SWASAN – MR MAHESHWARI AND I
Heyy, It’s Anjali back with the next chapter!!!
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http://www.tellyupdates.com/swasan-mr-maheshwari-chapter-41/
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Sanskaar is no where to be found… Ragini hears Laksh say I love you
CHAPTER 42
He held the phone in his hand and wanted to throw it, but then switched it on and opened the gallery. To see a picture of…
Obviously Ragini!
Laksh (tenderly) : I love you…. I love you so much! God knows how much I love you.
Voice (From behind) : LAKSH! You love someone?
Laksh’s eyes widened in shock and he whirled around to look at the stunned face of………
RAGINI!
Laksh ( whispering) : Ragini!
Ragini : Laksh? You said that you loved someone, didn’t you?
Laksh stood frozen. Ragini was standing in front of him. She had heard him… What should he tell?
What COULD he tell?
That he loved her? That he wanted to spend every moment of his life with her by his side? That he couldn’t imagine moving on, accomplishing his goals without her to support him?
No…
He wouldn’t tell her.
He couldn’t tell her. Because what would she do knowing the truth? She loved Karan. He knew that from the bottom of his heart. She loved Karan and Laksh was happy for them.
Really. Karan was an excellent guy and Laksh could see the love he had for Ragini. So why should Laksh spoil everything now? After all, Wasn’t one broken heart and two happy ones better than 3 awkward and hurt ones?
He sighed and looked up at Ragini who was still waiting for an answer.
Laksh : Get on with it, Laksh!
Ragini ( suspiciously) : Laksh! What on Earth are you staring at me for? LAKSH!!! Bolo na..
Laksh (thinking) : God! She is even worse than Swara when it comes to tenacity. I never would have thought that.
Ragini (impatient now) : Laksh! Have you taken a vow of silence or something? (moving forward and placing a hand on his elbow) Oyee! Suno… You love someone na? Who is the girl… (smiling teasingly) Tell me… tell me… Who is going to be this duffer’s love??
Laksh, finding all the strength that he could, didn’t flinch when Ragini placed a hand on him. Instead, he put on a surprised expression.
Laksh (in a surprised voice) : Ragini! What the hell are you blabbering?
Ragini ( taken aback) : What am I blabbering? I heard you clearly : I love you! I love you so much… DON’T you dare lie to me. Now tell me, Do you deny it?
Laksh (giving her a cocky smile) : Aww mera baccha! I don’t deny it. But I also don’t love someone.
Ragini (confused) : God! Laksh… Stop confusing me. What do you mean?
Laksh (smiling placatingly) : Relax, Ragini…. (wincing slightly but Ragini doesn’t notice) I don’t love anyone. I was telling those words because I was imagining a scene in my next book.
Ragini (perplexed) : Next book?
Laksh : Haan! You do know that I write books? I am an author?
Ragini : Yeah! I know.. Par you were thinking of the book now? (skeptically) During the sangeet?
Laksh (putting an arm around her, whispering conspiratorially) : Arre! The atmosphere is so lovey-dovey neeche. I couldn’t stand it any longer. Swara and Sanskaar, Sakshi and Adarsh, You and….. (gulping) Karan. God! I was ready to die from all that disgusting happy happy feeling.
Laksh (thinking) : At least I told the truth. I couldn’t stand seeing you downstairs any longer.
Ragini laughed, a tinkling musical laugh that made Laksh stare goofily at her.
Ragini : Now you’re telling like that. But when you find your soulmate, You’ll know why we all are like that.
Laksh smiled tightly. If Ragini only knew the truth.
Ragini hugged him impulsively. Laksh was still, paralyzed. This was the limit. God hated him. That was the truth. He hugged Ragini slightly then gently untangled away from her before he could lose his control.
Ragini (smiling) : You will understand why we feel like that once you meet your Karan. (Laksh raised his eyebrows) Er… I mean… Your Ragini… I mean…
Laksh : I understand Ragini. It’s okay. (his eyes dimming a bit) You really love Karan.
