SWASAN – SHE’S NOT FOR ME
Heyy, It’s Anjali back with the next chapter!!!
Thnxx for comments and to my silent readers….
HAVE FUN!!!
ALL CHAPTER LINKS :
http://www.tellyupdates.com/?s=swasan+she+not+for+me
CHAPTER 24 LINK :
http://www.tellyupdates.com/swasan-shes-not-chapter-24/
PREV
Swasan date part 1
CHAPTER 25
Sanskaar : No Swara! I’ve not brought anyone here other than you.
Swara (whispering) : But why me?
Sanskaar (his lips near her ear) : Because you’re special. Because you’re someone who needs to see this place. Because…. Because this is the one place where I can be myself and I wanted you to see it.
Swara (in the same tone) : Why?
Sanskaar (taking her arm and pulling her close) : Because I……..
Swara froze. As much as she wanted to hear the answer, As much as she needed to hear the answer, She didn’t want it to change everything. She had promised herself one last day and she didn’t want anything to jeopardise it. Not when she had such few moments left.
Swara : No!
Sanskaar looked at her surprised.
Sanskaar : No?
Swara : I don’t want to hear the answer.
Sanskaar (cofused) : But you asked me.
Swara took a step back from him and smiled.
Swara : When I was young, I always used to wonder why I wasn’t like Adarsh, Sahil or Ragini. They were so boisterous, so impulsive. One always knew where they were. Uttara was the same way. I… I was different. I never backed out of a fight…
Sanskaar : I can’t imagine you doing that.
Swara (raising an eyebrow) : You mean backing out of a fight?
Sanskaar nodded and Swara chuckled.
Swara : But my way of fighting was different. I had a way with words. I used to use them to the best of my ability. I knew how to weild them. School was particularly fun.
Sanskaar : Ah! You showed those hoity-toity girls who’s boss.
Swara (laughing) : Well! Unless their brains were big enough to understand my subtle insults, I don’t think they understood what I meant. But I was satisfied. I was glad that I’d done that.
Sanskaar smiled. He had heard several anecdotes from Swara’s childhood. But he had never heard something quite so personal. She was telling about how she felt and Sanskaar felt so happy that he was listening to it.
Sanskaar : But what does this have to do with you not letting me answer?
Swara : I understood words then. I knew what to expect.. I knew how I’d feel before that person told it. Call it my sixth sense if you will. I felt the same tonight. I don’t know if the answer you’re giving me is true or false. I don’t know if it’s one that I’d like or not. But I know that it will change us. I don’t want that. Tonight I was promised a date and I want it to be just that. Just..
Sanskaar : A date.
Swara’s eyes met Sanskaar’s. He nodded and took her arm.
Sanskaar : Well then, Let’s continue with it, Shall we?
Swara consented and asked what they were about to do.
Sanskaar : I really wanted you to wear that saree tonight. I thought it will reflect wonderfully because of the fairy lights. (seeing Swara’s wistful look) Don’t look sad, Swara. I arranged for it.
Swara (her eyes widening) : You arranged for the saree? What does that mean?
Sanskaar gestured towards the cottage and Swara glanced inside. She found her saree and a box with bangles and other jewellery. She looked at Sanskaar astonished, then she gave a knowing expression.
Swara : This is what you were talking to Sallu about?
Sanskaar nodded. Swara smiled and blew a flying kiss at him. Then she went inside to change.
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Meanwhile, Sanskaar sat on a rocky bench and thought about what he had been about to tell her.
Sanskaar (thinking) : You really were going to tell her the truth? That would have been such a colossal mistake, Sanskaar. I need to hear her yes.. But I can’t freak her out. I don’t know if she’s ready. I don’t..
He thought about their conversation and smiled. Swara had loved this place like he knew she would. This was his sanctuary, This was the first place where he had spoken the words out loud : I LOVE SWARA. This was the place he’d visited before leaving for Paris. Nothing felt closer to him and nothing calmed him more than this place… except maybe for Swara.
Swara : Sanskaar?
Sanskaar looked up to see Swara wearing the saree he had gifted her. She had matched them with silver bangles, jhumkis and a small silver choker.
Sanskaar felt his jaw open before he clamped them shut. He rose and walked towards her. He stood in front of her and touched her cheek once. Swara looked at him bewildered.
Swara : Sanskaar?
Sanskaar : Are you real?
Swara’s brow cleared and she smiled delighted. She had actually managed to impress the man so much that he was dazed. She pulled his ear.
Sanskaar (rubbing his tortured ear) : OW!!
Swara : Am I real enough for you now?
Sanskaar smiled sheepishly.
Sanskaar : You look… You look stunning.
Swara flushed a faint shade of pink but thanked him.
Swara : Vaise… I look all dressed up. Will you not change?
Sanskaar shrugged. Swara pursed her lips that Sanskaar knew she was not happy with this.
