SWASAN: AASHIYAN [[EPISODE-22] BY NEELIMA

SWASAN: AASHIYAN [EPISODE-22]

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HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU. MAY THIS YEAR BRINGS HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS TO ALL OF YOU.
Episode starts-
Swara did the morning prayers and was going towards kitchen when she was interrupted by sanskar.
Sanskar- where are you going?
Swara- [blinked her eyes] vo…kitchen breakfast…
Sanskar- uttara will handle everything and there are staffs too.
Swara- but…
Dp- swara sanskar is saying correct. You need rest.

Swara- but bade papa you don’t like food made by staff.
Dp- beta in one day nothing will happen. You should think about yourself now. accha yesterday you were ill so I didn’t ask from you but today I can.

Swara- what bade papa [being confused]
Dp- [caressing her hair] you are giving me double happiness one of being bade dadu and other of becoming nanu [swara looked at him surprised] afterall I have considered you daughter. So tell me anything you want from me. It’s my duty to fulfil the wish of my daughter.
All looked surprised at dp but he was just smiling. Swara got tears hearing dp.
Swara- [chocked voice and with a smile] bade papa you considered me daughter that is the biggest thing you gave me. And if you want to give something then just keep your trust in me always like you have done till now either being far and silent or by taking my side. You have always supported me. I just want your blessings always.

Sanskar was all the while looking at swara who had tears in her eyes.
Dp- that is always with you. And swara you have earned that trust by yourself and it will never break because from the day I have trusted you I knew that for everything you do there is always a reason behind it which is good for everyone. God bless you.

Rp- yes bhaisa is right. May god give you all the happiness. If sujata had been here naa then she would have taken the house on her head with happiness. Beta be ready for bearing her for the next nine months. She is going to restrict you from doing anything and also is going to feed you a lot. Be aware of sujata for these nine months.
Uttara- papa bhabhi has to bear only for six months because her three months are already over. So she is relieved a bit.
Rp- but three months…. No one told us.

Swara- papa vo…I got to know after leaving from here so…
Dp- no problem, it’s ok.
Uttara- [whispering to sanskar] bhai bade papa and bhabhi shares special bonding. See naa bade papa never talked to anyone so freely except bhabhi and nor were we able to talk to him so frankly ever as bhabhi does.
Dp heard uttara.
Sanskar- sshhh

Dp- uttara.
Uttara- ji bade papa. [she straightened nervously]
Dp gestured her to come to him. She came to him nervous and confused. Dp kept hand on her head.
Dp- beta it’s not something special. It’s just about understanding. You always are afraid of me, don’t share things with me and feel that I restrict you but swara understands what I say and if she feels then objects too. that’s it. But yes she has a respect in my eyes because she changed our thinking with her politeness, respect and bravery. She stood on what is correct and respected our decisions. Daughters are pride of fathers. We all love you and when you will understand this you will free to talk to us.
Dp patted her head and both dp and rp went from there while uttara headed towards kitchen. Swara too came in her room followed by sanskar.

In swasan room-

Swara came in the room and stood near the window leaning on the window pane. Sanskar came and watched swara. He too came inside and stood beside her leaning on the other window pane. Swara knew he is standing there. After few minutes of silence swara spoke-

Swara- sanskar you know what! What is the best relation I felt I had with you? It was of friendship. When you were a little bit stranger to me but yet a friend, you know I felt the best that time. That time you used to hear my every talks, without me even saying you used to know my state and even if you failed to know you always stood beside me. You never used to get angry on me and I used to share all my worries, all right or wrong I felt with you. Even if I used to be wrong you never left hearing me. If I used to get angry on you then also I never failed to speak out what was going with me.

That time If I wasn’t able to say something to you then I didn’t feel peace in my heart. I myself never understood that time that the first person I wanted to vent out all my confusions, frustations, every talk, why it always was you but still I wanted to speak everything I had to with you the first and foremost. You used to listen and understand me then also and after our marriage also. You…you never changed sanskar. Always stood by me, for me. Ya you have changed a bit like earlier if you got angry then you would say a little bit but most of the time kept quiet and now you get anger a bit more.

