The uppercase refers to the messages sent by Swasan.
~~Breakdown~~
Sanskar’s pov ~~
Various noises filled my ears. I had been tossing and turning since the past few minutes. I could not fall back to sleep. My mother cooked something in the kitchen and the sound of the cooker was heard till my room. My pet beagle Mickey barked from a distance. I groaned and stuffed my face into the pillow when a tiny body jumped on my back.
“Ashu !” I yelled draining my voice in the pillow. My nephew barely heard.
“Uncle. Wake up.” He screeched in his tiny voice. I rolled over as he laid down beside me. He was just five, yet he had so much energy in his body.
“Wake up Chachu, please!” He whined. I could barely open my eyes.
“Go away Ashmit.” I mumbled pulling him close instead. He was the cutest person in the house. Ignoring him was next to impossible.
“Uncle. I wanna play. Dad got me a new soccer ball…” He said fumbling with his words. He still pronounced an ‘l’ for an ‘r’. I opened my eyes to see him howling over me grinning wide.
“Have you vowed to take away all my sleep ?” I mumbled and got out of the bed heading towards the bathroom. Ashmit followed me there like a lost puppy.
“What? Do you wanna join me, mate ?” I asked. He giggled and shook his head showing off the small gap between his two front teeth.
“So run downstairs and play with Mickey for a while. I ll be joining you two guys soon.” I ushered making him run downstairs in full speed. He was like a little of ball energy. I could never get tired of him.
Once I was done freshening up I decided to head down. I could hear Ashmit screaming my name.
“I m coming!!” I yelled back to him and grabbed my phone lying on the bed. I unlocked it to see my WhatsApp was flooded with messages.
There were the stupid groups I was least interested to be part of. Some texts from my manager. Some from Laksh asking to hangout for lunch and video games. But one text caught my eye. It was from Swara. I opened it.
HI . WAS WONDERING WHETHER YOU HAVE ANY PLANS FOR THE DAY. I M ALL ALONE AND BORED. LETS MEET UP ?
It read. She was online. I decided to type in quickly.
YEAH. OKAY. YOU CAN COME OVER FOR LUNCH.
I sent. I wouldn’t have said yes to anyone else. I was having a grumpy morning due to lack of sleep. After working for two years non stop I got this one month break. But for Swara I could forget about it. I headed downstairs with another call from my little Ashmit.
He was with Mickey, feeding him biscuits. I joined them as my mother approached us. She stood at the door separating the hall from the kitchen.
“Kids what do you want for lunch ?” She asked referring to me and Ashmit. I shrugged and looked at the little guy when my phone buzzed again. It had a new message from Swara.
OKAY. WHAT TIME ? 🙂
I looked at mom. “We have Swara coming over for lunch.” My mom being extremely fond of Swara, gasped. Just like me, she hadn’t seen her or heard from her in the past two years. She was bound to be surprised.
“Is she ? When did she come back to Mumbai ? When did you two meet ? Ask her what she wants for lunch.” Mom said.
“She came back last week. We met at a friend’s party. I m inviting her at 1.” I said and went back to replying Swara.
IT WILL BE VERY MUCH FINE IF YOU COME HERE NOW AS WELL. BUT FOR YOUR INFORMATION WE ARE HAVING LUNCH BY 1.
P.S. – MOM WANTS TO KNOW WHAT YOU’D PREFER FOR LUNCH ?
Her reply immediately came.
I LL BE THERE BY 1. TELL HER I’D LIKE ANYTHING SHE MAKES 🙂
“Mom she says anything is okay.” I informed mother.
“uh. Okay. I ll make her favourite Rajma Chaval. I know how much she loves it.” She said and went back to kitchen.
My mom and Swara were super close. It was like she was Swara’s mom and not mine. As a kid I used to be jealous. But c’mon ! I was twelve back then. I went back to helping Ashmit, feeding Mickey.
**
It was one. For a change I was changed into something presentable at my house instead of lazing around in my boxers. The doorbell rang indicating Swara was here. I opened the door a little too enthusiastically. She stood outside with a huge grin outside.
“Hi.” She said.
“Hi please come in.” I said. She came in. Her eyes roam around the whole house.
“Its still the same.” She stated. I smiled.
“Its is.” I stated. Mom was probably still in the kitchen having no clue that Swara was here.
“Ma! Swara is here.” I called out. Within moments my mom was out. A huge smile spread across her face as she eyed Swara beside me. Swara too, only looked too happy to see my mom.
“Aunty !” She squealed like a kid running to my mother. They hugged each other like a long lost mother and daughter. I couldn’t help but smile at the dramatic scene in my house.
“Swara. How are you dear?” She asked.
“I m good aunty. Aapko bohot miss kiya maine.”
“Chal jhooti! No calls, no messages. Where were you ? But look at you, you have grown up to be really pretty.” Mom exclaimed like she had seen her after a decade.
