SWASAN: AASHIYAN [EPISODE-17] BY NEELIMA

SWASAN: AASHIYAN [EPISODE-17]

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Thanks for the support and comments. I am sorry for late update but since my father has been transferred so he comes every second Saturday and hence he was here this time and I spent my time with my family and couldn’t post.
The episode begins-
Crying for long hours finally swara slept due to exhaustion. Sanskar didn’t come back home that night. He didn’t had the courage. On the outskirts of city he was sitting on the boundary of the bridge, parking his car nearby with the headlights on. Under the cloudy sky of winter he was engrossed in his thoughts.

He was guilty on losing his control over himself. Although so determined about being separate from swara, he wondered how he forgot what he wanted, what he decided. He cursed himself.
Sanskar- [in mind] how did I forget what I decided, how I lost my control. Why is it hurting so much to be far from her. And over that what would she be feeling, I hope she doesn’t take me wrong. But even if she takes me wrong that’s better. No… how would I face her?
He closed his eyes in shame over what he did. Although unintentional but when he had decided that she won’t be a part of his life then he shouldn’t have crossed limits, he shouldn’t have gone so close to her. This thought was killing him from inside. She will hate him for coming close to her when he intended to leave her. This mere thought of her hating him jolted him.

He was not able to understand his own emotions. He was guilty and more than that was confused. Whenever he closed his eyes her face was coming in front of his eyes. Her words echoed in his ears. Her plea in every word she spoke was asking him to go her but the decision his mind has made earlier was stopping him, his insecurity was the barrier between them.

One more night he spent without going home. No one can understand through what he is going through. His heart craved only for her but his mind restrained him from going to her. And over that now when he wants to see her once, he can’t out of shame. If she would be awake then how he will meet her eyes. So he didn’t go home. Lodging in a nearby hotel he stayed there for the night. Sleep was far from his eyes and only the confusion crowded his mind, while it drizzled outside, the winter drizzle, making the atmosphere outside cold as has been the current situation of swasan relationship.
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The next morning swara woke up by the sound of knock on the door. She saw around and realised that sanskar didn’t came home the last night too and controlling her tears went and opened the door, hearing the second knock.
It was uttara on the door, concerned etched on her face.
Swara- haan uttara.

Uttara- you ok bhabhi. You didn’t came for pooja and you look pale.
Swara- wohh I am sorry. I woke up just now. you go I will come down after getting ready.
Uttara- bhabhi everything ok naa. You can tell me. If it’s about yesterday’s event then please don’t take tension. Badi maa was angry that’s why she scolded you. Don’t think much about it. We know you won’t do anything wrong.

Swara- it’s ok. I understand uttara.
Uttara- bhai isn’t here [she asked hesitantly].
Swara looked at uttara with her tired eyes and controlling herself- no. [before uttara asked further swara said]- he didn’t come home last night. I will come downstairs in a while.
Uttara- should I talk to mom once. May be she can talk to bhai.
Swara- no uttara. It is between me and sanskar. Whatever will happen we will see.
Don’t unnecessarily involve mom and give her tension. Please.

Uttara- ok bhabhi. I will wait for you for breakfast.
Swara nodded and uttara went. Swara freshened up and was coming down when laksh called her.
Laksh- swara [swara stopped to listen him] ahmmm vo yesterday maa said a lot to you. I am sorry on her behalf. You know maa naa, how sensitive she is in these matters.
Swara- it’s ok laksh. I do understand how important it is for a mother that her child or grandchild be safe.
Laksh- [smiled] accha vo sanskar is not seen anywhere. I had to discuss about today’s project with him.
Swara- he is not home. He …he went out somewhere.

