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Chapter 12
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~IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HURT HIM!~
He cried riding his horse, more than concentrating on his horse he was only thinking what will be running in her mind now. What she will be thinking about him? she will be shocked, she will be furious on him, she will be hating him. when he pointed his sword on her neck, he knew how much brave she was, she would have definitely fought with him but she was just crying looking at him.. her eyes expressed the numbness of her soul that time. He had broke her trust on him and then suddenly he heard her cries. He rode his horse more fast, the morning breeze was so much loud in his ears with her cries making him more weak. He was unable to hear the way she was crying uncontrollably, it was hurting him, “Sanskar?” his closed fist holded the rope of his horse more tightly hearing her shocked whisper. What had he done? He can’t do this, he will know what will happen if he takes her there..
“IT’S SWARA FOR MY DEAR ONES AND FOR STRANGERS LIKE YOU, IT’S PRINCESS MITHRA!”
“YOU CAN CALL ME SWARA!”
She had trusted him to such an extent to really accept him as one of her dear and mear ones. A slave was given a right to call a Princess by her name. he continued riding his horse not caring the tears that were blurring his vision. He was actually not concentrating on it, Swara’s trust on him was the only thing running in his mind and her cries which he heard from his back in the chariot. He finally stopped the horse suddenly with a force blinking his eyes with tears. no, he can’t do this. He looked around, they were in the mid of a forest, it was early dawn, he closed his eyes and sighed, that was the reason he was taking her this time. His plan is very much perfect, it won’t take time for him to take her to the Prathap palace. Being in that royal tent, participating in that competition, being with her a whole day..
these things were always making him feel so much guilty. He was always sad and kept crying thinking about his reality, he kept living in a place and felt suffocated because he didn’t deserved them.. because he is a slave! He kept his hand on his head frustrated still crying, he can go back to the place and be with her but that would be betraying his master. If he take her to his master, he would be betraying her but that is what he should do. He is a slave. A SLAVE! He cried clutching his forehead more tightly, whatever he does, he will be surrounded by guilt. Then he can do his duty and live with the reality that he is a slave, if he choose the other way, he will get happiness which is a lie.
Just a lie! Swara was still sobbing, he wiped his tears. if both are going to give him pain, that what is the use of living this painful life? He was going to sacrifice his life betraying his master and helping his.. he sighed. He doesn’t know! He just don’t know what she meant to him.. he got off his horse and went back to the chariot releasing her. She was looking at him with so many emotions. He knelt down and kept her sword on her feet. He closed his eyes crying, this was his place. This was his reality which no one can change. And he was going to die with this reality saving a Princess… he sighed whispering,
“Kill me and just go from here Princess!”…
His eyes were closed seeing nothing but darkness. Tears were continuously flowing from his eyes waiting to bear an extreme physical pain when the Princess who had made him selfish for happiness will stab him on his stomach or chest or will cut his neck and will run from here, but something really unexpected happened.. Instead of a pain, he felt her soothing touch!…
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“Kill me and just go from here Princess!”…
She blinked her eyes and looked at him shocked crying. She looked down at her feet and saw his sword, she kept looking at it with her tears blurred vision.
Redness were surrounding his eyelids and below his eyes, tear marks were on his cheeks and he was lying on the floor when she first time entered his tent.. he punched a tree and hurt himself like a mad, she remembered the previous day when he was so much miserable and horrible. He was the one who brought her and was now asking her to kill him. does he even have any idea that she wanted him as her life partner? does he know that she had already joined their names in her heart with her confused and unrealized feelings? Even now she was not crying because her hands were tied, she was crying at the thought of he betraying her, she cried seeing his eyes still closed tightly with tears flowing from his eyes.
Kill him? she can never do it, it pains her even when a small thing hurts him. he was making her sure with every passing minute that there was something which was breaking him so much and now.. she smiled sadly caressing his hair with her shivering hands as he opened his eyes and looked at her shocked with wide red eyes. Her mysterious Prince!
