SWASAN – CAPTIVATED FOREVER!
Heyy, It’s Anjali back with the next chapter!!!
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Swara confronts Sanskaar
CHAPTER 21
Sanskaar wondered if Swara knew what she was doing. They had announced their engagement to both families. To be clear, Their “pretend” engagement.
His mother and Uttara were delighted and happy for him and while Swara’s family had not been as delighted as his own, They had seemed pleased. Shivaay had been polite, though he showed no warmth or approval of the match.
Swara was radiant, even when they were alone. Had he not known differently, he might almost have imagined that she was wildly in love with him.
Though he was not quite convinced that she was not—or that he was not in love with her. But her radiance, he was aware, was like a bright, hard shield beyond which he could not penetrate and no one else was aware of.
He wondered what the future would bring. She had made it very clear to everyone who asked that they had no immediate plans to marry. She had said she was only 20 and would like a long betrothal period. Everyone was unanimous with her suggestion.
He looked at the living room where their families were sitting down, discussing their plans for the next few days. He decided to join them and took the seat between his mother and Swara. He noticed her slight stiffening of shoulders but otherwise she showed no other reaction other than delight.
Gauri : So what should we do now? I mean, Swara was planning on coming to Bareilly with us. But ofcourse, Everything’s changed now. What should we do, Swara? Om? Ragini? Sanskaar?
Om : My sweet, If you go naming everyone, We’ll be here until the end of the day. Any suggestions?
Annapurna : Well, I wanted to invite Swara to Chandipur so that I could introduce her to Adarsh and our other friends and family there. It could prove a nice way for the two families to get to know each other as well.
Sanskaar pounced on the idea.
Sanskaar : Yes, Why don’t you come to Chandipur, All of you? I can spend more time with Swara then and we all can try and be a proper family. What do you say, My love?
Annapurna (pleased) : Yes, I quite agree. Please, Om, Laksh? What do you say?
Laksh and Om had a silent conversations with their wives and Sanskaar turned to Swara who looked at him with narrowed eyes.
Sanskaar (whispering) : Tired of being nice to me already, Shona?
Swara smiled and took his hands and patted them in a reassuring manner. She opened her mouth to speak but Laksh spoke before them.
Laksh : Well, I think it’s a splendid idea but it’s upto everyone else.
Om : I think the kids will love going to Chandipur. There’s a beach there if I’m not mistaken.
Ragini : Oh, That’s settled then. We’ll spend the next three weeks or so in Chandipur. Then we’ll discuss what Swara and Sanskaar’s future plans are.
Everyone resumed their delighted chatter and Sanskaar turned to Swara once more.
Sanskaar : So, Does this please you, Swara?
To his surprise, Swara wore a bright grin.
Swara : It does, Sweetheart.
Her eyes glowed.
He was, he realized, enjoying himself enormously. He was very glad she had decided to fight him. He was horribly guilty where she was concerned. Although not all her accusations against him were true, he had used her quite deliberately and abominably. He had sunk into a lethargic state after she had rejected his offer in Oberoi Mansion.
Even though he was free and even though it had seemed to him that she did not suspect the truth about him, he had felt wretched about the deceit and about all the scandal he had drawn her into.
But she was fighting back in a totally unexpected and intriguing manner. She would use him until she was ready to discard him, she had promised. She would make him fall in love with her and then break his heart. Or she would make him hate her and then force him to marry her anyway.
He could not help but be amused. At the same time, he thanked God and life for giving him a chance somehow to make amends. He was not quite sure how he would do that. Perhaps it would involve nothing more than allowing her to do exactly what she had threatened to do. But he was not going to be abject about it, he had decided. He was not going to allow her to punish him simply because he deserved punishment.
She would not enjoy that.
He would play her at her own game. If she won fair and square, then he would have to accept graciously that he had lost. But he was not going to let her win. She would surely spit in his eye if he tried any such thing.
He would play her love game to win, then.
He had not yet asked himself what winning would mean exactly.
Shaking his head, he turned to Om.
Sanskaar : Do you think Shivaay would come?
Om : Perhaps, Let me call him.
They all knew the answer though, and sure enough, Shivaay declined the invitation with his apologies to Sanskaar’s mother.
The next day, Sanskaar met Swara at a nearby cafe and tried to gauge her emotions from the blank look she offered him as they ordered.
Swara spoke once the waiter had moved past them.
Swara : I suppose you’re planning to embarass me by inviting your family and mine together for a huge betrothal function or something else of the sort? I am not easily embarassed.