Laksh- [confusedly] ohh ok.
They all had breakfast and in midst ap apologised swara for her rude behaviour yesterday. Standing little far from them was parineeta who fumed seeing everyone treating ragini so well and ap apologising swara. She remembered how she changed ragini’s medicines from the expired ones thinking that either the child will be hurt and if nothing happens much to ragini then too swara will be blamed at least. But seeing ap apologising swara she felt her plan failed and went from there.
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Around 11:00 a.m. sujata came to swasan room and saw swara who was sitting on the bed facing towards window. She couldn’t see her face and didn’t notice her tears.
Sujata- swara [swara who was lost in her thoughts came to sense and quickly wiped her tears and stood up] me and jiji will go to neighbour’s house on their invitation of satnarayan pooja in an hour. So you prepare the lunch. We will return by lunch time and have lunch at home itself. You prepare bottle gourd in vegetable and…. Little light food will be good for ragini since she is recovering. Infact come I will help you in the preparation little bit then you prepare the rest.
Swara- ok mom. I will prepare. You don’t worry.
Sujata- haan ok. Come.

Swara- mom, can you please sit here for a while with me please. [she said as she was feeling lonely]
Sujata looked at her narrowing her eyes but then agreed and sat on the bed.
Swara smiled a little and sat at her feet and rested her head in sujata’s lap surprising her.
Sujata- what are you doing.
Swara- mom sanskar had told me that whenever he felt sad or his mood is off, he used to keep his head in your lap and relax himself. I thought to try once too.
Sujata- ohh [sujata said uncomfortably as they both didn’t share much close relation, not in this way atleast] [after a pause] why are you sad?
Swara- nothing mom, I felt like to be like this with you. I was missing maa so thought to compensate her absence with you.

Sujata did not say anything but sat silently. Unknowingly she moved her hand over swara’s head. she couldn’t say a no to swara the way she asked from her to stay. Swara felt a little peace as she stayed like that. She has been feeling lonely and over that slowly slowly her state was worsening, unaware to others. No one knew that what’s going in her heart and mind actually.
After few minutes sujata came to sense seeing the time.
Sujata- are swara see the time. I will get late. Come we will prepare the lunch and you sit with me later when I will come back. And [suspecting] if there is some matter, then tell me. I think there is something wrong. We will talk on this later surely but in evening. Now quickly come in the kitchen.

Sujata said and swara nodded and went downstairs. Sujata was a lady very hyperactive, funny but true because whatever was there in her heart she would directly show it.
Sujata told everything to be prepared to swara and then went with ap.
————————————
During lunch time ap and sujata returned. Ladies were sitting on dining table for having their lunch. The lunch was prepared by swara. She served everyone and sat herself for eating. While others were having their food Ragini was not willing to have but sujata and ap ordered her to have a little as it’s not good to be empty stomach. Swara too insisted her to have the food. Ragini agreed and started with an apple to which ap asked her to have the cooked food too. Seeing ragini’s unwilling face ap went in kitchen to bring pickles she has made immediately after she heard of her pregnancy but her eyes caught the site of peels of papaya and it’s seeds on the floo. She hurriedly came out and looked the vegetable and tasted it and she was shocked.
Ap- [to herself] it’s papaya in the vegetable. [she took one more bite to confirm and was shocked]
Ap- [to ragini who was about to eat the vegetable] NO RAGINI….

All startled by her loud voice stopped and looked at her direction.
Sujata- what happened jiji?
Ap- [coming to ragini and pushing her plate away from her] you won’t eat this. [worriedly] did you had even a little.
Ragini- no maa. What happened?
Ap- [folding her hands] thank god. [breathed in relief]
Swara- what happened badi maa?
Ap- [looked at swara and in anger] this vegetable curry has papaya in it. Swara don’t you know that we don’t feed expecting mother papaya. It is harmful for the baby. You were taking care of her from so many days and I have instructed you all the precautions we take in pregnancy then too how could you swara? What did you think while adding papaya in the food which ragini is going to have?
Swara and others were hell shocked.
Swara- [shockingly] I haven’t used papaya in the vegetable curry.
Sujata immediately tasted the curry properly and got taste of papaya. She too was shocked.
Sujata- [shockingly] but swara the curry has papaya. But how could it be. Jiji I myself instructed and saw swara peeling bottle gourd for the curry and over that swara won’t do any such mistake especially when it’s concerned about ragini and her child.
Ap- then you only tell me sujata from where did papaya came in the curry if she didn’t added it.
Ragini- maa swara wouldn’t do so.
Swara- badi maa believe me I didn’t. I don’t know how papaya came in the curry.
Ap- I don’t want to listen anything. How it came or from where it came. But one thing I know that is if anything would have happened to ragini or baby then you would have been responsible and I wouldn’t have ever forgiven you for that.
Swara- badi maa..