“Thank you. But you should say this to your son who thinks I looked better before.” She said pointing at me. Yes, I had said that to her the night before.
“I didn’t say you look bad now.” I joined in. Swara shrugged earning a laugh from my mom.
“Anyway come in. The food’s almost ready. Your favourite – Rajma Chaval!” Mom said hurrying back to the kitchen. Just then Ashmit came running to me followed by Mickey.
Swara was immediately recognized by Mickey. The three of us used to be very close. In fact I always wanted a pet. Mickey was a gift from Swara given to me on my sixteenth birthday. He was the best gift I have ever received. He barked and ran circles around Swara. He was happy.
“Mickey baby! How are you ?” She crouched down patting the dog.
“He missed you.” I said crouching down next to her. Mickey only barked in response. She laughed.
“I missed you too handsome.” She giggled. Ashmit was awkwardly standing at the back when I pulled him ahead.
“Uncle whose she ?” He asked grabbing Swara’s attention. Swara gasped the moment she saw him. She liked at me with a hint of doubt in her eyes.
“Ashmit?” She asked me. I smiled and nodded.
“Oh my gosh! He’s so big now.” She gasped. It had been a long time since she had seen Ashmit. He was only three when she left. Ashmit was still confused with the gushing around him.
“Hi Ashmit. Do you remember me ?” She asked. Ashmit seems to try to think but he couldn’t.
“No.” He replied. I chuckled.
“She’s Swara dude ! My best friend.” I said.
“Yeah. You won’t probably remember me as you were too tiny when I left !” She said.
“I was?” The little guy asked. Swara and I nodded.
“But its good to see you. You are a big boy now.” She said. Ashmit grinned.
“Yes. Just like Chachu !”
Swara laughed and pulled his cheeks before kissing them. ‘Awww. . .Kids are so lucky.’ I thought.
**
“Here have some more.” Mom said adding more adding more food to the poor girl’s plate. Swara whined as she was already full.
“Oh! I m stuffed!” She exclaimed.
“What stuffed ? You have hardly eaten anything! C’mon have some more. Look how much weight you have lost! Stay for a month more and I ll send back you healthy.” Mom said.
“I think I have gained a little weight.” Swara said.
“Rubbish! Remember the old you? That school girl with pigtails and chubby cheeks ? You were so cute then. Look at you now.” I said. Swara rolled her eyes.
“Try to remember how you were, you were so lean!” She replied. I couldn’t imagine how I was. I didn’t want to. I looked like a wooden pencil, all calling me sukhi bhindi.
“Chodoo kal Ki baatein. Kal Ki baat purani.” I said changing the topic. My mom laughed.
“So how many days are you here for Swara ?” Mom asked.
“A week. Actually not even a week. I m leaving this weekend.” Swara replied making my heart drop into the pit of my stomach. One moment I was happy to see her by my side. The moment, I was sad to think of her leaving.
It was like, I had been just living in this bubble, where I thought that everything was just fine between us. That, she was here to stay. But I was dragged back to reality that she was going to leave me. . . .again.
“So soon?” Mom asked.
“yeah. I have University to attend. Holidays are over.” She replied.
There was a long silence after that. Ma and Swara indulged in some random conversation while I chose to stay quiet. I couldn’t even finish what was on my plate.
Swara kept stealing glances at me asking whether I was okay while I just looked away from her.
**
I had so many questions buried inside me. I had to know why she had left. I had to know why she was doing this to me.
What were we ? Friends? I certainly didn’t think so. I had gathered enough courage when I walked upto her.
“We need to talk.” I said straightaway. Swara was playing with Ashmit at that time. She got up from the floor.
“Okay. Go on.” She said.
“No not here. We need to go somewhere else.” I said and before she could protest I was dragging her out of the house. I quickly informed mom before leaving.
“What are you doing ?” She asked as I unlocked the door and got in.
“Just get in already.” I ordered. I hated the way I was behaving – so dominating. But she listened to me anyway. She got in after me as I started.
“Where are we going ?” She asked.
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean by you don’t know?”
“Matlab Mujhe pata nahi Swara. Now please just shut up!” I yelled. I could sense her tearing up beside me. I was being a jerk and I knew it. The fact that I was losing her again was too disturbing.
“What is wrong with you?” She yelled back.
“Listen don’t mess with me at the moment. You don’t know what’s wrong with me ? Well, what’s wrong is that I f**king love you and you are planning to leave me again ?!” We were actually getting into an ugly banter now. She looked taken aback for a moment.
“So what the heck were your thinking ? That I was planning to stay here forever ?” She asked.
“No but if you had to leave me in the end then why did you come so close to me in the first place ? You didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me that you are leaving !” I fought back. The pressure on the accelerator increased as I lost track of the speed limit.
“I just told you back home!” She yelled.
