SWASAN – CAPTIVATED FOREVER!
Heyy, It’s Anjali back with the next chapter!!!
Thnxx for comments and to my silent readers….
HAVE FUN!!!
ALL CHAPTER LINKS : All Parts here
CHAPTER 12 LINK : Chapter 12 here
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Swara finds out the truth about Rudra
CHAPTER 13
Swara had known for days.
There had been no real hope almost from the start.
For days she had thought she was preparing herself. But there was no preparing for the moment when it came.
Rudra was . . .
She was panting when she eventually stopped walking, as if she had been running for miles. She did not even know where she was. But when she looked about her in the growing dusk, she realized that she was outside the house that Mr Maheshwari had pointed out to her three days ago. There was light behind an upstairs window.
Had she intended to come here? she wondered, dazed. Or was it pure coincidence?
It did not matter.
She stepped up to the door, kept her hand on the switch, hesitated for only a moment, and then pressed it firmly.
The door opened soon after, and when Swara saw who it was, The tears came and she said the words that had haunted her since the beginning but which only now was true.
Swara : Rudra is dead.
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When Sanskaar heard the doorbell, He wondered with surprise who it was. His housemaid and cook had both departed for their homes and were not expected back until tomorrow. He thought if he had some appointment he had forgotten.
Unable to clear his memory, He looked outside his bedroom window to see the front porch. Her head was covered with a shawl, but he recognized her instantly. Good Lord! Whatever was Swara Singh Oberoi doing on his doorstep at this time of the day? It was well into the evening and darkness was settling. His first thought as he dropped the book he had been reading onto the nearest chair and shot from the room and down the stairs was of her safety. If anyone were to see her . . . But even before he reached the bottom of the stairs he remembered telling her to come here to him if she was ever in need. This, obviously, was no social call.
Sanskaar opened the door, took one look at Swara’s face, shadowed by darkness though it was, and dismissed any thought he might have had of stepping outside with her and marching her away from the house. Instead he grasped her by the upper arm and drew her inside before closing the door.
He heard her say that Rudra was dead but he didn’t reply. He led her to the couch and sat her down. She was pale and obviously distraught.
Swara (stammering) : The letter. The reply that he was supposed to bring back. They found it.
Her mouth tried to curve into a smile, but failed.
Swara : He is dead, is he not?
Was she still trying, then, to cling to some shred of hope? But it was time to face the grim reality. It was why she had come to him, he realized. Someone from the embassy must have brought her the information, but he was the one to whom she had instinctively turned for the final interpretation of the facts. He wondered when exactly they had become such precious friends.
Sanskaar moved forward.
Sanskaar : Yes, My Shona! He is dead.
She stared at him though her eyes were focused on something a million miles beyond him. Her shawl slipped slowly and forgotten from her shoulders and settled in a soft heap on the carpet at her feet. He set his arms around her, one about her waist, the other about her shoulders. He drew her against him, and she turned her head to rest one cheek against his chest.
Swara (shivering slightly) : Rudra is dead.
Sanskaar (whispering) : I’m so sorry. Yes! Rudra is dead.
She wept almost silently. He would hardly have known she wept at all if he had not felt the tremors of her body and the warmth of her tears as they soaked his shirt. He held her close and closer.
Sanskaar couldn’t believe the emotions that were coursing through him. There was something between them… Something that went far deeper than mere friendship. It was the circumstances, he supposed—the far from ordinary circumstances that had drawn them into a far from ordinary relationship.
He continued to hold her long after she stopped weeping. She made no move to pull away. If she still needed the illusion of comfort, he would offer it for as long as she needed it. But finally she tipped back her head and gazed into his eyes in the shifting candlelight. Her tears had dried, though her face was heavy and puffy with grief.
I’m on my knees
only memories
are left for me to hold
Sanskaar wasn’t sure what happened next but later when he thought about it, he wasn’t sure that it wasn’t mutual.
Their lips touched.
Don’t know how
but I’ll get by
Slowly pull myself together
It was not like either of the two kisses they had shared before. This one was a hot and urgent embrace during which her mouth opened wide beneath his and his tongue plunged inside.
Their arms closed about each other and clung like iron bands. It was a deeply, mindlessly, inexplicably passionate kiss. Life making its fierce protest, perhaps, in the face of death? But he had no real excuse, as he admitted to himself later.
He lifted his mouth a few inches from hers and looked into her dazed, passion-clouded eyes.
There’s no escape
So keep me safe
This feels so unreal
Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it seems
Turn my grief to grace
Sanskaar (softly, gently) : Shona?
Swara (her eyes filling with tears) : No! No… I can’t talk. Please?
And she closed her eyes and pressed her parted lips to his again and kept one arm about his waist while the fingers of her other hand tangled in his hair.
