Tujse Naraz Nahi Zindagi (RAGLAK)- Shot 2

“Mumma can I call Rahul?” asked Rasha bending her little head. “Who?” I asked her confused. “Mumma my new bhai” said she and the smile on my face faded. I realized about whom she was talking about it. Lakshya’s son. I didn’t even know his name. I had no expression. I smiled at her weakly and nodded my head. “Yippie” screeched she as she ran inside the room. She held his hand and dragged him. He was hesitant as he was scared of me. I could sense his fear to come in front of a stranger. I looked at them from corner of my eye. “Rahul… This is mumma and Mumma this is Rahul” said she introducing both of us. He looked at me. His big eyes depicting his fear. I felt so awful about me. I never ever thought I will scare a kid of 5 years to hell. Kids are my weakness. I can’t resist myself from being friendly with him. But I wasn’t able to bring my natural self in front of me. I cursed myself for punishing him for someone’s fault. Just a single truth changed me so much. I hated myself for this.

“What should I call you?” asked he pouting. I had no answer. No answer at all. I opened my mouth tho answer him but I failed. I failed miserably. “Aunty” the word escaped from my mouth. Though she back stabbed me. His mom was my best friend whom I trusted equally as I trusted my husband. I felt disgusted imagining them together. I brushed my thoughts and tried giving him a blank look than giving him a hatred look. He made his eyes still wide. “Mumma” called out Rasha bringing me out to reality.
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“Mumma” he screamed as he fell down in the park. I turned swiftly and looked at him. He was crying badly. How much ever I try I couldn’t resist myself from being dragged to him. I quickly neared him and picked him. As I brushed his face and clothes he started sobbing. “Rahul” I called his name for the first time from past year. As I placed my hand on his chest his sobs started fading. And I sighed and a smile appeared on my face looking at him cooling down. “Will you drink water?” asked I as he relaxed. He nodded his head. As I cleaned his knees I found it bleeding and made my heart cling. I picked him and walked to the car. I cleaned his wound carefully. As he winced in pain it made my eyes moist. I looked at him worried. I took the water bottle and made him drink it bit by bit. I wiped his face and hugged him. Finally my confusions cleared. I can’t ignore him how much ever I try. I can’t name what he was for me. He wasn’t nobody but somebody and I will find out the answer for this puzzle also some day. I kissed his forehead. “Thank you Aunty” said he hugging me with his little hands which brought a smile on my face.
“Mumma” came Rasha’s voice who stood pouting and keeping her hands on her waist glaring me. I smiled at her cute antics and hugged her too covering both of them. He wasn’t at fault in any case. I can’t hate him. Ya I started loving him to the same extent I loved Rasha.
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“Can I call you mom?” asked he bending his little head. I looked at him confused. “I don’t remember now how my mumma looked but you have done more than her to me” said he with tears in his eyes. His tears were something I could never tolerate. He was going to receive his rank certificate in the board exams of 10th. It had been 10 years that he entered my life. I still can’t forget that fateful night when Lakshya brought him home. He turned my world upside down but I couldn’t hate him. I smiled nodding my head at him. As I caressed his hair a tear dropped from my eye. “Mumma” screeched Rasha as she entered with her dad to the venue. Rahul clenched his fist and I held his hand and nodded my head in a no teary eyed. He just nodded his head and walked to the stage when his name was called as the first rank holder. By the time he gained his wits and understood my relation with him Rahul hated Lakshya. Not for cheating his biological mom but for cheating me. I sat straight avoiding eye contact with him. I was filling my heart with hatred for him. But his love was as huge as ocean. Covering it with hatred was taking me infinite time. I just looked at Rahul and he followed my gaze.

