. He slowly yet holding her firmly turned around in same position and slowly lowered her down on the bed making her lay, while he was above her and her hold was getting tighter on him and ultimately their eyes met leading to a passionate eyelock.
He moved his hand to take out from beneath her which was holding her waist making her shiver. She sucked in a sharp breath and bit her lower lip to control the feeling that emerged in her but this aroused sanskar’s desires. He lowered himself more on her as their bodies came in contact and sanskar held her waist firmly. He instantly without thinking took her lower lip and sucked being lost in her. Their eyes got closed and both started kissing and sucking each other’s lip feeling intoxicated and blissful. Swara’s hand moved over to his neck and hairs caressing there while kissing him while sanskar’s one hand was caressing her exposed waist while other was over the bed beside swara’s head supporting him over her.
From soft kiss it turned to a smooch and their heads angled respectively to get more access and they devoured each other. Being breathless they left each other. Both were breathing heavily, their eyes still closed. sanskar slightly opened his eyes and again leaned in for another kiss seeing her parted lips. Breaking apart he dugged his face in the crook of her neck giving feathery kisses making her moan his name, making him crazy and he gave her a bite. She shivered beneath him as he gave wet kisses on both sides of her neck. He went up and kissed her both eyes and then her cheeks sensuously and took her lips once again.
They were so lost in each other that they did not realise what they were doing. Sanskar slightly moved from her and removed the tucked in pallu caressing her belly causing her to shiver and come to sense. She looked down at sanskar who went down and kissed on her belly. She closed her eyes feeling it and moaned his name. before he could proceed further and kiss her belly again she brought her hands and cupped his face calling his name. she felt happy finding sanskar close to her and feeling the intimacy she felt as things would be alright. As she cupped his face he looked up at her and saw her teary eyes. Reality strikes him and he hurriedly got up from her confusing her.
He ran his fingers through his hair. What did he do? How could he do this? He wasn’t able to believe how easily he lost his control, when and how he went so close to swara. He was not able to understand what to say what to do. He looked over at her who was already looking at him in confusion because she too couldn’t comprehend that what transpired between them just now and why he suddenly moved back.
Sanskar- [feeling guilty] i…I am sorry…swara i….don’t…I mean….
Swara slowly sat up and looked at him. Although confused by sudden intimacy she was happy feeling his touch after so long and she knew that for both of them this symbolises their extreme love for each other. As much as it is a phase of passion, it means much more than that for both of them.
Sanskar didn’t knew how to speak and what to.
Sanskar- I am sorry swara….just with the flow, by mistake….it happened…I am sorry.
Saying this he looked at swara whose eyes turned teary as she understood that what happened was just meant nothing and he felt all the more guilty seeing her like that. He couldn’t stand there.
Sanskar- I am sorry…I shouldn’t have done so…I am really sorry.
Sanskar started walking out not able to handle situation and out of guilt but swara said something which made him feel more guilty.
Swara- but it’s only you who had the right to do so and to make me feel that feeling of being complete. [breaking down] please don’t go. Don’t leave me alone. I need you sanskar. [sobbing] I can’t live without you. For one mistake don’t give me this much big punishment. Don’t make me remorse and feel guilty for that any more. I won’t be able to take it sanskar. I will change myself. I am ready to do as you say but just accept me back. Don’t separate me from you please.
Sanskar felt burdened. He wasn’t getting what to do. Swara’s words, her sobs were killing him. He wanted to go to her but something was stopping him and he took his step out to think, to understand, to prepare himself and most importantly know what he actually want. Swara heard his steps sound getting fainter. He was going far from her and with each step he took her tears flowed and she lay on the bed hugging herself and just broke down.
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After dinner-
The atmosphere was extremely tensed. Everyone was waiting for the doctor to come out of ragini’s room. Ragini has been feeling cramps and abdominal pain and nauseas since the early in the evening and feeling her condition getting worse the doctor was called. Sometime later as the doctor allowed everyone in the room, the ladies started with their questions.
Ap- how is ragini and the baby.
Sujata- yes how is she. Everything is fine right?
Swara- and why was she feeling pain and cramps.
Doctor- she is fine now but carelessness of this type when she is in this stage is not expected from you all. In this condition you should take extreme care of her food and medicines.
Ap- [highly worried] what happened doctor?
Doctor- she took expired medicines. That’s why her condition was so. It can be risky for her and at this stage for the baby too. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. Please take utmost care of these matters. These are few medicines for two days she have to take. Take care and give her full rest.
The doctor left while others were worried for ragini but ap was extremely angry and on the other hand swara was shocked with what doctor said.
Swara came to ragini and asked her well-being. Ragini nodded with a faint smile as she was highly worried for her baby. Ap marched towards swara and turned her towards herself holding her elbow and questioned her.
Ap- how can you do such big mistake in this case. Do you realise what could have happened swara? When you brought the medicines then you should have checked their expiry date once. How can you such carelessness. [as ragini’s medicines finished swara brought her medicines as till now she had only known about all her diet and medicines.]
Swara- badi maa I had checked them. I don’t know how this happened. I swear I don’t have any idea of how the expired medicines are with ragini.
Ap- she has those because you got them for her today itself. You accompanied her with laksh for her check-up and it’s you who bought the medicines, then you should know how this happened. You should have taken care of this fact.
Swara- badi maa believe me I had checked the medicines twice.
Ap- if you had checked then how did this happen.
Swara- I don’t know badi maa.
Ragini- maa let it be. There might be some confusion. Either by mistake this medicine would have been left out for swara to check. She has always taken care of everything related to me personally. For all these days she had only managed everything. It must be some mistake. Please calm down. See everything is fine. [she said in faint voice]
Ap calmed down a bit and caressed ragini’s hair, sitting beside her. Swara was hurt by ap’s words and others not believing her and considering it as a mistake in haste. Swara had checked each medicine herself and then given to ragini. She understands the importance of this crucial stage very well.
Swara- I will get new medicines for you. [she said slowly]
Ap- it’s ok swara. Laksh will bring it.
Swara sensed the distrust and anger in her denial. She felt dejected and hurt and this was breaking her more. She soothing ragini for few moments left to her room.
Once in her room swara checked the half lot of medicines which she kept for herself which were same as ragini’s. they were not expired but now she couldn’t tell others about this as she can’t reveal her pregnancy news to everyone before telling it to sanskar. Thinking this and remembering ap’s distrust She cried for long hours. She clutched sanskar’s pick to her heart and kept on weeping but her tears were never ending. She wanted sanskar now by her side who in this condition would have said every one that- my swara can’t do such mistake.
She wanted him to hold her hand, to hug her and let her weep in his embrace.
Swara- I need you sanskar. Please don’t go away from me. I am nothing without you. Without you it feels like no one is there with me. I wanted to join this family, I wanted a complete family, my own aashiyan but in process of making one I have lost my everything. Please come to me back. Come for our baby sanskar.
Done with this episode.
Precap- sanskar gets to know about baby.