Ragini (eyes lighting up at the mention of Karan, softly) : I do. I really do. And he loves me.
Laksh (softly muttering to himself) : Then I won’t in your way. I will move on. I will do my hardest to forget you impossible or not. (loudly) Of course he does. (mocking) But why would he want a donkey like you?
Ragini glared at him and he chuckled.
Ragini : Tell whatever you want now. But when you are head over heels in love with someone else, That time…..
She moved closer to him. Laksh’s insides lurched and he found himself tightening his fists so as not to lose his control.
Ragini (wagging a finger in front of him) : That time, Laksh Maheshwari, I will have the last laugh.
She threw a haughty and dignified face at him and left the terrace. Laksh hadn’t moved an inch before she came back near the doorway.
Ragini : By the way, I love your books and can now expect another one, Right? But you write mysteries and this looks like a romance. Is it going to be a mixture of both? Koi nahi… I will anyways read it. So Can I expect another one?
Laksh nodded dumbly. Ragini whooped and left. An eternity later, Laksh’s knees gave out and he sank down.
Laksh : I have to get over you Ragini. You are not destined to be mine. And I want your happiness. So I will move on. I will…. I will do my best to move on.
He got up and closed his eyes, replaying tonight’s scenes in his mind.
Laksh : Whatever people say about the Maheshwaris, One fact is true. We are terrific actors. Sanskaar keeps acting like he doesn’t love Swara. Adarsh kept acting like he didn’t love anybody. And me.. I managed to fool the girl I love. (bitterly) We are terrific actors. Swara was right. Dramebaaz is the best name for me.
He sighed and made his way downstairs.
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Swara noticed Ragini coming down the stairs and immediately went to her and asked what happened.
Swara : Ragini! Did you search? Was he there? And did you find Laksh? God… I’m ready to kill them both.
Ragini (Chuckling) : That would spoil the festive mood. You really want to do that?
Swara scowled.
Swara : At this moment, I will do anything. Here I am, so worried and they disappeared.
Ragini : Oh! I found Laksh. He was in the terrace. He… (shook her head perplexedly) He was telling I love you.
Swara (taken aback) : WHAT?
Ragini (hissing) : What the hell? Keep your voice down. It was nothing serious. I asked him about it and he told he was just acting out a scene for his new book.
Swara (dubiously) : Acting out a scene for his new book? During my sangeet (gesturing to the crowd)
Ragini shrugged helplessly and Swara rolled her eyes. She would ask Laksh himself about that.
Swara : And Sanskaar?
Ragini shook her head.
Swara exhaled impatiently but more anxious now.
Where was Sanskaar?
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Sanskaar stood in the middle of the gardener’s shed looking at the tools lying there but his mind was far far away.
Swara loved him. He loved Swara. But he was going to die. What was he going to do?
Sanskaar : Another choice. Another decision to make. Why… Why…WHY?
He punched the wall in anger, and slowly one tear crept out from his eye. Sanskaar feeling the wetness kept his hand there and looked at the droplet of water. It was such a foreign object for him. His own tears.
Sanskaar (sighing) : All I wanted was to make sure my family will be taken care of when I leave. I never had dreams before Swara. I didn’t allow myself to dream. But now…. Even when I have everything, I cannot take it.
A little nagging voice told him, Yes you can… You can. Swara wil understand. She is not Kavita.
Sanskaar closed his eyes and willed the voice away. He COULDN’T allow himself to hope. Things would never be normal. It COULDN’T be normal.
Sanskaar : Swara! I’m so scared…. I am so scared that to accept our love. Because I will surely give myself to you….. And when it is my time to go, I won’t have enough strength to leave.
He sank to his knees and bent down.
Sanskaar (the word coming out in a hiss) : Swara…..
He smiled slightly as he thought of all their memories together, finally ending with the drunken confession of Swara.
Sanskaar : I was always drawn to you. You were my drug, my dua, MY EVERYTHING… You ARE my everything. But kismat ko dekho na! Even when I have everything I cannot grasp it. I cannot be yours.