Ap- yesterday the medicines were expired, I thought it may be mistake but today papaya. Is it that these mistakes especially which will harm ragini and child are happening coincidentally. I don’t think so. from today I personally will take care of ragini’s food. [to ragini] Now you come with me.
Ap took ragini with her leaving shocked and hurt swara behind in tears.
Swara- [to sujata] believe me mom I didn’t. I very well know that papaya is harmful in pregnancy then how I can do this mistake. [said cryingly]

Sujata- I know you can’t do this and I myself told you to prepare bottle gourd then from where this papaya came. [said confusingly and thoughtfully]

Sujata- you don’t worry swara. Jiji’s anger will vanish in some time. Stop crying. And we have to find out that how papaya came in the food. For now I am going to see jiji. You have your food. Ok.
Swara weakly nodded and sujata went to see ap. Parineeta smirked seeing the events and remembered how she added papaya sneakily in the vegetable when swara went out of the kitchen, which was also done by her itself.
Swara looked at her half emptied bowl of vegetable curry and then hurriedly came to room and called her doctor being extremely worried.
Once the call was received-

Swara- hello doctor.
Doctor- yes..
Swara- this is swara maheshwary. [panicked] doctor I mistakenly had papaya curry just now. what should I do? I am not getting anything. My baby will be safe right. I am coming over there.
Doctor- calm down mrs. Maheshwary. It’s not good for you to stress yourself so much and don’t panick.
Swara- but doctor I had papaya and …

Doctor- relax. There’s nothing to worry. A small quantity would do no harm. When did you had and how much?
Swara- just now and just a little amount in the curry.
Doctor- ok. That would do you no harm. Be calm. Try to avoid it from next time. And for now there’s nothing to panick. And although it is considered harmful by people but it isn’t as much as people think. Don’t stress yourself and if you aren’t satisfied then I would suggest you to throw it out. I know it would be difficult but you can do it. Since you just ate it so throwing out the food will cause you no harm. But after that take rest completely and ….
[author’s note- I read a lot about this thing but didn’t got exactly what to do. It is said that papaya is harmful but no where it is given that what we should do if we consume it by mistake in pregnancy. But just logically I thought that since the food is taken just now so if vomited then it’s contents will not be absorbed and in case if someone has taken poison and no medical treatment is available immediately then patient is made to vomit to reduce harm. Don’t apply anything as it is fanfiction]

The doctor advised few more things and then swara did as directed. She induced herself to vomit and threw up all she had. She was completely exhausted. Wiping her face she came to bed and lay down. Tears uncontrollably fell down from her eyes. She wasn’t able to understand what was happening with and around her.

Yesterday ragini’s one of the medicines that she brought were expired and ragini had it which led her to illness. She was questioned by badi maa and she could feel anger in her voice and today she could clearly see the distrust in her eyes. But how could that have been possible. For ragini and her child she left everything behind, cared for her all those days and now why will she do such mistakes. And how could it be even possible that she brought expired medicines when the medicines she was having were the same she gave to ragini and her medicines were alright. And now papaya, it was not even present in home then how papaya came in the food.

Swara kept hands on her belly and apologised to the baby.
Swara- sorry baby for all the troubles that you had to face because of me. I don’t know what is happening. And today if something happened to you….no no no…..nothing will happen. I will be more careful from now on. Be with your mumma like you were till now. you are my everything now baby. I can’t survive without you now. I feel so lonely but then you always are there naa with mumma. Please never leave your mumma ever.

Swara has been trying his number many times since morning but sanskar wasn’t answering and the worst fact was that he sent her a message when she didn’t stopped calling that ‘don’t disturb me. Stop calling’ before sujata came to swara. But now she had to speak to him and thinking a lot she called him for it to be unanswered again. This broke her more. She lost all hopes and then She finally decided upon something.
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In the office sanskar sitting in his office was disturbed in swara’s thought only. It was lunch time in office when laksh entered sanskar’s cabin. He found sanskar lost somewhere.
Laksh- [tapping on the table] sanskar where are you lost.
Sanskar- [coming to sense] haan laksh… what happened.