He felt her grief, her agony, her need. And he felt his own need to comfort her, to give whatever it was she craved. But it was an emotional response that did not touch upon his intellect at all. He was not thinking. This was not an occasion for thought or cool reason. She needed him. And so he folded her to him, kissing her more deeply, more passionately even than before.
I feel the cold
Loneliness unfold
Like from another world
Swara finally pushed away from him and sank to her knees, not quite sobbing but lost in a far place, succumbed to her despair and grief. She clung to Sanskaar who seemed her only link to the real world right now.
Come what may
I won’t fade away
But I know I might change
Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it was
Turn my grief to grace
Sanskaar lifted her up slowly and carried her to a sofa nearby. He tried to go bring a glass of water but Swara wouldn’t let him. So he sat down holding her, her hands around his neck.
Nothing comes easily
Where do I begin?
Nothing can bring me peace
I’ve lost everything
I just want to feel your embrace
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Swara watched Sanskaar as he dozed, or seemed to be dozing. His arms were about her while his head was back against the headrest.
What had happened between them had been something she needed, and she was not sorry. But she was sorry if it had changed the nature of their friendship. And how could it not have done? She had come to him—because he was her dearest friend in the world.
Even though, they had shared multiple kisses before tonight, This was different. They both knew it. No, things could never be quite the same between them.
Swara : The kiss was entirely my doing. You shouldn’t think that you took any advantage of me. Don’t blame yourself.
One of his hands was against her hair, she realized. His fingers lightly massaged her scalp, proving that he was indeed awake.
Sanskaar (softly) : Don’t think about blame. That means that the kisses were something bad, something to be sorry for. I find I cannot regret it. It was not wrong, merely premature perhaps. I..
Swara stared at him in dismay.
Swara : You cannot, Mr Maheshwari. You cannot make this more than what it is. You are my friend… My dearest friend.
Sanskaar : A friend who’s tried to seduce you and kiss you. A friend who perhaps loves you?
Swara : You do not, You feel sympathy for me because of . . . because of Rudra. And you like me, I believe, and respect me, as I like and respect you. There is a certain love in those feelings, but it is not the love of two people who are ready to commit their lives to each other.
Sanskaar stretched his tight muscles as Swara got up.
Swara : The kisses meant nothing, Mr Maheshwari. You’re my best friend and I intend for us to stay that way.
Sanskaar : We cannot talk about this now, Shona.
The sweet nickname nearly brought Swara to him again.
Sanskaar : I’m so sorry, Swara. I am sorry about Rudra Singh Oberoi. More sorry than I can say.
The wretched tears sprang to her eyes again.
Swara : I.. I thought that if we waited long enough, I could deny the truth. That it wouldn’t matter. That if it came to pass, I would be prepared. I expected that my emotions would have been cushioned against the worst of the pain. But they were not. And then tonight when I came here, I thought . . . I suppose I thought . . . But the pain has not gone away. I do not believe it has really even started yet.
Sanskaar shook his head.
Sanskaar : I think so too. I thought to comfort you. But there is no comfort, Shona. Pain like yours is something that has to be lived through. You need to be with your family. You must go home to Kolkata.
Swara closed her eyes as she felt a sudden longing for Ragini and her brothers. Her remaining brothers.
Swara (nodding her head) : Yes!
Sanskaar : Then we will leave tomorrow. I will take you.
Swara : You will? I cannot ask you to do that.
Sanskaar : So don’t and accept my offer. It will be a long route home this time.
Swara liked to think she was independent. But she knew she wouldn’t be able to go home without Sanskaar Maheshwari’s help. She was too disturbed right now to make rational choices.
Swara : Thank you. I accept.
Sanskaar held her arm close to his side as he walked her home. She should not need such support, she thought, but she was grateful for it. Her mind had opened fully to reality—and pain. Rudra was dead. Tomorrow she was going home. She was going to have to break the news to Shivaay, if he hadn’t rececived the news already.
Sanskaar dropped her in front of Mrs Raichand’s house who saw her and ran outside.
Mrs Raichand : Oh, Poor dear! You’re back. I’m so relieved. I will make you some tea, or perhaps soup. Come beta. Thank you so much, Sanskaar beta for bringing her back safely.
Sanskaar : I will take her back to Kolkata tomorrow morning. We shall go as far as Manali where I’ll have a chopper ready to take us back.
Mrs Raichand : That’s good. She needs to be with her family now. I will make sure her things are packed. Now come, Swara, Let us go get that cup of tea I spoke about.
Swara gave in to the temptation to be coddled, at least for a short while. Her mind, her emotions, had overwhelmed her.
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PRECAP : Sanskaar and Shivaay meet again
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Song : Grace by Kate Havneik
This is a difficult chapter because it doesn’t deal with grief alone.. It shows the potential of Swasan’s relationship… In my mind at least.. IDK if it’s that noticeable to you guys.. but if it isn’t, I’ll try to improve in the next few chappiess…
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