Sanskaar (smiling) : I would never think of embarassing you, Shona. But that’s your plan, isn’t it? It is I who am to be embarrassed, is it not? It is my family and my servants and neighbors who will witness my deep infatuation for you and who will then pity and scorn me when you reject me.
Swara (nodding calmly) : That is exactly correct.
Sanskaar placed one of his hands over hers on the table and they both looked down to see their interwined fingers.
Sankaar (softly) : What if I can persuade you to forgive me instead?
Swara offered him a dazzling smile and with her free hand, reached over to touch his cheek. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.
Swara : That will never happen.
Sanskaar chuckled and shifted chairs so that he sat beside Swara instead of opposite.
Sanskaar (bending down to whisper) : You know, As my betrothed, It is my responsibility to buy you an engagement ring and gift.
Swara snorted and Sanskaar drew back, assessing her.
Sanskaar : Do you not want a ring?
Swara : What will I do with a ring? Once you get out of my life, It will only serve as a reminder and a beautiful object deserves to be more than just worthless, Don’t you agree?
Sanskaar : Then what would you like as a gift?
Swara thought for a bit before answering.
Swara : I would like a painting canvas, water paints, acrylic and oil paints, brushes and a palette.
Sanskaar (surprised) : You love to paint that much? Are you any good?
Swara offered his a disdainful glare.
Swara : How on Earth do I know if I am good or not? I love painting and sketching and so, I do it. I like to paint so that I can understand the hidden meaning in the scenes before me, so that I can glean their secrets.
Sanskaar (eyes twinkling) : Then I shall make sure that your paints and other supplies are bought and kept in Chandipur.
Swara surprised him by giving him a slight peck on the cheek. He noticed everyone around them averting their eyes as he looked at them. He turned to Swara and she smiled into his eyes, her own shining all the way back to their inner depths—or so it seemed.
Swara : Thank you Sanskaar. You’re the best.
For a moment he gazed at her, arrested. She was beautiful and vibrant, and all the beauty and vibrancy were focused upon him. It seemed almost impossible to believe that she did not mean every word.
And then she laughed.
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Shivaay was flying to Sydney the same day that the other Oberois were leaving for Chandipur. He had said very little about the betrothal even though after she had told him about it nearly three days ago.
Before he left though, He drew Swara to a private hallway, surprising her.
Shivaay : It’s not too late. Tell me you don’t want it and I’ll end everything. Think before you answer, Swara.
Swara rolled her eyes and glared at him.
Swara (annoyed) : Really, Shivaay… I’m marrying Sanskaar because I WANT to. Do you really think I’ll do anything I wouldn’t want? And you are wrong about him, you know. He didn’t trap Tia. It was the other way around. She planned it because she did NOT want to marry you.
Swara stopped, regret showing in her face.
Swara : I’m sorry.. I…
Shivaay : No matter.
She wished that she had not put it quite like that, but it was too late to change the wording. He gazed back at her with hard, bleak eyes.
Shivaay : I can’t believe you just trusted him to be right. I forget sometimes just how young you are.
Swara’s eyes flashed, all regret gone.
Swara : It was very cruel of you to claim that Sanskaar stole something when he did nothing of that sort. I couldn’t believe it when I heard.
Shivaay (nodding) : You indeed care for him. I just hope it doesn’t result in sadness. I would rather you be happy and right. That is more important to me than me being right.
She had always loved Shivaay. She could not remember either of her parents. Shivaay had been a father figure to her all her life, and she had always felt wonderfully safe and secure under his rule and guidance. She had never doubted that he had her best interests at heart. At the same time, she had never really thought of him as loving her—or her sister or any of her brothers either. She had always seen him as a man incapable of any warm emotion, including anger.
It struck her now with some shock that perhaps he did care after all—not just for her safety and consequence and reputation, but for her. And she almost blurted out a reassurance, an explanation of the nature of her betrothal, a promise that soon it would be at an end and he would finally be able to forget all about Sanskaar Maheshwari. But if she said anything, he would probably forbid her to go to Chandipur and she couldn’t allow that.
She stepped forward impulsively and hugged him.
Swara : I will be happy and you will be happy for me too. Just see.
Shivaay gave an awkward pat on her back before moving a step back and nodding his farewell.
By evening, the Oberois were near Chandipur.
Laksh : So, Swara! Are you excited to see Sanskaar again?
Swara (smiling) : Yes, Really excited.
It was a week since she last saw Sanskaaar. It was a time during which her outrage and resentment against him had grown. If there had not been that week or so in Srinagar where he had helped her to find Rudra, perhaps she would not now hate him so much. Before and after that, after all, he had not pretended of doing anything more than flirting with her. But there had been that week when he had become more dear to her than anyone else in her life had ever been, and she felt horribly betrayed.