Laksh- I asked where are you lost. I think in swara’s thoughts.
Sanskar- [looked at laksh seriously] you came for some work.
Laksh- [became quite feeling his seriousness] no it’s lunch time, so thought to do lunch with you. Since I came back we didn’t get time to talk properly with each other.
Sanskar- [uninterestedly] anything upon which you want to discuss.

Laksh- [sitting on chair] sanskar…. So much has happened in our lives. What we were and what have we become now. [sanskar looked at laksh once and then leaned back on his chair] you remember we used to be in same class but you were the most jolly yet an obedient student, college fellow and son and I was the most flirtatious and uncaring person. U always said me to become a bit mature and responsible but I never listened, because everytime you and aadarsh bhaiyaa saved me after I did mistake.

Laksh- but because of this nature of mine you had to suffer a lot right, in past and in present too. [sanskar didn’t said anything] I have always been an emotional fool to believe anyone and in that process I have always ended up hurting you. I am so sorry for that sanskar. [said laksh guilt-ridden]

Sanskar- let the past be past laksh. I don’t want to talk about it.
Laksh- you know sometimes we should talk and think about it. It always gives us a lesson. I also thought about it yesterday, ever since the beginning. I have realised that I have always been so….i am not getting suitable word but you understand naa…. Vo kam**na type [sanskar looked at laksh raising an eyebrow] what I got this only [sanskar smiled a little] you know among all of us who is the best person- SWARA. [sanskar’s smile vanished and he looked at laksh with furrowed brows]

Laksh- don’t give me looks. I know I am talking about my bhabhi, you know dear bhabhisaa… [winked at sanskar] she is the best person among all of us although her being in truthful mode irritates sometimes [said making faces] but she is the most selfless person. She has the capability to forgive anyone. Are today itself she forgave maa even though maa was rude with her.
Sanskar- [confused] why was maa rude with swara.

Laksh- you don’t know. [snskar nodded no] then leave it, you ask from swara only. Well I was saying that yaa swara is the most selfless person. Remember how much she has went through due to our family, ragini, me and offcourse you too but we all are forgiven. Because of her only our family is happy and together, otherwise think where we would have been. Let it be. I am speaking all praises of her in front of you, her husband who knows her so well. Let me praise my wife.
Laksh- hmmm… I appreciate that ragini accepted me even after I did so many wrong things. You know what is quality of wife, that she accepts us even after we do so many mistakes, in any way we are. And now I understand that it is our duty to forgive and forget their mistakes if they do any and give them chance by accepting them. Being angry and doing mistakes are human nature but forgiving and accepting is not possible by everyone. If we learn to forgive then all relations will be so cool naa.just as swara and ragini have forgiven us so many times on our mistakes, we should also forgive them when time comes. What’s say bhai.
Sanskar gave a blank look to laksh.

Laksh- oh god! Talking to you I forgot what work I had to do. Give me today’s presentation file. I have to study it once. And haan come to conference hall in [looking at watch] 40 minutes after doing your lunch. I will have later as I don’t have time now.

Laksh while leaving the room looked at sanskar who was indulged in his thoughts. He silently prayed god that what he wanted to convey sanskar, he must have understood and remembers how he heard few parts of their conversation when swasan has returned from farmhouse and he has returned from halfway to office to take some files which he mistakenly left home.
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Sanskar’s pov-
Laksh is right. When swara has forgiven mine mistakes so easily in past, i….i can forgive her too now. but if she left again then……no she will not do.
She has been asking my forgiveness. I think I should forgive her. Yaa and i..i can’t live without her. I thought that once laksh will be back I will leave her and the family behind and live lonely as I used to be but since swara has returned I couldn’t do so.
Her talks, her tears, her presence affects me so much. I couldn’t even punish her. Keeping her in the farmhouse was even more difficult task. How pale and tired she looked the next morning. I couldn’t punish her more. For what should I have punished her. I was hurt that she left me but I couldn’t hate her for this.
I will give a chance to us. Being away from her is even more painful and traumatic. And this time I won’t allow her to leave me. Yaa after the meeting I will go and talk to her.
Sanskar’s pov ends.