That little voice once again spoke to him : Why not? You can tell her the truth. She will understand. Swara is NOT Kavita.
Sanskaar : NO! I cannot tell Swara. I cannot tell anyone ever… This is my burden and mine alone. Once, I told someone what I felt but never again.
He got up resolutely.
Sanskaar : I will not tell Swara I will die in 14 years. I will never let her know I love her. NEVER!
He thought about what had happened when he told the truth to Kavita.
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8 years ago, After bade papa’s death, in US
SANSKAAR’S PG ROOM
Kavita : Sanskaar! Why do you have to go back to India? I’m here na..
Sanskaar (sighed) : I know Kavita! I have already told you. My family needs me. I have to make sure they’re well settled before I go.
Kavita (confused) : Go? Go where? Do you mean come back here?
Sanskaar : No. I mean when I leave this world.
Kavita : Sanskaar! What the hell are you telling? You’re going to die? Wait… Did your uncle die of some disease? Are you sick?
She moved away from him as though he was contagious.
Sanskaar (sighing) : No. But my Bade Papa means the world to me and if he can’t live beyond 42, how can I?
Kavita : huh?
Sanskaar made her sit on the couch and he knelt beside her, held her hands and explained his whole theory to Kavita, thinking that she’ll understand.
Kavita (dubiously) : You really think you’re going to die?
Sanskaar nodded. He had finally told Kavita. She would understand and support him. He could make it these 22 years.
But….
He looked up at Kavita and was shocked to see the disgust and pity in her eyes. She got up and went near the door.
Kavita : I never you were such a wimp.
Sanskaar flinched at the venom in her words.
Sanskaar (wonderingly) : Kavita?
Kavita (scathingly) : I don’t know where you got these ideas, Sanskaar. I pity you….. I pity you. More than that, you disgust me. We are in the 21st century and you have these kind of ideas. Worst thing ever, I thought you were some cool and handsome guy. If I had known you were such a…. Such a..
Sanskaar (quiet dignity in his voice) : Why did you stop? Finish it…
Kavita (giving him one last disgusted and pitying look) : I don’t want to. You’re not worth my breath or anyone else’s.
She walked out the door and slammed it. Sanskaar flinched again.
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Now, As Sanskaar thought of that, he could still hear the venom in her words, her scathing retorts.. He still flinched when he thought of that.
That day, Sanskaar had changed even more. No more girl friends. He refused to trust anyone other than his family, staff and colleagues. No more social life besides the required amount of parties.
But everything had changed. Because of Swara.
Swara had become his lifeline. Where she was, he wanted to be. He wanted to be the reason for her smile. He wanted to be the one to banish away her pain and sadness. He wanted to be THE ONE for her.
Sanskaar : When I knew I loved you…. I wanted you to love me back. I wanted you to reciprocate the same feeling. But a part of me always hoped that you wouldn’t. Then, At least I would be satisfied that this was the maximum happiness I would get. I would never have that bliss.
He sat back leaning against the wall.
Sanskaar : But now…. That hope is also gone. All I have to do is tell you I love you and we would have 14 years of bliss. Happiness beyond my wildest dreams. This will never happen now… I will die in 14 years. I need to prepare myself for that. These past 8 years I’ve lasted believing in this. For my lifetime, I will believe only this.
Sanskaar paced about for a while, then stopped.
Sanskaar : I will not be able to bear the disgust and pity on you face Swara. I do not have that much will power or energy. I can never tell you the truth. But I also cannot continue like this. I HAVE to make you understand… I can never ever let you know I love you. And the fact that you love me… I cannot allow that also.
His voice shook a little and he choked out the next words.
Sanskaar : I have to change that love into hate. I have to make you hate me Swara… just like how we used to when we first met. I have to make you hate me.
Sanskaar (determined) : I have to make Swara hate me. I cannot accept this relationship. I can’t tell you the truth. Not you. Not anyone. Not after Kavita!
Swara’s voice (from the door) : Kavita? Who’s Kavita?
Sanskaar stared at Swara in shock. Had she overheard everything?