He meant so much to her, she can never think of hurting him. He has amazed her by bringing her in a forest at such an early time and was now asking death from her which she never wish to give to anyone. Death? Why did he wanted it? What was paining him that he wished for it? Why he is not telling her about it and just keeps answering that he will tell it some other day? And now she can’t describe the happiness she is feeling to realize that he was not betraying her but her soul was choking with the pain seeing his confused tears blurred vision fixed on her. Her mind was flooded with confusions few minutes ago and now finally,
she is still confused but she was sure about two things. One that there was surely something very much horrible which was making him lifeless and the second is that, he was not betraying her. Why will he ask her to kill himself if he was betraying her? She laughed happily at the thought of it while he looked at her confused, she took his sword in her hand, he was still looking at her. “can you kill me?” she asked whispering still smiling sadly, she saw him looking at her with horror. She knelt down in front of him, “yes or no? can you kill me?” he immediately nodded a no crying making her smile and she immediately hugged him dropping his sword sobbing hardly. “Princess?” she heard his voice but she just cried whispering, “why Sanskar? please tell me, what is your problem?”…
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The soft caress of her hands in his hair startled him and he immediately opened his eyes and was looking at her confused. She suddenly smiled, she suddenly laughed, she suddenly closed her eyes remembering something making him more confused. She was staring at him for a very long time and he too kept looking at her waiting for her.. waiting for her to say something.. to do something or hoping that this moment ends here itself. He was hoping that she should not ask him any question and just take his sword and kill him badly sending him in heaven or hell. Anywhere! But he didn’t wanted to live this guilt filled life. Whatever he does, he will be only facing pain and then she bent and took his sword and looked at it.
He sighed seeing her, as he remembered the times when she treated his wounds, the time when she got scared for him seeing him missing and then hugged him tightly and now, she was going to kill him. why wouldn’t she? He deserved it. “can you kill me?” his closed fist was no more in a fist. His eyes were widened with horror. Why will he ever want that? More tears flowed from his eyes, his whole soul shivering at the thought of it. Did she thought that he had brought her here for killing her? It was not that.. it was really not like that, he was just following the orders of his master at first but now he was not obeying them too. She knelt down in front of him, and when she asked him to say yes or no. he immediately nodded a no still fighting with his tears. and then, his eyes widened shocked as both her hands wrapped him tightly with absolutely no gap between them feeling her fabric over his fabric.
“Princess?” he barely whispered still shocked. “why Sanskar? please tell me, what is your problem?” he sighed closing his eyes feeling himself getting drowned with her tears. he closed his hands into a fist hearing her sobs. Why did she trust him this much? A slave. Why was she making him weak by such questions and her cries? He can feel her sadness in the voice of her cries, he can feel her with her being so much close to him. and he really felt like hugging her back for the first and the last time. This Princess was making him quench for happiness even when he knew he can never taste happiness to it’s extent, she was making him mad. She was making him live the mirage which he hated and then he became selfish. His hands went around her shivering as he rested his head on her shoulders sighing and closing his eyes more tightly. He hugged her tightly crying loudly still cursing himself for touching her, can he ever forgive himself for this? But he just cried going in a flow with the time. He kept crying feeling her caress on his hair which was soothing him. and then she released him from her grip and cupped his face wiping his tears. “Sanskar! please don’t cry. Calm down”.
She whispered caressing his face. “come, we will go from here!” she stood up and took his hand making him stand. She was moving forward holding his hands while he was just following her looking at her. What was he doing? His horse and the chariot was still here in which he had to take her, yes! He had dropped that idea but in return she had to kill him, but his sword was lying on the ground. No, this can’t happen! Prince Laksh was lost in the competition yesterday itself, his master might be waiting for the news of him. either he should take swara and they both should reach the Prathap palace. Or the news of the death of a slave belonging to Prathap palace should reach there. He saw her going in the direction of competition place. She was taking him back there. No! he can’t go there, that was not the place for him.
he stopped walking, she felt him not moving with her and turned back to him looking at him confused. “Princess! Please, I can’t come there!” he whispered silently pleading to her. “Sanskar?” she whispered. He released his hand from her grip, “you go there. Just kill me and go there!” he shouted angrily moving back, he saw her looking at him shocked. “you can’t kill me, right?” she asked. He closed his eyes hearing her, why was she suddenly asking this question which doesn’t belong to this situation? She was giving him more pain by asking like that. “I already said you a no!” he said looking away still crying. She came near him and cupped his face making him look at her. “if you can’t kill me, then how can I kill you?” she asked whispering choking with her tears and was staring at him.
“there is difference between both of us!” he said slowly and sadly, touched by her concern for him. “what difference?” she shouted angrily making him more sad. How can he explain her his situation? How can he explain her that she was a Princess while he was a slave? He deserved death.. he was just staring at her angry eyes sadly. Soon even her eyes softened and they both kept looking at each other’s eyes. Her palms were still holding his face, she came a little more close to him and wiped his continuously flowing tears. “I know you are not going to tell me about your problem, but don’t worry”. He kept looking at her with extreme sadness as she sighed and said as if making a kid understand some thing, “I will get to know it some other day!” she said the last words smiling with her tears, “and now you please understand that I can’t kill you. I can never hurt you!”…
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Precap: ~Her Guilt~
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