In every relation that we shared either friendship, love or of husband–wife i…[chocked a little] I always gave you pain only and you always gave me happiness. You always understood me whether said or unsaid just like DIDA or may be even better than her but me…..i could never keep you happy. For some or other reason I always made you unhappy.

It’s long that I have shared talks with someone. It feels so suffocating now. no one was there to listen, to talk with me. Not like a husband but like that old friend will you listen to me please.
[hindi translation-

Swara- sanskar pata hai kya! Tumse mera sabse accha rishta kon sa raha hai? Dosti ka. Jab tum vo thode ajnabi se dost the naa tab sab kitna sahi tha. Tum meri har baat sunte the, bina bole mere man ka haal samajh lete the aur nahi bhi samajh paye toh bhi mere saath rehte the. Kabhi mujse gussate nahi the aur main bhi sahi galat sab baatein tumse keh deti thi. Tumse gussa rehti thi naa toh bhi tumse hi sab kuch kehti thi.

Uss waqt naa aisa lagta tha jaise tumhe koi baat nahi bataye hai toh mera man saanth nahi rehta tha.. pata hai kya tum har roop mein mere saath rahe ho. Tum kabhi nahi badle. Hamesha mere saath khade rahe. Haan thoda badle kyunki pehle main kuch bhi karu tum gussate nahi the ab gussa ho jate ho. Par har rishta chahe dosti ka ho ya pyar yaa phir pati patni kaa maine tumhe sirf dard diya hai aur tumne sirf khushiyan. Tum mujhe kahe bin kahe hamesha samajhte ho. Bilkul dida ki tarah ya shayad unse bhi behtar aur main tumhe kabhi bhi khush nahi rakh pati. Hamesha kisi naa kisi karan se main tumhe nakhush kar deti hoon.Bahut waqt ho gaya hai kisi se apne man ki baat nahi kahi. Ghutan si mehsus ho rahi hai. Koi baat karne wala meri baat sunne wala hi nahi tha. Naa hi tum the naa hi dida paas thi. Aaj mere pati nahi wahi ajnabi dost ki tarah meri baatein sunoge. Please.]

Swara looked towards sanskar with her glassy eyes. Sanskar eyes too watered hearing swara. Sanskar held her one hand, brought near his lips and gently planted a kiss, interwining their fingers. Swara’s tear fell off her eye.

Sanskar- [cupping her cheek with the other hand he wiped her tears] you can talk to me anything and everything swara. You don’t have to ask for it.
He pulled her towards bed, made her sit and sat in front of her on the sofa placed in front of their bed. [I hope you remember their room as shown in serial]
sanskar waited for her to speak but she didn’t. swara was just looking at their joint hands.
Sanskar- say something swara. [he said politely]

Swara- I have to tell so many things but I am not understanding what I should share and from where do I start.

Swara- like our hands are clasped together now, I wished it to be like this for life long. The day I realised that I love you I had known that I will get all my happiness with you only because I knew no matter what you would never leave me. But….. but I didn’t realise that however strong a person be, they always require assurance, which I never gave you. You are that person in my life who gave me everything, happiness, family, trust, immense love and always stood by me like none did, which I craved since childhood. Even though maa and dida were there but they could never stop people from saying things to me or them but when you stand by me naa, no one ever dares to say anything to me and even if they do, you were there.

I adored and respected for what you did for me but I fell for you because you never told me to do anything rather asked me that what I want. You made my dreams yours. Going against everyone you held out your hands for me to hold them by my wish and not any force. I fell for you because you trust me and love me without forcing me to reciprocate.
Tears fell from her eyes over their hands.