Swara (entering the shed) : Who’s Kavita, Sanskaar?
Sanskaar (thinking) : This is your moment. Tell her something. Tell her anything that’ll make her hate you. Or at least start the process. C’mon Sanskaar.
But when he opened his mouth, not one word came out.
He couldn’t end this with her. She loved him. He WANTED her to love him. He suddenly recalled her words about forgetting everything that was going on. Not one word during the wedding.
Sanskaar looked at her face now, curious and heartstoppingly beautiful and sighed inwardly. He recalled her words again and sighed inwardly with relief.
Swara would soon hate him. But he would take all the love she had to offer in these 2 days. He was selfish and he needed her. Until their wedding was over, He wouldn’t say a word about anything.
Swara (impatiently) : SANSKAAR! Who is Kavita?
Sanskaar (regaining his composure, a teasing smile on his face) : Jealous, Are we?
Swara (blushing hotly) : Of course not! Why would I be jealous? I just wanted to know aise hi.
Sanskaar (tucking in a loose strand of Swara’s hair back into place) : Weee…llll… If you have to know, Kavita is going to attend my bachelor’s party tomorrow.
Swara stared at him open-mouthed.
Swara : She’s going to attend your bachelor party? You’re inviting a girl to your bachelor party?
Sanskaar (winking at her) : Why not? After all, I’ll never get the chance again.
Swara (pushing him against the wall) : OH NO! YOU DON’T, MR MAHESHWARI…. You dare not call this Kavita or any other female to your party. I will kill you the next instant.
Sanskaar (mockingly saluting) : Ji Madam! Wow… You’ve already turned into a nagging wife. What will happen once we really marry?
Swara (cheerfully) : We both will end up killing each other. That’s all.
They chuckled.
Swara : Vaise, Why are you here?
Sanskaar remembering the turmoil that had taken place here, just sighed and placed his arm around her waist.
Swara : I understand. The crowd there was a bit overwhelming.
Sanskaar smiled at her.
Sanskaar : How did you find me?
Swara (rolling her eyes) : This was the only possible place left. Ragini searched everywhere else.
Sanskaar : Accha! Ab chalein?
Swara nodded her head and quickly gave him a peck on his cheek.
Swara (softly) : 2 more days, Mr Maheshwari… 2 more days!
Sanskaar hugged her and motioned for Swara to go on. He told he would follow her.
After Swara left,
Sanskaar : Two more days before everything goes downhill. Everything. In these 2 days, I will do everything I can to make her happy. Bhagwan ji! I know you are going to be angry with me. I am taking advantage of something that doesn’t belong to me. I am going after undeserved happiness. But I don’t mind your anger. Even if you throw me in hell, It doesn’t matter. These 2 days with Swara will keep me going. I love you Swara! I only wish… (voice breaking) I only wish I had the courage to tell you that.
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PRECAP : Spl chapter : Bachelor party 😉 Laksh tells Swara the truth
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MISS ME EVERYONE?
OR DID YOU MISS ONLY THE FF?
Lol.. Many of u might not have missed me… I was completely active on fb and spoke to everyone there….. It felt soooo good to talk to u all properly instead of waiting for moderation.
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Coming to the chapter, Returning after a long time… I am really nervous…
A bang on chapter?
A complete disappointment?
Idk about this.
All of you wanted Sanskaar’s POV… I have done my level best. I can only hope it is in par with urs.
And pls don’t hate me for the track. Don’t worry… This won’t be like regular tv drama or whatever. I have planned everything. And hopefully you like it.
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I’m again posting my OS link :
http://www.tellyupdates.com/anjalis-swasan-os-just-need-little-faith/
Those who haven’t read it.. Please do so..
And this is my new ff first chapter link : Please try this as well 🙂
http://www.tellyupdates.com/swasan-pyaar-ka-dard-hai/
I will do my best to post both mmai and pkdh alternately… But in case I’m unable to… Mmai gets first preference…
LOVE YOU ALL!
Hoping this satisfied you all… A comeback chapter carries so much pressure with it… am so nervous
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