Swasan : Destiny (Episode 20)

Twentieth episode. I never thought people would like this ff so much. Thank you for all your support and I hope we soon reach our next stop the fiftieth episode 🙂

~~Back to School~~

Sanskar’s pov ~~

Thank god Swara didn’t ask for more gol gappas. I swear to God if I’d eaten one more, I would have thrown up. I was stuffed and felt heavy. We hopped in the car as I cleared my mind. I was still thinking about the gol gappas and the stomach ache I was going to have at night.

I shrugged these thoughts and started the engine.
“Where are we going ?” Swara asked.

“Somewhere special . . . .” I smiled.

“Special ?” She asked frowning. I nodded and focussed on the road while Swara kept blabbering about the gol gappas.

We have reached our next destination. I parked my car outside the gate and took a glance at Swara who looked stunned.

“Is this. . . . ? What are we . . . . ?” She asked completely unaware what we are exactly doing ‘there’. . .after so many years.

By ‘there’ I mean our school. . . .

“Oh my God! What are we doing here ?” Swara exclaimed.

“Refreshing old memories, I guess. Now come on. . .don’t you want to see how much this place has changed ?” I asked. She nodded. I held her hand and we walked inside the huge school campus. Holding her hand and walking towards the basketball court reminded me of how we used to do the same thing and everyone mistook us as a couple at that time.

I was glad that day there was a holiday and there were no kids in the school, so there was no chaos.

“Nothing has changed. Everything is exactly like it was ten years ago. . .” I said. Swara nodded. It had been ten years since we had passed our tenth standard, but still when I went inside everything was just how it was, a decade ago.

Swara’s pov~~

I still couldn’t believe he had brought me back to school! Nothing had changed. I felt like I was back at my first grade. I just wished, I could go back to the same time where things were simpler, no complicated relationships and no tough decisions to make.

We went to the library first which was on the ground floor. The brick walls didn’t look that old because of the fresh paint given to them. The library was a huge place, like an auditorium where there were around 20,000 books in all. The big book shelves were properly placed in a single line. The grumpy old librarian used to sit on the table from across the door. I wondered whether she still worked here. There were tables and chairs arranged at one side where we used to study or read books.

I never came here to study. I always came here with Sanskar and we used to ‘pretend’ to ‘read’ the books; but in reality, we used to sit and hold hands under the tables and talk about random things. That was the only place, where, we could openly talk about anything.

I smiled as I looked at those tables and chairs and the books.
“You remember this place ?” I asked pointing at a table in the extreme corner of the place. He smiled and nodded.

“Of course. That’s the place where we used to. . . .’study’.” He said quoting the word ‘study’. I laughed.

All those memories came back flooding to my mind and I felt like I had gone back to the time when we were kids.

As we got out of the library, Sanskar held my hand and led me towards the backside of the school building. I knew this place very well. There was a staircase that led towards the first floor where the classrooms where. The staircase was like the substitute route of going into the class. If anybody was late to school, they used this route to enter the building so that they won’t get punished by the Principal who used to stand at the front gate.

This staircase wasn’t just the substitute way of entering the school. It was much more than that. And by much more, I mean, it was like the ‘secret meeting point’ for couples. I don’t know who made it the ‘secret meeting point’, but I used to come here during the recess to meet Sanskar.
P.S. – We used to meet here when we were not dating. Maybe that’s why others thought we were a ‘thing’.

I sat down on the stairs with Sanskar by my side.
“The secret meeting place. . .” I said and smiled.
“Also the place where I first told you that I like you.” He added.

How could I forget that day! I still remember.
“You were so cute when you said that! I still remember you going all pink when you confessed your feelings!” I said and pinched his cheeks.

“Excuse me! I was not the only one who was blushing. You remember yourself ? When I said that I like you, you just buried your face in your hands and ran away!” He said. That was true. I was too tough at that time and showing him my blushing face was equal to crime for me at that time.

“I thought you would never look at me again.” He added. I giggled.

“I tried but I couldn’t. I liked you since ninth grade, mister. I just never had the guts to tell you.” I said.

“I know.” He said and we laughed.

After about five minutes of laughing, we finally stopped. Those memories were hard to forget. I still remembered each and every one of them, it’s just that they were buried somewhere deep inside me.

I looked at Sanskar who was already looking at me admirably. I gave him a confused look. His hand was now placed in top of mine.

“What happened ?” I asked as his expression changed and he held onto my hand tighter. He didn’t say anything and that was now worrying me.
But before I could say or ask something he wrapped his arms around me. My body was pressed against his body and I could hardly breathe. I was taken a bit aback by his bold reaction.

“Sanskar, what happened ?” I asked sounding worried as I tried to pull back. But he wouldn’t just let go. I gently ran my hand in his hair and then I realized, that he was crying.

Suddenly, it all dawned upon me. Him taking me to eat gol gappas, we coming here and now this. . .
He did this to convince me to stay! I should’ve been happy that I was lucky enough that somebody loved me so much. But instead, I was heartbroken and guilty. I had made this guy gone through so much in these two years, but he never stopped loving me and he still didn’t give up.

“Sanskar. Sanky, are you crying ?” I asked stupidly even through I was pretty sure that he was.

“Don’t go swara. . .please.” He said as his voice cracked. I felt like someone was stabbing my own heart. I couldn’t tell him that I had to go. That would break him more. I gently broke the hug and he wiped those tears from his eyes.

“Are you okay ?” I asked.

“No. No I’m not okay damnit!” He yelled and got up. I got up too.
“How can you expect me to be okay when you’re leaving ? You know Swara, I had convinced myself that I would stay strong, I would convince you to stay anyhow. But I can’t do this. It kills me from inside when you keep this distance between us! Like there was nothing before. . .” He said. He wasn’t angry, he was hurt and I saw it in his eyes.

“You know, we have talked about this before. Please dont make this hard for me. . .” I said almost crying.

“If its so hard for you why don’t you stay ?” He asked me directly.

“You know why.” I said. He sighed.

“I don’t know what else I have to do to change your mind. All I can do now is to ask you to stay. Still if you don’t want to stay I’m sorry. . .because I think I’m giving up now. . .” He said. His voice could barely be heard but his words broke me from inside.

I wanted to say yes, I’m staying. I’m staying because I love you so much to leave you alone . . .
But I don’t know what got over me. It was like somebody else was controlling me.

“I’m sorry but I think its better if you give up on me.” I ended up saying. Of course the soft part of me was regretting those words.

I thought it was better if I left. At least he would give up on me and move on; and with that thought and a heavy heart, I ran away from that place. . .

**
Next part : Gone

**
School memories are always cherishingly taken care of. Btw the description here about the school is somewhat related to my own school 🙂
Hope you liked this part, Swasan in school.

Keep reading and commenting to find out if Swara actually stays or leaves.
And Fix You will be updated a little later. So sorry !