Swara- Although I never made you feel special ever, I …..i never made you feel yourself as my first priority but …..but sanskar you are that person I look for everytime and I have loved you only.

she looked at him crying and held his hand he forwarded to wipe her tears.
Swara- no….. let them flow. Except maa and dida I didn’t know what family is but I knew there importance so when I got this family I didn’t want to lose it but I didn’t want to have it either at your cost. I didn’t intend to break your promise but you cried that day like I never saw you when badi maa took away laksh and ragini. I knew what badi maa [ap] is to you and when maa [sharmishtha] asked to unite the families I didn’t find it wrong.
Swara- I did wrong by breaking your promise but I didn’t want to hurt you. I couldn’t see you hurt.

Sanskar- maa [ap] is important to me and yes I was sad, angry on them but swara I feel broken, lost if you aren’t with me. You know this naa and when you love me so much, then why did you leave me? Why you blamed me for laksh?
Both were in tears by now.

Swara- I am sorry….. it was just an impulsive decision. I was upset, angry on you. You said that our relation doesn’t exist. You, our relation meant a lot to me. I could never express it but it never was less important to me sanskar. I was so upset from you for telling this and over that ragini’s suicide attempt, her pregnancy and badi maa’s health…… I just said those words which I never meant. I never wanted to blame you. I let you down. I am sorry. I am not worth of your love.
Swara- going away from you I felt a void in myself. I wanted to come back to you. Just because of me even baba blamed you. Living away from I became lonely. You know when you are there, I have everything but when you aren’t, there’s none. In this one and half months baba was always there for ragini. Baba acknowledged me but…….

Swara- even when you said everything is over between us naa you gave me reason to live. Our baby is my only companion since then. Sanskar….. I care, care for you, for our baby. Sanskar the reason that I am living, how can I harm that reason. Our baby is precious to me more than my life. I stopped you from telling about the baby to everyone and asked badi maa to go because…….i wouldn’t be able to bear if ever my baby gets to be blamed. Whomever I love, I wish for I always lose them may be because I couldn’t love them enough but our baby…….our baby is my life sanskar. The only hope of my life sanskar. I don’t have anything else to live for. My dreams, my motive of my life, you already fulfilled them…. And the dream of family,

I lived with a family for good amount of time, I think it’s not for me. Whenever I try to mend the family, it breaks even more. Maa is with baba now, here also everyone is together, everyone is happy and contented.

swara- you accepted me for the baby and I am grateful to you for that……sanskar I have always asked from you but never gave anything to you and today too I am going to ask you something. Never say that I don’t care for baby. I myself don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t got to know about the baby. And one last thing…. Stop loving me if you wish, but Never hate me please.
Swara didn’t want to share more of her griefs because then she will break down to irreparable or would gain his sympathy which she didn’t wanted. So she started walking away but sanskar held her hands still sitting on the sofa.

Sanskar- sharmishtha maa, badi maa, ragini, family and even our baby….. you thought about everyone but you again forgot to think about me. Everyone is happy but me swara. What wrong have I done swara? You love me so much, I meant a lot to you then why you never understand what I want. Why I always get left by you.

Sanskar stood and turned her to him.
Sanskar- say naa…… the person I have loved so much, how could I hate her. How can I hate you swara. When badi maa turned away I felt distorted but you know what when you turned your face I felt I lost myself. Your absence is that pain in my life which can’t be healed by the presence of anyone else. Why don’t you understand this?
Swara cried more hearing him.

Sanskar- you think I accepted you for baby. Did you understand me this much only? I came that day to tell you that I want to start afresh with you but you told me about the baby first. [cupped her cheeks and joined their foreheads, both crying] why can’t I be reason for you to live, why can’t you keep me first to think about. I have only one dream….. to live with you. Why can’t you fulfil this one and only dream of mine. Come back to me, only for me, for us swara….. I missed you swara. I couldn’t forget you.

[TERE BIN TERE BIN]*2
TERE BINA MARNA NAHI
JEENA NAHI TERE BIN
Sanskar hugged her tightly leaving swara shocked. She didn’t know what to do. she love sanskar but will she be able to love sanskar as he does. Sanskar’s outburst till three days back had made her to think multiple times that whether she ever did justice to him and his love.
Swara- sanskar tum….