“Correction. You told my mom, not me.” I said. There was a long silence after that. I could feel the tension in the air. She was definitely angry. So was I.
“Just stop the car.” She said. Ah…here we go. . .
“Don’t be such a drama queen. I get the fact that you are angry right now. So am I.” I muttered.
“Just stop the car Sanskar ! Please.” She yelled. I sighed and hit the brakes abruptly. We had halted in the middle of nowhere. It was a deserted road bordered on both the sides by trees. We were nearly out of the city. Swara got down followed by me. She didn’t bother to say anything. But she started walking away.
“Where do you think you are going ?” I asked.
“To hell!!! Why do you care ?” This girl seriously had some anger issues. The both of us, for a fact, were very short tempered. But Swara had frequent burst outs. This was one of them. I had no option left, but to follow her.
“Hell doesn’t need another monster you know.” I said. She stopped and shot me a glare .
“Why are you being so dramatic ?” I asked.
“Why are you being so pathetic ?”
I sighed. “What do you want Swara ? Do you want me to apologise to you for shouting at you ? Okay then I m sorry ! Happy now ?” I was defeated.
She shook her head.”It’s so easy for you to shout at me first and then apologise. . .” She said.
“And it’s so easy for you to leave me again and again without any proper explanation.” I shrugged.
“Why are we getting back on that topic ?” She asked.
“Because we need to ! Okay ? Someday or the other we are gonna have to talk about this.”
“Don’t be a dumb jerk. I don’t wanna talk about it !”
“Oh don’t be a stubborn selfish b*t*h then!” The moment those words left my mouth I saw her expression change. She went from angry to pale. She shot me a blank look before her anger took over again. It didn’t take much time for her fist to make contact with my face. She hit me hard.
“Ow. What the hell is wrong with you ?!” I exclaimed holding on my nose. It got hurt. She was a great puncher. Now I know what Ishaan must have gone through.
“How dare you call me a b*t*h ?” She yelled throwing random punches at me. She pushed me away and kept on hitting.
But it barely hurt. I could see her torturing herself while I stood in front of her like a dummy allowing her to hit me. Once she was tired she stopped.
“Are you done ? Is all your anger and frustration gone now ? If not you can hit me more. But its not going to by hitting someone else or even yourself for that matter. Its going to stay inside, till you yourself take over it.” I said. She hung her head low and sobbed. The sight of it just made me go weak on my knees.
I wrapped my arms around her from the side and nuzzled my face through her hair.
“I m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.” I whispered in her ear. She cried
“It’s okay. Why are you even apologizing ? You were right. I m selfish. . .” She said.
She was so weak and fragile in my arms that I feel like holding her forever.
“Don’t say that. You are not selfish. Okay ? Its just that I m here losing you all over again. . .” I said. She gently pushed me away.
“You can never lose me. I ll be always a part of you. . .” She said.
“But you still won’t stay back. You still won’t change your decision of leaving.” I said.
She just looked away.
“Can I at least know why ?” I asked.
“Because – I m not good for you. I m – – I can’t even explain that Sanskar !” She cried.
“Good enough ? Really ? Swara you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you so much. And I know it, you love me too. But there’s something stopping you. I just want to know what it is. We can fight it back.” I said.
“I wish we could.” She said. “But please Sanskar don’t make this harder for me. I have to stay away from you.”
That angered me. I was frustrated. Heartbroken. What did she mean by she has to stay away from me ? Why? I felt like someone stabbing my heart with thousand knives as I took steps away from her. I turned my face and walked back to the car. The sound of thundering filled my ears. It was going to rain; and within seconds I felt raindrops on my face. I was soaking, drenched. I could feel the tear welling up in my eyes.
I looked up at the sky and wondered – Out of all the girls in the world why I did I have to fall for a girl who I could never have ?
Suddenly I felt two small arms wrapped around my torso from the back. She rested her head on my back clutching me tighter than the usual.
“I love you.” She said.
“Then don’t go. . .” I said.
“I love you.” She repeated the same words. I didn’t know what it meant. I didn’t know whether she would stay or not. I turned around and cupped her face with my hands. The raindrops rolled down her face.
Without not giving a second thought I planted my lips on her. We kissed in the rain. We could feel the intensity of our love.
That day about one thing I was sure – –
If it isn’t her. . . Its no one. . .
**
I had tears in my eyes while writing this one. It was very emotional. Yet I did it somehow. And I added the nephew and dog’s part for you guys so that you guys don’t end up crying like me 🙁
So how was it ? And what do you think could be the very big reason for Swara ?
I want to know what you guys think even though I m revealing it in the next two updates. Yeah it will be again emotional, long and special one.
Thank you guys for all the support ! This could have never been possible till here had it not been you guys pushing me to write.
I love you all so much !
Keep supporting, reading and commenting even the silent readers 🙂