Swara : Do YOU have clothes inside?
Sanskaar nodded.
Swara smiled widely, like the world’s biggest problem was solved.
Swara : Well then! What are you waiting for? Go on and change.
Sanskaar tried to protest but finally gave in. Swara was unstoppable when she had something in mind. He went inside where he had a white tux and quickly changed and came out to see Swara sitting and dipping her feet in the cool water.
Sanskaar joined her, wrapping his blazer around both of them. She looked at him and smiled, but then turned and watched the stream again. She laughed when she a fish jump and splash back into the water.
She noticed Sanskaar staring at her with a pleased look on his face and asked him about it.
Sanskaar : Nothing! I haven’t shared this place with anyone before. It feels different. It feels nice.
Swara (lazily looking back at the water) : It is nice. I’m so glad I have come here. It’s so quiet, yet so musical. It’s… It’s just perfect. (getting up to her feet) One can just lose themselves in this place na, Sanskaar?
She closed her eyes and walked to the pavilion where she twirled around, her eyes closed. Sanskaar leaned against one of the trees content to watch her, but soon found himself walking towards her and taking her hands in his.
Sanskaar : Dance with me?
Swara (smiling and looking at them pointedly) : We already are.
Sanskaar (smiling back) : We certainly are, Aren’t we?
They didn’t merely sway to the sounds. Though Sanskaar was playing music from his phone, They ignored it and heard the sounds of nature which seemed to be in sync with their movements. The chirping of the nocturnal birds, the rustling of the trees due to the wind and the stream bubbling.
Swara placed her head on Sanskaar’s shoulder and closed her eyes.
Swara (thinking) : Why is it so easy to lose myself in his arms? Why does he affect me this way? How am I going to stop all this tomorrow? The guilt.. The guilt of being with him like this is tearing me apart. Laksh… How could I betray Laksh this way? But.. Sanskaar! He…. He is the one person I need. What can I do? What should I do?
A tear fell from her eye and landed on Sanskaar’s hand. He moved away puzzled.
Sanskaar : Swara?
Swara looked down and tried to blink away the tears. Sanskaar cupped her face and made her look up. His concern made Swara want to cry more but she shook her head.
Swara : I’m fine.
Sanskaar (a bit dryly) : I’m sorry. But you don’t look fine.
Swara chuckled. She supposed Sanskaar had a point.
Sanskaar (making her look at him, in a gentle voice) : What’s wrong?
Swara knew she should tell him that they couldn’t do this anymore. She knew she had to give him his answer. But she couldn’t. Not when those eyes looked so soft and calming. Not when she felt like everything could be alright.
Swara finally said the most truthful thing that she could think of.
Swara : I’m tired.
Swara (thinking) : I’m tired of wanting you. I’m tired of feeling guilty. I’m tired for being such a coward.
Swara (out loud) : I’m just tired. I’ve had a bad couple of nights and haven’t slept well.
Sanskaar : Ofcourse! Shall we go?
Swara shook her head vigorously.
Swara : Please! No! I don’t feel like leaving this place. Could we just… Can we stay here Sanskaar? Can we just be here?
Sanskaar kissed her forehead and smiled at her.
Sanskaar : Anything you want.
He switched off the fairy lights and they lay down on a blanket which they spread over the pavilion. They lay down near each other not quite touching but close enough to feel the other person’s every movement. For a while, They looked at the stars and spoke about their childhood. Small anecdotes, embarassing stories about their siblings and other mundane matters until Swara placed a hand on Sanskaar’s and turned towards him.
Swara (softly) : I know today was sort of an unusual date, But it was one I’ll always hold dear to me. Thank you Sanskaar!
She kissed Sanskaar’s cheek softly and closed her eyes to go to sleep. But she didn’t. She waited until she could hear Sanskaar’s steady breathing then looked at him.
Swara (whispering) : I’m sorry Sanskaar! I have led you on and used you and God knows what else I have done to you. I don’t know why you want me to marry you but I cannot do that to you. It isn’t fair. Tomorrow.. Tomorrow, I’ll end everything.
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PRECAP : Swara tries to end things with Sanskaar
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Ehmmm… I actually have no idea what I’ve written… As a chapter, I like it.. But as part of the date and Snfm.. I probably went a little overboard 🙁 🙁
Sorry guys…
I thought that I was going to write a fun fun date.. But then I felt how could Swara just set aside her demons.. She may not want to face them.. But they’re still present.. 😮 😮
Still.. If you guys feel I haven’t done justice to it.. Do tell me how I could have improved!!
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Please do read Captivated Forever… My new ff…
I always need some motivation in the beginning so that I can understand the story better and do a better job!!
TYSM!!! LOVE YOU ALL!! :* :*
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AND WOO HOO!!! 25 Chapters.. .<3<3 <3
TY for being with me for this toooooo 🙂 🙂