But it was a week too that had felt dreadfully flat. She had missed him, his ironic smile and his banter and alluring voice calling her Shona. She hated him even more for the fact that at some time over the past few months she had slipped into love with him and was having a hard time adjusting her emotions to the reality of his character and the nature of their relationship.
She looked out curiously at the huge black gates that opened as their cars entered the Maheshwari estate. The grounds and garden was exquisite and were generously filled with flowering trees and Swara found her own Oberoi Mansion lacking as she took in her surroundings.
Ragini : Beautiful but not as good as Oberoi Mansion or the Gadodia estate.
Swara (surprised) : What? Are you crazy.. These gardens are absolutely stunning. They are….
She trailed off as Laksh and Ragini burst into laughter.
Laksh : At least Swara is going to be loyal to her family.
Swara scowled and straightened her expression as the car stopped. She could see Sanskaar coming out of the house with his family behind him to welcome them. Swara opened the car door and got down just as he reached her.
Sanskaar : Tiring journey?
He bent down and kissed her on her cheek. Swara ignored the tingle that she felt and smiled widely at her “fiance”.
Swara : Not especially. We came in two cars. We thought it would be useful in case everyone had any special plans in mind. But every day seemed like a week without you, Sanskaar.
He smiled and greeted Laksh and Ragini, then turned to watch the other car enter the gates. Soon, Gauri, Om and their son along with Laksh and Ragini’s daughter greeted them.
Sanskaar : Welcome to Chandipur.
He turned to Swara and placed a fleeting kiss on her lips uncaring who might see.
Sanskaar : Welcome home.
It pleased her, she thought as he took her arm and led the way up the stone steps and into the house, that he was still shamelessly flirting with her. If he had turned grim and apologetic since she had forced this betrothal on him, she might have forgiven him and let him go, but she surely would have despised him—more than she already did, that was.
And every day really had seemed like a week, she admitted to herself.
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Each day had seemed like a week, if Sanskaar was going to be true to himself. He had tried to be busy. He had looked at the business deals that were pending. He had corresponded with the managers of his foreign branches and he had gone and visited his tenants and other friends who lived in Chandipur.
But he still felt like he had failed miserably. Everyone he knew kept spouting praises of his late father and Sanskaar knew he was sorely lacking. He had to improve if he ever wanted to be a good manager of the estate and the company.
He had also argued with Uttara and in a more gentle manner, with his mother. One day, He learnt that Uttara had just returned from Tia’s house and he was furious that she could have been so disloyal to him. When she had reminded him that what happened between him and Marianne had been nine years ago, he had lost his temper and assured her that he was very well aware of how long ago it had been. He had been living in exile all those years. She had ended up fleeing to her room in tears, and his mother had suggested gently that it was perhaps time he put the past behind him.
The thing was, he could not forgive his father.
He could not forgive Tia.
He could not forgive Shivaay.
And now he was finding it hard to forgive Uttara.
He was in bad shape, he realized. He was consumed by a bitterness he thought he had put behind him until fairly recently—until he had set eyes upon Miss Swara Singh Oberoi in Srinagar, in fact.
And so he was glad of the distraction of so many guests. And he was genuinely glad to see Swara again. Undoubtedly she would torment him. But at least she would stimulate his mind and his senses. She would make him laugh.
He had made it a point to lavish her with his attention and her gifts. He made her unwrap every package in front of everyone and she was lavish in her gratitude as well. If Swara’s family were surprised at this over dramatic show, they didn’t comment. His own family – Adarsh and Parineeta had joined them along with their kids, were amused and charmed with the couple.
They hadn’t done much that night. Everyone was tired after their journey so Sanskaar had suggested they go on a picnic tomorrow and rest for now. The party had agreed unanimously and everyone had gone into their rooms.
Everyone that is, except for Swara.
Swara : What are you doing here?
Sanskaar stopped looking outside and turned to see his Swara holding her phone and looking at him curiously.
Sanskaar : Just thinking, I guess. What about you? Aren’t you tired?
Swara : I tried to sleep, but couldn’t.
She joined him and looked out the window.
Swara : The gardens are really beautiful.
Sanskaar : They’re Uttara’s pride and joy. She is a very keen gardener.
Swara (surprised) : Is she? How lovely… What is that?
She pointed to a small cottage that was adjacent to the Maheshwari estate.
Sanskaar : It used to be the gardener’s house until about seven years ago. Then Uttara came to our house and she did all the work. We didn’t have any use for a gardener. So he left and since then, it’s just a cottage that holds few supplies in one room but the other room has been converted into a safe haven, a kind of retreat if you ever want to escape.