Thinking a lot he went to attend the meeting. but in his cabin his cell vibrated few times showing swara calling. He had left the mobile in cabin itself as it was plugged in charge and failed to notice swara’s incoming call.
The meeting went for long four hours, followed by short dinner with the delegates. It was 9:00 p.m. by the time they all left for the house. The project was very essential for the maheshwari company and especially for sanlak. Sanskar has been working over it for the last three weeks and since laksh has returned he too was working on it with sanskar. When nothing was with sanskar then work has been his everything and hence even though excited to go to swara and talk to her he waited for these hours in the office to complete the meeting and the formalities.
As soon as the clients left from the office sanskar rushed to parking grabbing his bag and mobile. While driving he received call from uttara and he picked up.
Sanskar- haan uttara.

Uttara- bhai are you coming home today.
Sanskar- haan uttara. I am on my way.
Uttara- ohh ok. Please come soon.
Sanskar- what happened you sound tensed.
Uttara- you come home then I will tell.
Sanskar- ok.
The call ended and sanskar saw notification of multiple calls from swara and messages and there was a voice message too. He thought that he is going home only so will directly talk to her and see them at home itself.
He didn’t know what is in store for him when he will reach home. The drizzle was on and off the whole day and since now it was drizzling the environment was cool and pleasant but traffic was there too which irritated sanskar.

On reaching home he saw ap and sujata sitting in the hall. Sujata saw him and came towards him.
Sujata- sanskar chora you came. Vo I had….
Ap- sujata sanskar came just now. let him go and freshen up. [to sanskar] beta go and freshen up and did you had dinner.

Sanskar- [seeing their weird behaviour was confused but shrugged all thoughts] yes maa we all had dinner after the meeting and infact laksh and bade papa and dad are on their way only. They must be reaching in some time. Is something wrong?
Ap- nothing. You go and freshen up. we will talk later.
Sanskar- ok.
Sanskar climbed stairs and marched towards his room where he met uttara.
Uttara- bhai you came.
Sanskar- haan what happened. Why are you tensed?

Uttara- bhai vo bhabhi…..you immediately go to bhabhi. She didn’t allow me with her and said to leave her alone. But still I tried to say something but she didn’t listened and I even knocked one two times but she didn’t respond.
Sanskar- [worried] why what happened?

Uttara- vo bhai yesterday ragini bhabhi’s medicines were expired which swara bhabhi brought. Swara bhabhi said that she had checked all the medicines by herself and there must be some mistake but badi maa was angry and she scolded bhabhi but today morning badi maa apologised to bhabhi for that. She seemed so sad even after that and bhai then today the food which bhabhi prepared had papaya in it and this time badi maa was very angry on bhabhi and said so much to her and now during dinner badi maa prepared food for ragini bhabhi separately by her own. Swara bhabhi felt bad and she didn’t even had her dinner and came to her room. And when I came to her she asked me to leave her alone. From a few days I have seen her very sad. Please go to her.
Sanskar- this much happened and I don’t know anything. I am going to see her.
Uttara- bhai you never were in home to know anything. one more thing bhai. i..vo..
Sanskar- say it fast uttara. [impatient]

Uttara- bhai forgive bhabhi naa. She has been upset for you for so long. I am sorry I heard your and bhabhi’s conversation but bhai everyone deserves forgiveness if he or she is truly guilty and over that bhabhi loves and cares for you a lot. Please bhai… [said looking down on the floor]
Sanskar- I have already forgiven her and I came to tell her this only but for now let me go and see her first.
Sanskar left towards room.
————————————-

Sanskar came to room and knocked but got no response and so he knocked again, to get the same result. He was worried and tensed even more. He pushed the door with force and it got opened. He heaved a sigh and entered inside and saw only the dim lights on and swara was found nowhere. He immediately rushed to check in washroom but she wasn’t there too.
Fear engulfed him and he was about to come out of room but saw the balcony door slightly opened. He slowly opened the door and walked out in balcony to see if she was there. It was all dark outside and hence he switched on the only dim light of the balcony. He looked around finding no one and hence turned to walk back but then he noticed a figure in sitting position just beside the door and obviously it was swara.

