If there was any punishment of the sins, he did, that there was.
No matter, how much he wanted to wake up and saw the alluring face of his lover, he couldn’t. He couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t touch her, even he couldn’t move a very little bit. He never felt this much helplessness in his life. Even, not when Meera left him or his family disowned him.
He had to open his eyes, he had to save his wife from this cruel, no matter what it took.
Those Gods should listen to him and disentangled himself from the cage of helplessness, they had to. No matter what, but they had to.
Why didn’t Gods release him from the dungeon of his body, to let him fly from this fleeting world, if they didn’t want to wake him up.
He damn on himself, specially when his wife came to him, sang a sweet lullabies to their child.
Their child…he paused.
His child was born, it was one month, he born. He remembered the time, that time Shanaya was with him and confessing her love to him and still praying for his happiness with Swara.
“You know Sanskar! After your marriage, I sometime, felt jealous with Swara and regretted for my decision to not to marry you”
He felt his left hand under her soft hands, which seemed a little bit rough as compared to their past life. He delved that she wasn’t caring herself like she did in her past.
Her melodious yet broken voice echoed in his ears.
She was like broken glass, beautiful, but harmful. He didn’t see her, but he was known for his intelligence, so he could feel clearly.
And he knew the reason of her broken self very well.
“You know, I condemned myself many times to think about it. To feel jealous from Swara. You know, I was happy for you, but still there was little bit pain to think that I was not a reason for your happiness. But still, how stubborn I’m! To pray for your happiness with Swara. I know I couldn’t give you what she was giving you…damn! What she’s giving you..”
He felt wetness on the back of his hand and he knew, it wasn’t drops of water. He knew, clouds were not crying, but someone’s eyes.
“You know, where is she? She’s in labor and I just wanted you to be there. To see your child when he would born. To console her. But you’re not here, I’m here with but I’m not with you in reality. Swara is alone, you’re alone and I have been always alone…”
The rain was increasing on his hand.
“Sometimes, I wonder what destiny wants from us? Everything is ruined”
He heard hiccups.
“Oh! I shouldn’t tell you this type of things. The good thing is that soon your child will come into this world. I don’t know, what type of reaction you gave, if you’re awake. Because I knew, you never wanted a child”
The rain halted.
“But I know, you’ll accept your flesh and blood. It took time, if you’re awake, but you’ll.. Of course, Sasha is right to say that blood is thicker than water”
He felt rainbow after he heard her melodious genuine chuckling.
And there it was the time, he felt the touch of his boy.
He didn’t understand why there was butterfly in his stomach.
The skin was so soft, just like petal of flowers, which he brought from Shanaya’s school boy to help him financially, without pitying on him. Because he knew, how much pride hurt with pity.
He felt tiny hand’s grip on his finger and wetness again.
“Look! Sanskar, he likes you…”
He heard the exclamation of his wife.
“Swara! With ease Chori!” It was his mother and he could understand the wet happiness in her voice.
He wanted that time to see the face of his mother. It was long time, since he saw her. And it was a very long time, since he hugged her and felt her motherly love towards him.
Even, long ago, he forgot about that he had a family, beside his close ones.
Now, he wanted to talk with them, hugged them and wanted to say that he had forgiven them, they forgave him.
But he knew, already that his family had forgiven him.
He often, felt their touch on his hand, especially his parents.
He first time, felt tear of his father that day, when he thought everybody had left the room.
“Now, you’re a father Sanskar! I hope, you’ll understand my pain and forgive me… Just come back my son”
He felt ache in his heart to listen his proud father like this.
“Just come back. I can’t bear to see my young son lying like this”
After this, his father left, everyone left but his wife remained with him. With his child.
His child… It was foreign yet beautiful word for him.
He had to wake up.
He had to wake up..
Days passed,
He had do wake up.
But every effort met with futility.
Months passed and he felt his son crawling on him often.
He had to wake up.
More days passed, but still no avail.
One day, his Shanaya came to him.
Though, she often came to him, but he felt strange tone in her voice that time.
Swara was in hotel and she was handling with his kiddo.
He didn’t remember, how much time and effort she put to make sleep his naughty boy.
But he felt very slow snoring of him beside him.
His snoring suddenly realized him one more thing.
That his son also had asthma problem.
Damn on his cursed and sick self.
He didn’t want his son to adapt any other his sickness.
He wanted him to be like his mother.
Pure and bright.
Shanaya took his hand as usual, her thumb rubbed his knuckle gently, but with intensity.
He remembered the time, when they were sleeping partners.
After their session, she always did the same thing. Though, he never hugged her after their activity but still, he didn’t jerk his hand from her grasp. He could understand, it was her way to say that she cared…or loved.
“Sanskar! Doctors said, there is great improvement in your condition… We’re so happy, Swara and your family are happy…”
It was good news, but there was something else, she wanna tell. He knew her, like he knew himself and he knew that there was something else too.
“If you listen me…”
Pause,
“Come back..”
Again pause,
“She’s so lonely and tired without you”
Hiccup
“She would never say this, but I know very well that she is very tired.”
Again hiccup..
” You know, we did many crimes to make you.. make us successful.. Now she’s lifting the weights of our sins..”
Tears,
“You know ne Sanskar! How world is. I can understand the hollowness of her eyes. I’m a woman, I know that..”
More tears,
“She would broke down soon. If you do not come to take your responsibility to let her take hers. ”
His concentration went to his son.
“There was that bastard Khanna was harassing and blackmailing her. I and Laksh handled him. But you know, after him, many will come..”
Long pause.
“She is innocent and not a shrewd mind like us. She’ll be lost herself soon. We talked to her many times, but she doesn’t want to give up on your dream”
Sigh,
“If you don’t come soon. Soon…very soon. You’ll lost her..”
Exhaustion,
“Just come back Sanskar!”
Silence,
Voice of swishing.
She left,
More silence.
Tears on his cheek,
Snoring of his son,
Prayer..
“God! Not for me, but for my wife, just let me awake..”
More tears,
Silence,
Snoring
And his eyes went open
******
Hey guys! Soooo sorry to not write for long time. Actually it’s all depend on mood and long ago, i lost the spirit to write. Now, i felt nostalgic and wanted to write this fiction again and in a better way. One more thing, actually nowadays I’m damn busy because of my freelancing job. So, if I won’t upload soon, please forgive me in advance.
Thanks to everyone for reading and sorry again. One more thing, i gave my fb ID. You can check on fb Saba Shiekh, my friend request is block I think, but you can message me.