Sanskar- I LOVE YOU SWARA. Don’t leave me when I built my hopes to live with you again. You always tried to make me agree to forgive you and when i have forgiven you, you are again backing off. Don’t you love me now swara. Didn’t you missed me.
Swara- [hugging him back and crying in his embrace] I missed you sanskar, I love you. I don’t want to live away from you.
[TERE BIN TERE BIN]*2
TERE BINA MARNA NAHI
JEENA NAHI TERE BIN

TERE BIN TERE BIN

Sanskar- [breaking the hug and looking at her] will you be with me forgetting everything, erasing everything bad from our lives?
Swara- I want to but….
Sanskar- only yes or no. will you?
Swara nodded in yes and sanskar hugged her again. Both were holding each other tightly.
PAPAGAMAPA………………………MAGARE PAMAGA
BAWARE PIYA LAAGE NAA JIYA
DEKHO MERA MANN JALTA DIYA
JALTA DIYAA BUJHE NAA PIYA
BUJHE NAA PIYA JALTA DIYA
HMMMMMMMM………HMMMMMMMM

Sanskar kissed her forehead and wiped her tears. Swara held his hands which were on her cheeks and cried more.
TERE BINA MARNA NAHI
JEENA NAHI TERE BIN
TERE BIN TERE BIN
Swara- what if I again fail? If I again hurt you?

Sanskar- this time I am not going to let you do any foolishness. I will decide things for us this time. And you promise me to accept and follow my words.
Swara held his hands in promise- I promise.
PAPAPGAMAPA…………………..MAGAREPAMAGA
BAWARE PIYA LAAGE NAA JIYA
DEKHO MERA MAN JALTA DIYA
JALTA DIYA BUJHE NA PIYA
BUJHE NA PIYA JALTA DIYA
HMMMM…………HMMMMM…..HMMMMM…..HMMMMM

Sanskar- [while hugging her] you are not allowed to blame me again and leave me and go.
Swara- [hurt of what she did, crying inconsolably] I am sorry sanskar. I am sorry……. I am so sorry.
Sanskar- sshhh it’s ok…… I am sorry for my behaviour for earlier times and the last few days.
Swara- no you were right. I was wrong…. I am sorry……… each day without you I died a death. I am so sorry for the pain I gave you…… I am sorry.
TERE BINA MARNA NAHI
JEENA NAHI TERE BIN

[TERE BIN TERE BIN]*2
Sanskar- I also wasn’t alive without you.
TERE BINA MARNA NAHI
JEENA NAHI TERE BIN
TERE BIN TERE BIN
MA MA MA MA ……DHA NI SA NI SA NI ……….PA MA GA
Sanskar- [breaking the hug] sshhhh no more crying. [wiped her tears and of his own too]
Sanskar- now everything will be good.
Swara again hugged him. Her tears weren’t stopping and neither was she able to believe that they actually patched up.
A while later sanskar made swara sit on bed and made her drink water as she got hiccups due to crying continuously.
Sanskar- relax….. and stop crying.

Swara just hugged him again.
Swara- you really forgave me. Now we will not live separate naa.
Sanskar- trust me I won’t allow you to be separate from me whether any situation comes.
Swara- [breaking the hug and cupped his cheeks] I hurted you a lot naa. [said cryingly]
Sanskar- leave the past. Yes I was hurt but now you are with me naa. Everything will be fine now and we will be happy. I said naa that forget the past. Let’s move on together. And no more tears. You will get ill again and I can’t afford it.
He wiped her tears again and sat beside her taking her in his embrace because that was only that they needed at this moment, they being with each other.
Episode ends.

Precap- swara’s sonography and swasan intimate.

I know it’s the same precap as the last but I couldn’t write it so long in one go.
Finally our swasan are together.