Swara : Wow! And are there any such other retreats?
Sanskaar : The beach, The beach cottage and a cave a short while from here. I will take you there one day. You may wish to paint there.
Swara : You can just tell me. I can get lost while painting and it may be boring for you.
Sanskaar : But I shall wait for you. I will admire you while you paint and then I’ll massage your tired hands and carry you and your painting supplies back here.
Swara : Oh?
Sanskaar (shrugging) : I may sneak in few kisses and hugs as well.
Swara : Ofcourse. How absurd of me to not think of that as well. What about the beach and the boats?
Sanskaar : Everywhere, My Shona. After all, I’m your devoted fiance, Am I not?
She turned her head at the same time as he did and their eyes met. They both laughed.
Sanskaar (softly) : So, Will you forgive me, Shona?
But Swara just laughed some more and gave a small sigh.
Swara : This estate is really beautiful.
Sanskaar : Unlike my black heart, I suppose.
Swara looked at him assessingly but kept quiet. After a while, She spoke.
Swara : Are you happy to be back with your family? Your entire family?
Sanskaar sighed. He couldn’t stop his reply. His barriers fell down while with Swara and he knew he could never try and keep a secret from her… Anymore.
Sanskaar : Happy? Yes. But I feel strange as well. My brother is a doctor now and has a little girl of his own. My father is no more. My mother and Uttara have a happy and contented life. But who am I? Where do I fit in? I feel almost as if I had come back from the dead, expecting that everyone must have spent the years mourning me only to discover that they had continued with their lives and proved to me that I was not indispensable to them after all. It is a foolish thought. Why do we always assume we are so important to other people? None of us is irreplaceable even to those closest to us.
Swara placed her hand over his and clasped it. He looked at her in surprise but she continued to look out.
Swara : Do you miss your father?
Sanskaar : He was the model husband and father. I admired him so much. We were very close. I always believed I was his favorite even though he was dearly fond of all of us. I was never rebellious as other sons were and never wild despite the fact that I liked to have a dashing reputation in Kolkata and cultivated the friendship of men of influence, like Shivaay.
Swara (softly) : His rejection of you must have been devastating.
Sanskaar : One might say so.
He glanced at her and chuckled, though without mirth.
Sanskaar : None of us had ever done anything to disappoint him before then. And thus, I suppose, he reacted to what he thought I had done with all the fury of a man who had never had to deal with anything like it before. His respect must have been hurt.
Swara : Do you still hate him?
Sanskaar (softly) : It is too late for that. He is dead.
Swara : But you aren’t and you can feel.
Sanskaar : One doesn’t speak ill of the dead, Swara.
Swara : Your mother told me the town people erected a sort of statue of your father in his honour.
Sanskaar : Yes, they have.
It was near the temple. He had passed it many times and even went there on purpose a few times. But he couldn’t enter the small park and had just stormed back out again.
Swara : Have you gone there?
Sanskaar shook his head.
Swara : We will go visit.
Sanskaar (chuckling) : Will we?
Swara : What about Tia? Is she here?
Sanskaar : Her house is about ten minutes from here. If you want more details, ask Uttara. Tia happens to be her best friend.
Swara : Still? Aren’t you bothered?
They faced each other finally and Sanskaar saw their still-clasped hands and placed his free hand over it.
Sanskaar : Why should I be bothered? It’s been five years since I left.
Swara : Sanskaar! All this must be hurting you. More than I ever could imagine.
Sanskaar : I am not a victim, Swara. I may not have committed that crime. But since then, I’ve seen a lot and I’ve learn a lot as well. I’ve seen Spain. I’ve seen the beautiful Scottish lochs and the famous Mount Rushmore. I met you, My Shona.
Swara nodded.
Swara : That was a mistake though. By the time I’m done with you, You shall be sorry you ever laid eyes upon me. But I think it is the only way you can make your life bearable again, is it not? To believe that everything that happens in life can serve a positive purpose, that no time is wasted unless we refuse to learn the lesson that is there in that apparently wasted time. You can be a better person than you were.
Sankaar : Or a worse.
Swara : That’s upto you. But I am sorry that you had to go through all this for something you never did.
Sanskaar (smiling sadly) : Isn’t that how life works?
They stood there for a long while in a silence that was surprisingly companionable, their hands joined, their shoulders almost touching. If he relaxed, he could almost imagine that they were back in Srinagar during that week when time had seemed suspended and all his energies, all his emotions, had been focused upon her and her courage and energy and impending grief.
She would make him fall in love with her, she had promised. Was that what she was doing now? If so, she was succeeding.
Or was this all genuine?
There was no way of knowing.
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