Swara was sitting there almost since two hours and although she was sitting under the roof but the wind that blew the rain water in her direction has wetted her. Her back attached to the wall she has brought her knees upto her chest and wrapping her hands around it, she has buried her face in between her knees. She was so lost in herself that she didn’t notice sanskar’s arrival and has been sitting there motionless and lifeless.
Sanskar was shocked to see her sitting there unmoved. He slowly came towards her and sitting on his knees in front of her, he kept a hand over her shoulder and whispered her name.
Sanskar- [carefully] swara.
Feeling sudden touch and the familiar voice she trembled and slowly lifted her face and looked at him blankly. tear stained cheeks, swollen eyes, emotionless face and her aimless look in the eyes were stating her condition. she was everything but alive. ‘a living corpse’ could define her all the way better at this moment. certainly two hours of crying on her fate, her state didn’t help. and how could it even.
Seeing her condition sanskar was shocked. He didn’t understand what to say, what to ask. He was certainly blank for few moments. He cupped her face, ever so slowly.
Sanskar- swara what happened? You ok.
As if his words have broken her trance, her tears flowed down and she instantly hugged him and cried out loud trying to release her pain, to change whatever she is feeling now. to change everything that Is happening and correct it on her own. But alas! She can’t and so she is here crying.

Sanskar hugged her back tightly to himself. He was not knowing through what she is going and how should he console her.
Sanskar- shhhh swara….. sshhhhh [he said rubbing her back]
Swara- sanskarrr…..[she said crying hysterically in his arms]….. I didn’t do anything…………I wanted to correct everything but I failed. I failed sanskar. I lost everything. ….i don’t want to live sanskar…….it’s hurting so much…….. what do I do sanskar?
Sanskar was even more shocked hearing her. he went numb listening her words. He parted her from himself and shook her from shoulders.
Sanskar- [angrily] what rubbish are you speaking swara? [she was just crying] why are you sitting here? Just because of some incidences, it doesn’t mean you will be like this. It’s raining and you are all wet. Come inside.

He tried to pull her to make her stand but instead she held his hands stopping him.
Swara- [still crying and looking down on the floor] you received my voice message.
Sanskar- yes but…
Swara- so you must be wanting to know what I wanted to tell you.
Sanskar- [confused as he didn’t know what that message contained] swara I …..
Swara- please let me speak sanskar because I really don’t know what life is going to be the next moment and before you ask me to leave you it’s necessary for me to tell you about it. [looking at him] I won’t disturb you or anyone else hereafter. I promise and whatever will be your decision, whatever you will wish for I will oblige to it.

Sanskar- [confused] what are you speaking about swara? I am not getting you. [cupped her face] don’t talk this way. See I too have to tell you something.
Swara- [holding his hands which were on her cheeks] please let me first. [he nodded] i wanted to tell you about this the day I got to know but couldn’t as you had given me vow that not to show you my face or talk to you until you find laksh. So I couldn’t. [she said choking with her cries]
She brought his hands down and rested on her belly.

Swara- you..you are going to be fa…father.
she said crying more as finally she told the most important thing she had to, to sanskar. She felt a huge burden lifted up from her shoulders. She has conveyed their baby’s existence news to sanskar. She waited for his answer but he seemed to be frozen.
Shocked would be an understatement, he was numb to react. He took few moments to realise what actually swara said. He was going to be father. But …but suddenly how….. he was confused and looked at her and his hand over her belly unblinkingly. Not knowing how to react, whether to believe what he heard or not, as may be he heard wrong, he asked her again.
Sanskar- come again. I think I heard something wrong.
Swara- you are going to be father sanskar. You heard it correct.
Episode ends.

Wait for next episode to know what happens next. The next episode I would try to give tomorrow but may be if I couldn’t write till tomorrow then day after tomorrow i.e. on Wednesday I will definitely post.