“Today whatever I’m is only due to my mom my Ragini mom” he announced smiling through his tears and the hall filled applause. I looked at him shocked. I did not expected this. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I wasn’t finding ways to react. Everyone looked at me with appreciation. I felt proud. Proud of my son. My Rahul. He came running and hugged me in a bone crushing hug and I caressed his hair surprised. “I love you mom. More than anyone in this world. You are the best thing that ever happened to me” he said sobbing and I looked at him and smiled closing my eyes. My son. My son he is and that’s the only universal truth that I’m his mom his only mom. I was more possessive about him than I was about Rasha. All these years she tried to balance between me and her dad. But I couldn’t forgive him for what he did. Once broken the trust cannot be restored. My attitude remained unchanged all these ten years.
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Tujhse Naraz Nahi Zindagi…. Hairan hu mai Pareshan hu mai…..
Gulzar Saheb’s one of famous song ringed in my head as I was watching Rasha teasing Rahul and both of them playing around with his trophy. A tear dropped from my eyes which I wiped. I remembered how Rahul was standing behind Lakshya when he was brought home for the first time. His smile for the first time. His cute innocent exclaims, pranks. Him calling me mumma for the first time and my smile widened. Peace filled my heart and soul the day I accepted him. Lakshya watched us from far and his pale face made my heart pain. I smiled at my stupid heart which was feeling for him still. It was screaming from inside isn’t 10 years of ignorance enough for him. And my mind screamed no never. When Sita Maata wasn’t spared of Agnipariksha in this world why should I forgive when the plates are on opposite side. What if Shri Ram was unfaithful to Sita did he had the courage to go through Agnipariksh. Nobody asks this. Woman are expected to accept man’s mistakes in this society. No I cannot accept his mistakes. It wasn’t a mistake anyways it was a sin. Which I can never accept
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I was cleaning Rahul’s room after Rasha’s marriage. I found a trunk in which his old bag and clothes were dumped. I opened it and started throwing the unwanted things. “Rahul you need anything from this?” I asked him. He glanced at the trunk and tried remembering whether he has kept anything important in it. “No mom.” said he as he walked out of the room with his file of resume. I looked back at the trunk and started cleaning it. After half an hour I found a letter. I was about to dump it but I don’t know why my hands stopped. I wiped the dust on it and tried reading it.

Dear Rahul Beta,
I know you hate me the most in this world. I don’t know you will ever read this letter in your life. But I want to lighten the burden on my soul as I leave this world forever. Lakshya is not your father.

My eyes popped out and I took a deep breath and my eyes struggled to read further

Yes the person I introduced you as your father Mr Lakshya Maheshwari is not your father. I bluffed it because I had no option. I was dying and I couldn’t let you go to a orphanage and crave for love. You might wonder why Lakshya accepted you as his son. Because I cheated him. I cheated on my best friends husband. It was the time when I was struggling to get a job. And Ragini helped to get into her husband’s company. And what did I gave in return? I’m such a worst of a person. I started envying her for her fortunes to get Lakshya who was our senior whom even I liked from the college days. I had my feelings for him all my life. As my envy made me blind I planned to get close to him. On one such occasion when we were at a business party I spiked his drinks and as he lost his balance I excused from all and walked to a room in the same hotel. I tried getting close to him but he resisted. He just kept taking his wife’s name which made me furious. As he woke up from his sleep I acted as if everything was over between us and cried. He believed me. And that was it. I thought he will accept me as his wife and divorce Ragini and will be close to me. But I was wrong. I could never drag him to me. I adopted you from an orphanage in a hope of threatening him you to be his kid. Still he wasn’t ready to leave Ragini. In this time I got attached to you. And I left the hope he will accept me ever. As the time moved I discovered that I have cancer in last stage. I deserved it. I deserved it to trying to break my best friend’s marriage. I really considered you as my son. I did not wanted people to send you to orphanage again. So I made Laksh to accept at least you as I had very less time.
I know you will hate me for this. And my spirit will be never be at peace. I deserved it. I really deserved this, the most painful death

Kavya

What was that? A truth? A hidden truth of our life. Such a big truth. He never cheated me. Never and I was blaming him for the sin he never committed. How did this happened. My Laksh went through so much pain without his fault. I made him to go through this. My hatred broke into pieces. “Mumma” came Rahul’s voice. I wiped my tears swiftly and turned hiding the paper. “Still you are cleaning this mess. Throw it in garbage mom. You should not hold the past for a long time not when it is painful” said he and walked to washroom to freshen up. He was right. I have held the past from a long time. I smiled and walked out with the old things and threw them in garbage.
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“Happy Anniversary” I said as he entered the room. He looked at me shocked. “I’m sorry Lakshya” I said as I hugged him in a bone crushing hug. He was shocked. He wasn’t expecting this. “I’m really sorry for making you to go through all that” I said and still he was standing numb.
He kissed my forehead as I narrated him the whole truth. “I’m so happy today” he said smiling through his tears. “Not because I’m non guilty because you made our 25th anniversary special” he said and I hugged him. “Lakshya I have a wish” said I. “I know. Not to let Rahul know this truth” he said and I looked at him surprised. “Even if you are miles away I can sense what you want” he said smiling a bit. I smiled and decided to heal their relationship. I wanted Rahul to accept Lakshya as his father. I did not wanted to break his heart. Let him think he is Lakshya’s son out of wedlock. That was better than breaking his heart saying he is an orphan and live with a regret all his life for breaking my marriage

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